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Vanchoc

Single female mostly interested in females. How to start?

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I'm a single female who is interested in swinging. Now here is my problem. lol

 

I am interested in females right now, reason being I just broke up with a guy and I need the time away from men. I tried just looking for a female friend but most of the females I met SAID they were looking for a female friend but left out that they were attached or married or had a man who wanted to be involved. I had no problem with that but I did get upset because these women did not seem to be doing this for themselves at all. It was always something their man wanted to do. And on top of that I would get hundreds of emails from men even though my profile said I was a bi fem looking for other BI FEMALES ONLY. lol

 

So since I have been trying to break into this swing life lol I have received lots more emails from guys who want to go with me as a couple to clubs or what ever. I am not looking for a man right now period but if they would just give me time and leave me alone then maybe it could happen but from the volume of emails I get I'm just like shocked and pissed off that these single men don't get it. How do I handle this without being nasty? I don't want to feel pressured to be with a man when i go to a party or attempt to go to a party for swingers and I don't want to just give up on it because of the pressure.

 

I mean don't get me wrong, I don't mind chatting with a guy IF HE IS NOT PUSHY there are some nice guys out there and the best thing you can do as a male is not pressure me, just talk to me and let ME volunteer my time if I so choose to go with you to a club or meet you.

 

I have met some very nice upfront couples also and I would love to hang out with them simply because they were honest and it was not just about the guy pushing his girl to do something for him to get off. I don't mind being with couples at all. But even there I have ran into awkward situations where the male wanted to meet me on the side without his wife's knowledge.

 

What do I do? Do I tell the wife her man is trying to cheat on her? Or do you just leave it alone? What's the right way to handle this without me looking like the bad person?

 

I am just in it to meet cool guys and gals and have great times hopefully. But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok? Or can I say that I am basically more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if that's what her and him want?

 

Sorry I'm ranting but I need help BEFORE I attempt to swing so I can know what I am doing once I get there lol

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Vanchoc, I'm assuming that you have an ad somewhere, right? If it's possible to block single guys, then do that (or get on a site like SLS that will let you do it.) That ought to cut down on those unwanted emails.

 

One thing you might try is seeking, either at clubs or online, couples with a bi-female where the guy just wants to watch. It's more common then you think, and would probably be much easier than trying to find a single bi-female, who are as rare as unicorns. :)

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My thoughts, for what they are worth. I'm not a woman so I can only guess at what may work for you.

 

Search the ads and WRITE to the women you want to meet. I can't believe how many women who state they are looking for single men wait for men to write them, then complain about not meeting any men. If you don't make the effort, you won't get the reward. Same probably goes for women looking for couples and other women. Just because you are in high demand, you still have to put forth the effort to find who you want to find. Just because they are out there doesn't mean they are going to write to you. Most of the women I've corresponded with online were women I had to contact. Funny thing is, many of them say they had read my profile before I wrote them and liked it. :rolleyes: When I asked why they didn't write to say so, they said they were sure I must get lots of compliments and didn't want to be just one of the crowd :eek::confused: Surrender Like I said, that double X chromosone does something to the logic centers of your brains :lol:

 

Go to the right clubs for what you want. Call first to make sure that there will be a host couple or hostess that will show you around and introduce you to people you may connect with. Though I hate to say it, stay away from clubs that admit single men, at least for now. While I think you've contradicted yourself several times with your comments about single men, you made sense to yourself. Therefore, don't put yourself in a situation where you will have to fend off men in a club setting. Better yet, if there is a lesbian bar near where you live, go there. Most of those patrons are straight women looking for a night out without men. The ones interested in women will make themselves known to you. But be warned:When a person wants sex, their testosterone level rises and they become aggressive. That goes for women as well as men. Be prepared to fend off women who think that their vagina and your presence in a sexually charged environment gives them the right to grope you.

 

Don't try so hard. A woman will run from a man she is head over heels in lust with if he starts acting desperate or impatient. I'm sure they will do the same if approached that way by another woman (but you know that already).

 

As for the emails from guys, forget about it. Read the first line. If its the only line, delete it. If you don't like what he says, delete it. If its something intelligent, save it on you hard drive in a special file, then delete it from your mailbox. Why? If you don't delete it, most likely he'll know and write again. If you don't want to meet men at this time, don't give him a reason to say "hey, thought I'd say hello again. How have you been since last month?" Also, if you save it, you can go back later and tell him you liked his email but wasn't ready to talk just them. He probably won't believe you at first (the emails we get from single women start like that, then the next one sends us to a pay site :mad: so be prepared to prove you are real. Men aren't the only trolls on the net.

 

Finally, and to repeat myself, tell them what you want. If they don't know, they will assume you will go for anything. You are in swinging for the same reason every other single man, woman, and couple is in swinging. To have sex! If you don't say what type of sex you want to have, nearly everyone will approach you because you are a single bisexual female and everyone believes they will be the right one for you for that particular time. Set them straight early and you will be treated right later. soapbox

 

Hey, that's a good saying. I'll have to put that on my next tee shirt.

