Is Real Life Swinging Like Porn?

This is kind of just a side note. But I am the woman in our couple and I do our online searching. As part of that experience, I've emailed back and forth with a few guys online and we've met one couple. 100% of the guys have been total jerks in my view. One guy acted like he was negotiating to buy a car. Another guy gave zero compliments (despite my giving a few--of pics of him and her--and he wasn't all that great but I was being polite). He gave no compliments. Another guy gave no compliments. They don't even try to sound "nice" or make any normal conversation. There has been exactly ONE guy who has treated me like a normal human and that couple is on the very short list of being our first swap couple. We haven't even met them yet but planning on trying to connect in a few months after we've "dated" locally for a while (that couple will require a 4 hour drive south).

I don't know if that's your issue but my experience so far with swinging guys is that they do not know how to treat a woman. If a guy isn't nice and doesn't try to "court" me to a certain extent, there is no way in hell that I'm having sex with him.

As a side note, we've been watching the reality show "swing" on playboy and also have watched a few swing porn videos. If swing sex is anything like that show or those movies, then I have zero interest. Basically women kiss / fondle each other, and/or play with vibes, then they join the guys to give a blow job then get fucked. Yeah, um, no thanks. Unless swinging partners are much more generous, and into truly sensual sex, then again--no dice for me and by association my husband.

Just a follow up that we've seen some actual videos of swinging events, not just random porn. And the "swing" reality show are also actual swingers. And we've seen some videos on sites like AFF (those are really unbelievable).

My view so far is that women pleasure each other, use vibes, etc, then men kiss, touch and/or perform oral on their female swing partners for about .25 seconds, then the women give blow jobs and men fuck them. All the while ... some random guy is saying "do you like my wife's pussy juice dude?," people are laughing and joking with each other, while AC/DC or loud obnoxious music plays in the background, lights are blazing everywhere, and everyone is doing body shots. I mean, just look at the Vegas ads--which look like having sex in a nightclub or hotel party room.

So we have agreed that we will only swap if I am feeling an attraction to the guy (guys saying "yeah, baby, do you like sucking that cock?" and/or guys who think that I need to "prove" that I'm great in bed and/or honor their most holy cock will not get very far with me) *and* the woman in the couple reciprocates evenly (meaning she has sex with my husband). And my personal experience interacting with swingers so far (mostly men, online) has been that they say things like "my wife is pretty good, not sure you can top her"--trying to make me feel competitive about pleasuring them. Um, really? This is your line for getting me in bed? Another guy treated me like he was buying a car. I have had exactly ONE guy who treated me like a real person, via email, and we are still considering them for a swap (would require travel so we are waiting).

I have generally concluded that probably means we will never swing, particularly when you add that I must be attracted to the guy. If we don't swing, we don't swing. We both have no problem giving to our swing partners fully and our sex is fantastic, lengthy, and very erotic. I really have no complaints and my only reason for swinging is that our sex when we talk about fantasies that might actually happen is just over-the-top amazing.

I might add that although I'm more likely to find guys willing to play with me, whoever lands my husband will be one lucky lady.

We have had the complete opposite of your experience. Sex had been fun for both of us. Sure there have been some duds. We move on. As far as the guys behavior, there are some that don't know how to act or treat a woman. This is the hard part about swinging, weeding through the troll like ones. Most of those don't get a foot in our door.

What this means is up front work, email, chats to at least get a reading on the couple.

We have had the complete opposite of your experience. Sex had been fun for both of us. Sure there have been some duds. We move on. As far as the guys behavior, there are some that don't know how to act or treat a woman. This is the hard part about swinging, weeding through the troll like ones. Most of those don't get a foot in our door.

 

What this means is up front work, email, chats to at least get a reading on the couple.

Yep, there is a lot of work. I've already done quite a bit but mostly I've been searching for single females. Searching for a couple has been a new thing for me. I just have been very surprised. Seems like women put up with a lot of crap and have sex that no woman I know would ever enjoy. So I've started to think maybe swinging is mostly filled with a large percentage of women who either aren't strong enough to say "no," have no self-respect, or just want to use the experience to find other women to fulfill their bi-fantasies (not talking about women on this board at all--maybe they occupy a larger percentage of the exceptions?--just the videos that I have seen and one woman from one couple we actually met).

I don't know, but for me, so far I can plainly tell from either emails or our first and only first date that the guys were jerks. And if a guy wasn't giving in bed (during foreplay), well then "hell no" would be the answer to actual sex.

