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EvilMJ

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About EvilMJ

  • Rank
    Pure Evil..In a cute suit
  • Birthday 05/31/1972

Personal Info

  • Relationship Status
    Couple
  • Location
    Nova Scotia
  • Interests
    pool, camping, hiking, anythign outdoors really
  • Occupation
    part time Administration, full time evil doer

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  1. I have to agree with many of the others. If your partner gets defensive when you wish to talk openly about a subject, then I see a major problem. Sure the reason could be anything - but why can she not feel open enough to talk about it with you. Without open communciation it leaves room for suspicion, confusion, hurt feelings..etc, the list goes on. Especially after she won't do the same thing for you. If you are going to continue playing with others, then you need to be able to talk about things when you have a questions or concerns. Leaving it alone and continuing on is only going to make the problems worse.
  2. I just read the OP's last post and I was shocked. Honestly how childish can you get. Yes you are hurt, yes she made a mistake, but going out and hurting her only compounds the problem and will ulitmately end your relationship. Time to grow up and act responsible. Either find a way to forgive her and move in a positive manner, or end it. I also don't think you should be swinging. Ever.
  3. I thought this sounded familiar. All I can say is the answer to what's wrong with flirting is that you are hurting your husband. You aren't taking the time to realize how this makes him feel. Sure he knows you love him, but you are destroying his trust in you and putting doubts in his head. It may make sense to you that you love him and only lust after the other guy, but in your husband's eyes he sees you doing something, behind his back, with another man you lust after. I would feel the same way in his shoes. You have to take the time and think about how your actions are going to affect him, and then ask yourself if it's worth it. Swinging isn't a one person thing (unless you are single), it is about both of you having fun. And your right in your comparison about candy being taken away because (and this may sound harsh) but you are acting like a child with candy being taken away. He showed you that he trusted you by leaving you alone with the husband to kiss goodnight and you showed him that he can't trust you by giving a 'sample bj'. Unless you plan to be clear with your husband about following the rules and showing that he has your trust then you shouldn't swing any more. I also think that you shouldn't swing with that couple. It was not a big thing but your husband is not comfortable with them and that should be enough. Get your relationship back on track, and start again fresh with a new couple. Good luck
  4. I think going out and having sex with other women at this point would be a mistake. If it were just a matter of you not being sure that you could handle seeing her with other men, then it might be a good idea, however that does not deal with some other major issues at this point. 1. The obvious lack of trust and respect. You make rules (I have no idea if this was together or not), you both agree to them, then when she feels like it breaks them, twice, even after you have told her it bothers you. Then she tells you it is not a big deal when you confront her with your concerns, as you were getting oral..etc. You need to feel you can trust your partner, and that they love and respect you. If you don’t have that, then things are going to get worse. 2. Drinking – as someone said it is often used as an excuse. If can honestly answer a question with “ I Think maybe it did happen” then you are drinking too much and are using it as your ‘get out of jail free’ card. The point of agreeing on what you will and won’t do is so this very situation doesn’t come about. Someone feeling hurt, left out and betrayed. If she wanted to have full swap that needed to be worked out well in advance of even leaving the house. I don’t think the problem you are having is totally about seeing her with other men at this point, but this definitely isn’t the way to find out. When you are ready you can take that next step together My favorite comment is that swinging is for fun, and if it is not fun then why do it. We all make mistakes, do stupid things from time to time, and since I can only get your side of the story at this point I can’t say how she felt. But from what I have read it sounds like she had her fun, and really doesn’t seem concerned that you were hurt in the process and used the whole ‘you were getting oral’ excuse as a way to justify her actions. I think you need to work this before going further. It may take 2 minutes, or it may take a year but it is important to make sure you have the strong base of trust, respect, and communication before going further.
  5. The only time it has ever hurt me or upset me was the day my sister was describing her friend's boyfriend (who she hated). She said he was a slimy sick disgusting, perverted guy, a swinger too, you know those sleezebags. Which of course made me angry/hurt becuase she was basing her opinon of swingers on one guy. I wanted to say "hey I'm a swinger, do you think I am a sick sleezebag?" Now I remember why I have never told my sister about our lifestyle. She probably wouldn't have handled it. Sometimes I just find the comments funny. We have become close with our neighbours - we play cards every weekend, go on vacations together (we have kids the same age), etc. Usually when we get together there is a swinger/swinging comment thrown around jokingly. I am always tempted to say " why, do you wanna swing, cause I'm ready when you are " But I don't...bite tongue ...bite tongue
  6. Oh you are a smooth one aren't you chip I subscribe to the Julie way of thinking - cute is not a bad thing, but hot means my brain has shut down from lust and I just want to rip your clothes of and love ya silly.
  7. Okay I know this is off track but I have never had black eyed peas, collards and chittlins.....what is a chittlin? Sounds like a good enough reason for me to head south. back on track Rules and boundaries are just away to get into the lifestyle so everyone is comfortable - like training wheels. Some people get so comfortable with those wheels that they never want to take them off...which is fine as it works for them. Some realize that the wheels have become redunant and want more of a challenge so they change their rules and extend the boundaries further - so off come those wheels. Then there are the really adventurous crowd that feel that all those rules and boundaries are just holding them back so they dump everything and get a unicycle. Sure it's dangerous and takes a lot of practice to get it right, but it can be a heck of a lot of fun! Now that I have beaten that metaphore to death. . My thought is that swinging is a personal experience and you have to do what makes you the most comfortable.
  8. Oh please...a hot monkey like you...there isn't a woman around who would tell you to move along (unless of course we were telling you to move it along up here to Canada )
