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  1. Back To Top | #1

    Default Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Hey folks:

    So, I'm looking for ideas on how me and my wife can go about seducing a vanilla single female. (She doesn't need to be bi-sexual, my wife isn't...she'd probably play with the top half just as a turn-on, but she'd be more interested in watching the other girl and me, and playing with me while the other girl plays as well).

    We are both pretty good flirters and teasers (actually, my wife is a pro at this!) who aren't afraid to introduce ourselves to someone new (either alone or together), so I'd say that's a good start. I've never been a "pickup artist", so to speak (no offense intended to anyone)...women don't usually notice me until they've seen me several times. Then, they seem to like me quite a bit.

    Anyway, I'm trying to think of very seductive things that might easily lead to some action, but without making the single female feel alarmed. A couple thoughts:

    1) After we've gotten to know her a bit, jokingly ask her if she'll come take erotic photos of us together (that IS a bit hard to do by yourselves, after all). If she says OK, take it. If she gets turned on enough to join us...cool.

    2) I've practiced a bit and learned to give my wife a pretty sensual and erotic "lap dance" (I definitely enjoy getting those myself!) So, maybe if my wife suggested that I get the animal-print loin-cloth and g-string, and give whomever a lap-dance...that might register nicely and create an "ok"...I could see that easily erupting into a little more than intended, if we were alone with the young lady.

    3) Getting in the hot tub together naked. I often make a joke about "bathing suits are optional" (as long as there are no kids around). And that's true...my wife and I walk around on the patio quite naked when it's dark. Maybe start with a foot-rub and see where it leads? Or should we guide her to sit on just the right jets?

    What other thoughts come to mind? Is it more effective for us to do this together, for me to do some of the seduction by myself (won't I maybe appear to be a cheating husband? definitely not the case), or rely on my wife to do a lot of the seduction on my behalf (or is it just necessary to indicate that it's perfectly OK with her to the girl in question?)?

    Your thoughts please!

    Cheers,
    Loki

  2. Back To Top | #2

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Nice fantasy. I'd advise keeping it just that.

    Key word being "vanilla". There are many stories (horror) here about why.

    There a many singles (men and women) available at the clubs and on SLS. Would you shop for tires at a lingerie store?

    Good luck,

    Mrs. D

  3. Back To Top | #3

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    This is the reason that many vanilla's feel we are all a bunch of crazed perverts that can't keep it in our pants and want to seduce the world. They tell their kids to hide from us and point to us from the shadows.

    You know, all those neighbors of swing clubs they interview on T.V. "We have children here, we don't want those type of people here."

    Why chase people that are not into this. Ok, I know, if they go along with you then it must be something they wanted to do.

    There are 1000's of people waiting out there to meet you. You would rather look for what could turn into major drama. Having something your mother told you not to have.

    Sorry, but I see no reason to go looking for drama or make more vanilla's think we are all out to get their wives and daughters.
    New Temptations You are the Party

  4. Back To Top | #4

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Hey Folks:

    I think my wife and I have considered the possibilities around this, have read a lot of the threads relating to it, etc. So really, we're looking for seduction advice or stories of seduction, not really advice on "you shouldn't do it this way". We might never do this...but I'm sure the thoughts on how to go about will be quite erotic. If it helps you get past the "taboo-ness", pretend that I said "single female swinger" or "female swinger who plays alone".

    No offense intended by any means...just keeping it on topic.

    Thanks,
    Loki

  5. Back To Top | #5

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Quote Originally Posted by CallMeLoki View Post
    Hey Folks:

    I think my wife and I have considered the possibilities around this, have read a lot of the threads relating to it, etc. So really, we're looking for seduction advice or stories of seduction, not really advice on "you shouldn't do it this way". No offense intended by any means...just keeping it on topic.

    Thanks,
    Loki

    Well, here you get both types of advice, for and against.

    By your original post most will say don't do it. There's a reason. If you have read lots of threads (hopefully here) about it, then you'll understand our reasoning already.

    If you are looking for stories... There is that line between fantasy and reality.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  6. Back To Top | #6

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Thanks for the post. Yup! Absolutely understood (and expected!). And there's PLENTY of threads on "should we?" So our question is on how to do it, not should we do it.

