The condom broke...

[dviousangel]

Okay, I'm totally freaking out and need to talk.

Some of you may remember me. I've been on here off and on a few times. Well, since my last post, hubby and I have had quite a few experiences with a couple we both are very much into. Up until Saturday night, we had all only played with each other as in oral, hands, fingers, etc. Saturday night we decided to take it all the way. Me and the other guy were going at it when I heard the words that changed everything...the condom broke. My husband had just finished with his wife and they got up and left the room. The husband and I got a new condom and finished. When we walked into the living room, his wife is freaking out, crying, totally upset. Not to mention that I am freaking out because condoms are the only form of birth control I use. Nothing to back it up. Except the fact that the condoms contain spermicide.

So now I am totally worried, the wife is totally worried, and I'm sure the guys have to be too. He didn't cum inside me or anything but we all know how dangerous precum can be. I feel lost. I don't know what to do. What I do know is that my hubby and I won't be going that far with swinging again. Playing is one thing but I can't deal with the possible ramifications of things like this happening.

Does anyone have any positive words or stories to share? Anything that may set my mind at ease somewhat?

[Estaque]

Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.

[ANGEDKY(mr)]

Without getting into all the B.S. surrounding the topic something I may suggest for your consideration is emergency contraception (ie. "Morning after pill")

--just something for you to think about. Not sure of the availability, where
to go or any of that, I just know it exists

[sportsnut]

My wife and I used condoms for our birth control, but there were many many times we used the old Catholic withdrawl and she never got pregnant. Of course we did worry a little. Then when we wanted a child she got pregnant the first month, so it wasn't like she had trouble getting pregnant.

Worry but don't let it devour you. In our talks we have decided that we will assume it is my sperm that won the race to the egg. Don't ask don't tell kind of. Of course now neither of us have to worry about getting pregnant, me the vas, she the hyst.

What if there are medical complications down the road we would address them at that time if necessary.

Good luck and give each other a hug.

[AZ Dreaming]

Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.

I don't think this is what she was needed to hear Estaque!

I will send you a private message, Dviousangel.

[Chicup]

If the guy didn't finish, the odds of you getting pregnant are just about nill.

As a biologist I think the whole 'you can get pregnant from pre-cum' is not as possible as often stated. Its put there to discourage pulling out as a method of birth control since you can screw up the pull out very easily. So if the condom broke almost all of the pre-cum would have been inside the condom anyways, and again the odds of getting pregnant from pre-cum are just about nothing.

Pre-cum itself doesn't contain sperm, so first the guy would have had to have ejaculated prior to playing with you recently. If that didn't happen you are 100% in the clear. Even if he did, if he peed, the odds of viable sperm are much reduced, again, lowering chances. Finally even if he did and he didn't its still not very high.

So while its possible , relax a bit. Oh and Estaque has been trolling a lot lately, and is pretty much proven himself to be just a jagoff, so I wouldn't take his story at face value, odds are he just posted that to freak you out.

[Pepper & Drew]

First, don't freak out. Think. Are you ovulating? If you are ovulating, there WAS spermicide, so between the fact that he hadn't actually come and the spermicide, I'd say chances were fairly slim of a pregnancy. Because of the failure rate with condoms, among other things, we use another form of birth control along with condoms.

If your worry was more about STD's, do you think that they're high risk? If you're unsure, go for a STD screen. Be proactive.

I'm curious to know whether the wife's freakout prompted yours, since you said that you and play-hubby got another condom and finished. And, are you sure that she freaked out over the condom? If they're newbies like you, she may have just been freaking out over full-swap, not the condom.

In swinging, there are risks involved. Minimizing the risks is the best way to prevent freakouts. If you don't think swinging is worth the risks, I don't blame you. I wouldn't swing either.

Pepper

[ShellyM]

You should try to relax girl, because whats been done is done. Hopefully you know when aunt flo should get here, so if you are late then you can go ahead and take a pregnancy test. BUT please learn from this experience. You live and you learn, mistakes are made. If you and your husband are active you need to be on something like the pill or depo injections. Best of luck to you. Don't freak though.

[EvilMJ]

I have had the very same experience as you. We were going at it when he says "oh shit", condom was ripped. I also am not on birth control.

It freaked me out, but I am glad to say that things worked out. I know what you are going through. The best thing to do is figure out when you ovulate, and if you are afraid of any STD's then you can get tested at some point.

It did make me think twice about swinging but we did decide to continue. Perhaps you should back up a condom wtih other birth control methods as well.

Good luck

[dviousangel]

Hey guys. I appreciate all the replies. I need all the positive reinforcement I can get.

About the getting pregnant from precum thing. This couple have a 16 month old child that she got pregnant with before they even had sex. It was from them messing around only and the fact that his penis touched her vagina with no actual penetration. This is why her and I are freaking out so much.

