Trouble meeting people.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone,

 

This is our first post. We are a middle aged couple that has been playing for several years. We have come to a point that we are unsure about what to do. Seems we don't get replies to our ad or find people at parties to play with, especially couples. My wife can seemingly find guys. I just never can find ladies. I am attractive, except, I am 300lbs. I am 6'2" tall so I am not extremely big in the waste. I am 40 yo and very handsome according to my wife. I always dress nice and are very clean. My esteem has dropped over the last 2 years due to being turned down by many women. I am asking for advice on this. I am aware weight loss would help, but that will take time and I have been working on it. Thanks everyone!

[angelkin 1,326]

First, welcome to the forum! This is a great place for advice:)

 

You don't mention if you go to clubs or meet & greets. It helps to be seen out and about and let people have a chance to get to know you a bit. Sometimes a winning personality let's people see beyond the statistics.

 

Perhaps joining a different site would also increase your chances of finding new friends. We're on 3 different sites and when there is a lull on one, there seems to be an uptick on interest on the others...odd, I know.

 

Don't be disheartened about finding a woman, it's supply and demand! If you are a guy wanting to play alone at times (with permission), those single ladies have lots of options...so guessing they often choose those most attractive/fit or the single guy in hopes of a relationship.

 

Confidence is sexy and it sounds like you're not feeling it these days. When you go out, put yourself in that mindset! Imagine yourself suave and sexy and others will see that projected. Hard to do, I know, but necessary...like putting on a smile, it will just make you feel better.

 

You don't mention if your wife is bi - but if straight, there's a lot of couples looking for g/g play, so that may account for some of the lack of interest. I know when we changed my status from bi-curious to straight, the interest dropped dramatically.

 

I am certain there will be other replies with other great ideas posted. Stay tuned to this thread and again, welcome to the Swinger's Board.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Thanks for the welcome and reply. Let me try to answer some of the questions. We have gone to clubs and house parties. House parties seem the worse. No one seems to at at them. The clubs we have been to went out of business that were close to us. Their is some in a nearby city but they want 75 dollars and we just can't do that with this economy. I don't really want a lady by myself. Just want to meet other couples where both will play with us. My wife is bi. We are on only 1 site at this time. We are on sls. We know of AFF. Any other good ones we can try? I do understand the need to be open. I have always been shy especially when it came to women. I need help on getting better confidence. Thanks for the reply!

[2fitfunsters 32]

You can try Lifestyle Lounge. There seems to be an abundance of couples looking for couples.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Stay away from AFF, yuck! It's like the scum bucket of the deviant world. That's just my opinion

 

Okay, I tried to post this last night from my phone but twice my fingers hit the back button on my phone wiping out my entire post.

 

I completely agree with Anglekin about your confidence. If you don't feel sexy then that is what you will project on others.

 

Here are my thoughts. When you go to a club or a social most people are not out there to hook up with who they like but instead are searching for what they want at that moment and so you are now competing with the crowd around you. I completely believe that there are women there who are interested and find you attractive. I think in you scenario you will find the house parties a lot more difficult. Clubs less difficult because of the amount of couples attending but still not easy.

 

Keep working on what you don't like about yourself and that will increase your own self image but do it for yourself and not for others.

 

Other sites? swingers date club, Kasidie are a couple other choices.

 

Good luck!!

[MrsPandMe 150]

As Damone in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" so eloquently put it, you gotta have the attitude! You will find that confidence is, in fact, very sexy. Don't worry about trying to attract people to you, just simply be attractive. Smile. Talk to people.

 

And, this is most important. When it comes to makin' out. Play side B of Led Zeppelin IV.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone, I have a question that maybe hard to answer. Can you give me examples of confidence?

[JessNMike 19]

There are some women that like big and tall men. I am one of them! I know a lot of women that like big guys too. So I don't think its that. But, if I meet a big guy that doesn't have the confidence and charm that matches his size then its a no go. Confidence is a hard thing to get. I fully understand that. So I hope this helps to know there are plenty of women that go gaga for a big strong man.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Hi everyone, I have a question that maybe hard to answer. Can you give me examples of confidence?