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Hi Vanchoc!

 

Dito to what BradAndJanet and EternallySingle had to say.

 

They gave wise advice.

 

I would add that I think you're suffering from swinger site overload, post traumatic search syndrome, and secondary single male infiltration fractures. :lol:

 

But you'll recover. ;)

 

Seriously, when I first put our three sites up we were bombarded with contacts from men, even though we stated we were not seeking men.

 

SLS has a way to block males. Use it.

 

Actively seek out people you would like to get to know better. In your case I believe you want to meet woman or couples with bi-females. Send them a personalized introduction to let them know you're interested. It doesn't have to be long. Just don't use a canned Hi-take-a-look-at-my-profile message. Those are a turn off.

 

 

I am just here to meet kool ppl, guys and gals and have great times hopefully. But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok?? Or can I say that I am basicly more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if thats what her and him wants???
I wouldn't even suggest you'll do a man alone with his wife's consent; that would likely bring more disappointment to you than happiness. Besides, after you find a couple you are getting along well with, you can approach them with that idea if that is something of interest to you and them.

 

Read lots of other profiles. When you run across ones that say things just the way you'd like to, use it in your ad. You'll find your best ideas for expressing yourself through reading other's profiles. You can then tweak your profile as you see fit--daily if necessary. Focus on what you truly want at this time. Your wants will change over time.

 

Good luck!

 

LM

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thanx guys very good feed back here and I will use it all lol Alos I would like to say that yes I have put forth an effort to meet other like minded females to be with because it was what they said in their profile that they were looking for a bi fem for fun or what ever but alot of times after the fact I would find out that there was a man involved and this is what made me angry. I just wanted the truth up front you know?? So I will just fix my profle like you said and see where this leads me in my hunt for the one or one's lol

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LikeMinds321 said:

I would add that I think you're suffering from swinger site overload, post traumatic search syndrome, and secondary single male infiltration fractures.

 

 

 

Wow I think I need to lay down after that one lol

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With these quotes in mind.....

 

I am intrested in females right now reason being i just broke up with a guy and i need the time away from men.

 

and

 

I am not looking for a man right now period

 

you may consider changing your profile to "Seeking Lesbian Females Only" or something along those lines (even though your are obviously not a lesbian). This may help to minimize the unwanted contacts from single men and married men with bi-fem partners.

 

As previously noted in this thread, single bi-fems are not very common . Even less common are single bi-fems seeking to only have contact with other bi-fems. If you entertain contacts with couples you must also be prepared to deal with a man (unless its a lesbian couple).

 

From your post I gather that you are not against that but your preference is really the woman. This is not a big deal but the couple that you are dealing with must understand that. Since swinging is a "team sport", it is not uncommon that a man will expect to play as well (I know thats the way that I feel) at least on some level. Excluding one member of the couple in playtime does not go over well (unless it is planned and discussed ahead of time).

 

I tried just looking for a female friend but most of the females i met SAID they were looking for a female friend but left out that they were attatched or married or had a man who wanted to be involved.

 

If she wasn't up front about her situation then she should be able to understand when you tell her off. This is just devious.

 

But even there I have ran into awkward situations where the male wanted to meet me on the side without his wifes knowledge.

 

These people are not swingers.....the're cheaters. Avoid them like the plague.

 

But do I go in with a clause that states that I will not do the man alone unless the wife tells me face to face its ok??

 

YES!

 

Or can I say that I am basicly more into the female part of the relationship and only the husband if thats what her and him wants???

 

YES! (Say what you want and your be more likely to get it).

 

Good luck....hope this helps!

 

-J

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One thing you might try is seeking, either at clubs or online, couples with a bi-female where the guy just wants to watch. It's more common then you think, and would probably be much easier than trying to find a single bi-female, who are as rare as unicorns.

 

Are there actually couples out there that are happy for the guy just to sit and watch? We would never agree to an experience if my man could not play along. We are running into couples at the moment that have this policy and we wonder if it does not cause some resentment eventually? (for the guy anyway, when he watches his partner having all the fun)

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i think i need to make one thing clear here since i did seem to be contradicting myself in what i was saying in the first post.

 

1 i am a bi fem who wants to swing

2 i dont want to be involved with a single man right NOW nor do i want to be with a married man without wifes knowledge

3 I am willing to be with a couple and have sex with both

4 i am more into women right now and it would help greatly if the woman was a bi fem or intrested in women

 

is that better sorry for the confusion :)

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What you originally said was clear (for a woman ::P: ) and if you stated that in your ad...actually, that would be bad. Saying that you would be willing to talk to me that were not pushy would open the floodgates and every man, straight, bi, gay, would be writing you to become your "friend".

