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  1. #31
    Swingers Board Addict SnowwwWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    Maybe this whole tangent needs a clarification.

    Let's say a single girl seeks out and initiates contact with a couple who lives far away. It would be ridiculous for her to expect the couple to pay for anything. HOWEVER, alluding to my previous posts... yes, if it was me personally I would notice if they didn't offer. Not that I would expect it, but I would notice. But then again, who wouldn't notice?

    On the other hand, a single girl could easily play locally without much effort, so if a couple from let's say over an hour away initiates contact, I cannot imagine that they would not offer to pay for at least part of the travel or overnight expenses, knowing that the single girl probably has plenty of local options and doesn't need to travel to play. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe that's not how things work in the swinging world, but if they are seeking the single girl out and she's far away, it would seem odd that they wouldn't offer to pay. After all, a single girl doesn't have to search too far to play and would probably never have to leave her own backyard and still be able to find plenty of quality playmates.

    Ultimately, I do think there probably is an expectation... that the person who initiates contact will be a good host, particularly if they are initiating contact with someone far away.

    I'm not sure how this devolved into a debate. It was originally just an opinion about what a single female may be expecting when a couple wants to play with her. I feel like some responses were laced with hostility against anyone who would dare to swing and (gasp!) notice if a potential play partner isn't generous.

    I think I clarified that I was intending my opinion to be more about a single girl who is approached by a couple that lives far away. Not about a single girl who is seeking out partners and initiating long distance situations herself. Maybe I didn't clarify it at first because I thought the whole topic was about a couple seeking out the long-distance female. My response was coming from that perspective. If the question had been from a single female about how she should handle arrangements with a couple she invites to play, my response would have been totally different.

    Fortunately for me I honestly have no desire to swing that way... ie. to go out and seek casual sex as a single girl with ANYBODY. My interest in swinging is purely for the excitement it adds to a relationship with a husband or boyfriend, and our ability to share in each other's fantasies and maintain open communication. Which as I understand it, is a perfectly legitimate reason for swinging.
    Last edited by SnowwwWhite; 07-23-2008 at 07:42 AM.

  2. #32
    Founder JustAskJulie's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    Quote Originally Posted by HisnHersnYours View Post
    after speaking with her again about the extra room i get the feeling she is a bit disappointed. she mentioned a couple times its no problem to drive home that its not that much of a hassle. i dont know if its because she wanted to stay with us or because she's worried about us spending the money on her. even so she does still want to get together and is being very understanding about my reasons. i mentioned if we have drinks it would be best if she didnt drive and that we'd love to get her a room if she'd like. so shes going to think about it and thats where we are at.
    I have to wonder if perhaps she's not a bit concerned at the idea of you you guys paying for the room for her. That combined with your statement that you don't know if you are sure you are ready for play may be giving her some mixed messages.

    Were I in her situation that is probably what would be going through my mind. On one hand they are offering to pay for my room and I don't want them doing that for fear that they are expecting something, but on the other hand they are saying they aren't expecting anything and that nothing at all may happen. I'd probably do the same as she has done and decline the room altogether with the intent to either drive home or get my own room (when needed) should things take a turn towards my wanting to stay the night.

    That's just what I would have done/felt as a single swinging female meeting with a couple (or even a single) in a similar situation.
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  3. #33
    Here to Stay HisnHersnYours's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    Quote Originally Posted by JustAskJulie View Post
    I have to wonder if perhaps she's not a bit concerned at the idea of you you guys paying for the room for her. That combined with your statement that you don't know if you are sure you are ready for play may be giving her some mixed messages.

    Were I in her situation that is probably what would be going through my mind. On one hand they are offering to pay for my room and I don't want them doing that for fear that they are expecting something, but on the other hand they are saying they aren't expecting anything and that nothing at all may happen. I'd probably do the same as she has done and decline the room altogether with the intent to either drive home or get my own room (when needed) should things take a turn towards my wanting to stay the night.

