What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

[r_poseidon 17]

I think everyone totally misjudged the original poster when he asked ".... LET another man...". (I felt no need to write the whole thing out). I see nothing wrong with this wording. Now I am not some dominant asshole (no offense of course to those who are), and MZ is not dom either. But yes, I do *let* her fuck other guys, I do *let* other guys fuck her, just as equally as she graciously *LETS* me fuck other women. The word "let" does not connotate ownership.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with Monkey-Man's ? well written post, that this is done together, as a couple, as a journey, etc etc etc. But the simple fact remains that if neither party has permission to do this... it's not "swinging". Just because you are swinging and happy and stable in your relationship doesn't mean that you don't need permission to engage in these activities. You need permission just as much as you need good communication skills, trust, and love. If MZ felt that this was going to far, and wanted to quit, she would be effectively withdrawing her *permission*.

 

I have no problem admitting that I need her permission, that I need her to *let* me do these things. I need it just as equally as she does, and when we agree on that, when we agree that we are ok with this and say it's ok for each other to do it, that is when the journey begins.

 

Does this make any sense? I don't want to start a fight here, and I may be missing something, but it seems that a few people sort of over-reacted to the original post is all.

[Randies' 16]

Quote

I think everyone totally misjudged the original poster when he asked ".... LET another man...". (I felt no need to write the whole thing out). I see nothing wrong with this wording. Now I am not some dominant asshole (no offense of course to those who are), and MZ is not dom either. But yes, I do *let* her fuck other guys, I do *let* other guys fuck her, just as equally as she graciously *LETS* me fuck other women. The word "let" does not connotate ownership.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with Monkey-Man's ? well written post, that this is done together, as a couple, as a journey, etc etc etc. But the simple fact remains that if neither party has permission to do this... it's not "swinging". Just because you are swinging and happy and stable in your relationship doesn't mean that you don't need permission to engage in these activities. You need permission just as much as you need good communication skills, trust, and love. If MZ felt that this was going to far, and wanted to quit, she would be effectively withdrawing her *permission*.

 

I have no problem admitting that I need her permission, that I need her to *let* me do these things. I need it just as equally as she does, and when we agree on that, when we agree that we are ok with this and say it's ok for each other to do it, that is when the journey begins.

 

Does this make any sense? I don't want to start a fight here, and I may be missing something, but it seems that a few people sort of over-reacted to the original post is all.

Spoo had a good take on the subject and I agree with the direction taken if that is the way that one is thinking.

 

The way that I think the original question was directed is more along the line of how do You disassociate sex from love? To do this correctly we need to be so much in love with our SO that nothing or no one can ever get in the way.

 

Males are conditioned by history, biology and society to protect and defend what is ours. Can we share what we love? How do we keep in check the urge to protect and defend?

 

I don't take this as possession of my SO but more of a natural reaction. I have to go thru steps to allow this to happen in my mind. Mrs Randies will let me know what my ultimate decision is but she still allows me to tromp thru centuries of male social feelings until I finally come to the correct decision.

 

GOD! I Love My Wife!!!

[Randies' 16]

We don't smoke.

 

What does that mean??????????

[rickNterry 15]

Me thinks that just about everyone agrees that wives and husbands are not property, not owned, and not lent out. We are swingers, married over 40 years, and enjoyed the lifestyle for over 25 of them. I can remember many couples but none so well as our first experience which was a mfm threesum. I let my best friend join us in the bedroom to make love to (not fuck) my wife. We did the making out, the touchy feely, and the slow art of turning a woman on with oral stimulation and then slow passionate intercourse. This was such a turn on for the three of us that we continued with him for over 7 years before we ventured into enjoying couples. There was no rough sex, never has been any rough sex. Rough sex can be classified as fucking. My wife has always enjoyed another man so long as he was not rough and respected her as a Lady and I have always treated my Ladies with respect and made them feel Special. Wanna fuck..get a hooker, wanna enjoy sex get a swinger. Our aim is to please.

[dingdong69 15]

Ditto, ricknterry, those words exactly described my swinger experience on my previous marriage were we let my best friend make sensual,caring love to my wife with the only difference that we put it on video for our enjoyment after each session of love making that wonderful experience went on for more than ten years.

