Our first swinging was no coincidence

Don’t completely understand if they were doing this behind your back for 3 years or if it took 3 years for your wife to tell you she was doing this. Either way, in my opinion, your wife is extremely untrustworthy. I’d also guess this isn’t your wife’s only slip up. Seek counseling to get everything out in the open and be completely honest with each other. If everything works out, forgive and forget, then it’s time to jump back in together.

If people aren't being honest, they are not swinging, they are cheating.

Apparently you're ok with your wife cheating on you and so-called friends betraying you or you would have divorced your wife and kicked your friends to the curve. Where's your pride and dignity?

 

I have no advice at all for men like you.

I have advice for you.

kick (someone or something) to the curb. To discard, abandon, or dismiss someone or something that has become redundant, obsolete, useless, or unwanted.

I have advice for you.

kick (someone or something) to the curb. To discard, abandon, or dismiss someone or something that has become redundant, obsolete, useless, or unwanted.

Good advice.

It’s definitely deceitful. Even if they had only discussed it and planned it without talking to you first would have been unfair. That’s a big lack of communication, no opportunity to discuss this as a couple. Bonus that you have had some fun of your own. Is Lesley having sex with you because she wants to or only to please her husband? I would suggest a break and some counseling before opening your marriage again. Honestly it doesn’t sound good, but if you value the relationship it will be worth the effort. Even if it doesn’t work “kicking to the curve” can be more harmful than sitting down and having an adult conversation.

It’s definitely deceitful. Even if they had only discussed it and planned it without talking to you first would have been unfair. That’s a big lack of communication, no opportunity to discuss this as a couple. Bonus that you have had some fun of your own. Is Lesley having sex with you because she wants to or only to please her husband? I would suggest a break and some counseling before opening your marriage again. Honestly it doesn’t sound good, but if you value the relationship it will be worth the effort. Even if it doesn’t work “kicking to the curve” can be more harmful than sitting down and having an adult conversation.

You give cheaters second chances?

There have been plenty of instances of relationships being salvaged after cheating. Both parties have to have the maturity and desire to do the work. I am not condoning cheating. If a marriage is not going to survive then a grown up conversation is a better way to handle the ending. I get it may be an absolute deal breaker for some people but “kicking to the curve” reminds me of a child having a tantrum.

@Jan1902

"Kicking to the curve" was simply a more expressive way of me saying "end the relationship" with those who betrayed me, and yes end the relationship in a mature manner always.

Amy just told me, it happened three years ago and was the reason that she decided that she liked the idea of swinging and needed to get me involved. For the last two years we have been swinging with Ken and Lesley. Amy just wants Ken, and no other swinging partner, to make love to her and Lesley told me that she is happy to see Ken enjoying himself. So what is Ken asking of Lesley to get her cooperation?

We both had fantastic sex with some other friends on one occasion. We also played as a group one time which I enjoyed more than Amy.

I am still puzzled why Amy only began to try new sex adventures like oral and riding on try after she started making love with Ken. Also why Lesley is so fixed on letting Ken have a lover.

From my conversations with Amy its obvious that Ken is a super performer, and he can take her to the errotic places that can not.

My plan is to talk with Amy, Lesley and Ken all together.if they are serious, no more one on one separate room swinging and possibly some different playmates.

Let me know what you think

You received numerous answers, all telling you the same thing. Why ask a question again that’s been already answered?

Not all of us said the same thing. I understand David is choosing to keep his marriage. Before the talk as a foursome I think you and Amy need a big talk. Why did she decide to tell you now? I do understand some women don’t want multiple partners and not wanting to further explore. However a few red flags do stand out to me. Can she take a break from Ken? Ken and Amy already have a close working relationship, is this more poly for her? You use the term “making love”, I have passionate sex with my partners. Those endorphins can confuse things but it’s important to remember why everyone is there. Lesley may be fine with an open relationship as he comes back to her and it’s not cheating. She may be comfortable with them being alone but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Different strokes for different folks. What’s important is what will work for you and being honest with each other and those you play with.

Apparently you're ok with your wife cheating on you ..

After the fight and the makeup sex, she continued it for a while with the husband's encouragement, then they did hotwifing, then she felt cheated because he wasn't fucking other women. Now, like the rest of us, they just play within our group, although she plays more than him.

It’s often the female half of the relationship who is the real person to start the swing ball going.

Apparently you're ok with your wife cheating on you and so-called friends betraying you or you would have divorced your wife and kicked your friends to the curve. Where's your pride and dignity?

 

I have no advice at all for men like you.

My aren't we quick to judge. A wife that plays well with others is a rare gem. It sounds like the OP is liking where he's at, mostly, but not liking how they got there. Yes a frank conversation and definition of the rules is in order, but a "kicking to the curb" sounds rather harsh especially after they brought him into the fold, seemingly very quickly. To the OP, how long have you been together?

. A wife that plays well with others is a rare gem. It sounds like the OP is liking where he's at, mostly, but not liking how they got there..

As has been said elsewhere, men come to realize that it's better to have a wife who likes a little too much rather than not enough or not at all.