    That's just what I would have done/felt as a single swinging female meeting with a couple (or even a single) in a similar situation.
    you are probably right. i make no secret when i first meet a female that we as a couple take it slow, its in my profile. she was okay with that from the start. we met only once, which is probably why it surprised me that she alluded to staying the night (we had not offered that, we simply said we'll be in reno, lets have some drinks) im not disalusioned as far as i realize most people are ready to play with ppl they dont know. where one person can play on the spot of a meeting, i maybe need to meet them twice before. unless ive gotten to know you pretty well on the phone or email (like in this case-once all this came up we've spent a LOT of time talking-and now im pretty ready to go) on a side note, i spoke with hubby and he personally doesnt care if she sleeps over. i let him read the advice given here and he sees its all good advice but at the same time he's open that if things go well, he has no problem with her staying the night with us. (that is actually what happened on my one on one with previous girl but i did know her pretty well prior) this is so new to me, the threesome thing...i have to take into account our feelings as a couple (yes it would be nice to have alone time to process and have our own fun), and her feelings as a single female (the last thing i want is for her to feel used, EVEN though we all realize this is a no strings scenerio, i get where OP is coming from). im learning as i go along and theres been so much great advice. i suppose where i am now with it is we will see what happens. if things are going well and we all connect, if there comes a point where i get protective of her (and i tend to do that), we may just invite her to stay the night after all. i wont say anything about it now, i'll look like a scatter brain. we will see what happens and i'll let you know how it turns out (if she stays or not). Just to explain further, she has stated since talking it all through she is more excited than nervous now, as are we.
    Last edited by HisnHersnYours; 07-23-2008 at 02:42 PM.

  4. #34
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    HisnHersnYours,
    It sounds like everything will work out just fine. As long as everyone keeps communicating and is on the same page, with no surprises, I'm sure you'll have a smashing good time .


    SnowwwWhite,
    I can't really disagree with anything in your last post--it sounds like I, and probably a lot of people on the board, agree with most of the principles you put forth. The only difference may be in the application. Take your last post and switch the words "couple" and "single" (e.g. "On the other hand, a couple could easily play locally without much effort, so if a single girl from let's say over an hour away initiates contact, I cannot imagine that she would not offer to pay for at least part of the travel or overnight expenses", etc.)--do the principles apply equally when read that way? If not, that's where you're getting the sense of hostility (though I doubt that's an accurate word). A one-sided application of such principles is regarded as sexist, and sexism will generally draw the ire of sexually open-minded people like the ones you'll find on the board.
    Last edited by WeMayTryIt; 07-23-2008 at 03:29 PM.

  5. #35
    Here to Stay HisnHersnYours's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    Everything went great. She did not stay the night but hubby and I were in agreement that we would have liked her to. I think in the future, it wont be such an issue for us. Where some couples may want the rest of the evening to process we will enjoy the time spent with our "playmates" and figure we can process when we get home. lol.

  6. #36
    Ready-Willing-Able
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    Quote Originally Posted by HisnHersnYours View Post
    She did not stay the night but hubby and I were in agreement that we would have liked her to.
    That's all well and good, but perhaps she still would not have wanted to. I know I wouldn't. It's not a personal thing against people I play with... I'm just a better alone sleeper.

    Glad you had a good time, though.
    ~Dynamar

  7. #37
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    This is only a suggestion, rent a suite that has two bedrooms. its usually cheaper than renting adjoining rooms. Gives you the privacy you want and her a place to sleep. She isnt being paid and you have to rent a room for yourselves anyway. So you pay for a larger room, than you would for just the two of you.

  8. #38
    Great Times 1 Year Exp. des1re06's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG im a bundle of nerves! *things i didnt think about*

    In this scenario, where the lady is driving a long distance to meet the couple, it just seems courteous to offer her a room, and that's what we would do.

    Mrs. D

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