First threesome, now husband has regrets...

[amBIdextrous]

Please correct me if I am wrong, but to have sex with someone, there has to be at the minimum some personal attraction on both sides, you would not just fuck Quasimodo.So of course a friendship can develop out of something like that. You all had a good time, stop worrying yourself sick, but all the same keep your finger on the pulse of things.
I am afraid this modern fucking by numbers is not to my liking.
Having sex with someone is about as close as one can get to them, we were excited after our first time, and couldn"t wait to go back and do it all over again, and again.
Good luck to you all.

[flassh]

Yes, sex is the height of emotional bonding for most and I agree it is a very hard to not stay connected to those we bond with......but, I do know that guys respect other guys by keeping distance and staying away. I seem to think that the wife is drawn to the other guy because of her safe marriage but theother guy will not understand your wife's motive completely. (the guy is not married) So, there should be some type of communication tween the guys that this whole thing was just fun and its time to keep the distance out of the traditional "respect for the other guy" rule. I don't know any of my buds who could ever dream of getting into my wifes head.

[semntj]

Well I just had a heart to heart talk with my wife. I realize that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill now, I guess emotions will do that to you sometimes. I am the luckiest man in the world, and again I realize what made me want to do this to begin with, my wife is the most awesome woman in the world. Our communication has grown over this and that is always a good thing in a marriage. We are going to give this a little time and lots of talking and then see where we want to go from there. I see now that although I was trying to be truthful in my posts here, my emotions were clouding the truth and making me see things that weren't really there. I can't beleive I ever doubted her now. Thank you all for the advice, you are all good people for trying to help us out.

Hi its the MRS. thank you all for those kind and not so kind words. I told my husband that we have no true friends, because we are different. We love kinky, hot, steamy sex. It is awsome, and we never had that till recently. I have come out of a cacoon. I weighed 288 lbs. SEX wasnt that fun for me. Although i liked it I found it hard to get worked up knowing what he had to work with. I have lost 130 lbs and am in the best shape of my life. I have had some surgery, and now with a lot of work, have a six pack, and the (in my husbands words) the sexiest hips he's ever seen. Trust me when I say the SEX IS FUN now! I love my husband with all my heart. I only wanted this because I thought it would be fun for both of us. And told him on several occasions I woudnt talk to this guy if he didnt want me too. Infact after agreeing not to talk to him, my husband contacted him, and also told me he wouldnt mind doin it with him again. He was confused about what all this ment to me, but now Does understand. I think I sould like friends like swingers because we are finally like them, and no one will judge. Thank you all for your help. Mr & Mrs semntj

[curiousagain]

Good for y'all. When you have a new toy you tend to play with it a lot at first, but always return to your favorites. Sounds like y'all have gotten things straightened out. congrats.

Now go outside and play!!! Or inside or ................

[EmpyreanPleasur]

Mr & Mrs semntj - you'll find plenty of friends within this lifestyle that have more in common with you.

Mrs...congrats on your weight loss and changes!

Glad to hear that both of you were able to talk things out and found yourselves stronger for it! That is just one of the wonderful benefits of this lifestyle! You're on your way!

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by semntj

intuition897 TY for the response.

So if I was to consider option 1, what are you saying? I should make sure we do this again with him. Kind of overlook the chat and such and just see what happens? To be honest I am not sure I could do that. We have been married for 13 years and have young children. I don't think I can just sit back and watch while someone tries to emotionally seduce my wife, especially if it's working.

Last time they chatted they talked about why I had bad feelings, she told him that I am jealous of him because he has a weight lifting body. I have no idea where that came from as I never said that and it's not the case. I wondered why she told him that???

Ok, my options may not actually work in the real world. My opinions are worth exactly what you paid for them, so bear with me. As far as committments go, Mr. and I have been married 10 years and have two young children as well, and I still believe that our relationship is the foundation upon which our family is built. Therefore, although we'd gladly give our lives for our kids, our relationship is our #1 priority. We don't want our kids to get the idea that marriage is about putting up with being disrespected or playing the martyr. I WANT them to see us disagree, and then I want them to see us resolve our differences. I want them to see what real love looks like.

With regard to my original advice, I think what I'm saying is either you can take the reins or you can hand them to her. Option #1 is handing her the reins and saying "I'm allowing you to make a choice between the infatuation you have for your new friend and the love that we share. And I'm trusting you to make a wise choice." She will do what she wants to do, obviously, because she's an adult and you can't stop her, but option #2 is where you do not "allow" her the freedom to make this choice. You're simply telling her what you can and cannot live with. If option #2 sounds safer to you right now, so be it; not everyone is ready for the kind of leap of faith I was talking about before.

I still think she's blind to what this is doing to you. Comparing you and he is inappropriate, IMO, and dismissing your feelings as "Oh, he's just jealous of your physique." is hurtful. If Mr. intuition said to his swing partner (especially if she was single) "Oh, Mrs. intuition is just jealous because you've got a better body than her." I would be hurt and really pissed off at him. While bearing in mind that the excitement she's feeling is one of the normal reactions to a first experience, allowing herself to get carried away is NOT good. I think she needs a reality check. Just my opinion.

[intuition897]

Oh dammit. While I was writing my last novel...er post, Mrs. semntj explained herself more fully. Now I feel like a total ass. They say there are 3 sides to every story, and I jumped the gun and gave an uneducated opinion.

Every once in a while I stick my foot down my throat and I'm reminded that I should post with a little more humility, tact, and open-mindedness. This is just such a moment. Sorry if I offended either of you Mr. and Mrs. semntj.