Do these guys really think that women only need a few minutes of kissing, touching and/or oral to want actual sex? If you don't think of foreplay as something that should last for a very long time (thinking 2-3 hours in bed overall for a great sex session), then you have a hell of a lot to learn in my book. I don't mind asking a nice, willing guy for what I need to enjoy sex with him (and giving what he needs in return) but a self-serving jerk can find someone else.

No, swinging... good swinging at least, is not like porn. Good sex is never like porn. Frankly, I think porn is the enemy of good sex and good swinging. It's true that far too many people watch porn and try to repeat what they see... frankly because they don't know any better. I find that really sad and a little pathetic.

All I know to say is that our experiences haven't mirrored what you describe. Sure, some online contacts have been a dud from the start, but it is a small percentage and you will run into some clueless people nearly anywhere you go and during anything you try in life.

Maybe we have just been lucky, but Mrs cplnuswing has often commented on how the swinging guys she has encountered have almost always been super nice and respectful. Again, there have been a few exceptions to that rule, but nothing really too bad, and even then the rate at which you encounter those is well lower than you will run into with any other group.

Is swinging sex like porn? As a general rule, absolutely not. I have almost zero interest in professional porn, although I do like true amateur. If you are seeing it on the Playboy channel, then I would hazard to guess it's professional porn, which by my I know it when I see it definition means porn portraying what people think it should be like, not what it is actually like. When it comes to videos, how many real swingers out there do you think are willing to have their escapades filmed and then mass distributed for profit? Not many. There may be some pro or semi-pro performers who do have swing experience and that may show through a little, especially the more amateur it is, but when you get into the mass distributed stuff, again, it's giving people what they think they ought to be seeing, not what they really would be seeing were it the real deal.

In a word, no. But then again porn is not like real life. But swinging is about sex and I think the long, slow Tantric sessions you described are something I relate more to loving couples in a relationship than any LS activities. While most of the couples we've been with have more than the slam...bam...I'm done variety and some of the men have been very attentive, I think you find most couples likely reserve more sensual play for themselves than their LS partners.

As far as the douce-nozzles you've been coming up against, based upon our experiences, I'm willing to bet most of them are young and/or guys just looking to hook you into their own private threesome. Even if it's allegedly the woman writing, you'd be surprised at the number of times of the year it just happens to be their husband or boyfriend's birthday! This is unfortunately one of the hazards of the woman being the one who does the "procurement” on-line, especially if communicating mostly with the other man.

For us, we found the best way, is for me to do the searching and writing as I know better what to look out for and am more computer savvy as well as better writing prose. Usually it is the other guy doing the contacting back, though sometimes both couples are there as is my wife, but rarely have I communicated directly with the other woman. I think this has resulted in less games and none of the rude behavior as you described. During phone conversations the best way is let the women take the lead and make the initial contact and talk and then all four join in via speaker phone. We have never talked to the opposite sex part of the couple alone without the other spouse present.

neither of us have a scientific sample of swingers to come up with a general grouping of different types. .I do all the online contacts and yes there are some guys are just rude and or raw. there's a large group of couples interested in the bi girl experience. but we've also met a lot of great couples. we are very selective with who we choose so we can weed out what we don't want either by reading their profile or electronic communication.

I can also say that I know of very few women who complain about the sex..many we are good friends with so we will probably hear some complaints. it may also have to do with age, education level or some other variable that makes the guys better interacting with women. another thing I've noticed is want to find a group of people you like typically their friends will also be similar.

I have also made a statement on other forum threads that if one continues encountering the same issue maybe the problem is with that one. Is it your search methods, your profile, your "interview" . techniques. I think we all have been there and we try to adjust our methods or perhaps adjusting our expectations. I'm not saying you have to live with crappy sex, but to be realistic people are people. Just because someone is a swinger does not make them a sex god.

As a side note, we've been watching the reality show "swing" on playboy and also have watched a few swing porn videos. If swing sex is anything like that show or those movies, then I have zero interest. Basically women kiss / fondle each other, and/or play with vibes, then they join the guys to give a blow job then get fucked. Yeah, um, no thanks. Unless swinging partners are much more generous, and into truly sensual sex, then again--no dice for me and by association my husband.

I've never watched the reality show "Swing" and I haven't watched any videos of "actual swingers" swinging on tv or the internet. I have watched some porn in the past, most of it is rubbish but it is only to serve 2 purposes, to arouse and to bring the viewer to climax.

