Jump to content
Tybee Swing

Middle-aged swingers: what are your best tips?

Recommended Posts

I was just reading the threads and polls related to how old we swingers are. All of them show steady decline in activity from 40's on, and some show a stark drop-off after 40's:

20-29: 13.477%

30-39: 42.323%

40-49: 35.447%

50-70: 8.753%

 

This means that after the 40's, there are far fewer peers in the swinging pool. As if it's not hard enough already to find people who are a match. :( We'll be turning 47 & 48 this summer, which means we're getting near that sharp decline.

 

I'd love to hear from swingers age 50 and up. If you're still swinging, what keeps you in the game? Do you find plenty of playmates your own age? Do you play with people younger than yourself? I'd like to hear specific reasons why you think you're still swinging as your peers are leaving in droves.

 

If you're 50 and up and have left swinging, what were your specific reasons?

 

Maybe you're not 50 and up, but you know swingers who are. If you do, what do you think keeps them going? What kind of playmates are they attracting?

Share this post


Link to post

I'll give this a shot. Since we are in the over 50 group. Yes we have playmates our age, been with them for years, that may answer your issue about why we seem to fall off the radar. Already have a group that keeps us busy. Do we play with younger folks yes, when the time and place is right. What keeps us in the game? The pure fun and close friends...oh and the sex is good too. :) We are not dead at 50....

Share this post


Link to post
Yes we have playmates our age, been with them for years, that may answer your issue about why we seem to fall off the radar. Already have a group that keeps us busy.

 

So in your experience, you and your peers aren't so much in clubs and websites looking for new partners, you're mainly playing with the peers you've known for years?

 

You would have been in the 8-9% that voted yes, they still swing. Even though you're with your own group of friends, you're still in the game. Why do you think the others have left entirely?

 

What keeps us in the game? The pure fun and close friends...oh and the sex is good too. :) We are not dead at 50....

 

We're pushing up on 50 ourselves, so of course we know you're not dead at 50. We're just beginning to live. :lol:

 

What I meant by asking what keeps you in the game is - what sets you apart from all of those who've quit? I'm looking to find out what are the differences between those who keep going and those who quit. I think that learning what these differences are can be really useful to us, and probably a lot of others who are heading into this age bracket and wondering what is ahead for them. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Tybee Swing said:

 

I'd love to hear from swingers age 50 and up. If you're still swinging, what keeps you in the game?

We're still swinging, but how often we swing has declined since we began our search just over 3 years ago. I am well into my 50's and Mr LM has just stepped beyond (but don't tell anybody ;) ).

 

What keeps us "in the game" are the swingers we've met and played with over these past 3 years who we still play with, or even if we don't play with all of them anymore we enjoy each other's company. We have been fortunate to have developed a few very good swinger buddies that are still interested in playing with us, and we with them.

 

Also, what has helped us to keep active in the swinging scene is knowing couples who have small private parties and they keep us on their invite list. We then meet other swingers who we're more likely to connect with - some we swing with. We have found that once we surrounded ourselves with people we get along with who have a similar perspective on swinging we meet more people that we enjoy being around and therefore have increased our chances of swinging. We also like to attend the local off-premise clubs. At our age, meeting people in person gives us a better chance of playing than using ad sites alone.

 

Something else that I think is important to interject is that we don't look like most people our age. We take care to keep fit and look attractive and dress stylishly. Sadly, so many people our age (in our area) remind us of our parents, they can look rather dowdy. :o We have always been open to meeting people our age but we have never found people our age around here who we find attractive.

 

Quote
Do you find plenty of playmates your own age?

No. We never have in over 3 years of searching. In fact, we've never played with anyone our age. Once we did swing with a couple close to our age. Within minutes of meeting us they confessed that they were 5 years older than their listed ages. It was quite funny really. They didn't want to list themselves in that dreaded 50+ age group (their true decade). :lol: We understand this completely! They looked much younger anyway so they could easily pass for the ages they listed. It's very difficult finding people in our age group that we're attracted to. Plus, there are few people in our age bracket who are on ad sites or attend the clubs.

 

Quote
Do you play with people younger than yourself?

We have always played with people younger than ourselves. Our youngest playmates were about 25 years younger than us. Most couples we play with are between 38 and 48. We have always been most attracted to couples younger than ourselves.

 

Quote
I'd like to hear specific reasons why you think you're still swinging as your peers are leaving in droves.

I've pretty much covered why we're still swinging in my comments above.

 

As far as why others in their 50s are leaving, I think it's because their interest in sex isn't what it once was, or not wanting to compete with the younger couples, or not feeling they look as good as they once did. Could also be health problems have come up that are now interfering with swinging, sex drive and performance.