  9. This brings to mind the story of how I met my best friend in the lifestyle. I was out dancing myself silly, when the male half of a couple I cannot stand comes over and starts talking to me. He is nice enough fellow (it is actually her I dislike greatly) so I am polite to him as he doesn’t know a lot of people yet. Suddenly out of nowhere he grabs me, leans over and starts kissing my neck!!! I was furious but I didn’t really want to make a scene and planned to have a bouncer deal with him. I noticed the husband of a couple that I had chatted with from time to time and went over and put my arm around him and we stood there, with him as my protection. Creepy guy moved away. So what can we get form this little story creepy guy completely over stepped his boundary. I was chatting politely to with him but I did not offer any kind of signal that I was attracted to him, wanted his attention or flirt with him in anyway. It is okay to flirt especially if you are getting a response, eye contact, smiles, light touches on the arm..etc. But don’t go all grabby grabby. The other man who was my ‘protector’ did nothing more than allow me to put my arm around him, he put his arm around my waste and talked to me. Nothing aggressive. Later on in the evening I met up with him again in our hotel room a ( we were sharing with another couple …we weren’t planning on staying the night and they were…too many details to get into) anyway, a bunch of us were chatting I sat on the bed, he slides over, offers to give me a neck rub. Sure….the important thing here is that he offered- did not assume I wanted anything, waited for permission. I ending up having an amazing time with him that night (his wife and my hubby had a good time too! ) I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that they had some experience in the lifestyle. He always asked for permission, waiting for some sign that I was interested in him before he made any sort of move. So I think that is the big thing, gauge your flirting by the reaction you are getting. If you engage a woman and she is smiling at you, giving eye contact and touches you (you know hand on arm stuff) then that is your signal to continue. If she seems disinterested, looking around the room, keeping space between you..etc… then that is a good sign that she is not interested and then move on. At that point if you continue it is going to go from flirty to pushy. Which is where Good Times comments come in, if you don’t find someone attractive and are not interested, your actions are not flirting, where they would be if they did have interest in you. My babble for the day…I’ll stop now.
  10. What if you are a vanilla couple who prefers Neapolitan ice cream.... man that would be a shocker when they got something other than ice cream.
  11. Several things ran through my mind when I read this: I can barely have sex with my husband in my parents house but If I did I would be damned sure to make sure the door was CLOSED and locked. To me any thoughts of "gee I am glad my parents are having fun" would be immedately smashed by their clear lack of respect for their children. If they intend to leave the door open then they clearly don't care who sees them or the possible conflict or emotional stress it may cause. If they did want to play with the inlaws then there is a time and place in my mind, and that is not in their children's house. Make arrangements to meet some other time and some other place Personally the whole idea that my parents are playing with inlaws grosses me out, but that is just a personal thing. Others may find it completely acceptable. And of course my main thought was: I really hope that poor couple doesn't have any kids!! So sure its great that mom and dad are having a good time. I would have no problem if my parents told me they were swingers - I would have a problem with the fact that they can't shut the damned door when they are playing! But in answer to your question - I probably wouldn't say anything unless I was upset enough to suggest in future they shut the door.
  12. I am going to give you the honest advice of a bifemale. Question : "how to get 2 girls together for there first time?" Answer: You can't. If a woman is truly intersted in participating in any kind of sexual play with another woman she will when she's ready. There is no trick, no drink, nothing that will make it work. If she is generally interested then set up a play date as a couple and let things unfold as they will without any pressure. If the time is right and the stars are all aligned...etc then it will happen. If she is not comfortable, feels pressure, or it just isn't working, then it won't happen. Simple as that. As others have said, this is the second time you have asked the question. I doubt the advice is going to change much.
  13. I think it is great that you are able to talk. Everyone else has covered what I thought. Swinging is never going to fix a relationship, if there is not a strong foundation of love, trust, communication and willingness on both parts to participte, then everything is going to fall apart very quickly. Before anyone should enter into the swinging lifestyle they need to make sure that their relationship is strong. So even if you are thinking about it for the right reasons, you have to deal with the problems first. If I were in your posision I would forget about swinging and focus on if you want to save your relationship, and if you do, how to go about doing that. I hope things work out for you.
  14. wait, I have something to add I have the flu... last night I went to get a strawberry Popsicle (my little weakness) and they were all gone. So I went to have a bath and go to bed as I felt terrible. Not 15 minutes later there is knock on the door, hubby had changed his clothes, scrounged up some change and went out and got me a Popsicle. That's when I thought of this thread. It is the little things that make a successful marriage. It might not have been much but it made me feel better, not only my throat, but it made me feel good that he cared enough to think of doing that for me. There...back to my sick bed.
  15. I too refuse to go the route my parents went. I love them both but there are times I look at my mother and wonder why in hell she stayed with this man who treats her with so little respect. Our marriage works for several reasons: 1. I understand his job- he has to work long hours, in the winter he can be gone for days. I realize that he doesn't have control of this and he isn't out cheating on me. I see so many of the guys that I work with who separate because their wives don't understand why they work so much. 2. We communicate when there is a problem and the problems is, we don't let things fester. If I feel he isn't carrying his weight in the housework department I tell him, if he thinks I am being particularly cranky he tells me. 3. We never hold a grudge and we never threaten divorce. I may ask him if he is happy being married to me and if he isn't he should tell me, but that is as close as that gets. I find once we have our little row then we are fine and things are back to normal. 4. We both want to make our marriage work. If that's not there, then nothing is. 5. Oh and that last but not least we respect that we both need time away. He likes to do his hunting, sporting events stuff with the guys, I like to go play pool or dancing with the girls. No one gets bent out of shape if the other wants to go out once in a while. We respect each other and love each other and we try to play the game of putting yourself in the other person's shoes. It keeps things in perspective. The Mr. says that a back rub always keeps him in the good books too.
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