Does age determine your maturity to swing?

In another thread in the Introductions forum a topic was started in which some valid questions and points were brought up. I've copied those posting and put them here.

Originally posted by Ashley

..... this raises an interesting question. Has anyone ever met an 18yo swinger? Maybe I just lead a sheltered life but I haven't. My advice to him would be to read the posts, enjoy the board, but have some real life relationship experience before he jumps into anything like swinging. It's definitely not for the faint hearted....lol.

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

The only 18 year old swinger that we have encountered was a girl who was married to a 38 year old man. He had children nearly her age. NOT that there is anything wrong with that, it's just not my preference. We talked to them on the net of course and watched them play via webcam a few times. LOL, I am such a hypocrit!(sp) But she was raising his kids (how I don't know, being that she was just a baby herself), and they could only play when the kids were at school. A few weeks later they just sort of disappeared from the net. Haven't heard from them since.

 

My theory is, they probably broke up.... I just can't see how an 18 year old is going to last that long in a relationship where she is taking on the role of a much more mature woman.

 

Anyway back to the point, I agree totally that they should experience "life" first, and worry about swinging later.

Mrs. O

The web is a very powerful tool, for both positive and negative. I really wish that I would have had access to this when I was younger. It may have saved me from making a lot of mistakes during my maturing years if I had had someone to explain things to me.

I personally have never met a swinger that young (18), I do believe the youngest was somewhere around 22 or so. While I agree that the younger age groups should gain some life experience before attempting swinging, I also feel that 'knowledge is power'.

I have shared with my own children what knowledge I have (within reason) and I would hope that if there is something that they didn't feel comfortable asking me, that they could find the advice they need on the web and that others would be courteous in giving such.

I think it is kind of important to remember that the anonymity of the internet can do just as much good as it can harm.

Mrs. O

I really am hesitant to answer this I don't want anyone to think that I am making assumptions about younger swingers but think that it is important to make some comments. Can't believe I missed the original question.

I have met 2 very young couples one where he was 20 and she was 21 and another couple where she was 22 and he was 28.

The first couple had come over from the States into Canada and it was obvious that they were taking advantage of the difference in drinking age from Michigan to Ontario. It was their first experience at a swingers club, they were very disappointed in our mostly 30's crowd and he was very drunk. We did spend some time talking to them and I don't know how long they had been together but they did not live together. They were not ready for swinging, I think they had a fight in the club but we left before they did so I really don't know - they didn't come back as far as I know.

The other couple had both been married to other people before and had been swinging for some time before we met them. While we found a definitely lack of things in common I think that each of them knew what they wanted in a swinging relationship and had worked things out by the time we met them.

My own first swingers experience was a threesome MFM at around 18 or 19. Of course the web was not around so would we have even know what we were doing was swinging??? and I did meet a bi-female (newspaper ad) at around that time but never went anywhere with it. I am sure that we were not mature enough to deal with it anyway.

BUT I don't doubt that some people are ready for it.

I think that younger couples are routinely disappointed to discover the age of the majority of the swingers attending clubs and feel uncomfortable because of it not just age but the music is geared to a slightly older crowd as well...

I do think that some time alone together to establish themselves as a couple is important. And I think that the way you approach swinging it is important too.

I went back and read the original thread and don't really know how to integrate the idea of very young singles into the lifestyle ... but then singles have enough difficulties integrating into the lifestyle but to add age into the equation is yet another obstacle.

Naughty A.

I personally don't believe that age is a valid measure of most things including maturity. Life experience should be a determining factor in just about anything but how do you measure that?

We label individuals chronologically and decide what they should and should not be capable of doing. Not every 16 year old should drive and not every 18 year old should vote, unfortunately once the age is attained the responsibility is assumed. No all parents are "grown up" considering the responsibility of parenting.

I don't know an 18 year old who is a swinger but I'm sure there are some out there. I personally don't believe that MOST 18 year olds have the life experience and communication skills that would be required in a swinging relationship but I'm sure it happens.

I have always had an age complex, call it a personal issue. I refuse to be judged by a number. Most people have a preconceived opinion about who should be doing what and when, I like to be the exception. I could not stand being told that I was too young to do something and would go out of my way to prove a point.

Personally I do not see a situation where I would swing with an 18 year old and that has nothing to do with chronological age, I am just physically attracted to men well into their thirtys+. I am always open to meeting the exception though.

Annette

Most of our playmates have been with people our own age or older. However, we did share pleasures with an 21 yo guy once that was quite satisfying and at a different time an 18 yo girl who was quite satisfying. As you know, I disdain labels for what it is that we do, so let me just say that in our experience, age is not a factor at all.

J

Originally posted by sexypairca

Life experience should be a determining factor in just about anything

Annette

D*mn -

I could have just said that and skipped the personal anecdotes! Would have made it a much shorter posting TOO!

oh well. Naughty A.