With that said, we have attended several swinger parties where others can watch and even participate in being exhibitionists. To be honest, I don't mind being watched but I'm not much for watching other people. Porn usually features people who are in good shape. At swing parties/clubs, people of all shapes and sizes are having sex and sometimes it's not as arousing--I hate to say that because it portrays me in a bad light but so be it.

However, the first time we went to a party, one of my fondest memories is watching a large group orgy among those who were in their 50-60s. They were having fun and joking. If someone they knew walked into the room they would heartily greet them even if they were in mid-play. They didn't take the sex that they were engaging in seriously. They saw this as fun. Of course, this is in a group-party setting. I realize this isn't for everyone. Some people find this type of play off-putting. In that case, a more intimate setting is probably what those couples are looking for.

Some couples we know don't like to be watched publicly but will go to clubs or parties to meet other couples for future playdates. Or they use the swinger internet hook-up sites. These are methods that can lead to a more 2 on 2 encounter.

Remember, some people like soft and slow sex. Others like hard and fast. And you can even like both but with different people or with the same person. And there is another group of people who view soft and slow sex to be too intimate and save that for their spouse/partner.

One thing that I wanted to point out, even though the men you mentioned do sound like disrespectful jerks, I have to point out that you are mostly looking for another female to join in with you and your husband. Your main goal sounds like a FMF, not a MFMF. This might also be a reason why any other male in the equation isn't quite hitting the right notes with you.

I do most of the swinging work and I'm the girl. I do like the bi experience, but that's not why I got involved in swinging, or what I look for in a couple.

I don't think swinging sex is much like porn. It really depends on your partners. As far as the "reality show" I've never seen it, but I would guess that it is quite scripted as far as the sex. I would think the contestants have expectations about how they should act since they are being filmed for the playboy channel.

I have had great sex swinging. I've really learned a lot and had wonderful times with friends. Most men are very nice, complimentary and kind. I have had quite a few times where there was laughter. That is fun for us. We're in this for fun and variety so we like to laugh and fool around in bed. I also like to play in a club environment with dance music in the background. That's something we can't do at home. It's hot to grind on someone to the beat. When we swing we are looking for new and different experiences, not the kind of sex we have in our own bed. Some things in swinging couldn't possibly happen in "real" life. So many times I step back and say to my husband or my partner, "This is amazing! I love our life!"

There are "meh" times too. That's how it is for everyone in any type of situation. For me the amazing far outweighs the so-so.

While most of the couples we've been with have more than the slam...bam...I'm done variety and some of the men have been very attentive, I think you find most couples likely reserve more sensual play for themselves than their LS partners.

While it's good to hear that some (rare?) LS play partners enjoy more sensual sex together, my overall sense from this thread is the same sense that I've had from these videos, which, as you said, is that "most" LS sex is "slam bam," and, um, seriously most women I know would simply not enjoy that kind of sex. They might act like they are enjoying it, but really enjoying it? No. Fun and entertaining perhaps, but fulfilling and worth doing? I just don't see it. So this even further supports my growing view that swinging really is just for men and women with bi-fantasies. *However* we are fueled by the hope that we can find those rare exceptions and will just pass over the rest.

Also, IMHO, if swingers really were totally comfortable with their spouses being with other lovers, then having them share totally sensual and slow sex would not be an issue. I wouldn't want sex any other way so again I guess reading enough to definitely learn that this type of LS mostly isn't for me, but not because I wouldn't be interested in swapping true intimacy.

I've also seen guys on this board complaining that more and more women aren't wanting to play or just want to be with girls. Well, duh!?! Of course they don't!!

Regarding my approach with these guys, I will admit that I do not flirt with them. But I am friendly and I always start with a compliment. I've had guys (most) not even compliment my photos. What a complete turn off. And I don't agree that men should talk to each other only before a meet. If a guy is going to be a jerk, I'd like to know now. And, although we primarily want a threesome with another woman, part of the reason is that no guy has made me want sex with him or even tried. I'm available and online, so, harkening back to good old fashioned dating, they should try to get to know me on some level *if* they really had any desire to sleep with me. But I'm not trying to change myself to suit them because I frigging don't want a jerk so no loss on my part. Just an observation really. I'm not hot for other guys but I certainly could be. If they want it to happen, they have to make it happen, otherwise move along and miss what would otherwise be an amazing opportunity for very hot sex of the extensive giving and receiving variety.

