Hubby's (Soon to be) Ex- boss

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by Quin:
...throw in the possibility that there is a girlfriend/wife just makes it a bigger No-No.

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Quite honestly I hadn't even considered the possibility of the boss having a girlfriend/wife. My feelings were expressed soley regarding the poster and her husband. When you throw in the above possiblity, then it makes it all that much worse in my opinion.

Another thing that bothers me is the comment of "I have had a thing...". I know that I am attracted to other men/women in different ways, but I can't say that I've ever had a "thing" for them unless I was interested in more than just sex.

Just my opinion though.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

In my posts I was going under the assumption that this guy was single (all the way around) and that the original poster had enough respect for relatinships in general that if he wasn't this wouldn't be an issue. (I know sometimes I may hope that people are a little more than they are sometimes... but we still haven't heard otherwise either).

I would like to hear from Testdiva again to clarify some of the questions that have come up here.

I have stated from the beginning that the amount of alchohol that has been involved in this scenario is not a good thing (and thanks Lori for pointing out what I missed in that she was drunk in these encounters as well...) However I assume she wasn't drunk when she wrote out this post.. and has been around when they are both sober, to at least know that she is attracted to him without alchohol being involved.

There are really a lot of issues involved here that make this not a good idea. I think everyone has made points to that affect, but if Testdiva is set on doing this we would hope that she would use common sense and excersice caution in doing so.

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

I would like to hear from Testdiva again to clarify some of the questions that have come up here.

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I, too, would like to hear back from Testdiva again as only she would be able to clear some of this up. It very well could be that I have barked up the wrong tree. I'll be willing to eat crow for dinner tonight if that is the case.

Lori

[incommunicado]

I think there are several issues on the table here, Tesdiva.

1) This is hubby's boss. Consider this an extension of the tried and true "no office affairs" concept, made even more stringent by the fact that you are the wife of an employee

2) and, as was said earlier, you have no clue how much will information will find its way into your husband's business circles, so it could follow him wherever he goes.

3) Finally, I must agree with OhioCouple and Quin...you are looking for an excuse to cheat under the cover of your open relationship. Forget the whole influence of alcohol concern. Forget even, that you have hubby's permission. I see the real issue here being that your husband's boss makes you just a little too horny and you are investing just a little too much time trying to figure out how to get away with having sex with him. I believe that it is possible to want sex with a particular person just a little too much. When it's recreational, it's one thing, when it borders on obsession, that's another.

4) Add this to a potential unknowing wife, in the background, and you have a total deal breaker in my book.

My advice, for the sake of your husband's current and/or future career and possibly your marriage... chalk this up as a really bad idea, drop the obsession and move on to a better choice.

As an aside, you said in your original post:

"Hubby is all ok with me being with other men.. (as long as it won't screw up his career and.. taking for granted he gets to have a little fun too.)"

but you didn't indicate that you swing together. Perhaps you should have a frank discussion about how you both really feel towards swinging and/or open marriage and consider making it a shared bonding experience rather than just an open door policy?

[ October 29, 2002, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: incommunicado ]

[medicrfr]

I think that everyone is over reacting to her original post. What should be done first and foremost is for her and her husband to discuss her feelings about his boss. If they have an open relationship and everything is ok based on their relationship and whatever type of relationship his soon to be ex boss is in and they are both sure that it will not affect his future business/employment picture then she should aproach the boss at a time when both of them are SOBER and just quietly and with decorum explain that she is attracted to him and also explain that she is only doing this with the ok of her husband and not behind his back and nothing will be hidden from her husband. Then see what happens.

[Daddytiger]

quote:

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Originally posted by OhioCouple:

quote:

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Originally posted by Testdiva:
I think he *knows* I like him.. he just doesn't realize that its .. ok....

we flirt back and forth at parties a LOT.... (well, flirting in a way that would not be blatently obvious to anyone else there....)

at least.. I *think* we are flirting.. we are so careful I could be misreading everthing and seeing what I want to...

