Is it different in separate rooms?

Not having that much experience, mostly with one couple I wondered others feelings. My husband and I are pretty open and discuss our feelings. With a possible meeting coming up I brought up my thoughts on being in separate rooms with our friends. I told him for me it is a completely different experience and that I thought our male friend acts like two different people depending whether we are all in the same room or not. When alone I think he is more passionate, fun, open, cuddly and talkative. I know they are new at this too and wonder if they talk about it when alone. When I am alone with him he tells me what he likes and will direct me to those things. I guess I tell him too. Maybe it is things his wife won't do. After we finish, he is cuddly and touchy and secure it what we did. When we have had sex in the same room he becomes very mechanical. The sex is good, I enjoy but the passion isn't there. After he cums the sex stops totally. I also feel he is preoccupied with his wife and what she is doing. I get that. My husband says it is different when they are alone too. She is very vocal alone and more energetic.

We now were talking, are we swinging or swapping?

We agree that it is different when you play in separate rooms. It feels like you have more freedom to take your time, concentrate on your play partner, and be more open and passionate. Don't get me wrong, we like same-room play a lot, too. But it is a different kind of experience from when you play in separate rooms. If we are offered the chance to choose, we slightly prefer separate-room play. And not for nothing, but we also like giving each other a full report afterwards, which often starts up another round between the Mrs. and me!

 

And in my opinion, you are both swinging and swapping, be it same-room or separate rooms!

This is us, too. I don't mind everyone being in the same room, or even sharing the same bed, but I tend to be easily overstimulated. For example, Mr. intuition likes to fall asleep to the "gentle droning" of the television, but I can't sleep if it's on. The talking never turns to white noise for me; my brain hears all the conversation and can't shut down enough to sleep. When you've got four people on a bed, with hands and feet and boobs and penises going everywhere...that's a lot of stimulation and too much for me to take in.

We had talked about this, too. Mr. intuition agreed that he, too, liked the privacy of separate rooms. It's not that you're hiding anything; we'll give whatever details the other asks for, but I do like 1:1 sex the best. You can concentrate on that one unique individual that you're with, which feels most natural to me. Then again, for me, it's not all about the sex or the orgasm; it's about sensually experiencing this other human being, getting to know them, in the biblical sense, with all five of your senses. In a group, it does feel rushed/pressured somewhat. And I don't feel the need to be included in everything he does. I am okay with the idea that that is "his" experience, and this is "mine". I don't need to be right on top of him to feel that he still loves me, values me, prefers me. We haven't really discussed whether separate play is right for us yet, but it will probably come up. It begs the question, is it still even swinging? Is it still about "us"?

We have done both and we both prefer separate. A nice way to compromise is to start together...for us it has nothing to do with jealousy or "doing our own thing" it is exactly like what intution897 says...its just a lot and hard to connect or concentrate on one thing...I feel more uninhibited alone...but we still feel like we are swinging and for days we excitedly discuss the details, sights, sounds, positions etc...we hold nothing back, it just has seemed to go better for us this way. Not opposed to same but it has been better separate for us.

I agree with what everyone has said so far, those have been our experiences too. If we are somewhere where we have free run of the whole place, like a house, a mix of the two is what we typically do. We will play separate rooms for a while, one set go check in on the other and maybe join in all together for a bit, then that set may get up and go take a break and then the first set stays there and continues to play along. It's just a free-from whatever feels right sort of thing, we don't intentionally try to make it happen, it just does.

We don't see it as anything different. It's just swinging, how we go about doing it doesn't change anything on that.

Same-room or separate-room, it's swing just the same.

For many people, separate-room play seemed to be something into which the graduated after a time of same-room. But my wife and I took the hands of our partners and went off to different rooms right from our start. So much easier to focus

For us, if I had to assess the difference, I'd say "same room" was a time of fun and humor. We laughed, joked and did more outrageous things. (Mrs. Alura's specialty. )

Cross-paired in separate rooms, the talk was softer, more aimed at learning about each other. While communication never edged toward love-talk, it was more aimed at getting to know each other and becoming better friends.

