GoldCoCouple

We STRONGLY believe in having FWB...with the friends part coming first. It's GREAT having someone else you can talk to...about ANYTHING (including sex). The only thing you have to be careful with is remembering that you can't talk to all of your friends about anything (especially sex). Stop overthinking and enjoy the ride...

It's the big three: love, communication and trust. You can't have too much of any of the three. Realize that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do...in fact, you Shouldn't EVER do anything you don't want to do (also known as 'taking one for the team'). Insecurity (and jealousy) comes from not enough of at least one of the big three. It can (and usually does) take some time to 'get over this'...realization that your partner is okay with this, that nobody is going to condemn you for doing it, that it isn't cheating if you are doing it together and with each others knowledge and permission. Still, some people are not 'wired' for this...sad, but that's just how they are. It took me awhile to feel more comfortable with swinging, and there are still times that doubt and worry peeks in on me (strict religious upbringing), but I keep working on overcoming it when it does happen. Take your time, there's no pressure and no rush. You have the rest of your life to work on this...and it's also okay if you don't want to do this as well. Just keep talking as that will build more trust which, in turn, leads to increased love making it easier to keep talking...

Absolutely acceptable in a club. When you are in a club, almost everyone will ask before joining or touching...and if they don't ask, it's usually best to tell someone affiliated with the club. That sort of thing is REALLY frowned upon. Usually any night is fine, but always check with the club beforehand. Some clubs have different themes or things for different nights. Usually Saturdays are the best (also busiest) nights to go. As for being body conscious...I wish that everyone would go to a club just once in their life...sure, there are some 'better looking' people there (but looks don't guarantee that they are nice, or considerate, or polite, or not complete asses), but most of the people will look just like the people you see in the market...there will be people of all shapes and sizes, and they will (usually) all be having fun and playing (if they choose so). For every body type, there is someone else who is into that body type. One visit to a club usually makes a person much more comfortable with their (almost always SELF PERCEIVED) "flaws"...in fact, some people will even be attracted to those same "flaws". We all have baggage, we all have things we wish were better...skinnier, bigger, whatever, but it's what makes you, you. Almost everyone (meaning there might have been someone who didn't agree but never spoke up) has come away feeling better about themselves after going to a club because they learn that their personal fears are either not noticed or not important to who they met. All shapes and sizes accepted and appreciated!

For us, we want to be friends first, and too big of an age difference starts to limit things we all have in common...plus it makes some of my jokes hard to understand. We've seen profiles where one person is in their 50s/60s and the other half their age, and think "midlife crisis". We try to keep other couples within 5-10 years of us, just so we have common things to talk about...like rotary dial phones and classic rock bands before they were considered 'classic'.

I started with 'forums' and 'bbs's' back in the late '70s (well before Al Gore even invented the internet ). Was on AOL (you've got mail!), and might have even accessed a computer or two (but NEVER a government computer system, that would be wrong). From day one I knew the internet would be huge...I looked it up in our family Encyclopedia Britannica just to verify. That is what finally got me into computers until today...

The key word here is "probably". Now that the topic has been brought up, sometimes it just needs to marinade for awhile until she warms up to the idea. Keep the door cracked and you never know. At this point, the "worst" thing that can happen is she sticks to keeping it a fantasy. Good luck and thanks for the update.

Only 12 years for us...in some ways, it seems much longer, but in most ways, it seems like we just started. Good times...

Wasn't a swinger back then but remember seeing the mags and wishing...but also wondering how anyone actually ever MET anyone in them. Having to send snail mail to make contact I'm sure took forever and finding a connection even harder. Then came the internet and that is no longer a problem.

I'm sure that long time members of the board are probably getting tired of hearing me say it, but here we go again... Love, trust, and communication...can't have too much of any of the three. Work on establishing as much of all three as possible, and you might just find out that your past won't hold you back as much as you think it will. The biggest issue is jealousy, but the enemy of jealous is love, trust and communication. Growing up, I was a very (insecure) jealous person. However, the open communication with Ms. Gold built a solid foundation of trust, which caused me to just love her more. Jealousy has never been a problem for either of us, because we KNOW that we are not looking for a replacement partner. I know that I'm so very lucky to have her (and she foolishly thinks that she's the lucky one to have me). The bottom line, however, is you are the only one who will know when (or if) you will ever be ready. While it is possible to dip your toes slowly into the swinging pool (be it same room sex, flirting with another couple, etc), if you aren't both ready, even that can start the beginning of fracturing a relationship. Talk with your partner, and be aware that neither of you need to rush anything...you (hopefully) will have the rest of your lives to experience this. Don't feel that you need to rush or jump into the deep end of the pool, and know that you can walk away at any time (one of our few rules...that if the other wants to stop, we are both stopping, without any explanation necessary or expected). If you stick with building the love, trust and communication, you should be okay (just make sure that you are HEARING what your partner is saying and not just hearing what you want to hear. Hope that helps some...I'm sure that more suggestions will be following soon.

This...in spades.

Okay, we're confused as to what you are asking. Taking a shot in the dark here, we have a rule that either of us can veto a couple without having to explain why. If there isn't a connection, then there isn't a connection and going forward would require one of us 'taking one for the team', which neither of us ever want the other to have to do.

So sorry to hear about the dark path you ended up on, but glad to hear that you found your way out of the darkness. You've certainly been missed here and we're glad to see that you have returned. Always know that we as a community are always here to provide whatever help and support that you need. Welcome home...

Update?

First of all, talk about this when you are NOT in a sexual situation. See if it is just a fantasy or something that she is really willing to try. Let her KNOW that you don't have a problem with her being with another man (as long as you are there and involved), and you are actually very interested in seeing this as well. She needs to know that wanting this is okay with you, but also okay if she wants it to just remain a fantasy as well. If she is still interested in making this happen, then sign up for a swingers site (see: Please visit our sponsors at the top of every page). They will all generally let you set up a free profile so you can take a look around. Different sites will have more people in your area than others, so once you find one that is well represented close by, JOIN IT. Most people don't take the free members seriously since too often they are men wishing that actually were in a situation where they could really be doing this with their partner. It's usually only a couple of $$...less than you would spend going out for dinner, and WELL WORTH the small investment. Finding single men looking for a MFM on any of these sites is like finding a cheeseburger at McD's...there will be HUNDREDS of men looking for a couple wanting a MFM. Then, while you can look together, she can also look and try and find the 'perfect guy' for her (remember: HUNDREDS if not thousands of men are there). I would recommend that you make sure that they are not married, or, if they are, their partner is okay with what they are doing. You don't want to get caught up in someone else's drama. Find the 'perfect guy', meet him, and see where it goes. We usually suggest meeting for dinner or drinks with the understanding that it is just a first meeting and that NOTHING else is going to happen the first meet. That way she doesn't feel any pressure, you can both continue to discuss this afterwards, and she can be sure that he is the right guy to go forward with (or not). Keep letting her know that if, at any time, she doesn't want to move forward, that you are also okay with that. She should NEVER feel like she has to do anything she is uncomfortable with. He should know what she is willing to do and not willing to do before anything happens, and, if he is a true gentleman, he will always ask before he does anything. At this point (if you make it this far), you two are on your own. Good luck and let us know how things may progress...

Seemed like spam to me, but maybe I'm wrong...