    And maybe I should clarify what I mean by "seduction". I saw a great quote not too long ago that spells it out nicely: "Seduction is not coercing someone to do something they don't want...seduction is enticing someone to do something they already want to do." So, in this case assume the female in question (whether swinger, non-swinger, single, whatever) already appears to have an interest.

    For instance, one possibility we are considering is a waitress at a local restaurant...my wife and I both like her, and she likes us. Turns out she worked as a stripper for a few months ...the fact that she even told us that says she recognizes that we are open-minded folks. I think she would fully understand that any hanky-panky would be with no strings attached and for erotic fun only (we'd certainly tell her that ahead of time). Neither my wife nor I would be concerned that she would become emotionally attached to me and create a bunch of drama. There are non-swingers who are mature enough to properly manage their emotions and seperate lust from love...right? She comes across as one of those people.

    Another possibility is a woman our age who currently works as a stripper. She quite enjoyed giving me a lap-dance one night (and ended up sitting in my lap the rest of the night at our table). She's married with kids, and indicated that her and her husband have an open relationship on some level (no details...is she swinger or non-swinger? Not sure...but the right perspective of lust vs. love seemed to be there). I left her my number and she called me the next day. This was a while back, and my wife and I weren't "ready" at that point...but I think we probably are now. (Which reminds me...I should go back to the strip club and see if we can reconnect! )

    And yet another possibility could be an acquaintance of ours who is also married with kids. I joked about taking her parking with my wife and I once...she said "I'd go". Turns out quite a few times she's picked up women in bars and brought them home to entertain her and her hubby. (I don't think my wife feels any attraction toward her hubby, so I don't know where her hubby would fit in the equation here.) She's obviously capable of seperating lust from love.

    So, anyway...I hope this kind of helps you see where we're coming from. It's not like we're talking about seducing innocent teenage virgins here or anything! The women we'd be considering already know how to fuck, already enjoy doing it, and would already be open or kinky enough to consider the idea.

    Cheers!
    Loki

  7. Back To Top | #7

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    A question, are you talking in generalities here or do you have a specific
    person(s) in mind? There is a difference and different strategies for which ever it is.


    I am really on the fence and torn with the whole idea of targeting vanillas. I agree with Vegas Lee that this is one of the things that the general public fears most from us and if you happen to pick the wrong person it could blow up in your face big time and you will become the target of the neighborhood church ladies that are trying to 'protect the children.'

    On the other hand we have done it first hand and it worked out well with no problems of aftereffects. In our case it just kind of happened and it was a natural thing at the time and so far it has turned out to only be one time thing and hasn't come anywhere close to happening again.

    I have posed similar questions on this board myself and I am still at a loss as to if it is a worthy pursuit or not.

  8. Back To Top | #8

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    you were posting as I was asking if you had specific people in mind so now that you have specific people in mind I'll say this.

    With the strippers.. whatever. Keep in mind every tom dick and harry that puts a dollar bill down their g-string will follow it up by either asking if they want more where that came from by going out behind the dumpster for a blow job or for coming home with them and having a threeway with their wife.

    The strippers have heard it all and either they will or they won't or if they do they will have a price in mind and at that point it will be up to you to decide if it is worth the cost.

    As far as the gal with the husband, sounds like they are kinda quasi-swingers anyway so the fact that your wife has no interest in her husband pretty much puts you on the same level as you would be with any other swinger couple where you wife doesn't like her husband. If they don't play alone they'll tell you to go fuck yourself and if they do, then maybe she will and maybe she won't. Personally for a situation like that I would just take my chances at the LS club or a LS website because that is just a garden variety swinger issue at that point.

  9. Back To Top | #9

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    OK, very good points here. I've probably misnamed this thread with the "vanilla single female" part, eh? Anyway, I guess it depends on how you define "swinging" to some extent...is the definition linked to process or purpose? By "process" I mean going to swinger clubs or parties, using online resources to find partners, insuring there is absolutely no emotional attachment, insuring the folks involved never communicate alone, etc.,...sticking within the boundaries of what folks generally associate with "swinging". If you look at the definition more loosely, what is the purpose of swinging? Recreational sex, right? So, I guess by that definition it would include folks who are not "technically swingers" per se but might have an interest in a good taboo romp just for the fun of it. Does that qualify as "swinging"...if the goal is recreational sex, then I'd think "yes".

