Curious about guy my wife met online

So I want to start off by saying we declined any meeting with this guy, but I am curious what some of you think since I am so new to this.

My wife is on a lifestyle app and she gets contacted by a married man that has a very long and complicated story.

This guy says that his wife requested they open their marriage and he agreed. After more than a year she has acted on this but he has not.

He states that he can't stand the sight of her with another man and while he is "allowed" to play outside the marriage her rule is that he never tells her about it. We very quickly said no thank you because I wouldn't consent to this unless the wife was fully aware and ok with it.

He asked if he can continue to message her so he can vent about his lack of comfortability in this situation. She said sure as I don't care about platonic messaging. It sounds to me like he's just looking to cheat, cause I've never heard of an arrangement such as this.

After everything was agreed to that this would only be a platonic, messaging only relationship, he asks my wife to coffee. Again she declines due to the context of how they met. But it further indicates to me that he is just looking to cheat.

I don't really have a question, just curious as to what all of you think or if you've encountered anything like it

Run...fast!

 

Even if what he said is 100% true (which I highly doubt), they are headed for divorce. You don't want to be anywhere near that and I wouldn't want to be near someone who just wants to vent and complain. It was nice meeting him, but have a good life and goodbye.

Yea I agree it's a complete mess. Which is why there is zero chance of meeting. The wife gave him the hard no as well. But she has been letting him vent via KIK. I don't mind because she is completely transparent with me.

She asked him "since we are talking platonicly , did you tell you wife we are talking"

He responded no, he can't tell her. Proving he's just wants to be with my wife

GoldCoCouple is dead on. RUN!

I'd want to ask myself and I don't mean to be selfish but "What's in this for you or your wife?" The experiences you're exploring are really for the tow of you to enjoy. It's like a vacation. why would you purposely go to a sub standard hotel that didn't have any of the amenities you were looking for?

i suspect the other man thinks that over time he'll get your wife to meet him maybe out of pity, concern, the need to nurture another human, but in the end what's in it for you two?

AND how pathetic is it of him to think that his marital problems can be solved with your wife.

There are so many great people in the world and the swinging community don't expend your energy on those that don't have anything to give in return.

GoldCoCouple is dead on. RUN!

 

I'd want to ask myself and I don't mean to be selfish but "What's in this for you or your wife?" The experiences you're exploring are really for the tow of you to enjoy. It's like a vacation. why would you purposely go to a sub standard hotel that didn't have any of the amenities you were looking for?

 

i suspect the other man thinks that over time he'll get your wife to meet him maybe out of pity, concern, the need to nurture another human, but in the end what's in it for you two?

 

AND how pathetic is it of him to think that his marital problems can be solved with your wife.

 

There are so many great people in the world and the swinging community don't expend your energy on those that don't have anything to give in return.

I fully agree with this. He thinks he'll break down her armor.

And yes the it is VERY pathetic. My wife suggested him to go to therapy to sort out his issues and he replied "you are my therapist"

I know my wife, her patience will run thin with his constant complaining without taking any of the advice she's given such as "communicate with your wife !!"

Your instincts in this are guiding you correctly. Get rid of this guy, even on a platonic level. It's just trouble waiting to happen. Even communicating with him is just tossing a grenade around for haha's. It's not worth it. Expend energy on finding a quality guy in the lifestyle (and yes, they do exist). It's not worth the time/effort to spend on this guy. Good riddance.

Your instincts in this are guiding you correctly. Get rid of this guy, even on a platonic level. It's just trouble waiting to happen. Even communicating with him is just tossing a grenade around for haha's. It's not worth it. Expend energy on finding a quality guy in the lifestyle (and yes, they do exist). It's not worth the time/effort to spend on this guy. Good riddance.

Yea outside of this loon we have had two successful MFM threesomes with one guy and now have planned to meet two new guys to see if we match. I am VERY excited to see what the future holds on this adventure

Personally my safety radar is pinging away.....cut ties. All of them. For your wife’s safety.

From what you are saying I’m sensing some bottled up anger and resentment. It is not normal to pursue someone you do not know....to vent your frustrations.