 

I will add that I believe those who are in their 50s and beyond and still swinging are probably couples who started early enough to develop some great swinging partners - even friendships - that keep them swinging and happy. They no longer need to search for new playmates. Their swinging isn't as recognized because they no longer use ad sites or attend clubs. They simply get in touch with old friends and set a play date. I guess I'm saying they've gone underground. :D

Share this post


Link to post

We are approahing 60 now have just been in the lifestyle for 1 1/2 years. Yeah, I know later bloomers. Although it may be harder to find playmates, we still have had success, and have made many new friends. We have met and played with couples from 35 up to 65. What keeps us going, well not sure but we keep ourselves in good shape and love to dance and and really enjoy sex. We are always up for a party and we enjoy having fun. He still has no problem getting it up, so looks like you still have several good years ahead of you. Since we started so late in life, we didn't have previous friends to fall back on. Hope this makes you feel better :)

Share this post


Link to post
Tybee Swing said:

We're pushing up on 50 ourselves, so of course we know you're not dead at 50. We're just beginning to live. :lol:

This is how we felt when we started, and how we feel now. Problem is, many younger couples think they'll be 'old' when they reach 50 and so they presume those of us who've reached 50 have nothing to offer them. I can't fault them for that, they won't know how wonderful 50+ is until they get there.

 

Quote
What I meant by asking what keeps you in the game is - what sets you apart from all of those who've quit? I'm looking to find out what are the differences between those who keep going and those who quit. I think that learning what these differences are can be really useful to us, and probably a lot of others who are heading into this age bracket and wondering what is ahead for them. :)

What sets us apart, as a couple who are 50+, from those who've quit is what keeps any couple at any age involved in swinging: attitude and outlook. If you're finding more negatives in swinging than positives, finding yourself getting angry and not learning from your mistakes (or admitting you've made any) then you won't make it as a swinger.

 

You have to know what you want and where and how to find it. If most swingers are younger than yourself you need to be able to relate to those age groups. We can. We share many similar interests with couples younger than ourselves and this is a great asset to us since the market is mostly younger people.

Share this post


Link to post

Great answers so far, thanks everyone!

 

LikeMinds321 said:
If most swingers are younger than yourself you need to be able to relate to those age groups. We can. We share many similar interests with couples younger than ourselves and this is a great asset to us since the market is mostly younger people.

 

LM, what interests in particular do you you share with younger couples?

Share this post


Link to post

I am hoping the answers to that poll are skewed a bit, simply due to people over 50 using the Internet less than those in their 30's and 40's. That's not a backhanded slam, please don't take it that way! I bet there are a lot more 50+ folks out there swinging than are reflected in the data.

 

I'm 40 and Mr. Fuse is 39. We've been seeing a lot of a couple who are 48 and 50, and a former favorite of mine was 51, though his wife is in her early 40's. What sets them apart? They do a lot of things the Tybees and LikeMinds do: keep in shape and keep the joyful attitude that helps make them attractive.

 

They also really like sex. This seems obvious, but we've met swingers who don't seem to like it too much.

Share this post


Link to post

First off I really question the true accuracy of your statistics as well as your interpretation of them. As always, I am going to make some pretty strong statements and one of them is I believe most "real" swingers range in age from upper 30s and on up. Now by real swingers I mean couples that are truly open to the idea of meeting and having actual erotic encounters with other couples.

 

Yes the clubs are full of 20 and 30-somethings but IMHO a lot of them are just "nipple lickers" (a term I picked up on this board :) ) and are not serious swingers. They may like to go to the clubs to dress sexy, dirty dance and of course flash their boobs and lick some nipples and many may even do some Fem/Fem activities before going home with their own partner and that is all fine and dandy I have nothing against that. However, from what I have seen a lot of true swingers are in their 40s and on up. Recently at a club I saw a table of several couples that had to have been in their 70s and they seemed no worse for wear.

 

I also do not believe that there is any true lack of potential partners in the age brackets you discuss either. While I am in my early 40s and Mrs iapr is about to turn 40 (sshhhhh, I promised not to tell) we have had opportunities to play with 21 year olds all the way to folks in their 50s. With the 21 year olds we were the ones that backed out of that one because we questioned their motivations and actual level of consent. In other words we did not think they were "for real." Now on the other hand everyone that we have encountered in their 50s have had their $#!^ together and age was not a factor once the conversations began.

 

I really think the bottom line is swinging can be tough no matter what age you are. Yes the young and firm and beautiful are always going to have some advantages in the sexual arena but there are so many other factors at play and many of the advantages of being young are offset by other factors. There is no level playing field here and we all have our own personal minefields to cross. It's not easy for anyone, you just take the cards you are dealt and play hand as best you can, sometimes you win sometimes you don't. If you don't win today, go back tomorrow.

 

My advice is don't spend time and energy worrying about age and don't count yourself out of the game until your coffin lid is nailed shut. I think LikeMinds offered some good insights and perspective. If one is fit and healthy, dresses sharp and is impeccably groomed, other people are going to find that person attractive and sexy. As a 40 year old bald guy I can tell you there are a number of young women that have the "older man" fantasy and mrs iapr turns heads of all age groups and is surely the subject of a lot of young studs "MILF" fantasies. My point there is there is something for everyone and everyone has something to offer.