[semntj]

intuition897 We posted our problem to get advice from all sides, your words made it easier to commumicate how I was misconstrewing her feelings. For her it was about a fun time with me for me and all about us. I wanted her to have fun and experience the "cloud nine" feelings as I know after 13 years that she doesn't get "cloud nine" from me anymore, and I knew that she never really got much of that in her life being overweight before. I guess it was just hard for me to watch someone else give her those feelings for REAL the next day.

Even though it was a fun hot time. She says she didn't even have an orgasm with him, only when I was doing her. The actual sex wasn't that great, it was just the naughtyness of the act and the fact that someone else was paying attention to her and hot on her. When we first started we were all standing in the living room, she was standing behind him rubbing up against him. I could tell he felt awkward and didn't want to just turn around and start doing anything so I said, "I am going to go out to the car and get my pop, I will be right back" as I knew that was needed to get things started. As soon as I left the room he started making out with her, She said when she heard me opening the door and coming back in the room was the most exciting part of the whole thing.

Please don't ever feel bad about posting your honest opinion and giving good advice, that is what we wanted. Thanks Again.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by semntj

Even though it was a fun hot time. She says she didn't even have an orgasm with him, only when I was doing her. The actual sex wasn't that great, it was just the naughtyness of the act and the fact that someone else was paying attention to her and hot on her.

I think this sums things up nicely.

Sex with other people feels different, it's new and exciting. Having an orgasm with a new partner can be unimportant to a woman because the biggest turn-on is often the "naughtyness of the act."

Having another man find you desirable is exhilirating!

I'm happy for you guys. Thanks for reporting back. Thanks for sharing.

LM

[menher1559]

I may be stepping out of line here, and if so I do apologize. But after reading these threads, I have come to the conclusion that the 3 of you should sit down in a vanilla situation, ie....dinner and a strong drink and discuss this as mature adults. Let your feelings be known to both of them at the same time and see the response up close and personal. All 3 parties sitting at the same table, everything can and will come out in the open and can be discussed as adults. You wanted a 3some and got one. Wife after 13 years of marriage has determined she is attractive and the desire of other men. The single guy got laid for the first time in a while. Everyone has issues and everyone has a point of view. That being said, all 3 need to be sure that all 3 are on the same page......Once this is done, you can then determine with factual information whether or not you want to continue a relationship with this man, another man, another couple or stop the lifestyle all together. Get the info, then decide

[semntj]

I wish I could get past my internal feelings and thoughts and help her experience a MMF again, but I don't know how to do it without it hurting inside. Am I just not cut out for this, too insecure perhaps? Or is it just the first time thing and I am over analyzing everything? I have considered doing it again with the same guy several times just to get myself past the issue and let nature run it's course. But I don't know if that will work or if it would make things worse or better.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by semntj

I wish I could get past my internal feelings and thoughts and help her experience a MMF again, but I don't know how to do it without it hurting inside... I have considered doing it again with the same guy several times just to get myself past the issue and let nature run it's course.

I thought you were doing this for "fun?" For something that's supposed to be "fun" you're sure going through a lot of head trips and whatnot over this.

Regardless of who first brought the subject up, it sounds like your wife is a lot more comfortable with it than you are. In a perfect world full of perfect marriages, she would be the one to say "Darling, I can tell that you're not comfortable with this, so let's break it off with this person and try something we can both enjoy. Perhaps a single female next time, or another couple?"

Whether or not she comes to that conclusion before you do will tell you a lot about how "perfect" your marriage is, and how well suited to further lifestyle experiences you both are.

Your gut is telling you...screaming at you...that "something just ain't right" about all this. Stop apologizing to her, stop rationalizing to yourself, and start listening to it!

OH, BTW...don't worry about seeing anything inappropriate in the chat sessions your wife is archiving for you, there'll never be anything bad in them. Funny thing about that...people have a habit of not archiving the chats they don't want their spouses to see...

Originally Posted by RNDNV

I am of the "let them go and if they fly away they were never your's to begin with" camp

I used to feel the same way because I thought it showed a woman that I trusted her, and had confidence in our relationship. The I realized that many women interpret that not as a symbol of faith, but as one of not giving a damn about them. IOW, "He's letting you go because he's not really into you, and doesn't really care if you come back"

[watcherone]

I have also had this same situation come up after playing with a new single guy. The problem I had was not listening to what my mind was telling me and beleiving I was just overly paranoid. The truth is that if the chat and email between the two of them gets you upset then sex between them again may be a mind blower.
In my situation the guy was laying alot of anti-watcherone talk on my wife and she wouldnt beleive he meant it that way. When he and
I were alone he made it clear that she would be one of his women soon enough. After telling this to my wife, "I think she finally realized I wasnt so crazy and we both booted him out.
The only big rule we have in swinging is if it bothers, hurts, or anything negative, either her or I, we dont do it. We are a team and only act together. I am not swinging alone and either does she.
If it doesnt feel good, dont do it. There are alot of guys out there that are perfect partners and would not do anything to make you or her have second thoughts.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by watcherone

In my situation the guy was laying alot of anti-watcherone talk on my wife and she wouldnt beleive he meant it that way. When he and
I were alone he made it clear that she would be one of his women soon enough. After telling this to my wife, "I think she finally realized I wasnt so crazy and we both booted him out.

OMG. He actually had the nerve to get in your face like that??? Holy hell, he wouldn't have finished the sentence before he found his ass on the curb in front of our house. Or found himself with a bloody nose. And Mr. intuition wouldn't need to lift a finger I'd do it myself. What an asshole. I find it somewhat depressing to hear about people like this; for every one you hear about there are likely 5 more out there to meet. Sorry to hear you had such a rotten experience watcherone.

[HotMoCpl]

Sex? Its God's way of letting us taste heaven!