However.. I did get trunk and cop a fell one night... (he was drunk as well.. and never said a word .... so I wonder if he even rememebers.... not to mention he tries to pull me away from everyone else quite a bit... (show me new gym equptment in his gym... ) not to mention when he pulled his back last year.. he couldn't sit down.. but instead would stand up with his foot in a chair.. and.. (we were in a place with limited seating..) he made sure I sat in his chair and kept his foot between my thighs... THAT was .. probably a bit obvious.. but again nothing was ever said.. and by the time hubby and I got to the little get together <we will call him Fred to protect the guilty> Fred and the other 2 there had already wiped out a bottle of Jack... I would feel if he would ever flirt with me when he was NOT trashed

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I am going to offer a married womans opinion based on what you have posted.

First, I do not see this as a swinging type situation. I see it as a lust for someone and the desire to "label" it as swinging in order to justify having sexual relations with someone other than your husband.

Secondly, all of your "flirting" encounters have been in an alcohol induced state.

Third and last of all, where is your husband when all of this is occurring? Where does he fit in?

I could be entirely wrong, but I see this as an application for a license to cheat.

Lori

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not too sure what the diffrence is in gaining justification on having sex with a person other them me is... but i thought it all fell to the same catagory...

I am usualy sitting right there. hell it is usualy at work partys where most of this has happend

next why dosnt anybody ask if we are moving to another town and then ask the question if He will still be in a profession connection in any way with me... to tell the trouth i am moveing roughtly 400 miles away and there will be no possiable way for the to be a professional conection.

Next just to fill you all in... my boss is not truly my boss... he is the manager of where i work but he does not fall truly in the catagory of my boss... he is just a higher position in relation to where i work. which will make him my bosses boss and that is the only connection to where there is a problem

[Testdiva]

wow... lots of... stuff here....

*I have not been drunk on every occasion.*

and, after asking my husband about it.. neither was he....

I was drunk on one occasion though.. he just drinks a little more often then me.

He is not married, and we don't know of any girlfriends.

As far as the insenuation that my husband has some kinda ulterior motive.. he never has before... if he did I would figuere he would tell me. We have never been much on dirty little secrets...

I am gonna GO EAT... I will come back and weed through the rest in a bit.. just wanted to let you know I am here and I can hear ya!

[Daddytiger]

Sorry forgot to add one small thing... i am the Husband of testdiva

Daddytiger

[JustAskJulie]

quote:

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Originally posted by Daddytiger:
Sorry forgot to add one small thing... i am the Husband of testdiva

Daddytiger

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I was hoping that was the case...lol. Since that's what it sounded like from your post

Thank you both for coming back in and clearing up some of the questions. It's often hard to give advice when you don't know the whole story and there are a lot of factors that make up that story and determine what that advice should be.

Please don't take the comments to heart. Sometimes we fill in the blanks with our own assumptions and those can be wrong at times.

So you are changing jobs and the two of you are moving to a new town and want her to do the boss before you leave? Did I gather that right?

If so, go for it.

Sounds like she has already talked to him a bit, at least enough to determine that his interest wasn't solely alchohol based. Have you told him of your interest?

[Testdiva]

nah, we didn't take anything to heart.. there were a LOT of little details that I never really thought about giving out... his marital status and all.. since I would never "party" with a guy who was cheating it was a non-issue for me and.. I just did not even consider that in the mix.. I guess I never considered that as a possibility (the "swinging" with a married person whose spouse was in the dark... )

I guess the best way would just be straight up and quit with the strange back and forth games.... (don't get me wrong.. games can be fun but this is just getting crazy.) Though Tiger has been telling me for the past year that this person is my "forbidden fruit" -- in other words "Everyone wants what they can't have... so if I got what I wanted... would it really be as good as I have managed to build it up to be...

Honestly if we did go for it.. I would not wanna be him... seeing as I have some pretty hefty expectations (LOL) I am thinking this is one of those things better left as fantasy cause I'd be AWFULLY disappointed were he not to live up... As far as "obsession" I don't think I am obsessed or anything.... I just really get turned on by 3 things... (ironically) he is older - around 50 or so... pretty much bald and HARD as a rock...(I mean.. everywhere not just THERE THAT is what I like! can't really explain it.. but you don't find many men that fit into all three of those really... (however, Tiger says.. "at least I don't have to worry about getting older and losing my hair..."