Share this post


Link to post
iapr said:
First off I really question the true accuracy of your statistics as well as your interpretation of them.

 

I should have shared the polls & info I was reading right before I posted my questions. Here they are:

 

Vegas Lee's poll with 1,175 responses so far: How old are you?

 

OhioCouple's poll with 173 votes so far: What age group are you?

 

In each poll, there's a definite curve with the swinging population dropping off pretty significantly after age 50 or so. This is what prompted me to seek thoughts, opinions, and insights from those who are still swinging in that age bracket. It can't hurt to know the facts, learn from the pros and formulate a game plan! Coaches and successful entrepreneurs know that the best way to win is to know what's ahead, figure how they might succeed against the odds, and to develop a strategy. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
They also really like sex. This seems obvious, but we've met swingers who don't seem to like it too much.

 

Fuse, this is fascinating - meeting swingers who don't seem to like sex much! It's so fascinating, it deserves it's own thread. Has this topic been done? I'd love to hear more about your experiences with this.

Share this post


Link to post
Tybee Swing said:

LM, what interests in particular do you you share with younger couples?

What first comes to mind is younger couples are usually both interested in equally playing and in full swap. Couples 50-60 don't seem to be looking for this. (Keep in mind that I am only commenting on swingers in our area. It may be very different in other parts of the country.) The 50+ profiles in our area contain an abundance of statements saying the man "likes to observe" or "take pictures" or they state they are seeking "multiple men for the wife" or "bi-fems for the wife" or they say "he is great at oral" (which makes me think his focus is primarily oral because he has performance problems - I could be wrong but I've found I've developed a sixth sense about these things). Oral is fine but I want a man who is confident with his cock and can use it inside me.

 

In many ways it's more a matter of numbers. There are so few people our age to choose from and when we go through all the profiles looking for compatibility we quickly are left with 0 results. We then look to those in their 40s and the number of profiles quadruples - so does our chance of finding a compatible couple because we have more to choose from. If we consider those in their 30s we have 8 times more people to consider than if we limited our search to people our age.

 

With younger couples I find we often share an interest in going to gay clubs to dance. We love electronic/techno music and that's where we find it. These clubs attract a younger group. We're always the oldest people there. :D We enjoy hangin' with the art crowd, prefer laid-back bars with an eclectic mix of people of all ages where we can be comfortable in our jeans (our primary attire). Mr LM runs and works out regularly and many of the younger couples do the same.

 

Our shared "interests" really have more to do with a shared outlook on life and the energy we all put into living.

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks for your detailed response, LM. It's full of very helpful information!

 

"With younger couples I find we often share an interest in going to gay clubs to dance. We love electronic/techno music and that's where we find it."

 

This makes me smile, because we love to dance and we also have a hard time meeting people our age that really like to. We have a gay club in our city that is said to have the best DJ's and the best dance floors in town. We still haven't found anybody that wants to go there with us! :lol: Mr. Tybee is straight as an arrow, but he'd be totally up to going in there just for the eclectic crowd, the music, dancing, etc. Hey, if you're ever in our town, let's go! ;)

Share this post


Link to post

I still question the true accuracy of the stats and how it pertains to the real world. Those numbers only reflect a sampling out of who answered those polls on this board (as well as the other board you referenced) I still believe what I said above that there are many happy and active swingers out there over the age of 50. There could be a lot of reasons that that age group is not accurately represented in those polls. One possible reason is that instead of spending time on the computer answering polls they are too busy SWINGING!!!!!

 

I am not trying to argue with you, in fact I agree with you 100% in that it is always a good idea to be armed with information on what could be coming up. I am just not buying off on the idea that there is as slim pickings after the age of 50 as what those numbers may suggest.

 

I am not over 50 and I am far from a pro but I think as far as game plans I think LikeMinds had some good insights and pointers. My game plan is keep the mind sharp and the body as fit and healthy as possible. Mrs iapr has a good eye for fashion so I wear what she picks out for me and tells me to wear. And the most important thing is keep a good attitude and open mind and get out and be as social as possible and view every day as a day to brush up on your flirting skills. I figure if I can actually pull all that off things should fall into place more often than not.

Share this post


Link to post
I am not over 50 and I am far from a pro but I think as far as game plans I think LikeMinds had some good insights and pointers. My game plan is keep the mind sharp and the body as fit and healthy as possible. Mrs iapr has a good eye for fashion so I wear what she picks out for me and tells me to wear. And the most important thing is keep a good attitude and open mind and get out and be as social as possible and view every day as a day to brush up on your flirting skills. I figure if I can actually pull all that off things should fall into place more often than not.