Insure he has none of your contact or personal information. Tell him you are having second thoughts. Wish him well. Block him if you have to. Drop from the app/group if needed and start new somewhere else with a new email and contact name.

Personally my safety radar is pinging away.....cut ties. All of them. For your wife’s safety.

 

From what you are saying I’m sensing some bottled up anger and resentment. It is not normal to pursue someone you do not know....to vent your frustrations.

 

Insure he has none of your contact or personal information. Tell him you are having second thoughts. Wish him well. Block him if you have to. Drop from the app/group if needed and start new somewhere else with a new email and contact name.

I agree with that. Luckily my wife thought better than to give her number when attempting that. They have only communicated on KIK. So it'll be easy to block him and be done

He is looking to play on your wife’s pity and get in her pants.

I would recommend to her that she cut off all contact and wish him the best. It’s ultimately up to her, and you both as a couple but this can lead to nothing good for either relationship/marriage.

So I want to start off by saying we declined any meeting with this guy, but I am curious what some of you think since I am so new to this.

 

My wife is on a lifestyle app and she gets contacted by a married man that has a very long and complicated story.

 

This guy says that his wife requested they open their marriage and he agreed. After more than a year she has acted on this but he has not.

 

He states that he can't stand the sight of her with another man and while he is "allowed" to play outside the marriage her rule is that he never tells her about it. We very quickly said no thank you because I wouldn't consent to this unless the wife was fully aware and ok with it.

 

He asked if he can continue to message her so he can vent about his lack of comfortability in this situation. She said sure as I don't care about platonic messaging. It sounds to me like he's just looking to cheat, cause I've never heard of an arrangement such as this.

 

After everything was agreed to that this would only be a platonic, messaging only relationship, he asks my wife to coffee. Again she declines due to the context of how they met. But it further indicates to me that he is just looking to cheat.

 

I don't really have a question, just curious as to what all of you think or if you've encountered anything like it

It's so obvious what he is after that I'm surprised you or your wife allow this very dishonest guy to continue chatting with her....wake up guys!

I agree with that. Luckily my wife thought better than to give her number when attempting that. They have only communicated on KIK. So it'll be easy to block him and be done

I'm curious...why is she still chatting with him?...is she attracted to him?

I have had a massive amount of experience with stuff like this.

Well I have been interested in this lifestyle for about 25 years now and basically THE HONEST TRUTH is the vast majority of "Single Men" on swinging / sex based sites are NOT SINGLE!!

That in my experience around 90% of the guys who end up on these sites already have a wife or girlfriend at home and are basically just looking for quick / easy / secure way to have an affair. In many respects guys are attracted to this lifestyle because they want to find a women to fuck, but a women they don't actually have to care about or put in any real time and effort into, basically an easy no strings fuck.

These attached men are also attracted to swinging for various other reasons, for example they assume things such as:

- If I sleep with another mans wife then that couple will keep things quiet and there is less chance my own wife will find out. If I sleep with a single women she may become emotionally attached to me, she may become problematic, she might try to hunt down my wife and spill the beans, where a couple will keep things nice and quiet for me.

- If I sleep with a single women then it really does require some effort, I'll have to date her / call her / message her / take her on dates / spend time with her, and really all I want is to FUCK. But hey if I meet a couple then I can fuck the women whenever I want but don't actually have to bother getting to know her, don't actually have to bother dating her and she will just provide the quick and easy sex fix that I'm after. That really I'm basically looking for a free prostitute and these swinging couples are all horny sex crazed deviants who will just let me pound away with my dick whenever I want.

- God if I meet a single women who is just willing to fuck me then how do I know she isn't sleeping around, chances are she will give me an STD and then my wife will find out. But wait wouldn't it be much safer simply to sleep with a couple. If there a couple there is less chance they are sleeping around, less chance they have an STD, couples are more inclined to look after there sexual health. I mean if they have been married for 10 years whats the chances they have an STD compared to some dirty girl I meet in a bar that probably does a different guy every weekend.

- Dam to meet a single women I actually need to leave the house, I have to meet this women in public. I mean sure perhaps I could meet a sexy women at a bar or social event, but what if my friends see me speaking with this strange women? What if my family members see me flirting with this women in a bar? What if this random women somehow knows my wife or other friends? I know if I meet a couple I can just drive to their house and have a good fuck without been seen in public.