    I've given my wife my complete permission to go have a good romp with her cyber-BF...there's a friendship and connection there (they have some good discussions about politics and economics that my wife really enjoys in addition to erotic chats and cyber-sex), but it would still be recreational sex. Is that "swinging"? I think so, but I guess it depends on how you look at it. She's quite infatuated with him, and I have to admit I think it's...what's the word? "cute"?...and actually, I'm glad she's infatuated with him, it'll make the lustful romp even better for her. I don't have any concerns at all though that she'll leave me and our family for a recent college grad, even if that's what he suddenly decided he wanted (which is highly unlikely...he knows she's married and it would just be a good lustful romp.) I'm certain that my wife can manage her emotions just fine, and I think he can too...but the only person I have to completely trust is my wife (and I do).

    And in either case, the current stripper or waitress who worked as a stripper for a few months would not be playing for pay. (Actually, now you have me wondering if that's what the stripper who sat in my lap all night was after, a little extra pay...maybe, maybe not...she didn't position the idea to me as she was looking for extra income, she positioned it as she was attracted to me, and her and her hubby let each other play. But who knows, right? Now, the hottie who's a waitress/prior stripper...I would be willing to pay her to just come give me and my wife a private and smokin' hot lap dance...if nothing else transpired, we'd still enjoy the hell out of it! )

    Keep the thoughts coming folks!

    Cheers,
    Loki

  10. Back To Top | #10

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Quote Originally Posted by CallMeLoki View Post
    Thanks for the post. Yup! Absolutely understood (and expected!). And there's PLENTY of threads on "should we?" So our question is on how to do it, not should we do it.

    And maybe I should clarify what I mean by "seduction". I saw a great quote not too long ago that spells it out nicely: "Seduction is not coercing someone to do something they don't want...seduction is enticing someone to do something they already want to do." So, in this case assume the female in question (whether swinger, non-swinger, single, whatever) already appears to have an interest.

    For instance, one possibility we are considering is a waitress at a local restaurant...my wife and I both like her, and she likes us. Turns out she worked as a stripper for a few months ...the fact that she even told us that says she recognizes that we are open-minded folks. I think she would fully understand that any hanky-panky would be with no strings attached and for erotic fun only (we'd certainly tell her that ahead of time). Neither my wife nor I would be concerned that she would become emotionally attached to me and create a bunch of drama. There are non-swingers who are mature enough to properly manage their emotions and seperate lust from love...right? She comes across as one of those people.

    Another possibility is a woman our age who currently works as a stripper. She quite enjoyed giving me a lap-dance one night (and ended up sitting in my lap the rest of the night at our table). She's married with kids, and indicated that her and her husband have an open relationship on some level (no details...is she swinger or non-swinger? Not sure...but the right perspective of lust vs. love seemed to be there). I left her my number and she called me the next day. This was a while back, and my wife and I weren't "ready" at that point...but I think we probably are now. (Which reminds me...I should go back to the strip club and see if we can reconnect!)

    And yet another possibility could be an acquaintance of ours who is also married with kids. I joked about taking her parking with my wife and I once...she said "I'd go". Turns out quite a few times she's picked up women in bars and brought them home to entertain her and her hubby. (I don't think my wife feels any attraction toward her hubby, so I don't know where her hubby would fit in the equation here.) She's obviously capable of seperating lust from love.

    So, anyway...I hope this kind of helps you see where we're coming from. It's not like we're talking about seducing innocent teenage virgins here or anything! The women we'd be considering already know how to fuck, already enjoy doing it, and would already be open or kinky enough to consider the idea.

    Cheers!
    Loki
    OK I'm gonna pretend this was your opening post and move forward.

    As a couple who play regularly with "non-swingers", and by that I mean people who aren't really aware of or never considered themselves swingers, I know exactly where you are coming from.

    You've mentioned a few candidates and none sound like prudes .
    I particularly liked the quote you posted about coercion vs. enticing. For your endeavor to be a success you need to be confident that your perspective partner(s) are at least open to to being enticed.

    How do you go about it? If I knew that I'd be gettin' it like Hugh Hefner !