 

Don't look at the ground. Keep your head up, look folks in the eye and smile while doing it. That's the starter package.

 

Watch people that you perceive as confident, and study their actions. While you can't (and wouldn't want to) mimic everything they do, you can take some of their skills and adapt them to your own style.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

I appreciate the help guys and will try the ideas given me. My wife has a gift I never seen of attracting men. I wish if would rub off on me! Lol.. As one poster commented about clubs may be better than house parties, I tend to agree. I would like to hear others on this also.

[DigginIt 1,132]

Confidence is an outward characteristic that isn't necessarily a physical manifestation. It certainly can be like the others mentioned by holding yourself up straight, engaging others (not being timid), smiling, being charming, etc.

 

What is important is that people get the impression that you know you have something to offer them because you do. You're a caring guy. I can see that through this thread. You are trying to make a positive change. You want others to know that after the evening is over; their time with you will be time spent well.

 

I don't know what your "thing" is so I'll use sports. If your playing baseball, you know that you may strike out when you step up to bat but you could also hit a home run and win the game. Confidence is stepping up to knock it out of the park, not worrying about the strike out.

[JB 140]

Here’s kind of a fun game we have played;

 

We set out to go to the local swing club, and with the intention of just being “social”. The goal was to go up to and just talk to everyone, not to hook-up, not to play. That really lowers the stress, and not a whole lot of confidence needed there.

 

From these experiences, we have met more very cool people than ever before.

 

What happens is; you might hit it off with one or two couples that night, and exchange emails or whatever, and THEY will introduce you to other couples along the way.

 

We have met more than a dozen great couples this way, not all of them are play partners, some are just great dinner/chat friends. Now it seems our problem is picking and choosing every weekend, because they are all fantastic!

 

Hope this helps!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Self esteem has more to do with attraction than waist size. It sounds like you've lost a lot of your self esteem and when that happens it shows. That would greatly explain your lack of ability at the parties. As for the ads, it seems like the longer your ad is up the fewer replies you get. Are you proactive? Do you go online and seek out others and contact them?

 

Look at yourself and find the positives that make you attractive. Ask your wife to tell you why she finds you attractive. Focus on those things to help you rebuild your self esteem.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone. We haven't been to a party again. Their is not many around this month. But we will hopefully next month. We are sexyhornycouple on sls. Would y'all look at our ad and give us any advice? Thanks for all the help. I am gonna work on all of your suggestions.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

We are gonna try to hit some parties this month. Hoping for good luck this year. Only played with 2 ladies last year out of many visits to parties and meeting people.

[celtic239 297]

The key for us is having fun. We go to clubs/events to dance, flirt, meet new people and if we click with another couple great, but if not, not a big deal. As for a baseball analogy look at it this way. If a hitter goes 3 for 10 for an entire year (batting 300) he is considered a super star. But that means he didn't even get to first base 7 out of 10 times. Assuming you guys went out 8 times last year and you "scored" twice your "batting" about .250 and there's many a man with that average still playing in the majors.

All kidding aside just relax, be confident in your own skin and enjoy life.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

I have a question. How would you dress to go out to a club or party? Give me examples of clothes. I try to dress nice but want examples of what looks nice. I'm not good with fashion.

[NakedSailors 15]

I would suggest to dress according to your age.

Men that want to look young sometimes just end up looking really silly.

But that's just my opinion.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

I am 40 yo and look semi young. Am overweight. So I am trying to get an idea of what would look good.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

If you're going to a club, ask the owners what the dress code is.

 

Generally, at clubs, if you, as the male go with a casual look, you will be fine.

Well groomed, a pair of khakis, or other good fitting pair of trousers, and a knit shirt, you'll fit right in. The biggest key is well groomed and clothing in good repair.

 

Stay away from the jeans until you can establish it is common at the place you are attending. Many places have no problem with jeans, but there are some that do discourage it.

