Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ??

EnchantedBiLove · 03-08-2008, 04:11 PM

Ok, so, here's an interesting thought that has come to my mind: what happens "hypothetically" if a couple seeks out another couple they have seen a profile of on a swingers site, and that couple only finds one or the other other of them attractive--for any reason? (Personality or otherwise.) What would the etiquette be here?

Thanks for your input!

**good times** · 03-08-2008, 04:15 PM

I don't know that their is any standard etiquette for this. For us, if we both don't click with the other couple, for any reason, nothing is going to happen.

lustylearning · 03-08-2008, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnchantedBiLove

Ok, so, here's an interesting thought that has come to my mind: what happens "hypothetically" if a couple seeks out another couple they have seen a profile of on a swingers site, and that couple only finds one or the other other of them attractive--for any reason? (Personality or otherwise.) What would the etiquette be here?

Thanks for your input!

Well, I suppose you could keep your eyes open for a third couple that would mesh with the four of you and make everyone happy

sweet_tna · 03-08-2008, 04:55 PM

That's really something you and your partner need to decide for yourselves. Personally, Mr. Sweet and I won't "take one for the team," so we'd decline to play with them.

A simple, "thanks, but I don't think we'd be compatible," should suffice.

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

iapr · 03-08-2008, 05:14 PM

You must be a newbie if you think of this as hypothetical

This is a very common day in and day out thing and it is one of the things that you will need to determine how to deal with it as a couple. Once you actually get out and start meeting people you will encounter this time and time again. For us it happens waaaaaaaaaay more often than than finding people that we both agree on.

Not only will you frequently encounter couples where only one of you finds them attractive but it will also happen to you in reverse where one party of one couple finds one of you attractive but the other doesn't like your partner. The reality is it is very hard for all 4 people to hit it off so enjoy it to it's fullest when it happens.

Your question about etiquette is unclear, are you talking about what do you do if another couple approaches YOU and one of you doesn't like one of them? Or are you talking about when you approach another couple and one of them doesn't like one of you?

socolais · 03-08-2008, 05:48 PM

I think this is tricky ground because it's easy for someone to get offended when no offence was intended. Yeah, and it happens all the time. Personally, I don't feel slighted when my wife gets an invitation and I don't.

We have decided that we are cool playing separate when the situation presents itself and that covers our half of the issue. The other couple has the option to accept or decline our invitation....

The solution that's working out to be our favorite, is to play at a house party (clubs would work too). That way, everyone gets to participate however they choose and the opportunity for someone to feel left out is diminished.

**BiloxiCouple** · 03-08-2008, 09:19 PM

When contacting strangers on a swingers website I think all four need to mesh. Why would my spouse want to play with a stranger and leave me hanging? We are here for us.

Now if we have known you for a good while and the party we are at lends itself to this type of situation that is one thing. We have friends we are comfortable with playing without the other.

I don't think contacting us and only wanting one of us would go over very well.

How would you feel it someone contact you and only wanted to play with your wife? That might be the real answer for your question. Because what you do with the lifestyle is all about you and yours.

Mr. Sweet · 03-08-2008, 09:35 PM

I'm not sure about etiquette, but this is definitely tricky to say the least. Timing being one the items that always comes up. Between Mrs. Sweet and I, she does most of the talking and chatting online for a couple reasons...she likes too, she's better at it, and gets a good feel for people. On the other hand, I much more of in-person kind of guy and like to actually talk face to face.

So this brings us to Mrs. Sweet knowing where she stands well before I do most times, but it hasn't been too much of problem for us....so far. In any event, as she said in her post, we're not into taking one for the team, so we make an opportunity to get a "climate check" sometime during the meet.

In the end....etiquette is easier while our clothes are still on, so we'll bow out before anything starts to happen and never promise anything on a "first date".

Mr. Sweet

sc4play · 03-09-2008, 07:21 AM

We simply will not play if we all are not compatiable.As stated earlier,it's hard to find 4 people on the same page sometimes.

**fun4Ds** · 03-09-2008, 09:52 AM

Been there, done that, and have had it happen.

If its a couple that contacts us, and is only interested in one of us, on Swing Lifestyle or any swinger (website).

The desired one of us would be responsible to let them know that we only play together. Unless they get rude... Then we both would be involved in the decline

.

The thing is for us, it does happen

, and their may be a few exceptions.

Bisexual female play or a gangbang scenario. Either of those would be a different matter and would need clarification

.