    In our case, it is generally my wife who makes the first move. This has been the case with swingers and non-swingers. She will flirt (to say the least ) with the female half (if a couple) and see how she reacts. If things are moving forward at some point we flat out tell the woman/couple what we are into and take things from there.
    Now the big difference here is that my wife is Bi and is generally just as attracted to the woman as I am! I gather this is not the case for you so I'm not sure what to advise. If your wife does the seducing, but isn't really genuine about it then that could spoil things (call it false advertising).

    So. For the specific cases you've mentioned:
    The Waitress: From what you've told us this would be my choice. You've got a rapport with her. I'm assuming you've all flirted with one another. Invite her for an after work cocktail in the tub, sans swimsuits. No pressure. Just flirting and conversation over drinks. See where it goes.

    The Stripper: This one makes me nervous. I know that many strippers are sane, well adjusted people, making a living with what they've been given but many are also nut jobs with immense amounts of baggage. You are in a better position to judge this particular woman, but I'd just steer clear.

    The Married Mom: Umm, maybe? On one side it sounds like she'd understand what you were looking for and be great to "break you in" but, on the other side, it sounds like she and her husband are looking for what you are looking for - FFM threesomes. They may (make that very likely) only play together, in which case going parking with her really means going parking with them. Maybe you'll be looking for this later but right now...?
    You should be asking her for advice!!!

    So I think I kinda went down the do/don't path a little there, sorry...I hope what I've said helps.

    Good Luck.

  11. Back To Top | #11

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    I'd advise keeping it a fantasy. I've been with couples and watched them try this, and it really just doesn't work well.

  12. Back To Top | #12

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Staying on topic [how we've made this happen]:

    We have had this experience several times over the years, and what we've found works the most often is simply to let the woman know that it's out there for them if they want it.

    It may take a little time for them to ponder, but if they're into it... or thinking about it then they'll let you know. Believe it or not, an uninhibited night of sex with no strings or consequences with a couple [or part of a couple] seems to be enticing to many single women.

    We've found that once they know the invitation is there, the other important thing is to make them feel secure [safe] in doing so... make sure they are comfortable with the two of you.

    Another important thing is for her to know you are a couple... and will always be a couple. Even if you entertain playing with her one or the other, YOU are into it as a couple... if you can get that across, it seems to fend off some problems that may come up later [we've learned this the hard way].

    As far as the sub-topic [to do or not to do], here's our two cents:

    We would never go after someones significant other unless we were assured by that person themselves that they were cool with it. That's how people get shot... and around here it's almost considered justified [crime of passion].

    The other piece of advice we might offer... and we know this is generalizing and that's not exactly fair... but in our experience, topless dancers are the worst choice for this. again, not to lump all dancers together, but we've had probably 6 or 7 dancers join us in play, and only two have been no drama after-the-fact. So, after four or five bad experiences [yes, we're THAT slow to catch on], we don't pick up women in strip clubs any more.

  13. Back To Top | #13

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    How to Seduce a Woman
    There is the professional advice of how to seduce a woman. I guess this would fall into what you are looking for.
    There are fish in the water that haven't been caught yet.

  14. Back To Top | #14

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Quote Originally Posted by Opportunists View Post
    Staying on topic [how we've made this happen]:

    We have had this experience several times over the years, and what we've found works the most often is simply to let the woman know that it's out there for them if they want it.

    It may take a little time for them to ponder, but if they're into it... or thinking about it then they'll let you know. Believe it or not, an uninhibited night of sex with no strings or consequences with a couple [or part of a couple] seems to be enticing to many single women.

    We've found that once they know the invitation is there, the other important thing is to make them feel secure [safe] in doing so... make sure they are comfortable with the two of you.
    Ah, excellent. This is exactly the type of advice we were looking for. And this also jives with what I would tend to think. It's got to be exciting to be gently approached by an attractive couple and told they'd love to have you join them for a little erotic fun! (I'd certainly find it exciting if a couple approached me and asked the same question...I really don't think men and women are that different in regards to sex IF you take all the cultural influences and inhibitions away.)