Good news is that we have been exchanging emails for a while with a very hot and highly erotic couple, so all hope is not lost. In that case, the man has treated me very well and with great respect and kindness throughout all of our exchanges. And we are now exchanging fantasies and photos like crazy. So making an effort can pay off.

Porn shouldn't be like swinging and swinging shouldn't be like porn...but porn is pretty much made by men for men: very visual and quick to the point. In our experience there seem to be two 'types' of swingers: the 'wham bam' numbers people...the party crowd that just want to have a good time with whoever and then move on (nothing wrong with that) and the slower, more sensual type that want to have a connection or friendship with who they are with (we fall into this group). We started out wanting to be a part of the first group but quickly found out that the second group worked much better for us. The numbers group is easy to find, but finding a couple that you can connect with is very difficult (but absolutely possible). There's nothing wrong with either group and what works for us won't work for others (but isn't that true in just about everything in life). Also as in life, some men are pigs and some are princes and most are in between (nothing wrong with pigs, that's where bacon comes from...ummmm, bacon). Take your time and shop around. Finding two other people who match well with you and your partner is difficult and time consuming...and absolutely worth it when that couple comes along (we've been dating the same couple for almost 1 1/2 years now and every time we get together it's better than the time before).

The Playboy show 'Swingers' is (IMHO) TERRIBLE! Like a tank of sharks with fresh meat thrown in every episode to see what happens. We wanted to like it but finally could tell within the first 5 minutes what the outcome would be of the episode.

Good luck and don't give up. We're here to tell you it IS possible to find what you are looking for.

Vote for slow and sensual here from a GUY.

I think you're a tad judgemental in how you look at things. You're taking your needs and wants and projecting it on all women and that is not realistic.

First of all you are newbies. An unknown quantity. Would I compliment you or court you right off the bat not knowing how your spouse would react...frankly not a hope in hell. I get the sense from you of potential drama, needing compliments and courting up front before anyone even knows you. I would run from that. Nobody needs the drama! As an EXPERIENCED swinger, to me, you are just one in a lineup of hundreds of women that I've seen. If it seemed we were compatable OUR only requirement would be to set up a meet to see if there is a click. That and nothing else.

Why don't you approach it with open mind and "getting to know people without making judgements up front".

And BTW I love long slow sex with tons of foreplay. But because I deliver that at home my wife prefers that wham bam thank you maam. Just fuck me and skip the intro.....

While it's good to hear that some (rare?) LS play partners enjoy more sensual sex together, my overall sense from this thread is the same sense that I've had from these videos, which, as you said, is that "most" LS sex is "slam bam," and, um, seriously most women I know would simply not enjoy that kind of sex. They might act like they are enjoying it, but really enjoying it? No. Fun and entertaining perhaps, but fulfilling and worth doing? I just don't see it. So this even further supports my growing view that swinging really is just for men and women with bi-fantasies. *However* we are fueled by the hope that we can find those rare exceptions and will just pass over the rest.

 

Also, IMHO, if swingers really were totally comfortable with their spouses being with other lovers, then having them share totally sensual and slow sex would not be an issue. I wouldn't want sex any other way so again I guess reading enough to definitely learn that this type of LS mostly isn't for me, but not because I wouldn't be interested in swapping true intimacy.

I hate to be blunt but think a negative view of the LS based upon a TV show geared toward entertainment as well as a little bit of gender judgement has already made up your mind if you should pursue this.

As I stated in several of our previous posts, I pointed out how my wife greatly enjoys the activities she has done with other men and has never felt like she was doing it just for me. This despite the fact, I have gained great pleasure from her enjoyment as much as me being with another woman, maybe even more so. I think you'll find the same feeling with most of the couples across this community. Yes, women actually do like sex with other men and are doing it for their pleasure not all for the man's benefit (though wanting their partners to enjoy it too is a part) or just to satisfy any bi fantasies. There are also a few men here who seem to be content with just MFM arrangements which certainly precludes it benefiting them directly at all. You'll find it is woman in a lot of cases who has the "pull" and is the initiator in the LS and by assuming all swinging men are in it just for themselves and women are just going along with it based upon a show and encountering some jerks, I think is insulting to both genders.