***ownerspet*** · 03-09-2008, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

I don't think contacting us and only wanting one of us would go over very well.

I have to say that this would probably be our opinion, on it as well. Unless one of you are a voyeur and the voyeur non-participating spouse is looking for (to sit and watch), it may not be a good idea. That's assuming that the other couple is ok with the voyeur spouse being there watching.

In our own personal experience, unless it's just some girl on girl action, this just wouldn't happen. Probably, because we don't play alone or separately unless it's the g-g thing, and then I'm at least watching.

Although, this is something you really need to discuss with each other, because it is a personal preference call that you and your SO have to decide as a couple.

I mean nothing by the fire head icon, I just thought it was cool.

LikeMinds321 · 03-09-2008, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iapr

Your question about etiquette is unclear, are you talking about what do you do if another couple approaches YOU and one of you doesn't like one of them? Or are you talking about when you approach another couple and one of them doesn't like one of you?

LM

Tia Vampire · 03-11-2008, 12:15 AM

I think that it would be rude to only ask one half of the couple out, unless it is specified in thier profile that they play seperatly. If someone wrote to us and asked if only the male half could play, we would write back a no thank you reply. No matter how hot the woman is. In a club or house party it would be different. If a couple was only interested in my SO, I hope that they would atleast have the decency to introduce themselves to the both of us. If not, they would get the we only play together excuse.

cocpl2007 · 03-11-2008, 12:17 AM

No play. It happens more often than not. Nice people, everyone, but there has to be that connection amongst all involved to evolve!

havefuninsun · 03-11-2008, 10:47 AM

I'll put another spin on it.

If it's an initial contact, we wouldn't play. However, what if you find yourselves with this couple again? What if you start running in the same circle -- have mutual friends?

I bring this up because we have a unique situation that we're exploring. We met a couple a few years ago, and although there wasn't a four way connection, we like them very much and they do us as well. We've kept up with each other through the two years, and we're all still friendly.

I've been exploring the possibility of having a mfm -- never have. I was telling Mrs. Othercouple, and she said, "well heck, you can borrow Mr. Othercouple if you want to" -- you see, we're all trusting of each other that she could make that offer.

For whatever my reasons, this scenario feels better to me than trying to find a single male (sorry guys -- sucks I know). We have developed a friendship and trust factor with this couple. If the situation were reversed, I'd have offered up Mr. Fun to her as well.

There's no etiquette -- and swinging can be a very simple, complex thing.

(Clear as mud, I know).

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03-08-2008, 04:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
EnchantedBiLove Active Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 15 Location: Sheboygan, Wisconsin Status: Married Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:EnchantedBiLove	Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? Ok, so, here's an interesting thought that has come to my mind: what happens "hypothetically" if a couple seeks out another couple they have seen a profile of on a swingers site, and that couple only finds one or the other other of them attractive--for any reason? (Personality or otherwise.) What would the etiquette be here? Thanks for your input!

03-08-2008, 04:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? I don't know that their is any standard etiquette for this. For us, if we both don't click with the other couple, for any reason, nothing is going to happen.
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

03-08-2008, 04:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,221 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet Swing Lifestyle Name:Sweet_tna	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? That's really something you and your partner need to decide for yourselves. Personally, Mr. Sweet and I won't "take one for the team," so we'd decline to play with them. A simple, "thanks, but I don't think we'd be compatible," should suffice. Best of luck to ya'll, =)
	__________________ I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like.

03-08-2008, 05:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? You must be a newbie if you think of this as hypothetical This is a very common day in and day out thing and it is one of the things that you will need to determine how to deal with it as a couple. Once you actually get out and start meeting people you will encounter this time and time again. For us it happens waaaaaaaaaay more often than than finding people that we both agree on. Not only will you frequently encounter couples where only one of you finds them attractive but it will also happen to you in reverse where one party of one couple finds one of you attractive but the other doesn't like your partner. The reality is it is very hard for all 4 people to hit it off so enjoy it to it's fullest when it happens. Your question about etiquette is unclear, are you talking about what do you do if another couple approaches YOU and one of you doesn't like one of them? Or are you talking about when you approach another couple and one of them doesn't like one of you?