I do believe her freakout was from both the full swap and the condom breaking. Her and I feel the same way, we just don't want to deal with the what ifs of full swap. Playing is still very much okay. This was everyone's first time for full swap except her hubby, who was in the lifestyle previously.

It's not STD's I'm worried about, it's pregnancy. That night, after they fell asleep, hubby and I had a long talk about everything. I was crying, upset, feeling horrible, and my wonderful hubby is sitting there telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world and if I were to end up pregnant, he wouldn't care, it would still be our baby. This man definitely has his head on straight and is the most wonderful individual I have ever met. I just don't want another baby period (we have 2 kids), with or without him. Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?

So with all that said, I have no idea if I was ovulating. My last period started on July 4th and this happened on Saturday night/sunday morning around 3 am.

I just want to be able to stop thinking about it.

[ShellyM]

I have had the very same experience as you. We were going at it when he says "oh shit", condom was ripped. I also am not on birth control.

It freaked me out, but I am glad to say that things worked out. I know what you are going through. The best thing to do is figure out when you ovulate, and if you are afraid of any STD's then you can get tested at some point.

It did make me think twice about swinging but we did decide to continue. Perhaps you should back up a condom wtih other birth control methods as well.

Good luck

As I was reading your post, and I am very glad things worked out for you, I wondered...does anyone know of the highest quality condoms out there now? Of course, I know latex. But this is definately a hazard I didn't think about until today, and it has me a little concerned to be honest.

[ShellyM]

my wonderful hubby is sitting there telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world and if I were to end up pregnant, he wouldn't care, it would still be our baby. This man definitely has his head on straight and is the most wonderful individual I have ever met. I just don't want another baby period (we have 2 kids), with or without him. Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?

It sounds like you are a lucky woman indeed to have such a good man. Relax, and see if aunt flo is late. I have always been told to wait 2 weeks past when you were due before testing, but I think with today's tests you don't have to do that. Talk to your ob about the morning after pill if you are really worried. These things happen sometimes unfortunately. Just try to relax and stay calm.

[EvilMJ]

As I was reading your post, and I am very glad things worked out for you, I wondered...does anyone know of the highest quality condoms out there now? Of course, I know latex. But this is definately a hazard I didn't think about until today, and it has me a little concerned to be honest.

Sadly I thought they were good quality condoms. I think the problem was that ew had been giong at it for quite a long time we were at it and the damned thing got worn out. I don't think they are made for marathon sex. .

I am happy to report that is the one and only time that has ever happened to me.

[Lawguy]

Hey guys. I appreciate all the replies. I need all the positive reinforcement I can get.

About the getting pregnant from precum thing. This couple have a 16 month old child that she got pregnant with before they even had sex. It was from them messing around only and the fact that his penis touched her vagina with no actual penetration. This is why her and I are freaking out so much.

I do believe her freakout was from both the full swap and the condom breaking. Her and I feel the same way, we just don't want to deal with the what ifs of full swap. Playing is still very much okay. This was everyone's first time for full swap except her hubby, who was in the lifestyle previously.

It's not STD's I'm worried about, it's pregnancy. That night, after they fell asleep, hubby and I had a long talk about everything. I was crying, upset, feeling horrible, and my wonderful hubby is sitting there telling me that he loves me more than anything in this world and if I were to end up pregnant, he wouldn't care, it would still be our baby. This man definitely has his head on straight and is the most wonderful individual I have ever met. I just don't want another baby period (we have 2 kids), with or without him. Before we went to sleep that night, we had sex without a condom. He pulled out but I just needed to feel him after that. Do you guys know what I mean?

So with all that said, I have no idea if I was ovulating. My last period started on July 4th and this happened on Saturday night/sunday morning around 3 am.

I just want to be able to stop thinking about it.

I'm with the biologist on this one. Your friend who got pregnant without penetration--possible, but still in her case, I bet her partner had an orgasm and thus sperm found itself inside of her vagina. It was not pre-cum, I bet. Even with an orgasm (which didn't happen in your case), there's a general 3% chance of pregnancy. Higher, if you are ovulating and much lower, if you are not. I reaaaly think that you are taking it far too seriously, but again I am a man so I guess I can be viewed as insensitive on this matter. But, again, your odds of pregnancy--where he did not cum inside of you--are nil.

Lawguy

[curious24]

Sorry to hear about your dilemma. This happened to an acquaintance of ours several years back, and she did in fact get pregnant from her swing partner. She was freaking out at first sort of like you are now, but she eventually grew to accept the fact that she was going to have an illegitimate child. Her husband wanted her to have an abortion but it was against her religious beliefs so she refused, and they ended up getting a divorce. Unfortunately a month after she ended up having a miscarriage. It was a traumatic experience all the way around.

It just seems odd to me that she was against abortion because of religious beliefs but yet she was swinging. Just odd to me.

But this whole issue with the condom breaking. Yep I'm living through it all right now. I can totally relate.