As far as sensual sex = total comfort I think that assumption is way off base as well. Everyone has different comfort levels as well as wanting to hold something back just for thier partner to make "vanilla sex" their own thing. The way we see it, we've already compromised through the LS progression (kissing, full swap, ejaculating without a condom) and there's very few acts we have left we can share just between each other and to us sensuality is an intimate act and there is a difference between sex in the LS and romance in primary relationships and never shall the two meet.

Real sex is rarely like porn, and if it is, then it is awful. Porn is fantasy designed for a specific audience and with a specific purpose in mind. For instance, positions in porn are generally about camera angles, not pleasure. e.g: When cunilingus is being performed well, the entire vulva is often fully covered with a mouth, it's rare to see porn shot like that.

Reality TV is never like reality, and if it is is, then that reality sucks. Reality TV is entertainment, it's about accentuating the drama, or making us feel better about ourselves (If we were there WE wouldn't be getting voted off the island!), or painting it's participants as 2 dimensional caricatures (Ooo, he is such an a**hole!).

The Lifestyle on the other hand is about real people sharing real intimacy and experiences with each other. Some folks in the LS will bang anything that moves (and more power to them, they certainly get laid a lot more than us) and some folks in the LS only play with those that they develop a deep intimate relationship with. The vast majority of us though, fall somewhere in the middle between those two extremes.

One of the hallmarks of the Lifestyle is that it is what you make it. You get to choose who you play with, you get to choose what type of sex you have, you get to choose what is important to you. None of what you've described is representative of the LS, because (shockingly) the LS isn't just one thing. Every couple you meet will be slightly different, have something unique to offer, and have unique needs.

But, honestly, in reading your reiteration of the same complaints over and over, it sounds like you've already made up your mind and you're just looking for confirmation. You've had a handful of interactions online (a very dicey place to make any kind of connection I might add), you've watched some videos, and some reality TV, and now you're extrapolating that (enhanced by your confirmation bias) to apply to everyone that swings. That does a disservice to those who don't match the stereotypes you've painted, and it's threatening to cut you off from meeting those that may actually be a match for you.

Finding matches in the LS is a numbers game. Learn to recognize the signs when someone is not a good match. There will be a lot of folks that will not be right for you, don't judge them, just acknowledge and move on. Depending on your expectations, you may find that you may need to meet dozens of couples to find a match. That says nothing about what swingers are, and says everything about you. Accept it and own it.

I think you're a tad judgemental in how you look at things. You're taking your needs and wants and projecting it on all women and that is not realistic.

 

First of all you are newbies. An unknown quantity. Would I compliment you or court you right off the bat not knowing how your spouse would react...frankly not a hope in hell. I get the sense from you of potential drama, needing compliments and courting up front before anyone even knows you. I would run from that. Nobody needs the drama! As an EXPERIENCED swinger, to me, you are just one in a lineup of hundreds of women that I've seen. If it seemed we were compatable OUR only requirement would be to set up a meet to see if there is a click. That and nothing else.

 

Why don't you approach it with open mind and "getting to know people without making judgements up front".

 

And BTW I love long slow sex with tons of foreplay. But because I deliver that at home my wife prefers that wham bam thank you maam. Just fuck me and skip the intro.....

I was just going to "Like" this and move on, but I realized that a man saying the OP is projecting her needs onto other women might be easily ignored and I think Gordo has a very valid point. Honestly, if you told me I had two to three hours of foreplay before we got to penetration, I'd probably get up and walk out. It's not that I don't like long, slow sex, but it is not a preference and I definitely prefer penetration to foreplay.

In addition, I've had a lot of great sex with men as a swinger, some of it slow and sensuous, some slammed up against a wall. Intention and interest go a long way for making sex great for me, rather than selecting from a menu of options and presenting it to my partners like a lunch order. Also, while I've used toys with female lovers, it's not something that has ever come up with swing partners and there have been a good few of those.

OP, it appears you're developing a pretty comprehensive theory without a lot of data, which you're welcome to do, but it's not actually useful or helpful to make assumptions about the experiences of others.

No, swinging and porn are almost always very different.

First, be very careful of making suppositions about people based on anything other than your real life experiences or those of trusted advisers.

Commercial porn is staged choreographed, filmed, edited and packaged to be sold. The industry apparently does a pretty good job of knowing their target audience (see their sales), but swingers are generally not in the prime demographic. So the finished product may be sold as swinging but almost never resembles it. Look at about any other situation they use and ask yourself if that is how you think it usually goes. I am pretty sure the inmate/guard flicks are far different than in real life, even though I am sure sex occurs there in real life as well.