03-08-2008, 05:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
socolais nothin special Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,251 Location: Dallas Status: M. Male - half of a novice swinging couple Swing Lifestyle Name:Bruce_Melissa	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? I think this is tricky ground because it's easy for someone to get offended when no offence was intended. Yeah, and it happens all the time. Personally, I don't feel slighted when my wife gets an invitation and I don't. We have decided that we are cool playing separate when the situation presents itself and that covers our half of the issue. The other couple has the option to accept or decline our invitation.... The solution that's working out to be our favorite, is to play at a house party (clubs would work too). That way, everyone gets to participate however they choose and the opportunity for someone to feel left out is diminished.
	__________________ I like her because she smiles at me and means it

03-08-2008, 09:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple Julie's Helper Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 4,002 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits and retired Swing Lifestyle Name:graceful	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? When contacting strangers on a swingers website I think all four need to mesh. Why would my spouse want to play with a stranger and leave me hanging? We are here for us. Now if we have known you for a good while and the party we are at lends itself to this type of situation that is one thing. We have friends we are comfortable with playing without the other. I don't think contacting us and only wanting one of us would go over very well. How would you feel it someone contact you and only wanted to play with your wife? That might be the real answer for your question. Because what you do with the lifestyle is all about you and yours.
	__________________ *Live in the moment before they are gone.*

03-08-2008, 09:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Mr. Sweet Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 117 Location: Poconos, PA Status: Too busy reading all of Mrs. Sweet's posts Swing Lifestyle Name:sweet_tna	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? I'm not sure about etiquette, but this is definitely tricky to say the least. Timing being one the items that always comes up. Between Mrs. Sweet and I, she does most of the talking and chatting online for a couple reasons...she likes too, she's better at it, and gets a good feel for people. On the other hand, I much more of in-person kind of guy and like to actually talk face to face. So this brings us to Mrs. Sweet knowing where she stands well before I do most times, but it hasn't been too much of problem for us....so far. In any event, as she said in her post, we're not into taking one for the team, so we make an opportunity to get a "climate check" sometime during the meet. In the end....etiquette is easier while our clothes are still on, so we'll bow out before anything starts to happen and never promise anything on a "first date". Mr. Sweet
	__________________ "All right, you caught me. Speaking the plain truth is getting pretty damn dull around here."

03-09-2008, 07:21 AM	#9 (permalink)
sc4play Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 50 Location: myrtle beach s.c. Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mb4play	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? We simply will not play if we all are not compatiable.As stated earlier,it's hard to find 4 people on the same page sometimes.

03-09-2008, 09:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,489 Location: Behind door #2 Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? Been there, done that, and have had it happen. If its a couple that contacts us, and is only interested in one of us, on Swing Lifestyle or any swinger (website). The desired one of us would be responsible to let them know that we only play together. Unless they get rude... Then we both would be involved in the decline . The thing is for us, it does happen , and their may be a few exceptions. Bisexual female play or a gangbang scenario. Either of those would be a different matter and would need clarification .

03-11-2008, 12:15 AM	#13 (permalink)
Tia Vampire Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,059 Location: Florida Status: Single Female Swing Lifestyle Name:tiavampire	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? I think that it would be rude to only ask one half of the couple out, unless it is specified in thier profile that they play seperatly. If someone wrote to us and asked if only the male half could play, we would write back a no thank you reply. No matter how hot the woman is. In a club or house party it would be different. If a couple was only interested in my SO, I hope that they would atleast have the decency to introduce themselves to the both of us. If not, they would get the we only play together excuse.

03-11-2008, 12:17 AM	#14 (permalink)
cocpl2007 Here to play Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 403 Location: Washington Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:cocpl2007	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? No play. It happens more often than not. Nice people, everyone, but there has to be that connection amongst all involved to evolve!

03-11-2008, 10:47 AM	#15 (permalink)
havefuninsun insert witty banter here Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 1,190 Location: Virginia Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:havefuninsun	Re: Only attracted to 1/2 of a couple ?? I'll put another spin on it. If it's an initial contact, we wouldn't play. However, what if you find yourselves with this couple again? What if you start running in the same circle -- have mutual friends? I bring this up because we have a unique situation that we're exploring. We met a couple a few years ago, and although there wasn't a four way connection, we like them very much and they do us as well. We've kept up with each other through the two years, and we're all still friendly. I've been exploring the possibility of having a mfm -- never have. I was telling Mrs. Othercouple, and she said, "well heck, you can borrow Mr. Othercouple if you want to" -- you see, we're all trusting of each other that she could make that offer. For whatever my reasons, this scenario feels better to me than trying to find a single male (sorry guys -- sucks I know). We have developed a friendship and trust factor with this couple. If the situation were reversed, I'd have offered up Mr. Fun to her as well. There's no etiquette -- and swinging can be a very simple, complex thing. (Clear as mud, I know).

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