In reality if a man is TRULY SINGLE then basically he can join numerous dating sites which are vastly populated with single women. I use to work with one single guy who had profiles on virtually all the top vanilla dating sites such as Tinder / POF / and various others, and sure he use to meet 2 or 3 different women a week. You could say he was a very good looking and well built male whore and women would agree to meet him all the time on the normal vanilla dating sites. But obviously your average married or attached man can not use such sites / can not post their face pictures on such sites so many of them end up on swingers sites and discreet sexual hook up sites where they post an extremely discreet profile that basically just shows their cock and gives little to no details about themselves.

Basically if a man is TRULY SINGLE then he has an entire world of dating sites to pick from, the guys who are already attached and looking to cheat often end up on more discreet sites, such as swingers sites. That basically SEX attracts single guys, where as been discreet is what attracts the guys looking to cheat.

In many cases you can actually spot men who are looking to cheat just by looking at their profiles and pictures very closely. Within the last 20+ years I have lost count of how many guys have messaged me saying they are single and looking to fuck. Then when you look at their profiles pictures, and really LOOK at their pictures you notice:

- Their wives clothes hung in bedroom behind them.

- Family photos hung on the wall behind them, the type of family photos that show this single guy hugging his wife and two children.

- His wives bra's and underwear hanging on the radiator in the background of the picture.

- Bedroom dressing tables filled with his wives perfume, lipstick, make up.

- Wedding rings on their fingers.

- Homes that have obviously been decorated by a women.

Well in my entire life I have NEVER walked into a single mans house / bedroom and found this single guy has picked pink flowery bedding / peach paint on the walls / feminine flowery curtains. I have never met a truly single guy who keeps romance novels or a copy of women's health magazine sat beside his bed.

The other favourite tactic of cheating guys is to take pictures of themselves in the family toilet, and sure this guy is telling you they are 100% single yet actually they are standing in a bathroom totally scattered with their wives toiletry products. Women's shampoo and body wash / packets of tampons / bottles of perfume / ladies razor sets, and so on.

HOWEVER.....

In reality there are pro's and con's to each situation.

I find an awful lot of new couples set out ONLY wanting to play with someone else if they are single, that a couple does not want to cheat, that a couple does not want to be another man's affair toys. However I have also met 2 or 3 different single guys who have turned out to be total dick heads.

That in reality if a guy is truly single then you could say there is an increased chance that guy might become obsessed with your girlfriend or wife. That a truly single guy might try to steal your wife / ask your wife for private affairs / begin stalking you or even your house / may fall in love with your wife or at least think he has fallen in love.

Within the last 20+ years I have had to fight away 2 or 3 different single guys who have very clearly tried to steal my girlfriend, in one case we were stalked extremely badly by a single guy who put my girlfriend through months of upset and fear. In many cases if you do meet a guy who is truly single then its not long before that guy attempts to ask your wife to meet him alone, to cut out the threesome part, to cut out the husband or boyfriend and just have sex alone with him.

Many years back now we fucked one single guy and within a matter of weeks he had become so obsessed with my girlfriend he had began talking to friends, began telling other people that he loved my girlfriend, he basically had a mini breakdown because he didn't really want to fuck, he wanted a girlfriend in his life and quickly chose my girl as his target.

Where you could say the vast majority of attached or married guys aren't really looking to steal your wife, putting it blunt they are JUST looking to get their dick wet with different women. In most cases these married guys do NOT want a relationship with your wife because they already have a relaitonship and several children at home, what these guys really want is 30 mins playing with your wife's pussy, they want to drop their loads in a new pussy.

The problem however is that is ALL that most attached guys want. Many new couples begin this lifestyle and they will think:

"Yeah lets try swinging. It will be really good fun. We can have different sex. We can meet new people. Make new friends. Share food with them. Drink some wine with them. We can hang out with them. Can get to know them. Can spend hours chatting and fucking. Can perhaps have days out with them or even holidays"

That swinging is some big social adventure that will bring company and friendship into our lives.

