Hi there! My girl and I are brand new to this and as yet inexperienced in any kind of swapping.
Oddly, it was my girl who recommended this. Or maybe not so oddly. It happened after we'd taken some "time off" from our relationship. I'd felt a need for sexual variety (in plain words, other partners), but I didn't want to end things with her (I love her like crazy, to be honest). I refuse to cheat on her. Not knowing what to do, I sat down, explained things to her, and we agreed to take some time off (during which I was free to see other partners, provided I practiced safe sex, etc.) I did see someone else, once (it was a one-night kinda thing) and found out it was about the most empty, unfulfilling sex I knew. While the physical aspects were pleasurable, I missed my girl like crazy and a weird part of me wished I could have shared my experiences with her.
At this point I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to cheat on my girl, but some part of me -- even after two years -- couldn't let go of my need for sexual variety and a need to "hunt" (you men may know what I mean... hell, you women too). Hurting and confused, I went back to talk to my girl (who was also hurting and confused; she's been a SAINT through all of this. There is no better woman.) I was very honest with her about what had happened and the quandary I was in. Long ago she had said "I don't share" -- so I assumed that any kind of "open" or polyamorous relationship was out. I was facing losing the best woman in my life because I couldn't keep my hormones under control. Or, just finding a way to curb my wandering eye and be happily monogamous -- something I'd tried before in a previous relationship, and which had led to the one (and hopefully only!) time I've been unfaithful. I was trapped between a rock and a hard spot, and while I figured my future held nothing but misery, at least I was determined to be honest and honorable and not drag her into it.
To my UTTER surprise, she suggested swinging. She suggested -- and I agree -- that we both should wait and work on "us" for a while. That's just smart.
But she said that maybe we could work something out where we met other couples and "swapped." She'd seen something on Oprah where a middle-aged couple was swinging, and she said that to her surprise, they were very clean-cut, attractive, and prosperous-looking. I think that opened her eyes; she might have had some preconceptions before. So, she told me, she'd thought about it, and she knew about my problem (needing more than one partner, but being crazy for her) and the more she thought about "swapping," the more excited she got.
This is what floored me. At first I thought she was just (to borrow a phrase) "taking one for the team" -- in other words, doing this to make me happy. But talking to her about it, she was really, really excited. Not so much about the idea of sex with other men (although she's excited about that) as much as the idea of SHARING this sexy, slightly kinky activity with me. In my mind, that's a very good sign!
So we've been talking it through. Like I said, we're probably a little ways out from actually DOING anything, but we're both BRIMMING with curiousity. One of the things I decided I wanted as a "rule" was a "no alone play" rule. That way, anything we did was not just going off alone to sleep with a stranger, but a shared couple activity. That seems much safer (and in some ways, more exciting) to me. I know that right now, at least, the thought of her off alone in a room with some hot guy would drive me nuts, but not in a good way. But being in the same room with her and a hot guy, while I'm with a hot gal, each of us giving and receiving pleasure without worrying about who "owns" whom sexually -- is quite exciting to BOTH of us. So we're in the phase where we try to formulate the "rules" to make us both comfortable with the idea.
I'd welcome any comments or opinions or advice. I know we both need to work on "us" a little before we share our sexuality with others. We both know that and are ready to do the work. But we're both so excited to find a way that we can BOTH "hunt" a little sexually (we're excited at the prospect of going on a "date" with another couple and feeling the sexual tension build) and we can BOTH get more variety than strict monogamy would give.
One complicating factor: we're both HSV-2 (genital herpes) positive. So we'd have to find other couples who were herpes positive. But that cloud has a silver lining; at least we don't have to worry about catching herpes! It's just all the OTHER stuff that we need to worry about (we also created a "no unprotected intercourse" rule along with an "unprotected oral is okay at your discretion" rule, and an "anyone can back out at any time with no shame" rule which can be used if anything looks or, god forbid, smells funky).
Anyway, I'm excited and looking forward to what I hope may be the most healthy relationship of my life, and the most sexually exciting to boot.