 

Go and have fun. Don't over think it.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone. We went to a few house parties and have had zero success. Their is a serious click at most of them. Also, my wife is bi but not deep into it. It seems that if your not their to be bi, then you won't play. The women don't seem interested in men as much as women. I dressed very nice. Very nice dress shirt, nice slacks and shoes. My wife said I was damn sexy. No matter what I tried or how confident I was, they were not interested in me. Just women. I also felt overdressed. Everyone was wearing jeans and was casual. My wife and me are very disappointed in our experience. I know people have said go to a club, but around here where we live, they charge $75. That is hard to pay in a tight economy. We are gonna try to go once and see if the people are different. Does everyone notice the parties are all geared toward bi women?

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Every party is different. Have you been going to the same group's party every time? If so then it is expected that they will be consistent in their manner of play. Maybe there are different groups in your area? The best parties in my opinion are invite-only, where the hosts choose the guests who they think will get along and have similar play styles. If you are new to this then you will first need to meet these type of hosts at a club, or perhaps online.

 

I would go to a club. Think of it in your case as an investment in future fun. Really work hard to meet and connect with people at the club. Many couples carry business cards with their sls (or whatever website) info. Give your info to people you like and ask for theirs. Follow up online and tell them how you enjoyed mtg them. Then maybe you'll get invited to private parties that are more suited to you. This has worked for us in the past. We didn't go into it with that strategy, but that's basically what we did and ended up getting invited to great parties.

 

We also have had pretty good luck meeting couples on sls and swingerzone. Send a nice, personalized note to anyone who appeals to you. I like to chat a little and then we usually meet them for dinner or drinks.

 

Let us know how it goes!

[sexyhornycouple 122]

No the parties were not from the same group, but alot of the same people from the other groups go to them. We are seriously considering the club. I know it's an investment. We have just been tight as income has not been great. Sls is not providing us the fun we had hoped for. I use it now as a method to look for parties. I am gonna try to send some messages out and see who responds.

[Guest screaminggood]

Which clubs are you thinking of? If you're coming over to the Dallas side, maybe I can help you with some of the ones that I have been to as far as the demographics of what to expect. Also, some are cheaper on Friday nights, but they have less people there, too, so it's a trade-out.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Yes we would probably have to go to Dallas as fort worth doesn't have many.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Well we went to a popular swing club in North Dallas. It was fun and the people nice, but, once again could not hook up with anyone. The club seemed that everyone had arrangements before we they came. We stayed about 3 hours but finally went on home. In that time, we had no one talk to us, even though we made attempts. We also could not get people to talk to us after we had attempted to talk to them friendly. We were very well dressed and looked really sexy. And we kept a smile on our faces at all times. I guess we are expecting to much perhaps but so far we have been unable to get a first step started after 3 outings. Is their something I'm missing guys? Thanks for everyone's help.

[Learning 160]

Have you ever thought you are trying to hard? People can pick up on that vibe sometimes. When we have hit the club when we were swinging, most interactions took place in the arranged areas. We went back there with ourselves and enjoyed each other...which got conversations going.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

My wife thought about us just going and playing ourselves but we were trying to meet people first with clothes on. We have another club this weekend we are gonna try. And we may give that option a try if after awhile nothing is working.

[Guest screaminggood]

Have you tried the 13th Floor? It has a good mix of people...I'd be curious to know which club you tried in North Dallas?

 

Each club has it's own niche...

