Again, thanks for the comments.
I, through my profession, have developed a pretty good communication ability. I listen, then restate thier point, sympathize, then offer my opinion or commnets, paying special attention to not attacking the person, but the problem, and always use words like, "I feel" or I think", never "You do this or that" type comments.
She though, simply has no ability, learned or what ever to communicate. It is me saying how I feel, and then her counter attack imediatly. Kinda puts a wall up. We have found that email is the best way. Although it is a jumbled bunch of comments from her, I can at least respond in a clear and calmer manor.
Anyway, I may just let this one sit a while. I ahve alwasy been the one making plans, hotel reservationed, plans, dinners. She did once and we wound up staying in a ghetto motel, pretty sure it waas a meth hotel. We laughed and agreed to let me do the planning. I think this may be her reasoning.