We are gonna just kinda chill a bit and just see what happens at the next - and our last - little party. We'll see...

[OhioCouple]

quote:

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Originally posted by OhioCouple:
It very well could be that I have barked up the wrong tree. I'll be willing to eat crow for dinner tonight if that is the case.

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Testdiva and Daddytiger,

Thank you for coming back and filling in some of the details. Often people will pose a question and then will not return to fill in the blanks.

My opinion has totally changed regarding this for many reasons. This person is not really your husbands boss, he isn't married, your husband is aware of your feelings, (ya'll give me the warm fuzzies for responding together!), and can't remember but I think one of you stated that you were moving from the area.

That said, here is my new take on this. I think you are wise to hold off for a bit. My reasoning for this is that I've had a couple of encounters with men that I have had the "hots" for. This was tho, back in my single days. Each event turned out to be sorely disappointing. I suppose that I expected a whole lot more than what I got.

In swinging tho, the experiences and my feelings are quite a bit different from my single days. I am very turned on by many things that makes some of the men so very attractive. Maybe it is the way they interact with their wives/girlfriends or the respect they have with all women in general. (not saying the others did not, I don't know and didn't bother to find out, nor did I care back then. I just wanted it and I had to have it now. Lust pure and simple.)

Now, I enjoy the "dance, romance and friendship", which leads to higher levels for myself and my husband.

Too each his own though I suppose. Some can just go out do it, get it over with and go on. That just isn't our thing, but like all things where swinging is concerned, it is whatever works well for you.

Lori ~ Who is eating crow tonight.

[Testdiva]

No worries like I said lots of gaps....

and also as I said.. I would REALLY hate to be disappointed..... but... I suppose sometimes just the "end of the conquest" so to speak is satisfaction in and of itself... Honestly, part of this I think is my own ego... I want to just to see if I can.

Now I have thought on this for a bit... and felt bad for a bit thinking.. "Am I using him to get some kinda ego boost?" but then realize... "Wouldn't he be using me to get off and maybe get a ego boost of his own?!" .. so, its give and take... really....

As I said though, if it happens it'll be one of those spontanious things.. I think my husband walking up and saying "Hey.. my wife REALLY wants to fuck you." would just be a BIT much in the way of PRESSURE... hehe

Honestly I wanna work out with him... that's his "thing" so... if I could get in his gym... **smiles** (Besides! its the ONE thing we have in common!)

[OhioCouple]

Testdiva,

Short story for you. Well maybe not, since I am not well known for brevity.

There was a fellow that I absolutely lusted after for nearly a year. He was the build, make, creme de la creme of all men. Perfect in stature and physically everything I thought I could have ever wanted. We worked in the same office building and every time I saw him my heart pounded. If by chance he would give a passing glance my way, I would become so wet that a couple of bath towels couldn't sop it up. And heaven forbid if he spoke to me AND smiled when he did so.

Eventually I could no longer stand it and sent him a card via office mail letting him know that I had an interest in him. We began to date and goodness the first few dates were really great but were strictly limited to kissing and hugging, some feeling around. Highly erotic and enticing indeed. Finally, when the time came and we got down and on it..I was severely disappointed. Turns out that his interest was more in his own sexual gratification than mine. (I am being kind here.) It took me nearly a year to dump him, being the nice gal that I am. (I tried to give him time to make up for it.)

The point here being that I would have rather had the absolute all out hots for him the rest of my life and lusted after that fantasy, rather than knowing what I do now.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

quote:

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so... if I could get in his gym

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Is that what they are calling it these days? hehe

[ November 04, 2002, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: JustAskJulie ]

[Testdiva]

fine... is down his gym shorts better

either way, I am going this evening for a leg workout...... (wow.. that could be taken pretty bad too huh?! well, we'll see if I have the guts to offer up one of those "non-standard" cardio workouts after I get my legs out of the way...

I am gonna hush before I choke on my feet.