 

I agree! Sounds like a great game plan, for sure. By the way, I tend to pick out Mr. Tybee's clothes for clubbing, too. Or at least, he comes to me for advice when he's dressing. We women know what the ladies like to look at! ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Tybee Swing said:
Thanks for your detailed response, LM. It's full of very helpful information!

 

Quote
"With younger couples I find we often share an interest in going to gay clubs to dance. We love electronic/techno music and that's where we find it."
This makes me smile, because we love to dance and we also have a hard time meeting people our age that really like to. We have a gay club in our city that is said to have the best DJ's and the best dance floors in town. We still haven't found anybody that wants to go there with us! :lol: Mr. Tybee is straight as an arrow, but he'd be totally up to going in there just for the eclectic crowd, the music, dancing, etc. Hey, if you're ever in our town, let's go! ;)

Mr LM is also straight, so this story I'll share may give you and Mr Tybee a chuckle.

 

Once at a gay dance club with our good swinging friends she and I were dancing together. Her husband (Mr SF, I'll call him, is also straight) and Mr LM were standing in the observation area, above, watching us. A very drunk gay guy next to Mr LM made a pass at him. Mr LM was stunned, but quickly handled the moment tactfully by replying, "I'm with him," referring to Mr SF. We all laughed about that the rest of the night and we girls teased our husbands mercilessly.

 

You can be sure that if we're ever down your way we'll all head to the club for some great dancing!

Share this post


Link to post
A very drunk gay guy next to Mr LM made a pass at him. Mr LM was stunned, but quickly handled the moment tactfully by replying, "I'm with him," referring to Mr SF. We all laughed about that the rest of the night and we girls teased our husbands mercilessly.

 

:lol: That sounds like something we'd probably do!

Share this post


Link to post

I'm 50, I'm still swinging because it's still fun and I still can. As far as the internet, I think once you hit 50, you're not included in many searches. I seem to have much more success in reality vs virtual reality. I think a lot of staying in swinging past 50 depends on your outlook on life, your attitude and how well you take care of yourself. My playmates/dates over the past year have ranged from late twenties to mid fifties so I think keeping an open mind as far as age is important to staying "in the game".

Share this post


Link to post
LikeMinds321 said:
Mr LM was stunned, but quickly handled the moment tactfully by replying, "I'm with him," referring to Mr SF.

 

I love it!! :cool:

Share this post


Link to post
curiousagain said:

 

...As far as the internet, I think once you hit 50, you're not included in many searches. I seem to have much more success in reality vs virtual reality...

 

This is an important tip.

 

We, too, realized that most younger swingers using ad sites won't put '50' in their search. If you want to get noticed on ad sites and you're 50+ you need to become active in the forums on those sites so you get noticed. I'd also suggest making sure you have pictures posted of yourselves in your profile. And finally, get out to the clubs so that people can meet you.

Share this post


Link to post
We, too, realized that most younger swingers using ad sites won't put '50' in their search.

 

I bet that a lot of 50+ people keep that number at 49 or below as long as they feel they can get away with it, just for this very reason.

Share this post


Link to post

If you think you are old, you are! We are 73 and 69, and we do not have the time to play with all the couples we would enjoy. We use the internet as we returned to the US after living abroad for 4 years. So, we had to meet new couples and that is the quickest way.

Share this post


Link to post

How cool to have your dance card full at 60+! Great attitudes. What are your special tips, specifically? Details, please. :)

Share this post


Link to post

Thought we would way in with our experience. We are in the fifty generation and have found there are a lot of swingers in out age range in our area. So, like others I question the accuracy of the polls as they pertain to our area. As was said the responses are based on two pre-conditions -- 1. respondents are part of the Forum and 2. take time to respond. But, even if they are somewhat accurate there are still more people our age who are swinging (let alone those younger who will swing with us) than we have time to play with. Also, at a convention such has November In New Orleans (now in June) where there are about 1000 couples there are more than a years worth in their 50s.

 

Some of our playmates have been swinging for 20 years and some, like us, only a few years. Now, it is true that there are fewer in their fifties and older, but there are still plenty to choose from and many of them are far better sexual partners than the younger, less experienced, and who have less ability to control themselves. It is also true that you will not find many - make that any in our experience- with six pack abs, etc. We all have wrinkles and some sags and probably some extra body fat. This is one of the reservations people have to to starting swinging in later years - many are too self conscious of their looks to be naked in front of others. Another reason there are fewer older swingers is the health problems that come with age. Many have developed chronic illnesses that are debilitating or whose medicines have unwelcome sexual performance side effects.

