Is woman/woman the "norm"?

Very new, just had "the discussion" about two weeks ago. Interested and learning more first though, want to be sure and totally comfortable.

In reading posts and reading experiences it sounds like there's a lot of woman on woman play when the couples swap. This is a boundary for us. I know everyone says set your limits it's all OK but is that one a big deal breaker if the woman is not bi curious/interested?

Absolutely Not a deal breaker in most instances.

Our biggest surprise in 6 or so years of swinging was or is the amount of girl on girl activity. We had no idea that this was so common amongst married women.

She isn't interested in girl on girl, and it's not been a hindrance to us. It's just like any other preference or boundary, if it doesn't fit with yours, then you just pass on by.

The general rule of thumb she uses if if the other girl identifies as bi, that's not a deal killer when looking at a profile. If the other girl identifies as bi and the whole profile has references to the girl on girl play scattered throughout it to where it seems that is an important thing to them even though they may not come right out and say that, then we'll pass since we don't see the compatibility. If the profile just mentions bi play as a possibility, then we just make sure they realize it won't be this time. People often don't seem to really pay much attention to what your profile actually says, so don't assume they read that about you.

Not sure it would be considered a deal breaker, any more than if a male was bi either. As long as everyone is aware no same sex contact is going to occur there is not an issue.

I don't know about being a deal killer, but I would say it's probably she hasn't found the right woman yet. Even for guys you have to find the right cunts to lick. Some you just don't want to do, not because something's wrong, it's just not the right match.

I will say in my experience you should not be shunned if you don't want to be with another woman. Our first experience was a true swap with another couple. The next day I was with another woman. I was very hesitant and more or less let her do things to me. I was confused as to what was expected of me. I truly had no desire to respond in kind. If you are with another couple you can resist, I didn't but I really didn't participate. I think I could have said no. At the few parties we have attended there were some girl girl and some other women who didn't. Guy guy is not a normal occurrence and I think can get you a boot at a party.

Not sure what the norm is. We got started because my husband knew that when I was younger I had some experience with girlfriends. He always asked about those experiences and we finally found a couple we could act out his fantasy. Since that experience we have searched out couples where the female is curious. Even though we had an impossible experience looking for a ffm with a lone f we have found many couples with a curious female. We have met many couples where it is strictly mf but we specifically do search for couples wanting girl play

I truly had no desire to respond in kind. If you are with another couple you can resist, I didn't but I really didn't participate.

Yeah you know, you're right, sometimes people will let a same sex person do stuff to them but not want to reciprocate. But that can be all right. The first time I did a thing with a guy he wanted to suck my dick, but I told him I wouldn't do anything. He said that was fine and we both enjoyed it. Some women don't like licking pussy but will let other women lick them and both are happy. And the whole thing with some guys being only tops or bottoms. So as long as you state your preferences clearly and everyone agrees, no reason not to explore and enjoy yourself.

It is pretty common. My wife will play with women if she's feeling it, but it's not her first impulse. If your wife is totally straight, you will find partners.

I always let other couples know the wife is straight before initiating a meeting. A few couples have passed on us because of it.

We have passed couples were the lady is 100% straight and/or no kissing rule.

We have very limited experience and may not know what the norm is. The times we played there was plenty of girl play tho not every girl was involved. I enjoy it and look forward to it.

We just lost another date because of the wife being straight. They were ready to meet up...should have read our profile closer.

We just lost another date because of the wife being straight. They were ready to meet up...should have read our profile closer.

We have ran to similar at clubs. For many couples it is the F/F connection that gets things rolling. My wife is straight, but will act bi (touching and kiss other females) if she sees a couple with a guy she likes. Sometimes you just have to play the game.

We disagree! "Playing the game" is much like taking one for the team. Would you suck a dick if the male was bi and you wanted the wife? Mrs Doc has a standard answer to the pre-sex question, "are you bi"?. Her reply is "I'm not, but hubby will eat my share".

We have ran to similar at clubs. For many couples it is the F/F connection that gets things rolling. My wife is straight, but will act bi (touching and kiss other females) if she sees a couple with a guy she likes. Sometimes you just have to play the game.

We'd rather not play the game. I'm always upfront about her not being bi. She did use a double dildo once, but I won't advertise that because I don't want people to be let down if it doesn't happen.

We'd rather not play the game. I'm always upfront about her not being bi. She did use a double dildo once, but I won't advertise that because I don't want people to be let down if it doesn't happen.

Even if a couple is NOT looking for f/f sex, it seems a connection between the females is essential. We meet and see how much we like a couple before discussing details of our sexuality and how we want to play. A lot of that involves what the other couple is looking for, and how they want to play. If it is close to what we want, we play. We do let them know we are mainly m/f sex before we decide to play.

I really don't see her flirting and touching a woman at a club deceiving, just helping form a f/f bond in the beginning. There are many times she has no interest playing with the other woman. Other times she may let other women do stuff to her, but she is not likely to do the reverse. It is really hard to tell someone what you are willing to do until you get to that moment. Every time can be different. If you look around the clubs, most of the interaction and flirting between couples starts with the women.

All I am saying in some cases it helps for the woman to 'act' attracted to the other woman. I really don't see her showing she likes BOTH half of a couple is false advertising, even if she only has intention of having sex with one of them. We have never had the case where someone has got upset that my wife wouldn't go down on the other woman.

When we got into swinging, my wife Mary never had any interest in the other ladies. Oh, if a girl started playing with her, she'd cooperate, allowing kissing and fondling. A few times, Mary even let the other woman go down on her, but never reciprocated.

Then, during one house party, she got into a gaggle of girls and was the aggressor! She was fingered and ate at least two women while I was watching, enthusiastically let a girl give her a couple of great orgasms. Afterwards she told me she'd let herself be swept away in the moment, but that she still like men much better.

As far as I know, she never got into that scene again.

Hi, I'm Sandra. If a woman says she's straight, no worries at all. Played with many couples that way. Most, once the conversation is going a certain way, bring it up. For me, having a girl is A thing, not THE thing. I've always been able to pretty much tell from non-verbal cues. I also really am not trying to get a woman to 'cave' or give it a 'go' as they say. Especially with Newbies, it can be a bit much for a new girl to take in if she's never done it before. I'll let Captain Kirk go where no one's gone before.

So in your opinion , should we let people know she's not bi before a date is set up? It's in our profile, but most don't bother to read it I guess.

So in your opinion , should we let people know she's not bi before a date is set up? It's in our profile, but most don't bother to read it I guess.

If they don't read your profile and show up expecting F/F sex, that is really their problem. Just ask them if F/F sex is a priority for them if the woman is listed as bi.

We make it clear in our profile - "We are looking for M/F sex". We leave the details of what that means to when we meet a couple in person, as it can vary based on how attracted she is to the other woman.

There are a lot of couples who are for nothing but girl/girl play.... but most full-swap couples will be just fine without the girl/girl stuff.

Well I have a strange plot twist. After meeting a girl for a drink last night, she came back to our place. Things got hot and she asked my wife if she could go down on her. Wife said yes and loved it. I'm all sorts of confused now...

Love, trust, communication.

To be successful in swinging you need all three. Talk with her about it, trust what she says and love her more because you can do the other two. Wife loved it...what's confusing about that? Take it and be thankful, but if you need more clarification, ask her.

Love, trust, communication.

 

To be successful in swinging you need all three. Talk with her about it, trust what she says and love her more because you can do the other two. Wife loved it...what's confusing about that? Take it and be thankful, but if you need more clarification, ask her.

Oh I'm very thankful! Confused because she always said she's not into girls and would never let that happen.

Never say never...and thankful is the correct answer.