Once a couple has decided to include others in their sexual exploration, the next question that comes up is how to meet others of like mind. Although the choice of methods has pretty much settled into a certain few, new methods are totally possible with the passage of time and advances in technology, societal attitude etc.

We started our Lifestyle journey as a couple when there was no internet... 'swing' ads were fairly 'shoot an arrow in the air' things in underground papers that pretty much required a secret decoder ring and a lot of faith. In the areas that we lived, getting into 'swinging' pretty much relied on managing to catch the attention of someone 'on the inside' so to speak. Once someone on the 'inside' took a shot that you were 'cool', broached the subject and got the positive response they were looking for, you got invited to what amounted to a 'beginner' house party - pretty much the equivilent of a modern-day Meet & Greet. Just a few couples, kind of a cocktail party thing. Things were low-pressure..but you were usually made aware of the fact that there was going to be a serious upswing in intimate interaction later in the evening - and if you weren't quite ready to go there yet an opportunity to exit before then was always presented.

From that point on, your level of participation dictated how things went from there. Once it was determined that you were indeed 'cool', you usually found yourself invited to more 'open' house parties with more couples where it was pretty much a given that everyone there was there to play in some fashion. One of the things that always amazed me was the 'networking' phenomenom - as a rule, any party that you went to resulted in invites to at least a couple of others! And for us, one of the more comforting things was that everyone had an equal amount of desire for discretion, as we were pretty much all in the same line of work. It took us quite a while to get used to the idea that we might very well encounter the last people we thought would be into swinging at a party! That's probably why we laugh today when we hear someone say that they can 'spot a swinger in a crowd'... most Lifestylers are very good at not broadcating their business to the world in general. The great thing about the Lifestyle back then was that while it was considerably harder to make that initial 'hook up' with others of like mind, once you did: swinging was much less complicated in general than it is today. There was a simple ettiquette that was common and the penalty for not following said ettiquette was the party invites would dry up rather quickly.

On a historical note: I often read accounts (primarily on Internet 'swing' sites, but in a couple of books also) regarding the supposed history of swinging that claim, among other easily disputed things, that it was an outgrowth of the 'free love' movement of the mid-60s thru the early 70s. There were a few couples we met at parties in the late 70s who shared with us about having went to their first parties using time references such as Eisenhower being President...he left office in early 1961! .... Perhaps one of the shortcomings of written history, especially on the Internet, is that it's easy to change if there's a good chance those who lived it havn't read it.

If you put the question to a group of Lifestylers,you will quickly find there are various methods Lifestylers prefer to use to meet..and the truth is that they all work to varying degrees. In our opinion, what makes one 'better' than another is based purely on individual personalities and tastes.. perhaps better described as what each individual is comfortable in doing. You will see the debate about methods tossed around in any venue where Lifestylers converse and if you ignore the trees, you'll see the forest - for those who have success with the method they champion, it's by default the one they will feel works best or is 'easiest'. My starting advice is always to try the various methods on for size.. you might be suprised at what works for you.

For the most part, it boils down to four basic choices:

Ad Sites such as SLS, SDC, SN, etc

Meet & Greets and group/house parties

Lifestyle Clubs

A combination of any or all of the above

In future blogs, I'm going to try to give an overview of each of these. While I do prefer some over others, I'll try to present the pros and cons. Keep in mind that the disclaimer posted as my first blog definatly applies!

M