Menage_a_Trois 182 Posted October 1, 2006 Something that has been an irritation, a source of confusion and frankly bewildered the three of us is the reference to the rather derogatory phase of "hardcore swingers". Which seems to be used frequently on this board and some profiles on ad site such as SLS. So we have a couple of questions regarding this. 1 - What is your definition of a hardcore swinger? 2 - Why do people use this term in such a negative way? We are really curious to see what other's point of view on this might be. We will post our POV on this once we get some feedback from everyone. Thanks. Quote Share this post Link to post
ShellyM 1 Posted October 2, 2006 I can only tell you what I think of when I read or hear the term "hardcore" swinger...whether it is correct or not is another matter lol. When I read that I personally think of bed notchers, a couple that plays with different couples every week. Like I said, I'm probably wrong!! Now, I am definitely NOT saying there is anything wrong at all with now, because everyone involved are consenting adults. So definitely there is nothing wrong with it. Quote Share this post Link to post
Dynamar 246 Posted October 2, 2006 When I think of the term hard-core swingers, I pretty much picture people who are truly living "the lifestyle"... day in, day out. Perhaps they're even "out" as swingers in their vanilla life, or their vanilla life is almost non-existent. It's not necessarily derogatory, but could be if the subjects in question are non-discreet or hurting others. I would term somebody like VegasLee a hard-core swinger, and in his case, the term is not derogatory at all. Quote Share this post Link to post
dayhiker 83 Posted October 2, 2006 I have the impression that hardcore swingers are those that swing almost every weekend. That is fine, but there is so much more to experience in this world. It is like when I talk with a hiker. Some go almost every weekend from as soon as they are out of work Friday till Sunday night. Now I love to hike, did 23 miles this weekend in the Whites with a full backpack! But I have not desire to spend every weekend hiking. There are many other things I'd like to do with my wife. So hardcore is single-manded. A specialist or a generalist ... I'll pick being a generalist every time ... but specialists understand their specialty best quite often. Quote Share this post Link to post
TNT 1,155 Posted October 2, 2006 In our opinion, 95% of the people define "hardcore swinger" as anyone who goes further than they themselves do or does something that they are not comfortable with. We've done things that most swingers probably wouldn't be comfortable with and probably have done it more often than many (even though we are in a drought at this time ) . We really don't mind being characterized as hard core and many probably think we are but, we're comfortable where we are and can and have toned things down when necessary to meet comfort zones. Quote Share this post Link to post
northindycpl 32 Posted October 2, 2006 In our opinion, 95% of the people define "hardcore swinger" as anyone who goes further than they themselves do or does something that they are not comfortable with. TNT When I think of my definition of hardcore, this is a huge part of it. Additionally, I do think of hard core as a derogatory term... a label. I think it describes the kind and frequency of play that I would judge another couple. Notch collector, non-protected frequent play with many different partners, etc. Quote Share this post Link to post
2jersey 15 Posted October 2, 2006 When I read that I personally think of bed notchers, a couple that plays with different couples every week. I pretty much picture people who are truly living "the lifestyle"... day in, day out. Perhaps they're even "out" as swingers in their vanilla life, or their vanilla life is almost non-existent. I have the impression that hardcore swingers are those that swing amost every weekend. The first three respondents captured the essence of the term. I don't think the term is meant to be insulting - merely descriptive. Hardcore implies "avid". We have had people send us introductory messages saying they aren't hardcore. To these people, hardcore is probably not a complimentary term (judging by their eagerness to disassociate themselves with the label). Quote Share this post Link to post
ohash01 20 Posted October 2, 2006 Now...I think I may disagree with most of the previous posters...I don't think it has anything to do with the AMOUNT of swinging. Cause who knows? They could swing every other night, but if they're in a "monogamous" swinging relationship...still not hardcore. I think it's like hardcore vs. softcore porn. I think rather than people labeling themselves as "tame, mild, or wild" they are labeling themselves as hardcore or softcore. I believe I may be part of the guilty party who has used this term before saying we're NOT hardcore...because we're a soft-swing couple. Hardcore swinging, IMHO, is full swap, anything goes swinging. Softcore swinging is soft-swap or same-room sex, no swap or just the females play, etc etc. Or perhaps the "hardcore" swingers are the ones who have committed to the lifestyle, and the "softcore" swingers are the ones who are just dappling or toying around with the idea. I definitely don't think it's meant to be derogatory...I think it's just a way to label and classify. Quote Share this post Link to post
