Wife with question about soft swapping....

Hello all- my husband and I are interested in experimenting with another couple, but I absolutely do not want another man touching me, or the other woman touching my husband. Essentially looking for another couple with a bisexual woman, who are interested in the ladies playing (oral, penetration with toys, whatever is all fair game) with the men watching, and ladies playing and interacting while having intercourse with their own partners only. Boys keep to their own ladies. Is this even a thing? If so, is there a name for it, or is it just something we make sure we are clear about when talking to another couple? I am brand new to this, so please forgive that I have no idea how it all works!

WELCOME to Swingersboard. For many people, it is their thing. You find people who have interest in all the same places that you find people having other interests -- at swing club parties, at meet-n-greet events, and by using the facilities of swingers' Web sites. Have no concern; it's perfectly normal.

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

Yes, there are as many different ways to swing as there are swingers, so you definitely aren't the only one looking for this scenario. The only caution I would add is while there are many different ways to swing, and none are right or wrong, full swap couple on couple is the most common so you just might have to be a little more patient when searching for compatible play couples since the pool to choose from won't be quite as large. Patience is a good thing in swinging though since compatibility and chemistry are two necessary ingredients for a great experience. Just be clear about what you are looking for, be patient and wait for the right couple before hitting the sheets, and you'll have no problems at all.

Just what I was hoping to hear, thank you! So are we most likely to find friends easier on online forums, being that it's not the most common type of swap? We were interested in a club- if we are in a club and another couple approaches us (or we them) is that an awkward convo to have, or is it really common amongst seasoned swingers to talk frankly about boundaries before any play happens? Thanks so much for your input

What I see sometimes happen at our club is that a couple will go into a play room, just the two of them, a go at it with each other. This will attract attention. Among those attracted will be females and there are ways of making it evident that you want the girls to join into the play but not the guys.

People having all kinds of different intention go to clubs. Some are there, even, to just get into their sexy clothing and get up onto the dance floor -- no intention at all to go to a play room.

Time is condensed in a club, so the "feeling out" process needs to be more direct and happen quicker. No one would be bothered at all by a girls-only play preference in theory, but they would be bothered if they spend most of the evening with you and then when it comes play time, that's when they find out those are your boundaries and they don't share them. That could end up in them not playing that night, you not playing that night, and everyone going home disappointed wishing there would have been better communication earlier.

If you are outgoing and really good at working a room, then the clubs will work for you since you can move quickly from couple to couple to see if you are interested in them and to get your boundaries out in the open so they can decide if they are interested in you. If you aren't comfortable with the speed dating approach, then the online route might be better since you can be clear in your profile what it is you want, so that will do a lot of the filtering for you.

So is that all we need to say, "hey just so you know we have a girls-only play preference"? They will know what we mean by that, or do I need to be more specific? In a club (or anywhere) I would absolutely be mindful of respecting another couples time, and totally get what you're saying. lol someone on another thread asked what the future of swinging would look like: I think everyone in a club should wear wristbands with qr codes that can be scanned by someone's phone a few feet away- upon being scanned it would tell you all their preferences and boundaries, eliminating the need for awkward convos or worrying about wasting anyone's time. Someone should start working on this!

. . . I think everyone in a club should wear wristbands with qr codes that can be scanned by someone's phone a few feet away-

So is that all we need to say, "hey just so you know we have a girls-only play preference"? They will know what we mean by that, or do I need to be more specific?

That or something similar. You guys will get your standard approach down with a little practice and trial and error. "Do you guys come here a lot?" and "So, how long have you two been swinging?" are two questions we usually use just to break the ice and because it starts to tell you a little about them so you can start to evaluate compatibility. Assuming those turn out ok and you are hitting it off with them, then you can work a "How do you guys like to play?" or "What are you guys interested in?" into the conversation. Both of those questions are going to be taken by most people as at least the beginnings of an invitation to play. Not a full invitation yet, but interest is being shown. So, maybe save those questions for those who you are really interested in, and not just part of your ice breakers. But, if you are talking to a couple who are regulars at the club, the host couple, or someone like that, then it might be a good idea to mention your girls only preference early on. Not necessarily because you are interested in them, although of course you might be, but because they probably have a good idea who else plays that way and if you are lucky, they will make some introductions for you.

Others may disagree about this, but I think that your particular preference is in fact not a common one, owing to the fact that you have a hard limit that there is to be no touching between couples except for the two women. That is a restriction even within the realm of soft swap that, from our experience, is not seen very often. For that reason, I think (and heartily agree with cplnuswing) that this rule should be put out there sooner rather than later.

I do not think that the idea of going to a playroom, intending to start playing with each other and hoping that you attract the attention of another couple with the same rules as you to join in, is a good idea. In fact, I think that might be a recipe for misunderstanding and awkwardness. That method can work great for people without a lot of rules, but not for people who have very particular rules.

You may find that the online way of meeting people will work well for you. In an online profile, you can indicate exactly the arrangement you are comfortable with, and thus weed out hose who are not interested in the same thing as you.

Thanks so much for your feedback. I do want to visit a club (as a newbie, I really like the idea of that setting, where we can kind of get a feel for everything with zero pressure to do anything other than have a fun night with each other (lol and nothing gets me hotter than a night of twerking on the dance floor!)) but it makes sense that when we are really ready to take the plunge, online might be the best way to meet a couple interested in the same play boundaries as us.

I think that is an excellent plan. There is no better way to get a quick feel for how things work than visiting a club, it's like a crash course in swinging. You have all types of people all in the same place at the same time, and so you can pick up a lot by just watching and in 30 minutes you'll have had the opportunity to interact with more people than a whole month's worth of Saturday night dinner and drink meets that you spent hours and hours setting up online. Even if the online route is best for you for actually finding playmates (and I agree it probably is), then you will be a whole lot more comfortable (and likely successful) with that early on having had some club experience compared to if you were just starting it cold.

As a couple that does actually play this way with some people we can say that what you are looking for is not all that hard to find!

Although we will and have full swapped with the right people the main reason we are in this lifestyle is for her to live out her full sexuality. She loves having sex with other women and I love her being able to be herself fully. Finding single unicorn women is near impossible. Finding other couples with real bi women that only want to play with other women is not that hard at all in our experience. There are also other men like myself out there that are happy to have their lady get to enjoy that pleasure without getting some strange themselves.

On our online profile we made sure we made a point of putting on it that we are all for situations with couples where only the women play with each other and the men only with their own woman! It has payed off well putting it out there and we have meet some great people by doing it. Ms Enhancer has her best bi experiences with couples we have meet this way.

Stick to what you two want out of this! There will be people out there that want the same thing out of it and the clearer you are the easier they will be to find.

Absolutely I belive its called voyeurism.  My husband and I did it one time with a couple that was nervous about full swap.  

Everything is a thing in swinging. People have their own play preferences. As someone else said, the most common is swapping partners. We've found that most other couples like to swap, rather than just soft swapping.

We tend to prefer everyone playing together - MFMF, MFM, FMF, etc where it isn't just having sex with someone else. It is having sex with your wife while she is giving oral to another woman/man. It is having two women on you at the same time, one riding your face, one riding you. It is watching your spouse with another woman. It is experiences that we can't do as a couple.  

Our recommendation is to join a swinger site and make a profile that explains what you're looking for, what your play preferences are. Be up front with what your boundaries are. You'll find what you're looking for. Have fun.