I believe that age has very little to do with maturity. Ones experiences and how a person was raised would probable play a more important role. Reason I say this is because of the different people I've had the pleasure of meeting. Some who have been younger seemed to be more mature than some of those I know who are much older than me. (I have a relative 12 yrs senior that refuses to grow up. I've got the Toys R' Us jingle in my head now )

One could argue that swinging could add to a youngsters life experience. Therefore adding to their maturity. Whether a person allows them to gain this experience is up to them.

I do agree that while a persons maturity level is not measured by age alone as I at 18 was very mature both mentally and sexually. I knew what I wanted and would go after it with the self confidence of someone a lot older than me. My upbringing has alot to do with that.

However, I don't believe that a couple that is 18 should be swinging if they have been together for a short time. I don't think anyone in a relationship should start swinging with their partner until they've been in a commited relationship for at least two years. This is just my personal opinion and I am not very experienced in this lifestyle. I just tend to believe that the first year in most relationships/marriages is usually about lovey-doveyness between the couple and feeling out the others hygenie habits, sleep habits, political views, eccentricities etc and is most definately not a time to be bringing in others as you have enough going on as it is in your own coupledom. The second year I think is more about settling in and straightening out who you are as a couple together. Usually the "honeymoon" phase is leveling out and you can be more real with each other ( I don't know if you know what I mean but I can't explain it in words). Then I think if a couple feels more secure together and are interested in swinging, by all means go for it.

My husband and I have been together for five and a half years and we have weathered a lot in that time. We are now ready for a swingers lifestyle or we perceive that we are, three years ago I know that we would have broken up if we had even thought about attempting it. There were too many jealousy issues on our part etc.

Just to clarify, I am not against 18 year old couples just expressing my opinions.

J (the lady of the couple known as J&M)

I am not against youth, but 18 is much to young for the maturity needed for swinging.

Although I have seen people much older who also did not have the needed maturity.

though my wife and i are only discussing the possibilities of swinging at the present time, i have my own opinion here based on my experiences...

Im in my mid-30's...my wife and i have been together for 7 years now (i think...*LOL*). If we were to start playing with other couples, i'd look at it like "this is where we've progressed to as a couple."...i think most swingers are the same way, and i think this is really what swinging is all about.

now, when i was younger (late teens and early 20's) i had several experiences with same bed sex...but at the time we just thought it was part of being young and wild. in fact, i dont remember being at all aroused by what the other couple was doing, i was just focused on the girl i was with. The real reason we were all on the same bed to begin with was that its often hard to find a place to have sex when you still live with mom and dad! *LOL*

In fact, my very first sexual experience was a MMF threesome 3 weeks before my 15th birthday, when a girl who was much older decided to "educate" my best friend and i. Again, i was just trying to concentrate on what i was doing.

So my point is that people as young as that are really just coming from a different perspective...i suppose you could call it "swinging", but i'd just call it experimentation...and yes, i definetely think experimintation is a good thing!

I would say it really depends on the people involved.

When I was 18 I definately wasn't mature enough to handle swinging, but then I also wasn't mature enough to handle a single monogamous relationship.

When I got married I was 20 and I was ready to handle monogomy, as it turned out I didn't have to handle it for long. Within the first year we were married we discovered swinging, so I was swinging at 21.

I do think that the couple needs to have a real handle on their own personal relationship first before they even consider it. And that it shouldn't be just an experimental thing like so many things are when we are young.

We've made it a rule. No couples under 30

The first time with a younger couple was bad. We decided then to "not" seek younger couples.

Well we decided to hook up with not one, but two couples under 30 at the same time, about a year later. Both were soft swing couples.

We've both swore it will NEVER happen again. We're starting to think 30 is a magic number here now.

All 3 times were insanely stupid, when you consider what happened, and the ending results.

For us....we evaluate each encounter. Have found a real nice couple, with the female in her late 20s. We do relate best to people who have similar interests and understand how it is to work around kids. Most older couples have forgotten what it is like to have 5 yr olds running around and with us having three at the same age......well you get the picture. Not sure if we would go down below 20....just doesn't seem right seeing we have an 18 and 17 yr old still living at home. I can't relate to them some of the time so don't see how I have sex with anyone that age.

Rhonda

danc694u,

could you explain a little about your bad experiences with the younger couples?...i'd really be interested to hear. My wife and i are in our mid-30s. Im much more open about the age range of people that my wife and i might get involved with...my wife, however, is definetely attracted to young looking guys. I always had a feeling we'd be much better off with a guy or couple our own age, though i think she feels diferently.

I'd like to know a little more before my wife and i choose an age range of potential people.

Also, would anyone else want to relate experiences with younger couples?