I'm glad I was never called upon to choose between the two.

How well timed since we were just having this very conversation last night. For us, we have found there to be a very definite difference between same and separate rooms, and at this point in our swinging journey we have found that, for us, separate room seems to have led to each of our "best" experiences. That's not to say that same room was bad, but it seemed as though we were better able to focus on our partners in separate rooms. Mrs. E can be quite the loud one, so often I (and even my partner) would often find ourselves stopping to see what was being done on the other side! lol... Like others have said, we always review and are quite open about our separate room experiences when they are over, and it doesn't feel any less shared an experience when compared to the same room experience. There is definitely a sense of a deeper level of "focus" between us and our partners, which in turn led to a more intimate experience for us. In some cases there was also a marked difference between how expressive the other person was...almost night and day! That's not to say they were holding back, or not being fully involved...it just seemed easier to be expressive in the separate setting. Of course this is only our experience, and I think like anything else in swinging it's what you both enjoy that matters.

In some cases there was also a marked difference between how expressive the other person was...almost night and day! That's not to say they were holding back, or not being fully involved...it just seemed easier to be expressive in the separate setting. Of course this is only our experience, and I think like anything else in swinging it's what you both enjoy that matters.

I find this really interesting. It makes me wonder how differently Mr. intuition acts when he's alone with another partner. I certainly don't have a problem with it. You just end up with that age-old question about the sound of a tree falling in the woods, or about light in the fridge. I'm just being nosy, wanting to be a fly on the wall, because everything about Mr. intuition fascinates the hell out of me. I wonder what he's like when he's with someone else, but I'll never know because he would act differently if he knew I was there. Now I've got a kinky new fantasy: spying on Mr. intuition without his knowing. Isn't that awful? LOL

Lol totally have had the same train of thought. Wondering if it would be different or if it would be exactly the same as when she and I were together. I think that kinky new fantasy is now a shared one lol

I find this really interesting. It makes me wonder how differently Mr. intuition acts when he's alone with another partner. I certainly don't have a problem with it. You just end up with that age-old question about the sound of a tree falling in the woods, or about light in the fridge. I'm just being nosy, wanting to be a fly on the wall, because everything about Mr. intuition fascinates the hell out of me. I wonder what he's like when he's with someone else, but I'll never know because he would act differently if he knew I was there. Now I've got a kinky new fantasy: spying on Mr. intuition without his knowing. Isn't that awful? LOL

I have asked Mr S2P if it is different for him and he was emphatic that IT IS. It is funny that both of us heard the same statement that they were doing new things. I never considered the sex me and my husband do as different but my new partner said he wished his wife did this or that and my husband said she said the same thing to him that she wished her husband would do new things. And though my husband agreed that separate is more open and free, he did say watching me with a woman was a fantasy he never shared and that when he saw me with the new guy the first time he said to himself that he was such a lucky guy. I also found what we did in private he didn't want me to do in front of his wife.

Would I want to be a fly on the wall watching my husband and see what they are doing, maybe for a short time.

Hmmm, would I (Mr.) want to be a fly on the wall and secretly watch the Mrs. while she goes to town with her play partner "alone"?

Sure!

As long as I'n not neglecting MY play partner at the time, it would be fun to covertly watch the Mrs. I don't think I'd see anything all that different from what I see when we're all playing in the same room, but it would be interesting- and very hot! I CAN say that, on many occasions when we have played in separate rooms (even on different floors of our house!), it's not all that hard to hear when the Mrs. is getting really worked up, or hitting a climax. I recall one separate-room play date where my play partner said afterward that when we heard my wife cumming in the other room, it was like I went into overdrive on her. The sound inspired me to a new "vigor"!

Looks to me like we all need to find a house party with a video monitor in the rooms!