When actually 99% of married guys looking to cheat do not give a flying fuck about chatting / been friends / getting to know you / your lives or problems / your rules or desires / taking things slow / spending time chatting with you. The vast majority of these guys are looking for 1 thing only..... TO FUCK PUSSY!!!!

That basically a married guy doesn't have time to sit and share a meal with you as a couple. The married guy isn't interested at all in spending two hours chatting to you about your hopes and dreams. He isn't interested in been friends or sitting for hours watching a film together. He isn't really interested in getting to know you as a couple.

The prime motivation for most attached guys is....

Quickly meet them - Ram my cock into her pussy - shoot my load - get out of there as quickly as possible before my wife realises I'm gone.

In many cases if you meet a attached / married guy then really what that guy wants is to sneak off to your house and within 5 minutes or arriving he wants your wife naked and sucking his cock. He doesn't have time to chat, doesn't have time to get to know your wife, really his desire is to walk in your house, fuck your wife's pussy, then leave.

Its fairly easy to tell when you meet a married or attached guy.

Basically they will walk in the door and be a little nervous and rushed. Then you will sit down and begin to chat, then if your chatting for any longer than about 10 or 15 minutes you will notice the married guy starts to become even more nervous. He begins checking his watch or phone constantly looking at the time. He begins giving short answers to your questions. Becomes anxious every time you do ask a question because after all the clock is ticking and he has a time limit. The longer you chat the more anxious he will become , he will sit on the edge of his seat, begin making excuses about been in a rush.

"Eeerrmmm yeah I have my family visiting my house in an hour so can't stay long"

"Eeermmm yeah I have to meet a friend in an hour so can't stay long"

"Eeermmm yeah I need to pop into work soon so can't say long"

The guy will try to put time limits on things, that basically he wants a fuck / he wants to fuck your wife now so he can run home before his real partner realises he is gone.

I usually find that men who are attached basically want your wife to serving to them on a silver platter, they expect to walk into your house and have their cock firmly inside your wife within 10 minutes of walking in the door. They are here for a quick cheeky romp, not to know you as a couple. They want to get their dick wet good and fast and be out the door and heading home seconds after they cum.

In many cases if you fuck a married guy then within about 15 seconds of that guy cumming he will be up out of bed pulling on his trousers and making excuses about why he has to run. That in many cases his cum will still be warm in your wife's pussy and he is heading out your front door and dashing off home to his wife and family.

Sadly on a lot of women / couples this can have a very negative effect, like stated most new couples start out imagining that swinging will be some amazing friendly journey that is filled with great sexual experiences, new friends, social situations, then they meet a cheating guy and really ALL he wants to bang some pussy good and quick before leaping out the door in seconds.

Basically in many respects they want to treat your wife as a sex toy or free prostitute. Get her fucked good and quick, then get out the door and rush home!

Not sure if all of that makes sense but in many cases a wife will want to feel safe / secure / respected / they will actually want to get to know the person they are fucking / that in many cases the wife will want to chat for a while / learn to relax with this new guy / ask questions / be treated as a person and not a fuck hole. Where really all the guy wants is BANG, BANG, BANG, before running to the door.

I'm not saying fucking an attached guy is totally bad, just that many of them are SO RUSHED that basically they just want your wife to be a blow up sex doll who they can quickly bang when it suits them. The ideal situation for most married guys is simply to pop over to your house for 30 minutes and empty their balls into your wife's pussy and to be in their car driving home 30 seconds after cumming, and that alone cuts out virtually all of the social aspect of swinging.

I guess you could compare this to laying your wife down in a bed and just letting total random strangers walk in off the street and have a go, only for them to pull up their pants and walk straight out after. It generally doesn't make your average women feel that great. It makes them feel used / dirty / at risk / not respected / like sex toy or free prostitute, none of which are usually good things for your wife to be feeling regarding this subject.

BUT on the flip side a married guy is a lot less likely to cause your life problems, that really they are just looking to fuck.

Hopefully some of this makes sense.

I'm curious...why is she still chatting with him?...is she attracted to him?

I doubt it, if she was she is allowed to pursue him. I think Its Pity and being too nice. That will wear thin for her

I have had a massive amount of experience with stuff like this.