EvilMJ 65 Posted October 2, 2006 When I think hard core swingers, I think as someone else stated, someone who lives and breathes the lifestyle. I know quite a few people that are into swinging so much that it almost feels like they plan the rest of their life around it. They go to every event, they play as much as possible, they are on the computer constantly chatting, setting up dates, meeting people. I also tend to think of them as the bed notchers, they are into volume rather than making long term play mates. It doesn't necessarily have to be a derogatory term. But that's just me Quote Share this post Link to post
Sweet_Candy 54 Posted October 2, 2006 If you make every M&G in your area, every Saturday night party/club, more than 20 validations and more pics of other people in compromising situations in your profile then of yourself then you must be hard-core right? We know of a few couples who fit this description. Quote Share this post Link to post
Dooode 18 Posted October 3, 2006 I think it's like hardcore vs. softcore porn. I think rather than people labelling themselves as "tame, mild, or wild" they are labelling themselves as hardcore or softcore. I believe I may be part of the guilty party who has used this term before saying we're NOT hardcore...because we're a soft-swing couple. Hardcore swinging, IMHO, is full swap, anything goes swinging. Softcore swinging is soft-swap or same-room sex, no swap or just the females play, ect ect. Yup. That's how I'd define it. Quote Share this post Link to post
Chicup 38 Posted October 3, 2006 To us hardcore swingers are the kind that have swinging and finding new playpartners as their #1 main activity in life. When we first started swinging, this type of couple was a turn-off, now it is not as big a deal to us, but we still like 'hobby' swingers who do it now and then but not every chance they get. Quote Share this post Link to post
JustAskJulie 2,589 Posted October 6, 2006 To us hardcore swingers are the kind that have swinging and finding new playpartners as their #1 main activity in life. This would be pretty much my definition as well. However, I might take it a step beyond this for those who have completely lost focus of other priorities (kids, family, jobs) in search of swinging. I knew a couple several years ago that went to a club my ex and I frequented. They could have been a great couple to hang out with, and SHE was great to hang out with as well as play with. However, the male half was only interested in one thing. Everything else was just a means to the end for him. To me that was a turn-off. Quote Share this post Link to post
Spoomonkey 418 Posted October 6, 2006 1 - What is your definition of a hard core swinger? I've never heard the term honestly. Maybe that says something about us I'd have to say that a "Hardcore Swinger" is whatever someone means that they are not. In other words, "We are not hardcore swingers (i.e. we don't play every weekend - we have something else in our lives - and we want you to think we have a life outside of this PM)." or "We are not hardcore swingers (i.e. we don't have sex on the first meet - may not ever actually have sex - so if you are expecting sex, you may want to back off)." or "We are not hardcore swingers (i.e. we don't go to swing clubs, parties or conventions. We have sex with people we meet serendipitously)." I think it is probably impossible to know exactly what someone would mean by that. If we received a PM that said it, we'd probably pour over their profile for clues as to what they might mean - because they could very well mean "We aren't hardcore swingers (i.e. we aren't like you)." 2 - Why do people use this term in such a negative way? It is probably the same reason people use "us and them" style labeling. Obviously, labels can be helpful and descriptive when they are applied fairly and honestly, but when they are meaningless (like this one) they are bound to be negative. Quote Share this post Link to post
WesternSwing 504 Posted October 7, 2006 hard core n. 1. The most dedicated, unfailingly loyal faction of a group or organization: the hard core of the separatist movement. I feel the dictionary definition of hardcore describes it for me. I don't think it's bed notchers, or how they play, so much as has been said here, someone who is really IN the lifestyle, not just dabbling in it. I don't feel it has to take over your life, or that a hardcore swinger is meeting new people every week and hitting every party. I would classify many on this board as "hardcore" since they are knowledgeable about, and believe in the lifestyle and how it works for them. These are people that could hold their own in a debate about swinging. Quote Share this post Link to post
Couple_N_Ark 39 Posted October 8, 2006 We used to use the term "Hardcore" in our SLS profile, but at some point changed it to read "Very Adventurous". To us both terms meant pretty much the same thing and had nothing to do with being "Bed Notchers", or the number of people we've been with, but instead had to do with what we would do.....if that makes sense. We've not met a bunch of people from SLS, and don't even accept anyone's certifications. We simply don't think it's necessary to advertise who we've been with. Back to the question at hand. Our use of either of the above mentioned terms has to do with the fact that we're just not shy at all (sexually), and neither of us have a problem getting naked and doing whatever in front of whoever wants to watch. We just really like to let loose when we have a chance to visit an on-premise club (2 or 3 times a year). It doesn't matter if it's Lisa with another guy or two, or us with another woman, or us in the middle of an orgy. That is what (we think) makes us Hard-Core. Quote Share this post Link to post