So the question has been asked many times, and I have read all the very helpful threads on the subject, but I'd like still like to get some advice about people's experiences in getting their partner into swinging - in our case, an MFM threesome - when one (usually the woman) was initially reluctant or hadn't thought much about the idea but then eventually came to want it just as much.
We're a happily married couple in our mid-40s. Sex life is good, although being parents keeps us from doing it as often as we'd like, but no problem otherwise. However, I have for years been incredibly excited by the idea of my wife having sex with another man, a fantasy I also had about several of my ex GFs, but never actually tried. When I was single, I experienced MFM threesomes with several couples over the years which was great. I would really like to find another man join us and pleasure her together as well as watch them play. Although so far this is just a fantasy, I have thought very deeply about how I would feel about it in reality, based on my experiences as the third male, and come to the conclusion that I would be OK with it and want to do it, obviously provided my wife would be up for it.
Before we were married she told me she used to fantasize about being with two men at the same time, but said she would have difficulty letting herself go and enjoy it if I were there as she'd worry about me getting jealous. At the time I wasn't thinking as much about the idea as now, so I didn't insist on trying to convince her that far from being jealous I would love it, so it never beyond that, but at least I know the idea is not alien to her. Recently I've been jokingly trying to bring up the subject but I get the feeling she doesn't really think I'm serious. Although I can't tell whether she'd actually go beyond a fantasy, I had a recent experience that suggest to me she's open to the concept. A few months back I grew a beard (I don't normally have one) and she really liked the new look, and seemed to be quite turned on by it, and when we had (better than normal) sex she said it was almost like being with another man. After a week she ended up asking me to remove the beard because in her words "it felt like she was being unfaithful" when we were having sex, and when I said that surely wasn't a problem since she obviously wasn't she told me, "but what if I like it so much I want more". OK, I'm not suggesting this means she is about to jump headlong into swinging, but the fact that she can toy with the ideas in her mind, and seems to find them mildly exciting, suggest that there may be hope in getting her to go beyond a mere fantasy.
So my questions to you would be where to go from here, and particularly those of you who were initially reluctant, how did your partner broach the subject in a way that worked for you? I realize everyone is different but hearing other's experiences would be helpful. I obviously don't want to coerce her in any way, just open her eyes to the possibility and hopefully she will then want it. Our problem is she doesn't really like to talk about sex outside the bedroom, although I am trying gently to get her to do so more (not so much to get her into swinging as to make her less uncomfortable about it), and I think while she has this fantasy and isn't particularly conservative or so I suspect she would take a long time accepting that she could have sex with other men (with me watching or takinng part) while being married and that I would want this and still love her. I realize communication is key, but should I first get her to be more open about her sexuality and only then gently move to the subject? Or should I raise it when we're in bed, after (or during) sex, since this is when she is more open about her sexuality and desires? One thing that is clear for me is that I am not interested in being with other women - something I know for sure she'd never want - but just want another man to join us and please her. I would like to get her to talk more about her fantasies (and the one about two men in particular!), do you think it would be a good idea to mention my MMF experiences before I met her (she doesn't know) or is that more likely to be offputting?
It feels like a bombshell and in some ways is, because after all it's about making her admit to a side of her personality that she doesn't normally allow in the open. I obviously realize she might not be open to this and it will never happen, but unless I ask I won't know - and at the same time, if she says no, I don't want it to come between us in any way. Any ideas or advice appreciated.