 

Bottom line, don't worry about growing older and swinging. There may be fewer playmates to choose from, but there will be more than enough to keep a smile on your face!!! :)  :kissface:

Share this post


Link to post

The wife and I are in our early 50's and looking into expanding our sexual horizons. I'm not to sure if there are many couples like us that are starting to look into swinging at 50 but I have a theory. We have been married for 26 years and never cheated on each other. We have worked and raised three kids since getting married in our late 20's. Our youngest is getting ready to go off to college. I think that if we didn't have the kids we probably would have been involved in the lifestyle in our 30's so in essense we appear to have put (subconsciously) our lives on hold for 20+ years. Now with our parental obligations fulfilled I guess we are looking at life as if we were back at 30. We are under no misconceptions as to the sags and the wrinkles, nor do we care. As far as we are concerned 'old age' is, for the most part a state of mind, and that we still have an adventerous spirit to try something new and exciting.

Share this post


Link to post

We are both in our 50's. We meet with a regular small group of 40-50 year olds at house parties. This at least monthly. We enjoy it because everyone knows each other and we get along. Usually one new couple is invited to each party and made to feel welcome. :three: If they enjoy us and we enjoy them, they become regulars. Just like normal middle friends, we bring light snacks or cook out. The only difference is we get naked and party later. :sex:

 

We also go the special theme group events (gang bang parties, life style conventions) as the time permits.

Share this post


Link to post

TyBee. If you are a grandmother, you have most likely gone through menopause. How did this impact your swinging? I ask this only for educational reasons because we have a very large population of citizens facing this situation. I am under the impression that older men still need and desire sex. On the other hand, women seems to have various reactions to the "change of life" ranging from continued sexual activity to completely ending their sexual interests. This can have a giant impact on the husband. Your evaluation would be appreciated.

Share this post


Link to post

ok I've said it once before.. Age is just a number on your drivers license. you need to get it out of your head and go party.. The sandbox is waiting for you go play...

 

and I've played with lady in their early 50 its great then and great know...

Share this post


Link to post

I like this thread!

 

I would tend to think the polls are fairly accurate. We are in our late forties and just getting started. I'm glad to see there is a future ahead of us based on some of the replies. But just like any other activity, the older a person gets the less likely they are to do it. I'm talking in general and of course there are many many exceptions thank God. I can think of a few reasons why a given group of older swingers would be more prone to leave the lifestyle. Health, I would think would be one reason. Self perception could be another. Let's face it, by the time a lot of people hit 40 they let themselves go and get lazy. A huge problem in this country at any age. In general, the older one gets, the more likely that is to happen. When we first started talking about this I had my doubts that there would be anybody out there that would want to play with a 47 year old guy with gray hair and a big forehead. :( Then I started checking out SLS and saw that there were plenty of swingers out there our age, or at least would play with somebody our age. Some looked pretty damn good too. We recently met a couple, a get to know each other thing. The lady was 50 but you would never guess it by her looks, attitude, and how she carried herself. Unless she is the only one out there I know we have a future in the lifestyle.

 

It all boils down to attitude and...attitude. I still play like a kid and have all kinds of man toys that keep me young at heart anyway. AND, I'm a firm believer in "use it or lose it". So I use it as much as possible. ;)

Share this post


Link to post

Over the years, we have kicked this topic around with friends quite a few times! Some simple conclusions we have arrived at:

 

The 'age vs swinging' thing is, like other issues within society, knee-deep in stereotypes. "People over ___ are flabby, wrinkled and gross"... "men over ___ can't get/keep it up", etc. The truth of the matter is that some people over __ are flabby, wrinkled and gross - but so are some people under said age. Some men over __ can't get/keep it up - but quite a few under said age have the same problem..plus the added fun of premature ejaculation!

 

The issue tends to be on a sliding scale. For some reason, when one turns 39, those 40 year olds look a lot better than they used to. :confused:

 

We find it funny that at Meet and Greets where ages are not readily available, who develops an interest in who. We've had others say, "We are on ___ site too, and we've never seen you two or we would have said hello!" Maybe..but we suspect that the reason they never saw us on the site is because when they do their searches, they set the 'age interested in' filter below our ages. :lol:

 

Things that make ya go, "Hmmm..."

Share this post


Link to post

I love the replies from the "50+" group. They have no idea what will happen with meeting new couples when they hit 60. Look at the SLS profiles, quite a lot of them include interest in couples to 60. Very few include an interest in meeting couples OVER 60. At 61 & 62 that really makes me feel like s**t, even though we are both HW proportionate etc. As newbies in the lifestyle, it makes it very difficult.

Share this post


Link to post

Well, we're both in our 50's now. Have been in the line of fire for 3 or so years so I guess we're done, right? :sad:

 

Wrong! :nono:

 

There are so many couples we are interested in we have a hard time scheduling everyone. Sure there may be fewer people who put you in their searches but if you take the initiative and contact people you would be very surprised at the responses. Frankly, we aren't desperate by any means!

Share this post


Link to post

Pensacolapair has hit the nail right on the head. There are many younger couples that will not be with older couples because of the mother nature factor. As I said before, the club that we attend is mostly couples ages 40's and up.