 

Well I have been interested in this lifestyle for about 25 years now and basically THE HONEST TRUTH is the vast majority of "Single Men" on swinging / sex based sites are NOT SINGLE!! . . .

Much of what you say has truth to it, in that there are a lot of men out there who are cheating.

However, I have to disagree with the general thesis of your statement. My wife and I have found several good quality men who are truly single. You can say we're naive if you want, but I know differently. There are many reasons why a single guy would want to be in the lifestyle. As you note, some men don't want the complications of a relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean they're married. Some men have been burned out in relationships, and want something lighter, more carefree. There's nothing wrong with that. I saw this in a family member, though I don't know if he ever got into swinging. He'd just been burned so many times in relationships he'd kinda had it and didn't want the trouble. Some men have lives that make it too complicated to have a full on romantic relationship. They might have jobs that send them hither and yon all the time, without much ability to have a stable home life. Some men know they have a better chance of fulfilling sexual fantasies than taking a chance on getting months into a relationship before finding out if she's into that. Some men know that being able to have sex with a married woman who is in the lifestyle probably stands a lesser chance of getting STDs than a random quick-fuck off of Tinder. Some woman willing to do random hookups probably has a higher chance of having STDs than a married woman. And on, and on, and on.

I can be easy to be cynical about the motivations of men. There are a lot of assholes out there, a lot of serious pricks who are users and abusers of women. That's true in and out of the lifestyle. But, there are also quite a number of men in and out of the lifestyle who aren't that way. If that wasn't the case, the human race might die out

My wife and I have found several quality men since we got into this 10+ years ago. A couple of them in particular turned into long term boyfriends. In the first case, he'd been burned in relationships several times, and most painfully through a divorce. He had a daughter still at home, and didn't want the trouble of a serious relationship and trying to figure out the balance with his daughter. My wife went to his house on a number of occasions, and he to ours. We had many MFMs with him, and more with her playing solo with him. There was never a rush, except for once and that was induced by us being on a limited time frame that day. He and my wife dated for about three years. It only ended because his daughter moved to the next state over to live with her mom. He then found a regular girlfriend, and that was the end of it. The other one was a guy who traveled a lot for his job. He also had his sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew all living with him. Similarly, trying to figure out all those dynamics plus being on the road so much made it difficult for him to start and maintain a relationship, though he had tried (and failed). My wife dated him for about two years, and spent considerable time with him in and out of bed. With both of these guys there was never a hint or any evidence to indicate they were married. In neither case did the guys ever make any attempt to have my wife leave me for him.

My wife has had many other playmates over the years. We can't say with absolute 100% certainty that none of them were married and cheating. But, we are reasonably certain. We have run into guys who are obviously cheating, or acted/said things that were warning signs. My wife just didn't play with them, and she rebuffed some that kept trying despite her early 'no'. We have run into considerably more men who are respectful and kind, who understand their role and stay within it.

If I had to place a % on it, probably about 20% of the guys we've encountered either were definitely cheating or probably cheating.

I agree there are a lot of guys cheating. Most just claim to be single as said.

I'm curious about this guy admitting he's married, but saying he is infact in an open marriage, but the wife doesn't want to hear about what he does on the side.

I'm curious about this guy admitting he's married, but saying he is infact in an open marriage, but the wife doesn't want to hear about what he does on the side.

I believe there is a high probability this fellow is cheating on his wife.

That said, initially my wife said that she wanted to know when I was playing and when I would be home, but not the details. With the passage of time now when we have sex she’s eager to hear the details of my adventures.

He says his wife knows, but her rule is for him never to tell her or have him meet you (which by the way means you too).

 

The con artist shifts the request for secrecy to his wife , with whom you cannot confirm with. Pretty damn convenient way to shield a deception and it is a frequent strategy used by cheating men seeking understanding.

 

You know this guy is bad news and he will NEVER go away as long as he believes he has hopes of running his con. Shame on you for indulging the behavior of a cheating husband . There is no other 'truth' here. There are no mitigating circumstances. He has a process that works for him, just with other women. Indulging him is like pig wrestling: you get dirty and the pig likes it.

 

The obvious is in front of you and continue to try and see the illusion you are told.