[sereneiders 263]

rickNterry said:

Me thinks that just about everyone agrees that wives and husbands are not property, not owned, and not lent out. We are swingers, married over 40 years, and enjoyed the lifestyle for over 25 of them. I can remember many couples but none so well as our first experience which was a mfm threesum. I let my best friend join us in the bedroom to make love to (not fuck) my wife. We did the making out, the touchy feely, and the slow art of turning a woman on with oral stimulation and then slow passionate intercourse. This was such a turn on for the three of us that we continued with him for over 7 years before we ventured into enjoying couples. There was no rough sex, never has been any rough sex. Rough sex can be classified as fucking. My wife has always enjoyed another man so long as he was not rough and respected her as a Lady and I have always treated my Ladies with respect and made them feel Special. Wanna fuck..get a hooker, wanna enjoy sex get a swinger. Our aim is to please.

 

I dislike the "make love" vs. "fucking" comparison here. This implies men are the ones who fucks women, or make love to them, while for women it's is ok ONLY to make love to men, and not to fuck them. Behind this curtain of respect toward women we may find out a lot of prejudices towards them.

 

Is your wife free to ask to just fuck someone? If she does, where she'd be, what she'd become? as you said, whores fucks, wives makes love... but for men, fucking doesn't diminish our value (culturally, it even improves it).

 

I strongly disagree with you. My wife is my partner, an equal, she deserves the right to fuck, to be fucked, to make love, in other words to be a whore and to be a lady, as much as I deserve the right to fuck or to make love.

 

And for me, it isn't disrespectful to fuck someone, it depends on the game we're playing with a playmate whether we fuck or make love, both are enjoyable activities, and none of them diminish the respect everyone involved deserves, during the game and afterwards.

 

What you're implying here is that those women who dislike fucking and proudly prefer love making deserve better than those women who enjoy fucking (or who enjoy both), which includes my wife and a lot of women from this board.

 

In any case, you're not an eligible playmate for us. Should my wife just want to fuck with you (and preserve the love making to someone she thinks DESERVES it), she'd be losing your respect.

[prettylady 221]

rickNterry said:

Wanna fuck..get a hooker, wanna enjoy sex get a swinger. Our aim is to please.

 

Well I am glad your aim is to please. But seriously, I don't appreciate being referred to as a hooker. I like to fuck. Plain and simple. I make love to Dog because he is the man I love. I may have sensual sex with a swinger friend, or I may just out right fuck him. That does not in anyway make me a hooker. Makes me adventurous, outgoing, wild, insatiable and one hell of a fantastic time.

 

Just because "fucking" is not something you enjoy, please don't disrespect the good people around here who do enjoy it.

 

I think many would have issue with their SO "making love" to another person. Sensual sex, hell ya. but making love, not so much.

 

To each their own and all that jazz.

 

[interested-05 135]

guruii said:

I realized from the begining of dating that a man can not be everything sexually for a woman. There will be times when she desires a longer or shorter or fatter or thinner dick. She will want someone faster or slower, rougher or easier. I could go on for hours here. After 16 years of being together I wanted her to experience more out of life than just what I could give her. I also knew that she got off giving me a BJ as well as when we had intercourse. Here I knew I could not do both things to her at the same time, yet did not want to deprive her of the experience. (To this point, that specific experience has been her most body shaking orgasm.)

 

The lifestyle to us is about sharing. Sharing each other(with others). Sharing the experience(s). Sharing the intenseness of the situation(s). And later, sharing what we did and was done to us that we found we enjoyed so that we could use it to enhance our own sex lives with each other.

Well said, I know the limits of what I can do for her, as well as the limitations of what she can do for me. I can imagine sex with more than one person at a time, experience arousal by the thought, feel excited when talking to my wife about it, but unless I am willing to allow her and myself to try it, it is only that imagination.

 

when I say allow her, I am allowing myself as well. She is no more my property than I am hers, or for that matter do I consider myself my property.

 

Thinking about it that way, Am I my property? Or am I Me?

 

Is she my property or are we, WE? Maybe I am her property, and she is the one letting me fuck another woman.

 

The reality is, we are a couple who loves each other. WE enjoy Sex and and trying things we cannot do when it is only the two of us. What more can a couple do, to enjoy our bodies and the pleasure of the few years we have to enjoy the lives we share? WE don't abuse or use, we share. we enjoy and give and receive as well. It is the blending of needs, desires, passions, bodies and pleasures, which makes this fun and uniquely human.

[YouDaddyPlease 15]

I don't know about the rest of you, but when I think of my wife with some other dudes cock buried inside her, I want to watch her squirm and moan.

I guess that's what happens with a 22 year old girl and a 24 year old guy.

[spectraschain 21]

Quote

I want to watch her squirm and moan.