 

There was this older guy there that ask me to play,(I'm guessing he was around 65yrs. old) but I would not because I was scared that I would kill him. Didn't want that on my conscious. My girlfriend played with him out of pity and came out of the room with the biggest smile on her face. She said to me,"don't underestimate grandpa because he knows how to throw down". Ever since than, i am able to appreciate an older couple.They've been around for a while and they maybe able to teach me some new tricks. Your never too old to learn. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Tia Vampire said:
...There was this older guy there that ask me to play,(I'm guessing he was around 65yrs. old) but I would not because I was scared that I would kill him. Didn't want that on my conscious. My girlfriend played with him out of pity and came out of the room with the biggest smile on her face. She said to me,"don't underestimate grandpa because he knows how to throw down". Ever since than, i am able to appreciate an older couple.They've been around for a while and they maybe able to teach me some new tricks. Your never too old to learn. :)

 

...Remember that in 15 yrs. or so!!! :kissface:

Share this post


Link to post

Knockin' Vintage Boots

Golden girls get their groove on past 60

by Tristan Taormino

May 22nd, 2007 7:51 PM

 

 

Do you remember how everyone drooled over 61-year-old Helen Mirren at this year's Oscars, using adjectives usually reserved for women a third her age, like hot, sexy, and playful? The actress worked it, showing some cleavage and even admitting afterwards to going pantiless at the award ceremony. One blogger wrote: "To anyone whose body did not shiver with glee, there must be something wrong with you and your sexual organs. Face it. A pantiless Helen Mirren is like the cherry on top of a sexy ice cream sundae."

 

Only recently has mainstream society embraced the concept of mature women as sexual: Witness cougars (older women who pursue/date/fuck only younger men), MILFs ("mothers I'd like to fuck"), and Desperate Housewives. While these categories have been embraced and become part of our popular vernacular, they are generally portrayed as women in their forties. Mainstream media would have us believe that after 45, women stop being sexy. And past 60? Well, that's just old, right? (Old being the opposite of young, young being sexy, and sexy being young.) People are living longer, healthier lives so why shouldn't their sex lives keep on going? And why are we so afraid to imagine that they do?

 

"It's much easier to think about Grandma baking cookies than having sex," says Lauren Taylor, a professor at Columbia School of Social Work and a clinical social worker who does individual and group therapy. She works almost exclusively with people over 60 at the Service Program for Older People (spop.org), a clinic on the Upper West Side. "In approaching the subject of sex with older people, almost all of them feel tremendously relieved to be talking about it because no one else will—not their doctors, not their families; no one wants to talk about it."

 

Taylor has found that nearly all her female clients are still interested in having some kind of sexual relationship—even those in their eighties: "The oldest woman in my women's group is 89, and she was recently talking about the fact that she's been very lucky all of her life that she's been able to masturbate and give herself pleasure. As recently as two weeks ago, she said she had a fantastic orgasm." The biggest hurdle, says Taylor, is not getting older folks to open up about sex, but rather getting them to think beyond intercourse. As people get older, their minds may stay hot to trot, but inevitably for many, their bodies fall behind; they must confront real physical issues like arthritis, limited mobility, erectile difficulties, and vaginal dryness and pain. Although Viagra has made it possible for many men to solve their erection problems, Taylor believes it has also put the emphasis on intercourse as the most desirable—or only—definition of sex. She says if seniors can think beyond intercourse, the issue of "performance" doesn't have to take center stage.

 

Betty Dodson (https://dodsonandross.com/) concurs: "We have to stop thinking that sex is only penis-vagina intercourse. Masturbation is sex for the older generation; plus there's oral sex, shared hand jobs, sex toys, and lots more to do." Dodson—an artist, sex educator, and author of Sex for One and Orgasms for Two, known as the "Mother of Masturbation" for her groundbreaking work on women and self-pleasure—continues to be sexually active at 77. "My seventies have been one of the best decades of my life. I'm healthy, I'm creative, I'm enjoying life, I'm sharing it with people, and I'm having great orgasms," she recently told me on the phone from British Columbia, where she's the keynote speaker at the Victoria Erotica Festival of Film and Arts. She admits that having a much younger lover (Eric, now 30, who's been with her for eight years) has kept her young, but that is just one of the many ways she defies the cultural stereotype that older women shouldn't be or aren't sexual.

 

In a review of Deirdre Fishel's documentary Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women Over 65 (stilldoingit.com), Chris Parry, a reviewer for efilmcritic.com, wrote about seeing older women naked: "Personally, I can deal with seeing older flesh on-screen, and nothing shown is in any way done for the sake of titillation, but it's just toooo [sic] in your face." His response echoes common sentiments of fear and disgust surrounding older people's sexuality. "At what age do you plan to retire your genitals?" That's what Joan Price (joanprice.com) asks those who consider sexy seniors "icky." Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk About Sex After Sixty, says, "The main misconception is that seniors are either asexual, pathetic, or ludicrous because they're still interested in sex." She was so frustrated with the lack of positive images and information, she wrote a book about what she calls "ageless sexuality." Price tackles a myriad of subjects from serious issues like dealing with painful intercourse to spicy stories of threesomes.

