Wife on Emotional RollerCoaster

[sgacouple]

We are fairly new to swinging. We have been married almost 20 years and have a wonderful and close relationship, completely in love with each other. Here is the issue: The F part of this couple goes from one emotional extreme to the other, I would liken the extent of it to a roller-coaster ride, a violent one at that. One day she is all about it (swinging), the next she is all against it. We go to clubs a lot, she will be having the time of her life one minute and then, just like that, she is ready to hit the road. I can literally watch her body language and predict almost exactly when it is going to happen. She loves interacting with the girls one minute, can't stand it the next. Can't wait to get a couples phone number one minute, then taking an attitude when I ask her has she called them or when she will. Could anyone...PLEASE...help me to understand what is going on here??

[des1re06]

A question occurred to me when I read your post, because I recognize the behavior.

Prior to swinging, if she was in the mood and didn't get gratification shortly after, did she lose interest?

Mrs. D

[havefuninsun]

Is she bi-polar?

[des1re06]

I was thinking more along the lines of adult ADD. A friend of mine was like that. One minute focused and happy, and the next thinking "I gotta get outta here and do something else."

He was 49 when diagnosed, and it just hit him suddenly too.

Almost drove his wife to divorce him first.

Other than the obvious emotional disorders, she just might be afraid.

[sereneiders]

Did you ask her to explain this behavior? What did she say?

[JustAskJulie]

Does she have major mood swings outside of swinging scenarios? Or is it just when it relates to swinging thing? I know you are getting a lot of questions here, but the more we know the more we can help.

[Zoe&Wash]

Originally Posted by havefuninsun

Is she bi-polar?

I think the sunny fun folks are onto something here. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that she's in her mid forties and possibly going through some life changes?

Have you expressed your concerns to her doctor?

W

[havefuninsun]

In the OP's original post, he said he can sense when she's about to change directions, so I assume that her mood swings run no matter what scenario they're in.

I have a sister who is bi-polar and she about drove all of us who love her to the funny farm. She's been successfully medicated for a few years now (a lot of problem with bi-polar folks is once they feel good, they don't feel like they need the medicine anymore, quit taking it, and then the cycle starts all over again). She has finally figured out she CAN'T go off her meds -- and she's been a very pleasant person to be around ever since. She's smart, and did a lot of research once she got her head around the fact that she had issues controlling her behavior (yes, I made a pun ). My sister's emotions were more extreme Happy to extreme Sad, not angry (thank goodness). But I've known of other folks who have the angry issue.

For the sake of everyone's sanity in your household, have her checked out.

[RidesLikeNew]

Well, I guess bi-polar is a possible issue, but I think it's kind of a leap. If you never noticed this sort of thing in other contexts, it's probably more along the lines of someone who has the same conflicts as the half of those polled here who haven't tried it yet...

That is, for example, my number one fear is that I will try it, like it, and then wake up the next morning and think, "What was I doing?!!!" Maybe she just has those waking moments in the heat of the moment, perhaps.

Maybe, until she's a little more comfortable with the idea, it would be a good idea to go to be in scenarios that are a little less charged than clubs or parties.

Of course, "getting checked out" is a good idea for any of us. In every sense of the word.

Cheers, Mrs. R

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Zoe&Wash

I think the sunny fun folks are onto something here. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that she's in her mid forties and possibly going through some life changes?

Have you expressed your concerns to her doctor?

W

This is what I was leaning towards... not necessarily bi-polar but perhaps a hormone imbalance. Even if it's not menapause I've known a couple of women to have other female problems cause hormonal imbalances that look a lot like menapause.

[sgacouple]

Thanks for all of your ideas and thoughts. Let's see, ADD, bi-polar, menopause, fear, pretty much a lot of the things I have been thinking. Another thing, she was raised in a pentacostal environment and I at times feel that she is in general just flat-out scared to death to have fun. She recently had a gynocological exam and tests and the doc ruled out menopause....he did say her thyroid was way out of whack. I am personally leaning toward the bi-polar thing myself.....I don't think that jealousy or insecurity is an issue because all of our interactions with other couples has created nothing but pleasure for us. She is a very routine oriented type of person, feels that she absolutely has to do a, then b, then c, before she can move to d...hope that makes sense!