    Question: I would tend to think it's probably much better for the wife to actually deliver the "invitation" to another lady, right or no? I'd assume if I gave the invite to the woman, I'd just appear to be a cheating hubby. Even if I said "we have an open relationship", I'd still imagine the woman might think "yeah, right". If the invite came from the wife, that would leave no doubt. (I can turn this around and think about a guy inviting me to join him and his wife...that would leave no doubt in my mind, versus his wife inviting me to join them and telling me they have an open relationship...I would probably wonder "hmm, is that really true?")

    Thanks for the post!
    Loki

  15. Back To Top | #15

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Susan here-- It's really, really, really, really, really, really a bad idea to try and seduce a 'vanilla' person into a threesome. This is because, no matter how sexual they may be, it's always in the context of a one-on-one , monogamous environment and a group scene is so far from where they are, they cannot process the concept. Better to be with people that want group play, even if they're new to it, they have at least conceptualized it.

    We have a single friend, Barb. Ed, when he was new to swinging, suggested that Barb would be perfect to be persuaded into a threesome. I said she would absolutely want nothing to do with it. Ed persisted and I said I knew exactly what to do.

    Barb was over for dinner and I said I caught this documentary while channel surfing on people that were swingers and had group sex. Barb immediately went on a diatribe on how she could not believe people did that, that there is no way a relationship with that i could work, etc. Frankly, I had not seen her so adamant about something in a long time. Then, she cited the married, monogamous couples she knew that had great sex within their marriage and that was the model to live for.

    Ed recanted his request. Go figure

  16. Back To Top | #16

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Originally Posted by Opportunists

    We have had this experience several times over the years, and what we've found works the most often is simply to let the woman know that it's out there for them if they want it.

    It may take a little time for them to ponder, but if they're into it... or thinking about it then they'll let you know. Believe it or not, an uninhibited night of sex with no strings or consequences with a couple [or part of a couple] seems to be enticing to many single women.
    I agree fully. There are a lot of singles out there that have had threesomes before who are not swingers. I had a couple as a young adult myself. It is just a matter of taking the time to get to know them and try to find their comfort level without revealing to much. It also works best for us if she questions the girls and I question the guys otherwise they may get the impression you are looking to cheat. Our current friend is vanilla but it is not her first threesome or her first girl girl experiance. Everyone is different and you have find what works for you. With single girls and guys we prefer to pursue who we like no matter what their title is. The only guy the wife has been with was also vanilla and someone she has know for years. No problems with it so far. And to be honest we have met some great people who are swingers we got out of it for a while because our worst nightmares have been with swingers unfortunately.

  17. Back To Top | #17

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Quote Originally Posted by CallMeLoki View Post
    Question: I would tend to think it's probably much better for the wife to actually deliver the "invitation" to another lady, right or no? I'd assume if I gave the invite to the woman, I'd just appear to be a cheating hubby. Even if I said "we have an open relationship", I'd still imagine the woman might think "yeah, right". If the invite came from the wife, that would leave no doubt. (I can turn this around and think about a guy inviting me to join him and his wife...that would leave no doubt in my mind, versus his wife inviting me to join them and telling me they have an open relationship...I would probably wonder "hmm, is that really true?")

    Thanks for the post!
    Loki
    Excellent point. If we're talking to a girl in a group setting, we're always touching in some visible way while flirting with the opposite [or in her case same] sex. This lets the girl/guy know that we are a COUPLE and we're not interested in separating one little bit. If it's someone we know, they don't have to know us long to understand that.

    Girls often go to the bathroom together, and a lot of times this is when the invitation is laid out. If it is a fem. Mrs. will let her know when they excuse themselves. If it is a male, Mr. will let him know when she excuses herself.

  18. Back To Top | #18

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Just for serendipities sake, here's the other half of the equation...the little weekend fling for my lovely wife. Clickety click on the linkity link:

    http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...-starters.html

    Cheers,
    Loki

  19. Back To Top | #19

    Default Re: Seducing a vanilla single female (as a couple)?

    Its late and between being on phone all freakin day with some work issues in Chicago and some visits with Mrs.fun's dentist for a broken tooth. We both hope to go over all this over the weekend. I'll have to say we go along with the folks here in this thread. Hopefully a few of our single bi female friends may stop in and give some insight as well. Your on the right track It takes a little while to get to know people and especially with single women playing alone. Kind of ironic, we were the very couple that swore off singles in the beginning . Guess who stops by the house more than anyone we know in the lifestyle now

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