 

Price's book, Dodson's work, and Fishel's documentary have all kick-started a much needed dialogue. They not only prove that seniors do in fact have fulfilling sex lives, they can also empower older folks to get busy. However, there is a serious lack of resources for the complex sexual issues facing people over 60, including illness and disability, hormonal changes, a decrease in libido and arousal, and the effect of common medications, not too mention coping with major changes to the vagina post-menopause, including dryness, atrophy, and a thinning of the tissue that can cause tearing, discomfort, and pain.

 

"I'd love to see research done on the sexuality of aging women, " says Dodson. "As our biological urges retreat and our hormones diminish, many women report that they still want sex emotionally, but they wish their physiological responses were a match for the emotional desire. Sex is such an important part of intimacy and bonding, of touching and feeling connected with a partner, of accepting our bodies and the wonderful physicality of which we're capable." Like many women, in her mid-fifties, Betty Dodson began to experience a thinning of the vaginal tissue. Her solution? "It's not all about the vagina! So I switched over to anal penetration. No thinning in the rectum—that's one sturdy organ." Go, Betty, go.

Share this post


Link to post

This is fun. You have the young crowd wondering about sex after 50.

 

My wife and I have passed the magic 50 several years ago and still have our friends. When you are young, the thought of your parents or older people having sex may almost make you sick at your stomach. But when you are at that age and still want and desire sex and the close contact of others, you make mental adjustments. We have observed many factors that slow down the activity. Health is probably the number issue. To stay sexually active, you have got to control your weight with a good diet and exercise. We eat basically from a method of food preparation designed by Dr. Hass from his book, Eat to Win. It keeps us lean and horny, as compared to other people our age.

 

Some of our friends also have issues with high blood pressure. The medication from this can really slow up the erection process. Something that we have found that keeps the body interested and able to deal with physical sex is exercise. We jog 3 miles every day and bicycle 25 miles a week. If that doesn't work, try Viagra or one of the other pills.

 

The main thing is that the men have to stay active. If you don't use it, you lose it, is true. A flat "happy stick" can throw a fellow into panic mode.

 

In regards to the ladies, nature decides that the woman should not have anymore kids. This is accomplished by a process called menopause. For some and maybe most, this can be a major turning point. There are changes in natural lubrication and wall thickness of the vagina that may make the woman to not want intercourse. So here the lady is with a reduced level of sex interest having to deal with a horny old husband that thinks he is still 25 years old.

 

Foreplay in the younger crowd means take your clothes off. To the senior man it means that he better be super sensitive to his lady. She may not be as horny or may not be horny at all but if she likes him, she will let him play.

 

Do seniors think about sex and having sex with other people. You bet. And better yet, we still do.

Share this post


Link to post

DBL D, I was speaking about myself when I said you are never too old to learn. :kissface: Like many have said, I thought there was a age limit when you did not do it anymore. I have heard my mom (who is 62yrs. old) say plenty of times that it just is'nt on her mind like it was when she was younger. I have gone out to buy her a dildo (which she does use) because my step-dad can't get it up anymore. I don't want her to get coochie cob webs. :lol: I think my mom still looks good, she's a classy woman, she has a beautiful smile, and a nice figure. If she was a swinger, she would get her share of attention.

 

I'm wanting to be with an much older guy myself, but my fiance makes fun of me, so I have not done it yet. The oldest guy that I have been with looked like he was around 55yrs. or so.

Share this post


Link to post
Tia Vampire said:
....DBL D, I was speaking about myself when I said you are never too old to learn. :kissface:

 

Man, I'm glad you cleared that up for me. ::P::lol:

 

I think your hubby is severely cruel to torment you like he has. Live and let live I say.

 

See you in 14 yrs. 11 mos. and 28 days. :kissface:

Share this post


Link to post

We're in our 40's and the couples we play with range from 30's- to 40's. Seems as we get older the sex with our friends becomes better and more exciting. Seems we all become less inhibited and more open to our sexual desires.

 

We also stay fit and healthy so that we all remain attractive and desirable toward each other. Do I see us slowing down? WE BETTER NOT!

Share this post


Link to post

We got into this a year ago, My wife is 64, I'm 57 and we've met some simply outstanding couples that are 50+ and ALL mentioned they have groups of friends they meet / play with privately. One of the things I THINK (ladies help me out here...) is the young and the beautiful might be a concern or intimidating to women 50+... I might be wrong but I have a tendency to not suggest to my wife we go to clubs/gatherings of mostly 20-30 somethings (and nothing wrong about those couples either...) if it might make my wife uncomfortable (this is all about fun right?). The one constant we still run into is phonies, flakes and bozos of any age.

