Thinking I want MFM...How do I ask?

[jamther]

Ok....now I'm really feeling very awkward. I called our intended today to set up the details for tomorrow night. I asked if it was a good time to talk and he said to give him a few hours. I know that he is very busy during the day. Well, I gave it 6 hours and called. No answer. I called an hour later and left a voicemail message. Hmmmmm....is he questioning this??? I feel like such a fool.....so embarrassed that I asked him this. Of course I will feel better if he calls back but what if he doesn't??? How incredibly uncomfortable.

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by jamther

Ok....now I'm really feeling very awkward. I called our intended today to set up the details for tomorrow night. I asked if it was a good time to talk and he said to give him a few hours. I know that he is very busy during the day. Well, I gave it 6 hours and called. No answer. I called an hour later and left a voicemail message. Hmmmmm....is he questioning this??? I feel like such a fool.....so embarrassed that I asked him this. Of course I will feel better if he calls back but what if he doesn't??? How incredibly uncomfortable.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel foolish about this.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by couplewanting50

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel foolish about this.

Agreed. Just wait and see. Give him a chance, he may really have been busy.

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[Vjklander]

Well, as they say .... shit happens... Don't take it personally. My yahoo quote is "I refuse to tiptoe lightly through life, only to arrive safely at death". If it doesn't work out for whatever reason, move on. It's HIS lost opportunity not yours.

[purpletiger]

If you read many of the threads, you will find it is not uncommon for a guy to either back out or not show. There is a lot of anxiety on his part as well.

Don't sweat it - he may just be busy wrapping up a week. Since he is someone you know, I would be surprised if he didn't at least call back.

[jamther]

Thanks guys. Still no word and I even left a nice message this morning. I said that If I offended him in anyway I was certainly very sorry and understand his avoidance. I also mentioned that I was feeling very embarrassed about this considering it was a pretty bizarre request and my only hope was that he call so I could have piece of mind.

Kind of surprised, mad, sad, pissed, irate, depressed, embarrassed, mortified, rejected and just plain confused.

When I originally approached him for this he has asked for one more time with "just me". I couldn't give him that for which I'm sure he understood. I am a faithful wife....and cannot fathom betraying my husband like that. Especially after what he has done for me. Our intended did indicate to me that he was very unsure of my husband being present for this....so I'm assuming his shyness has taken over. But I'm still thinking he is totally disgusted with me and that is really bothering me.

Even though I sit here and answer my own questions in this posting....I can't help but feel horrible about this. And really, really sexually frustrated.

Hubby and I have to make the best of this tonight......looking forward to it.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by jamther

When I originally approached him for this he has asked for one more time with "just me"...Our intended did indicate to me that he was very unsure of my husband being present for this....so I'm assuming his shyness has taken over.

From what I understand of your two threads on this experience, this man had never had any contact with your husband, and hasn't as yet.

Even though you explained to this man that your husband was in on all this, I think in the back of this man's mind he didn't really believe you - or didn't want to because it was much more exciting (maybe even acceptable) for him to think he was fucking a cheating wife. He may have never expected you to really bring your husband into the sex because he didn't have any proof that what you told him was true. Cheating wives do lie after all, and it is much easier to presume you are one since that is more common than a Hotwife playing alone with her husband's permission and knowledge.

I think he told you he was unsure of your husband being present because he didn't want to flat out say no, and also because he never expected you to ask for that arrangement. Such an arrangement brings play to a whole new level.

I think you may have been better off finding this guy together and sitting down for a beer. He would get to know your husband and from there you could bring up your "kink." The guy may have said no right there because in that case he would have seen all this very differently from the start. He'd have proof that your husband was supporting you and that you were in this together. The risk there is that the guy wouldn't be into that and would have said no and you'd never had sex at all.

I think when picking up any man by yourself, without your husband ever being involved either through meeting or talking on the phone with the man beforehand to confirm that he approves, you'll run this same risk of a guy not wanting to proceed to a MFM - whether your husband is just watching or joining in to pleasure you.

Although I've had no experieince with Hotwife scenarios, this is my take on things.

LM

[jamther]

You are right.....and I feel so ridiculous.......

I can't even imagine what he is thinking. It was very presumptious of me to assume he would be into this. But like you said....I'm sure he never expected our first encounter to lead to another one with my husband present. Although I am not a liar....he may not have thought I was telling the whole truth the first time.

How do you possibly go about finding a man? I don't have any other interests other then this particular guy.

I'm beginning to think that the fantasizing is a hell of a lot easier and much more fun then the actual act.....this is really hard.

[purpletiger]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

From what I understand of your two threads on this experience, this man had never had any contact with your husband, and hasn't as yet.