Three pages and FINALLY the voice of reason...

 

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[racewalker 15]

We live in the new age. I let her boyfriend fuck her. In turn I am free to follow my wishes.

[swyngtyme 16]

In my marriage, we have a particular way of putting it:

 

I don't let my wife fuck other men. I don't give my wife permission to fuck other men. I give her my blessing to fuck other men.

 

The first two imply control, posession. The third implies understanding and happy acceptance.

[Zoe&Wash 93]

Quote

What makes a man let another man fuck his wife?

Privacy and a box of condoms?

[beachguyz 25]

Men need to get over the issue of ownership with wives or girlfriends. Some guys can't stand the thought of their wife or gf with another guy. I used to think that way but I realized that it was selfish on my part. Don't men have fantasies about other women at times and most guys would take the shot if offered. Women are the same as men but most times not as crude.

 

Most times women just want to just fuck. Just like guys. No relationship just sex. So why not let them. Wife or GF it doesn't matter.

[exquisit1s 30]

My take

 

Humans by our biology are not monogomous animals. Over time we've developed negative feelings such as jealousy. The bond between my wife and I is spiritual and it is silly for us to go against our natural behavior and likes because a few religions developed .00001 of the lifetime of man ago says to.

[stu 25]

The question is flawed, as has been stated by spoomonkey, but we can give Roundstick a little leeway...may be he didn't mean quite what he said. Like the term 'Wife swapping' has been used since long...and in the flow of thoughts he might just have framed his question the way he did...not really implying that wives were the property of the husbands....like 'Tools'....

 

'Swinging isn't about me letting other men fuck her. Swinging is about us, partners in crime'...well I wouldn't indulge in anything I thought was a crime.

 

Referring to Swinging as a crime...even as a passing thought...shows that somewhere in our conscience, we feel we are committing an act which is improper.

 

well I don't think its a crime...not by a mile. It's an act that builds trust, develops love, improves the quality of life...you don't have to eye the opposite sex...hiding your appreciation from your partner...and above all it checks you from cheating your partner..that's enough good done for the day...no crime committed.

 

My 2 cents worth...anyway

[Chris&Amelia 253]

'Swinging isn't about me letting other men fuck her. Swinging is about us, partners in crime'...well I wouldnt indulge in anything I thought was a crime.

Refering to Swinging as a crime...even as a passing thought...shows that some where in our concience, we feel we are committing an act which is improper.

 

Sorry, but I gotta disagree with you there Stu. "Partner in crime" is a innocent phrase that has long ago entered into common usage as somebody's companions into some sort of activity. I doubt there was any deep-seated subconscious meaning when the phrase was used in this context.

 

In this particular usage, I read it as a simple turn of a phrase. No wrong-doing was implied.

[stu 25]

you are probably right there chris and amelia...about how spoomonkey used the phrase 'partners in crime'.

 

On the other hand I think Roundstick also was not really implying that 'wives were the property of the husbands....like 'Tools'.....' I doubt if any body in this age and time, could imagine so.

 

In the same breadth 'wife wapping'...isn't it a terminology used since long, and in the flow of thoughts Roundstick might just have framed his question the way he did.

 

Well I though Spoomonkey was being too harsh on Roundstick,..equating women with tools' ...and I just wanted to convey to Spoomonkey, we must be gentle with our criticism...that was hitting below the belt.

 

I should feel very offended if one implied that i believed wives were the property of the husbands....like 'Tools'....

 

I am quite sure, Roundstick didn't imply so,either just as in Spoomonkey's use of the phrase 'partner in crime' ...did not have any 'deep-seated subconscious meaning.

[SFl_Bi_Couple 37]

To me it is like watching a porn movie with your wife as the porn star...LOL Plus she just loves to fuck and who am I to deny her? She is such a sexual person and its just so hot to see her with another guy. She says she loves to perform for me and I know she loves it when I fuck her just fucked pussy..always cums right away, and so do I usually.

[MandingoLeo 15]

Roundstic said:

Just wondering why a man would let another man fuck his wife?

Is there and scientific studies ever been done?

Or is it just pure pleasure?

Thanks

Yes, scientific studies have been done resulting in the theory that due to evolution, when a man knows or suspects his mate has been with another man, he becomes aroused in order to inseminate his mate with 'killer sperm' to kill off the other man's sperm thereby preventing inpregnation by him. This theory arose due to the discovery of 'killer sperm' and speculation as to why it had ever come into being. So, a conclusion based on this theory is that suspecting, knowing, or actually watching one's mate having sex is biologically very arousing for a man regardless of jealousy issues. It also implies that in order for the situation to have arisen in the first place, prehistoric women had to have regularly had at least two sex partners, one that they were committed to and at least one other that they cheated with. So, modern swinging and open marriages may be seen by some as being an 'evolved' way of dealing with a human social-biological reality.