 

We get quite a few serious messages from couples in their 30's and we still cannot get past our "whats up with this?" reaction....Not being judgmental we just feel weird...but geez a 50+ in shape sexy woman is a treat....(look at the well written posts here and I think how Hollywood is taking a fresh look at women such as Goldy Hawnn et al.

 

What still impresses us is all the couples know how to have fun and put a smile on their face...

Share this post


Link to post
We have observed many factors that slow down the activity. Health is probably the number issue. To stay sexually active, you have got to control your weight with a good diet and exercise.

...

Something that we have found that keeps the body interested and able to deal with physical sex is exercise.

 

:iagree: 100%!!

 

In regards to the ladies, nature decides that the woman should not have anymore kids. This is accomplished by a process called menopause. For some and maybe most, this can be a major turning point. There are changes in natural lubrication and wall thickness of the vagina that may make the woman to not want intercourse. So here the lady is with a reduced level of sex interest having to deal with a horny old husband that thinks he is still 25 years old.

 

This does happen unfortunately, but the good news is that it doesn't have to. It's all about hormones! :) Last November, I had to go into instant surgically-induced menopause. Immediately, I started taking a balance of the three hormones (estrogen, progesterone & testosterone), doctor's prescription. I've experienced virtually no menopausal symptoms. It's the hormones that keep the vagina supple, no loss of lubrication, and even keeps the skin young (maintains the production of collagen). Women that go into menopause and don't take hormones usually experience shrinkage (drying up, atrophy) of the vagina, loss of skin tone, and a very rapid aging process kicks in. I've seen it happen that way in women I know. Here's what testosterone replacement does for a woman: increase libido, improve mood, increase energy, fight fatigue, lead to increased fat loss. Women only need a little - and we produced it naturally when we had ovaries. The right amount won't give us any "manly" symptoms. It can literally keep women slender, young, and horny. ;) It's been 7 months, and everything's working this way for me.

 

One of the things I THINK (ladies help me out here...) is the young and the beautiful might be a concern or iintimidatiing to women 50+... I might be wrong but I have a tendency to not suggest to my wife we go to clubs/gatherings of mostly 20-30 somethings (and nothing wrong about those couples either...) if it might make my wife uncomfortable (this is all about fun right?).

 

All women are different, but I think that it would only be uncomfortable to be at swinger clubs/gatherings with primarily much younger couples for these two reasons: If their own husband is overly preoccupied with youth and places a high value on being with a young thing, and/or if the people at the gathering are making the 50-something couple feel left out and undesirable (just simply by rejection, even if they're polite). Nobody wants to be in a gathering where most people there think you're too old and you're not wanted. If the same nice, good-looking 50-something couple was in a more age-blended group, they'd be more welcome and more wanted, too. It's just simple math. ;)

 

I don't think that the young are "intimidating" by any means. But, depending on the situation it could feel weird, like hanging out with your children's friends. ;) You lumped "young and beautiful" as one topic, though. Being intimidated by beauty isn't an age issue. Some of the most beautiful people at the gathering could be well over 30. Youth doesn't necessarily equal beauty.

 

Personally, I like being at parties/activities with a variety of ages and people from all walks of life. It's fun to mingle with all kinds of people. But when it comes to sex, I'd rather be in a crowd that sees me as a peer, not viewed as someone that should be hanging out with their mom instead of them. :lol: It's all about being accepted socially and matching up sexually, nothing to do with intimidation or lack of confidence.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Sawman
      I am at the mature end of the swinging demographic as are my play friends. The ladies have their share of curves and character lines and often prefer to wear something when younger, fitter ladies prefer total nudity. This is just to say clothing is totally OK if it makes you comfortable. This is not a photo shoot. This is intimacy and mutual giving. Besides, a little color and texture is nice to see and feel. When I know my partner is shy I can adjust and just observe that as a boundary.
       
      Now, go shopping.
    • By lcmim
      https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/12/magazine/sex-old-age.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare
       
      I am 73 my wife is 69. She just sent me this article.
         
    • By Ashley
      When will you stop swinging?
       
      I see lots of swingers well into their sixties but I'm not so sure that I want to swing that long. I wonder when people stop swinging due to age is it because they are having physical difficulties or do they just start to feel too unattractive? Do we have anyone in their sixties or seventies on this board that can provide first-hand impressions?
    • By MacsMan
      We’ve been out of swinging for some years now and wondered whether there is a place for 70 years old swingers? I do don’t mind if it’s just the wife who has the action although obviously I too would love to play again.
    • By interested-05
      This is for older couples primarily, but could apply to any group.The question boils down to, as you get older does sex become a little less fun or does sex with the same loving person, become a little less exciting? Does life become simply routine or is the sex drive simply not demanding as much attention? Or do couples simply get bored with each other? Guess i'm wondering how to raise the heat level in an otherwise great relationship
×
×
  • Create New...