Fundamental Law

In response to several PMs we received, here are our "go to" resources: 1. Sex Blankets. We are partial to the Liberator Fascinator Throws. They are fluid proof, they wash easily, they come in a variety of sizes and colors. We have several mini's as sit-upons when no one is wearing clothes; the travel size is convenient for ... home use and travel; and the king size is on one of our king-size beds. https://www.liberator.com/catalogsearch/result/?q=fascinator+throw 2. Lubricant. We like the Sliquid Organics, and prefer the simplest, base version. https://sliquid.com/shop/all-intimate-lubricants/natural-sliquid-organics/ These are personal choices. What matters is what works for you.

Lubricants are essential for even ordinary play among us seniors. While each person/couple will have a personal preference, some observations have stood the test of (our) time. 1. Sex is messy. Sex with lubes is extra messy. The best way to throw caution to the wind is to have a few “sex blankets” around the house (and a travel size one in the “go bag”). We really like the Liberator brand Fascinator Throws. After play, throw it in the wash. Rinse and repeat….!!!! 2. Lubes have a number of bases. Silicone based lubes. Natural oil based lubes(coconut oil for example). Water and glycerin based lubes. We have tried variants of all of them. We think water and glycerin are the best. They cause the least amount of irritation to tender vaginal tissues after play, which means a happier playmate. You will use more of it than you will of a silicone based lube. It’s a better way to go. 3. skip the flavorings and scents. Pussy should not taste like strawberries or cookies and cream or Bailey’s. Pussy should taste like pussy. The additives are going to cause someone a problem. 4. When you open the bottle, use that sharpie to put a date on it. Buy sizes that will last you a couple or three months. Then toss the old stuff and start over. 5. Keep an inventory of a couple of small bottles at home, one unopened in the “go bag”, in its own zip loc baggie. Rotate your stock. 6. If your toys are dishwasher safe, put them in the top rack. It gets the lube off. 7. If you have a Hitachi magic wand or similar non immersible toy, keep a small bottle of mild, no-additive dish detergent in the cabinet below the bathroom sink and a small stack of old clean washcloths. Water plus a little dish detergent in the sink, use the washcloth to clean the toys, then some clear water on the washcloth to get the soap off the toys. Throw the washcloths in with the sex blankets. 8. Don’t spill the lube. If you do, it’s a major headache cleaning up, especially if silicone based. Get a big enough sex blanket. If you spill there, who cares? Hope this is useful. 9. PS. Ladies, next time you are inclined to give a guy a hand job (like maybe tomorrow morning when he wakes up hard?) get the lube out and use a generous amount.

Why guilt?

Maybe this needs a separate thread: suppose that you and your s/o were writing/directing the porn. What is the storyline for your production? Who are the characters, why are they there, what are the near-misses bringing them together, what happens after they get together, how are they changed? Think a bit on some of the classics from the "Golden Age of Porn" like the Devil in Miss Jones, Behind the Green Door, etc.

We'll respond to the initial inquiry. The industry is somehow successful. It has been in every day and age. The question is ... why? Only then can we respond to the questions of where does it seem to fall short and how can it be improved? We'll assert that porn is different than erotica. Porn--regardless of whether it is fantasy porn, mommy porn, anime porn, soft-core, hard-core, or apple-core--has one common characteristic. It somehow invites the viewer to project themselves into the story. It might be projection into written text, it might be projection into pictures or video, whatever. Porn is sought after because it frees the viewer from their physical, emotional, social, psychological , relationship constraints, invites suspension of disbelief (if not reality altogether) and says to the reader/viewer--you can be part of this. The problem arises that sex is so much more than "Tab A in Slot B". And so much of porn today is simply visual Tab A into Slot B. It lacks even the laughable choreography of "professional wrestling". Much of it is...boring. What makes for great fantasy, great entertainment, great "we can imagine ourselves there" is, of course, story. Why are these people coming together? What are there flaws? What is the life situation that has juxtaposed them? How does the narrative keep them apart until the power of attraction overwhelms them? Showing up at a swinger party is not narrative. Stepmom-stepson is not narrative. They are (at best) tropes. We end up not caring. That said, we think the next great innovation will be personalized AI-enabled porn. Where deep fantasies are realized, taboos are violated and so on. Where the viewer is not depending on a writer/director's imagination, but one's own. The characters have to be believable enough, flawed enough, passionate enough, to make the whole thing worth experiencing.

We agree. Amy’s response is thoughtful. We wonder, though, whether the correspondent has a grasp on the full dimension of the question. Some years ago, we posted an essay on the topic here at SB. It still seems reasonably fresh and on point. If we knew the original questioner, we would invite both him and is wife to read it as a prelude to a kitchen table conversation. Perhaps someone can refer this to Amy and back to the original correspondent.

We agree. While contrary to conventional wisdom, our LS friends join family/friends events with sufficient regularity that LS friends ask after family and vice versa. We do prep our LS friends with one stock answer to the occasional query, "How do you know {Mr/Mrs Fundamental Law}?" Stock answer, "we met through friends of friends some time ago". That is as complicated as it gets.

That may or may not be the situation. We will reiterate:

There are exactly two people who have some chance of knowing what goes on inside a marriage. When one of them confides in someone outside the marriage that they are worried about something inside the marriage, the line from "Cool Hand Luke" comes to mind: "What we have heah is...failure...to communicate!" We are sometimes asked about "the" basis for a successful marriage by younger colleagues just embarking on a marital journey. There is of course no "the" basis. But we always remark that durable relationships have somehow engineered a safe space where difficult topics can be broached without fear. That doesn't mean without awkwardness, embarrassment, or even real pain for one or both. It does mean that the relationship is safe while the "whatever" is being explored or negotiated or resolved. In conversations with couples--often LS couples because candor is so foundational to the lifestyle--we often hear that these are 'kitchen table conversations' with some sort of implicit or explicit 'safe zone' that allows an opportunity to reflect and later respond instead of simply reacting. We do not mean that such an arrangement is unique to LS couples, but rather that their success as a couple in the LS is often enabled by such an arrangement. As hunterdonNJ suggests, what works for one couple works for that couple, and that's all that matters. As lcmim suggests, too many unknowns to reach conclusions -- especially hearing only one partner's take on a situation.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/26/travel/nude-spas-saunas-europe.html Once again, simple nude recreation and relaxation is featured in the NY Times. While not quite mainstream--it still attracts reporting--it's no longer taboo and has become somewhat ordinary.

The lyric : Some of them want to use you Some of them want to get used by you Some of them want to abuse you Some of them want to be abused

https://www.reuters.com/fact-check/study-did-not-find-women-store-dna-intercourse-with-men-2024-01-22/

Alas, paywall...

We think the key concept is "dating". The process of "dating" --going back to those horrible teen memories-- is opaque by design, if not intention. A date is negotiated (dinner date, coffee date, movie date), there is interaction, and the parties are learning more about each other. Unfortunately, there is rarely open and candid transaction about "what are you thinking". In LS lingo, there is rarely (if ever) a candid exchange of fantasies, intentions, and boundaries. Absent such transparency, there are only unmanaged expectations that are infrequently realized. We are old(er). As such, we are content to move slowly and we would rather not waste time around unmanaged expectations. We prefer to spend more time with fewer couples towards more durable connections. Best to back out early when flags appear.

Better to have swingers become friends than friends become swingers. As you observe, the relationship becomes complex as the new person tries to figure out their fantasies, intentions, and boundaries even while maintaining the vanilla aspect of the relationship.