[sweet_tna 680]

Speaking as the female half of the couple, Mr. Sweet no more "lets" me fuck other men any more than I "let" him fuck other women. As Spoo so eloquently stated, we choose to embark on this adventure together, with mutual respect. I've said numerous times around here that the differences between cheating and swinging (FOR US) are knowledge and consent. Consent (to me) means mutual agreement--not permission, per se.

 

But that doesn't address the essence of the OP's question. Why DO we fuck other people? We enjoy the variety of sexual activity with others, and enjoy seeing each other please and be pleased by others. Put simply, it's just plain FUN!

 

=)

[Spoomonkey 421]

stu said:

you are probably right there chris and amelia...about how spoomonkey used the phrase 'partners in crime'.

On the other hand I think Roundstick also was not really implying that 'wives were the property of the husbands....like 'Tools'.....'

 

Actually, I wasn't equating his question to "wives as tools". It was an analogy. My point being that I do not 'let' men fuck my wife. She does.

 

As for the "partners in crime" - I do not share your literalist view of the phrasing used in this thread... And will continue to use that phrase to describe mine and Mrs Spoo's relationship.

 

Sorry, but semantic arguments irritate me, especially when the meaning on both counts should be fairly obvious.

[Guest rdy46227]

There's another thread where I ask about the secondary who still had(has) trouble understanding why I'd "let" my spouse have a relationship with him. Why his concerns keep coming up after they've been together for many months is still a (different) question -- but they do keep having discussions.

 

The last time they talked, she used a phrase like "I think is just allowing/permitting to happen, what would naturally happen had you and I met and were unencumbered with spouses".

 

True love multiplies, never divides -- or SO and I believe so. Why should I stand in the way of her being happy in the love of more than one?

 

(And before horror stories of broken marriages emerge, our partnership was strong to start and has become even stronger. But you'all already know that swinging will expose any flaws in a relationship, and a couple should not swing if they aren't secure.)

[Spoomonkey 421]

rdy46227 said:

(And before horror stories of broken marriages emerge, our partnership was strong to start and has become even stronger. But you'all already know that swinging will expose any flaws in a relationship, and a couple should not swing if they aren't secure.)

 

Even if the horror stories emerge, what works for the two of you, works. You don't need our approval.

 

Honestly, I am uncomfortable with the "L-word" when it comes to swinging, but to each his own. What makes it for you is what makes it; the horror stories of others be damned.

[curiouscouple4f 17]

Amen Spoo! From a woman with a husband that sees thing like you do!

[CrimsonCrew 15]

With utmost reluctance i must point your attention to the words you have used and the sense they make. I understand that you might not have meant that but again.. You see when we say we are swingers, than that actually means just that - Swinging, but again that wouldn't mean that one would or is "letting" other out rather its "we let ourselves out" . I appreciate spoo on this.

[stu 25]

If a person treats his wife as a mere tool...it is degrading/insulting to the wife...on that score I doubt if any one would have a different point of view.

[couplewanting50 65]

Perhaps the simplest and most useful thing would be if the question was rephrased to communicate:

How is it possible for a man to enjoy his wife fucking other men and encourage her to do so? What about it is erotic and appealing?

 

Then the intended spirit and direction of the question would be possible. I think it is an interesting topic.

[69&72 15]

My wife is my best friend and probably the kewlest person I know. We've been married since 6 Aug 1988, still hold hands, still get mistaken for newlyweds and still have sex ( a lot of sex ) just between ourselves.

 

Our love has never been questioned but we have very strong sex drives and love to see new friends naked. I am never so horny as when I'm fucking someone else's wife in the same room where my wife is sweating and moaning as someone else's husband is giving her some good hard strange.

 

The memory of the encounter will make us extra horny for several following months, lead to hotter sex between just us + the thrill of another potential meeting with a new couple just keeps our vicious circle getting better !

[rachan 53]

I saw one response that said that 'wives are not property'. That's very true and I don't let my wife do anything. She's always had her freedom and since we've been in 'the lifestyle' I enjoy what she enjoys. She has several sex partners and I enjoy mfm threesomes and especially having her suck me while she's being fucked.