rvdudes

This is Mr rv here. I totally know how you feel. I found I have had the same feelings and have come to the conclusion that it's totally normal. We tried making rules for play too, but they didn't always work. I wish I could give you a quick fix. The best answer I have is talk to mrs a lot, which may drive her a bit crazy, and time. I found it just took time for me to learn to relax. My jealously stemmed from security issues but also that though we make it as fair as we can it's never equal. Mrs has and always will get more attention than me. I'm ok with that. I don't know if that helps but it's how we've dealt with it.

We were both intensely surprised when Mr RV had jealousy issues. Mr RV had never been jealous of me. We both thought the jealous one was going to be me. (I've only had twinges...definitely nothing major) Mr RV has had difficulties throughout our three year journey. We've talked a lot and it is far better now than it was at the beginning. Initially it was because of things like when I was more vocal with a new partner. Sometimes it was because I got more attention. Recently it was due to the fact that I have had a great connection with someone and he has yet to find that kind of connection. He has settled now but always makes sure that we talk about it when it bothers him. I give him a lot of credit for acknowledging when he is uncomfortable, for including me, and for taking the necessary steps to process his feelings.

In Saskatchewan, Canada it seems to be AFF and SwingTowns.

This is Mrs RV posting. I do heartily agree that "harping" won't solve anything. Only the OP knows how often this is a discussion item in their household. Hopefully it is not a regular occurrence. Despite that I feel a need to relate some of our own experience...if it strikes a chord with you great.....if not please disregard!! Almost three years ago, after 27 years of marriage, Mr RV told me that he was leaving me. He had met someone new and "fallen in love". He stayed away for less than 24 hours. In the process of healing we went to counseling, went to a marriage course, and talked and talked and talked. I discovered that he had often flirted with women over the years of our marriage hoping that he would get lucky and have some NSA sex. As we discussed what had happened to us I realized that there was a pattern in his behavior. When I confronted him with my thoughts he denied it. That night he came to me and confessed to two previous affairs. One had happened 18 years before and one had happened 7 years before. What was most amazing is that as soon as he confessed it was if a weight had been lifted from him...it was almost a visible thing. He had kept those secrets for all those years. Conventional wisdom is that he should not have told me as it "would distress me unnecessarily". But to this day I believe that his confession is the reason that we are now celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary and are happier than we have ever been. Each time he got away with cheating it became easier to cheat. Each time he lied to me it became easier to lie. And once I knew everything and still chose to stay with him he was able to truly acknowledge and then work on the underlying issue that contributed to his past choices. Without full disclosure we would have never ever been able to have the relationship we have now. So.....both of us say that we wish we could have learned our lessons another way but neither of us is sorry that we learned the lesson. And for us the lesson is NO SECRETS!!

I am a longtime (almost 2 years) lurker on here and haven't posted much but your questions led me to relate some of what we have learned. First of all I highly recommend the three books that funcoupledayton suggested. We both read all three and spent many hours discussing what spoke to each of us in those volumes. Secondly, we started out with mfm. We started there because I (Mrs) felt that I needed to learn some things before we moved on to playing with women and couples. Mr and I started dating young at 16 and 17. We had been married for 28 years and he was my only sexual partner. Mr was comfortable with including another man in our initial experiences. As we went along we kept talking with each other, kept reading, and kept trying to expand our horizons sexually. While it did take several months, we have successfully navigated our way so far and are comfortable in a wide variety of situations including mfm, fmf, and playing with couples. I am very thankful that Mr allowed me the time I needed to gain confidence and become comfortable. We have learned a lot about ourselves through the journey. Thirdly, we have had lots of discussions about "fair versus equal". We recognized fairly quickly that it was a lot easier to connect with single guys (sheer numbers alone make it a lot easier). Finding compatible single gals and couples is a lot more difficult. In our case Mr was comfortable initially with involving single guys but he found that wanted some of the same experiences that I was having......even though mfm was fun for both of us he also wanted the chance to be with other women. I recognize now that if we would have excluded other women from our playing experiences Mr and I would have had great difficulties since our playtime would have neither been fair or equal. We feel it is very important that you continually talk to each other about how you are feeling as you gain experience. Start the journey wherever you feel comfortable but don't rest in one place if eitherof you wants to see what is around the corner!!!!