Our first experience was a mmf. We were all in the same bed together with her in the middle being treated like a queen.

Her first time was awesome and we were playing with the same guy every weekend.

I started to let them on the bed together so they could have more room to play. I sat or stood in a corner of the room and watched.

Then I started to leave the room so they could play without me watching.

It progressed to her going to his place without me. Coming home after turned into staying overnight turned into staying the weekend.

She confessed that she felt more relaxed and was able to enjoy herself more when I wasn't watching.

Looks to me like we all need to find a house party with a video monitor in the rooms!

That's brilliant! That would be a great addition to our bedrooms. And it might be a more comfortable in-between step for other couples for whom separate room play is new or a little scary.

We do enjoy same room sex, group sex is always a plus, we can watch, take turns/breaks, and share a good laugh together.

But some of my best experiences came from separate room sex, I think I can focus more on my play-partner and myself.

We started with same room swaps but after several met a couple that wanted different rooms. We tried it and I liked it. I do like the security of same room and that was important early on, knowing he was right there if someone got too rough or whatever. But with separate room, I found I was focused totally on my partner and not concerned with oh, is hubby having a good time or is his partner having more fun than I, etc. In a separate room, the guy can be more expressive about what he is doing or what he want me to do and I can be more pleasing, less concerned that hubby might think that I’ve never done it this way with him or whatever. Simply put, it can be a hotter time.

We did the first time because he wanted to watch me do things before we met many years ago. I am fine with that. It was no pressure to do anything. We did it for mutual fun. We primarily meet couples who are new to this and we enjoy the newness and try to make it as much fun for our new friends as we can. I think if you go to separate rooms it is just sex. It takes the fun element out of it. I also think it is easier for the newbies to have all of us in one room.

We did the first time because he wanted to watch me do things before we met many years ago. I am fine with that. It was no pressure to do anything. We did it for mutual fun. We primarily meet couples who are new to this and we enjoy the newness and try to make it as much fun for our new friends as we can. I think if you go to separate rooms it is just sex. It takes the fun element out of it. I also think it is easier for the newbies to have all of us in one room.

I can relate. We've reached at least enough clarity to know that whatever we do, we will do in the same room: we haven't had sex without each other for years, it's our favorite thing to do together.

Plus, I love watching her body.

For us, separate rooms, and especially one on one play in a different house, are very different. We have done both with our longtime friend Bill. In the mid 80s when we started playing with him, it was mainly my wife getting together with him alone. The main reason was that he worked nights and my wife didn't work. We also had kids at home, so during the day when they were both available with no kids around was a good time. In the last 15 years we have done mainly threesomes. For the first time in many years, my wife recently got together alone with Bill at his house. It worked out wonderfully everyone. It seemed to reinvigorate all our desires to play. We have all decided that we want to add more alone play between Bill and my wife.

What I really like is that my wife is more actively interacting with Bill and setting up times for out threesomes. We have also gone back to our former practice of video recording our play.

So, for us, separate play is adding a great deal to our playing.

What I really like is that my wife is more actively interacting with Bill and setting up times for out threesomes. We have also gone back to our former practice of video recording our play.

My experience is also that separate play is completely different. The same guy can and do usually act differently. Personally I enjoy the variety. We have also occasionally record our separate play which brings a different dynamic as well, but Mr. A likes watching it when we are having sex between us only.

For me I prefer separate rooms, it is much more intimate for me and I need the intimacy to be able to truly get out of my head so I can just let loose and enjoy it.  I don't have to be worried about being to vocal, or seeming to enjoy it too much, I don't have to worry if this pose makes me look sexy or not, or if I'm putting on a good enough show. I don't  need to be focused on what my husband is doing or what my lover's wife is doing.  I can just be focused on the man between my legs and how good it feels to have him inside of me.  I generally am more vocal and that makes my lover act more passionately which I enjoy more.  So I'd say go for it.