[Tybee Swing]

sgacouple, perhaps it's time to move on. These problems are her problems, not yours to deal with or worry about. Virtually all of us have run into some sort of drama with people and have had to make the decision: do we want to hang in there and work through/around the issue(s), or is it time to move on?

Swinging is supposed to be fun and it's especially supposed to enhance your relationship, the one you have with your spouse. We feel that once it's not fun anymore and it's getting to be a drag, it's time to move along and meet others who don't have all the issues.

Best wishes to you.

[ShellyM]

OP,
Find new friends. Its NOT your job to figure this woman out, or your duty.
Drop her like a dirty set of underwear girl and find new friends.
Shelly

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by sgacouple

Thanks for all of your ideas and thoughts. Let's see, ADD, bi-polar, menopause, fear, pretty much a lot of the things I have been thinking. Another thing, she was raised in a pentacostal environment and I at times feel that she is in general just flat-out scared to death to have fun. She recently had a gynocological exam and tests and the doc ruled out menopause....he did say her thyroid was way out of whack. I am personally leaning toward the bi-polar thing myself.....I don't think that jealousy or insecurity is an issue because all of our interactions with other couples has created nothing but pleasure for us.

Again, and what is HER take about all of this?

It seems to me you're overthingking and unwilling to ask her. Perhaps your guts tells you you may dislike her answer?

We have not enough information to "diagnose" your wife from your sole words, moreover when it is very likeky that you may face a conflict of interests. You may dislike the idea of quit swinging, your wife may have conflicts comming from the way swinging collides with her education and feelings, so it'd be easiest for you to blame on menopause, a bi-polar personality, hormones, or whatever else fitting your own agenda.

So far, you stated she had this unwanted behavior ONLY when swinging, and it is hard to believe a mind health disorder shows up ONLY when swinging, unless it were an structural personality one triggered by the swinging activity, and in this case there's nothing to do about this but to STOP swinging because it'd be inflicting a damage on her.

The fact that you didn't say anything about her oppinion makes me suspicious enough as to chose an explanation like this one instead of blaming to your wife's mind health or attempting to diagnose her. In any case, only a doctor can diagnose this sort of problems, but you're not asking them for help. What would you say to the medician, that your wife shows those signs making you suspect of a behavioral disorder ONLY when you swing? I can tell you right now what the doctor will say to you, besides his moral bagage: "folks, stop swinging!".

Originally Posted by sgacouple

She is a very routine oriented type of person, feels that she absolutely has to do a, then b, then c, before she can move to d...hope that makes sense!

Let say this were a sign of a dissorder. You married her, before engaging in swinging and during 20 years this didn't seem to bother any of you, right?

Then, let me switch the context. Let's suppose that because of this she panics in a worrying way if she cross the street at the middle of the block instead of doing it "properly" in the corners. Then... stop making her cross the street at the middle of the block! It's all what she needs right now. Then if this really bothers HER, she may look for professional help AFTER you stop making her cross the stret in the middle of the block... it is HER RIGHT to choose whether se WANTS help in order to cross the street in the middle of the block, NOT YOURS.

So, swinging is the same than crossing the street in the middle of the block. STOP SWINGING!

In watever line of thinking I follow, I reach to the same conclusion over and over, that you have to stop swinging, and it seems to me you're asking us to help you remain swinging.

Are you really concerned about your wife health, or about your own desires?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

sgacouple, perhaps it's time to move on. These problems are her problems, not yours to deal with or worry about. Virtually all of us have run into some sort of drama with people and have had to make the decision: do we want to hang in there and work through/around the issue(s), or is it time to move on?

Unless I completely misread we are talking about the female half of the OP couple (not a couple they are playing with.

To the OP, an out of whack thyroid can cause major mood swings. Basically, you are dealing with out of whack hormones. Deal with the thyroid issue and get her health taken care of then think about swinging again afterwards. If the problem still persists then I would look deeper.