 

One last thing: You ask if others have encountered anything similar ? Well, you've encountered a married man who is lying and seeking sympathy in an effort to have sex with a woman. Who has encountered this ? Pretty much everyone.

Shame on me?

What illusion am I "trying" to see??? My wife and I BOTH said there would be no meeting with this man EVER. He was told the same.

I was asking an opinion of those more experienced in the lifestyle to ensure I wasn't being too harsh.

Maybe read what I said before waving your finger at me.

Shame on me?

 

What illusion am I "trying" to see??? My wife and I BOTH said there would be no meeting with this man EVER. He was told the same.

 

I was asking an opinion of those more experienced in the lifestyle to ensure I wasn't being too harsh,

 

Maybe read what I said before waiving your finger at me

I think many of us are baffled as to why you haven't ghosted this guy a while back.

Your wife sounds like a real sweet heart, but that can be dangerous.

Cut him off.

I think many of us are baffled as to why you haven't ghosted this guy a while back.

Your wife sounds like a real sweet heart, but that can be dangerous.

 

Cut him off.

She is too nice and too new to the lifestyle. He will be cut off

Have you considered taking the lead in finding the third that you two desire instead of your wife doing it ? Your website description that she is using seems vague, what was it again , verbatim , I'm curious to see if my wife might want to use it , please share.

We have found a great 3rd and have two other really good prospects.

The app she is on is called "3fun"

The good news is she is getting TONS of attention. The bad is you have to sift through a ton of

"Hey"

"Hung bull"

"Sup"

Type messages. Instead of quality eye catching messages.

As far as me taking the lead we have a system that is working for us. She finds someone she is attracted to and can hold a conversation and once she has decided she likes them I join the conversation. I don't think it's fair for me to pick who she should be attracted to

He's a cheater just looking to get laid...and that's the best case scenario, he could be a psycho too, who knows. Best way not to find out is just run far, run fast from the whole situation. Just cut him off entirely and be done with it.

Cheaters and fakes are a fact of life on any personals site or app, but my impression has been that the newer the platform, the more fakes there are. Stick with one of the more established sites like swinglifestyle and I think you'll have an easier time of finding good single guys who know how this works and their place in it and what it takes to be successful. How you write your profile has a lot to do with it too...more contacts does not equal better contacts.

I'm not waving a finger. What I am telling you is not to be foolish. you think you have control of this situation. Far from it. I don't wave fingers, yet I also do not indulge the delusional. Here's an alternative point of view: Let's say he is legitimate, in some way, then you're leading him on. That's not good either.

 

 

 

 

t

What delusion? I haven't given this guy any benefit of the doubt and we aren't meeting him. He doesn't know our names, phone numbers or where we live.

I'm really scratching my head at where I lack control in this.

And he's been flat out told "we will not be meeting you" so how is he being led on?

And you said "shame on you for indulging the behavior of a cheating husband" sound like a pretty judging, finger waiving statement to me

I have a feeling this guy will be 'cut off' when you're no longer 'getting off' on the attention he's giving your 'too nice' wife.

 

Part of being the husband in the Lifestyle is looking out for the best interests of one's spouse. You explain she's continuing because she's too nice. Well, buddy, this is where you step in and say this isn't healthy for any of you.

 

You do not have near the control you think you have. You don't think this guy can figure out who you are and where you live ? As long as you are communicating with him you're giving him hope: that's how a con man works, just keep them 'talking' to you. Then, someone makes a mistake: they agree to a phone call, they send an email that can be backtracked, the con man has some resource you're completely unaware of, they agree to a cup of coffee in some massive moment of stupidity.

 

There's fifty ways this can go badly and if you can think of twenty-five of them, you're a genius. You're not a genius. You say you haven't given him the benefit of the doubt ? What do you think the fact you're still communicating with him is ?

 

If you don't stop now, this may backfire on you , not in some way you can think of, but in some way that you cannot.

 

You are so out of your league, you think you're in the stadium and you're actually in a farm field.

I agree he should be cut off and he's going to be. You're making keyboard generalizations about where I am and he precautions I've taken with my wife.

Again you're skimming what I've wrote and blasting me with what you assume I'm doing wrong.