[sexyhornycouple 122]

It was the marble door. We have talked about the 13th floor. We are game to try it once but it's price tag is steep. So we haven't made it our first choice.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

We think we're gonna try to find some different house parties. The clubs are way to pricey only to leave without meeting anyone. May try to meet some couples 1 on 1. We have not had a great re-entry into swinging and are getting discouraged. We hope it turns around for us and we can find the right crowd.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

Hi everyone,

I would like to update everyone. We don't get out to parties as much as we would like, but, have once in awhile. I start every outing with a very positive, confident attitude. The concern I have is we talk to many people usually, but, never get to 2nd base. We go and talk evening, get in the pool, hang out, and then go home after most people have left or hooked up with someone else. I feel we are attractive but never seem to get approached. When we try to approach a couple, we don't get the feeling of interest from the them. We thought after a year of going out to dinner, or to parties we would find 1 couple to have fun with, but, that has not happened. We have become discouraged and are seeking some thoughts and ideas as we have tried thinking out of the box but it has not helped. Thanks for yalls thoughts!

[cupl4fun 361]

This may be a silly question, but have you come right out and expressed interest in anyone? Sometimes you have to be willing to make the first move. In an on-site club we have talked with couples and then if there is an interest by us, we simply say, "We are gonna head upstairs (or wherever) and have some fun, if you would like to join us we will be up there." This way we have let them know we are willing to have fun, but don't put them in the uncomfortable position of having them say no. At parties we will simply leave a card with our e-mail on it, or a phone number so they can contact us if they like, or if we are out of town a hotel room number if they would like to stop by. It can be a little scary putting yourself out there, but sometimes you have to risk a little bit if you want to have some fun.

[mauijanedoe 1,414]

Why don't you ever get to second base? It's your weight or the cliques in the club or that Mrs. sexyhornycouple isn't bi or that people made arrangements before they ever got there or others aren't interested.

 

No, that's not what I think, that's what you've said. And it sounds very much like you're blaming others, or - at the very least - gving others much more power over your ability to have a good time than any sane person would want. It's the couple's version of creepy single guy. (Please note, I don't think most or even many single men in the lifestyle are creepy, but every club probably has at least one, hanging out waiting to be chosen instead of making friends and having a good time with or without sex.)

 

You have each other, so every house party or club you go to guarantees that you will have sex at least once, if you choose to. How cool is that? Yeah, you can f*** each other anytime, but how often can you do it with the sights and sounds you find there? Do that, joyfully. Maybe others will join you, maybe they won't. Doesn't matter, if you're hot for each other.

 

Work on your social skills. Be interested in people because they're interesting. Not because they might want to have sex with you. Stop thinking about yourself and what's wrong with you or why you can't whatever. Think about others and how to amuse them and make them comfortable. Build yourself a home group. There have to be at least two or three local groups in your area that have regular meet and greets. Join them and attend their events regularly. I subscribe to the broccoli theory of making friends: It usually takes more than one serving (or meeting) to know if you like something or someone.

 

Also, if your wife really is 54, you might think about changing the acceptable age range in your SLS profile. I always think people who are only interested in those younger than themselves are gits and hide their profiles. I'm probably not the only one who has a negative reaction, either.

[sexyhornycouple 122]

My reasons were drawn from what we experienced at different venues we have gone too. We have seen the cliques majorly at most of the swing clubs. We even had one couple write us on sls. Said they were going to the club. We approached them at the club. They then told us they had no time to visit with us as they pre-arranged a meeting already with someone else. wtf? Never heard from them again. We understand the theory that you need more than one meeting to know if you like someone. However, our schedules dictate that we can only get out 1 time every 3-4 months. This makes it harder to get to know people. We have researched for meet and greets in our area. Their are very few. We live in Fort Worth. Most are in the Dallas area. All of the parties have been in the Dallas area. We used to have a club we had great success at but, it closed down. Their is another club close to our house, but, the last time went their was less than 10 people in it and it was located in a bad area of town. We are not picky people. We are quite the life of the party. We can hang and drink with people all evening without them making any attempts to play with anyone. I have found that fewer people are coming to swing parties to play. We used to attend a large play house where most of the people ended up in bed at the end of the night. We now see only a few people, sometimes none, play. We are very experienced and have no relationship problems or jealousy that holds us back. We went last night to a party and I told my wife to go ahead and do what she would like. The men all turned her down. So maybe its just us, or maybe its not. Thats what we are trying to work out.