Ok, so yes I'm back. I can't recall if I've ever revealed much about my current circumstances so here goes, and I'll try to be brief and clear.
I've been involved with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 yrs. We are both early 40's. He knows me and knows me WELL! HE has an interest in swinging, ( he has experienced the lifestyle in the past, the very distant past). I on the other hand have never swung. He approached me about this for the first time about 9 months ago, ( when I first registered here, lol). My INITIAL reaction? DEVASTATION! I was practically comatose for well over a week! Now, don't get me wrong, I am VERY openminded sexually, but this suggestion was just a little over the top for me. I came here to this site trying to learn, trying to understand, DESPERATE for both!
I don't judge, and I CAN understand many aspects of this lifestyle, there are many positives, but there ARE negative aspects as well. He KNOWS my feelings towards the 2 of us becoming involved in the lifestyle, ( knowing me like he does I'm actually very surprised that he even approached me about it, but I'm glad that he shared his thoughts with me). I love this man TO DEATH, we're very connected on many different levels.
WHY AM I SO OPPOSED TO GIVING THIS A TRY?? In a nutshell I'll TRY to express my thoughts and feelings. I AM WAAAAAAAAAY TOO EMOTIONAL, too much of a "romantic", so to speak. When he makes love to me, I get soooo HOT, as in "temperature" hot, in my pussy, ( sorry to be vulgar, but I'm just saying it like it is), and soooo WET! I can't feel the significant "change in temperature", but HE CAN, he says it feels like somebody has spilled a hot hot cup of coffee in his lap. My body responds to his actions this way because of what's going on in my head, and also what I'm feeling in my HEART for him. Put me in a situation where a DIFFERENT man is doing the VERY same things to me.......and my body WOULD NOT respond in the same way. Because there just wouldn't be the same things going on for me in my head and heart. ( God, I hope that made sense!?) And don't get me wrong, I DO understand the difference between "fucking" and "making love". There's a time and place for both.
This is getting a little wordy, but please persist with me, this is helping me a little, just making this post . Now I KNOW how much he loves me, and theres no doubt in my mind how much he enjoys our activities in bed, ( well, maybe that's not quite true, I guess in fact I've come to question JUST how much he enjoys me in bed, because of this swinging issue). Like I said before, I'm VERY open minded, I'll try just about anything, as long as it's with HIM, I trust him, and I know that he's only interested in seeing MY enjoyment! I can't believe that he could stomach seeing me do the things that I do with HIM, with another man. And as for me, IF we were ever to do this, ( swing ), I'd have to SERIOUSLY squash down alot of feelings and emotion, to see him play with another woman, even though in my head I'd know it was just a "fuck".
I can't wrap my mind around the "relationship" aspect of swinging. That's relationship as in the one that 2 couples have together. I'D FEEL LIKE JUST ANOTHER PUSSY, yaaaa, a piece of meat, to be USED.
He makes references to it, ( swinging), occasionally, not often. The last time he did, we were in bed, I was SERIOUSLY wrapped up in what he was doing to me, he had his hand on my pussy, ( sorry again, lol), and he made some sort of reference to possibly "SHARING", I can't remember the exact sentence, or context, but there was no doubt as to what he was implying. I SHOULD HAVE stopped things right there, approached him about it, in my head I was thinking......"Is he out of his f**king mind, bringing THAT up, at a time like this!?!!!!????) But like I said, I was seriously enjoying myself at that moment, and chose to let it go, (yaaa, no self discipline here! lol).
Ok, wrapping this up now! IT IS KILLING ME THAT HE HAS THIS WANT/NEED THAT I CAN'T HELP HIM FULFILL! I'M DYING INSIDE. I want soooo badly to open my mind to the potential pleasure involved, the new experience, ( I'm very curious by nature, and usually WELCOME new experiences). He has made me question a large part of myself, my sexuallity. He has made me feel very SEXUALLY SQUARE.....and BELIEVE ME, I'M FAR FAR FROM THAT!! I'm actually very close to saying, "Ok, I want to try it, I'm all over it, I HAVE TO DO THIS!".....just so I could say, been there. done that, didn't like it, so can we now please put this behind us?? OR, I could say, "I can't, but if you ever have the opportunity, go for it!"
I could keep going, I have more, ( if ya can believe that!), this can be a very difficult issue to discuss with others, your all I have, so let me hear your thoughts!