I never picked up on this. I knew jamther told her friend her husband was aware, but I somehow thought they had met.

If I were in his situation, that would make a big difference. Thoughts in my head are "Maybe the husband found out and now wants to kick my ass".

Likeminds is right, in hindsight, you probably should have invited him to dinner or drinks with the 2 of you.

Sorry, this time is not working out. Fantasies are always easier than reality and usually better but don't give up. They are always fun to fulfill.

Hope it works out for you - Good Luck!

[havefuninsun]

I can see why you feel as you do, but I think you're being too hard on yourself.

I think he flat just chickened out.

There have been times we've called off dates (of course, he's just acting totally chicken shit instead of simply calling off the date) because I felt chicken, uneasy ... however you want to say it. It happens.

Have you guys signed up for an adult personal ad yet? There are a lot of single men who know what this is all about out there. I've heard there are a lot of fakes, too. We've only dabbled with finding a male for an MFM (and yes, at the end of the day *I* chickened out) and we had good experiences.

Other folks don't like the ad sites (we like Swing Lifestyle the best so far), and go to clubs. Check out your local clubs and see if they allow single dudes.

The other idea is (and a lot of folks on this site do this, and we're looking forward to it) to become friends with a couple. Once true trust is established, then you can trade off triads ... you can have your MFM and your husband can have a FMF and eat it too ... LOL! Or any other combination thereof.

Again -- don't be hard on yourself. As you and your husband are having fun tonight, you will know, and so will hubby, what great ass the other guy is missing out on!!

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by VanHlebar

Good luck and enjoy the evening! I know MrsVan loves to be the center of attention like that...I mean what lady doesn't right?

-Van

I absolutely abhor being the center of attention Mr. V, but I do think I'm the exception to the norm lol. Just thinking about being the only woman amongst more than one man causes me to go into panic attacks lol.

[jamther]

Originally Posted by purpletiger

I never picked up on this. I knew jamther told her friend her husband was aware, but I somehow thought they had met.

If I were in his situation, that would make a big difference. Thoughts in my head are "Maybe the husband found out and now wants to kick my ass".

Likeminds is right, in hindsight, you probably should have invited him to dinner or drinks with the 2 of you.

Sorry, this time is not working out. Fantasies are always easier than reality and usually better but don't give up. They are always fun to fulfill.

Hope it works out for you - Good Luck!

Purple,

You are absolutely right.....I need to think about what "he" is perceiving this as. Hubby and I have talked and talked about this whereas he can just think only what he knows....which is really not much. We totally rushed into this with him. We were just so darn excited...at least I KNOW I WAS!!!!

Oh well.....Kids going to grandpa's for an overnighter and Hubby and I are going out for Prime Rib. Maybe we'll see him out and I can wink across the room.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by jamther

Maybe we'll see him out and I can wink across the room.

There ya go!!

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by jamther

Purple,

You are absolutely right.....I need to think about what "he" is perceiving this as. Hubby and I have talked and talked about this whereas he can just think only what he knows....which is really not much. We totally rushed into this with him. We were just so darn excited...at least I KNOW I WAS!!!!

Oh well.....Kids going to grandpa's for an overnighter and Hubby and I are going out for Prime Rib. Maybe we'll see him out and I can wink across the room.

Sorry the thing with your intended didn't work out, but I'm glad you and the Mr. are making the best of your evening. You can always start looking for another intended on Swing Lifestyle or at the clubs. And when you do find the right guy/couple, you'll have even MORE fun--good things are worth waiting for.

Hugs,

~Mrs. Sweet =)

[WildMainePussy]

Oh I know what you are going through. My s/o and I discussed for a bit bringing a friend (who I knew was more than very willing) into a MFM situation. My friend's main concern was my s/o keep his hands away from the action--he didn't need any assistance. It took a big leap of faith to suggest and work it out that the three of us get together finally. My s/o still has jealousy issues now and then if we get a heads-up more than 5 days in advance he'll be over on this coast (every two weeks). So far I haven't had any inclination to look further for another playmate since we're nearly exclusive with him.

So your guy might have gotten a case of cold feet realizing that your hubby will be right there beside you. That is an unusual situation out there in the 'real world' because most guys have a possession or control issue regarding their wives. I'd suggest a coffee or drink in a neutral place just to clear the air with him - intro all the way 'round to show your hubby isn't about to get into fisticuffs. Of course there's the situation we ran into...
it was such a novel thing having my s/o present, he had a bout of e.d. that lasted three visits and thankfully now has evaporated!

Your fellow might have talked himself into a performance anxiety situation also.....and decided a 'no-show' may have been better than being embarassed.