Amateur porn, it is a little better but only marginally, and very often it really isn't amateur, it is commercial being marketed as such. Also, remember that people that are filming real amateur porn may attempting to replicate what they have seen on the commercial side of things. They also are filming for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with the situation you are looking for.

Swing on Playboy is reality TV. And like most reality TV shows a good portion is staged. Remember, PB is looking for viewers and there are not enough swingers out there to get the ratings needed to carry a show on a network, even a pay network like PB.

As for the real life issues you are having:

Some

• guys are jerks, many, if not most, are not. I am not sure what they are saying exactly, or what you expect them to say, but most are very polite. A good idea in swinging is to keep your expectations low but never lower your standards. But you also need to evaluate your standards. When I first started I could not find anyone that met mine, then I realized I was using the same set of standards for when I was dating and looking for a relationship. I was not doing it on purpose, it was a subconscious thing. I was not looking for a wife, I have one, I was looking for someone to have fun with, so little things that I could not live with long term, I quit worrying about. I didn't lower my standards I just removed the standards that didn't matter for the purpose of swinging.
  
• There are plenty of bi women in the LS, but there are also plenty to are not bi or at least do not require bi play.
  
• Sometimes people do use toys, but not everyone.
  
• Sometimes guys come quick, sometimes they take longer or maybe even not cum at all.
  
• There guys (and gals) that focus only on their needs and not their partner, but they are not the majority.
  

For the most part, swinging is what you make it. If you are looking for perfection, good luck. If you are looking to find some people you can have one hell of a good time with then, you might be in luck.

I'll tell ya, swinging isn't like porn. Porn is pretty tame usually

We have had nights where it went just like you said. Girls did their thing first, then the oral sex, then the fucking. Those were good nights. Other times its completely different. There is no one set formula for swinging.

Even though my wife is bi, much of our swinging was with straight or mostly straight females, so the "script" varies

Personally I'm not sure how its not like porn, I think its a LOT like porn.

You meet someone often briefly, and the next thing happening is a sixty nine (or the like) while next to you someone else is having sex.

Its usually rather impersonal, its not "deep", its sport fucking. I think this sort of thing is why so many people, especially women, seem to like to pretend they are under the polly label, when they are still just fucking for fuckings sake.

In my experience no two experiences are the same:) I(we) like a mix of rough and sensual experiences.

In our opinion swinging sex can be rather unfulfilling. Most of the time it's a bit awkward. Last night was an exception as we met a nice couple and decided to play. That was true porn sex! Would play with them again any day and vice versa.

Generalisations sometimes kills the cat...and think about it. On the flip side, if swingers generalised other swingers and especially newbies, lets face it, most of us would not get to have fun even after the meet and greet is over.

Everyone is unique and special and have something different to offer. I do agree with the comment said before, do not lower your standards but lower or even completely throw out all expectations and you'll meet some people you would consider playing with as they will do you as well as people who become friends in whatever way suits you. That is one of the glorious and fundamental aspects about this lifestyle, what you put in you get out of it. You have the ability to pick and choose your experiences with others, based on your comfort levels and desires.

I think Playboy Swing is similar to a day at a Lifestyle resort or certain house parties. Meet at the pool, have a few drinks, chat to people, get to know them, then progress to some sexy fun. The TV show is filmed over 24 hours and in such a close knit group, you'll find that things can develop reasonably quickly. I think it's the most accurate portrayal I've seen on TV thus far. As a whole, the lifestyle may not necessarily play out like that all the time and sometimes you meet people you don't click with or people who stuff you around, but you just say thank you and move on. Just like everything else in life.

I've not watched the Playboy show or any of the swinging videos on their website, but I'm going to guess based on all other reality shows that exist, that it's nothing like real swinging. TV sells drama, which means they are going to go out of their way to edit things to make them more drama and "interesting" than they really are. That said, can swinging sex be on the "slam, bam, thank you maam" side of things? Yes. Do some women enjoy that? Yes.

Can it also be on the complete other end of the spectrum? Absolutely.

The key to swinging is that we all like different things. Some of us don't want to be romanced by another person. Some people may feel that too many compliments by the other guy is over-stepping boundaries that might be broaching on "too intimate". That's for each to decide and it's important that you figure out what you need and then determine how to express those needs so that those you may potentially hook up with others who share your preferences, rather than those who do not.

Swinging is what you make of it, so make it what you want.