 

I think, however, you are wavering a lot. You want to meet bi women, but are willing to play with both members of a couple. You are willing to meet single men that aren't pushy, but you aren't looking for single men because you just broke up and want to concentrate on women.

 

From a male point of view, you are contradicting yourself, though you and other women will say everything is cut and dry. So it makes sense. :rollseyes :lol: I'm in a weird mood today. sorry (a little)

 

I would really suggest cutting all mention of men from your ad. Don't mention making allowances for couples where the woman plays and the man watches. Don't mention joining couples at all, for that matter. And, whatever you do, DON'T SAY YOU ARE TAKING A BREAK FROM MEN BECAUSE YOU JUST BROKE UP! That will do nothing but send nearly every guy on your ad site into HandyMan model Remember that song "I fix broken hearts. I know, but I truly can. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. I'm your handy man"? Yeah, you're opening yourself up for every guy who thinks he can make you feel better by saying that. LEAVE IT OUT OF YOUR AD! If its in there, take it out right this moment. Really, I'm even guilty of thinking I can talk to a woman and help her get over a breakup by simply being there until she's ready to date again, even if its not with me. On a swing site, he's going to think he can win you over and be the first guy you think of when you are ready for a little strudel (sorry, just watched a WWE tape with The Rock going on and on about eating pie! LOL)

 

Of course, when you are ready... :lol::lol::lol::lol:

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As a single bisexual female myself i have certainly become aware that we are a rare breed and totally sympathize with where you're coming from. I've had a few experiences with couples where the woman seemed to be not really into it and it just brings the whole experience down. I didn't choose to swing so that i could satisfy someone else's onesided desires but to have a fulfilling, sensual experience without boundaries. It certainly helps to reach that goal when everyone involved is coming from the same place. Be really clear about what you want right from the start and trying a lesbian only post might be a good place to start. You might be surprised what you find.

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I know what you mean about the one-sided thing. Even as a couple we see this. My wife is bi and swinging for us is more about her having the chance to experience other women. But, we know couples in the situation where he wants to swing with other women and he wants his wife to be with other women, but you can tell she's just not into the whole thing, regardless of whether it is a man or a woman. What's funny is these same guys don't want their wife being with other men... :confused:

 

From the outside perspective here is my advice:

 

1) Be very specific in your ad that you are looking for other truely bi females and couples with a truely bi female.

2) In your ad specify that you are not looking for single men at this time and that you will not respond to their emails.

3) Go looking for couples by contacting them, don't wait for them to contact you. This puts you in control of situation by finding couples that interest you.

 

Being clear up front will not elminate the undesirables from contacting you, but it will reduce the number quite a bit. And the people that do contact you will be much better qualified candidates. :)

 

Mr. WS

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Where have you been placing your ads?

 

Some sites have a much higher concentration of single males than others. Sites like AFF tend to be overrun with them. If you are looking for couples and women only then stick to actual swinger sites like Swing Lifestyle. Most of these sites also allow you to completely block single males from replying to your ad. You'll find a good list of real swinger sites under "personal ads" on the top menu here.

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Ditto to what Julie said. Some sites actually give women free access in order to...attract more men. Why? If women can use the site for free, more men will join to meet them. But I've noticed that women usually don't use sites that give them free access, so you end up with a bunch of guys who think they can live out their pornstar fantasies by writing every woman on the site in their area.

 

Actually one guy out of a hundred will, after he contacts an escort on one of those sites that has had a slow week and is willing to come down on her prices. LOL

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Well, I may get my head blown off here, but I don't think you should put I.S.O Lesbians only...they can become just as aggressive and annoying as single males :lol: The best thing for you to do is to learn to say NO and ignore advances that you don't want.Just push the no thanks or delete button and don't worry about it. If you make it abundantly clear you are ONLY LOOKING FOR -UNATTACHED- SINGLE BI-FEMALES,then you've done all you can do.Some people just don't get it.IGNORE THEM!!{You don't owe strangers an explanation}That's really all you can do other than not having an ad.I've checked out a few of these online places such as SLS,and even though you can block certain types,if you write in the forums section, they can still get your handle and send you mail and IM's.Sooooo, just don't worry about these arrogant men who think they can change your mind or get you to have an affair or etc.You wait it out and eventually, what you are looking for, will come around!! Good Luck!

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well said lol thanx much

 

ur right no matter how many times i say no men at this time i still get those 'baby im as good as any woman' emails. cracks me up they just dont get it lol

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I know...we've put no single males...and they still don't get the clue.And,for the most part, the sexier they are, the more arrogant they can be...which is such a turn off no matter how cute they are,it just makes them soooo annoying and ugly ;)

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Hi, I'm a single girl and just introduced to the community this week. (no experiences yet, still setting it up.)

 

Why are the single guys who have contacted me so pushy and/or clingy?!! I finally took the "single males" off my options (after 3 days) because I'd had so many messages that made me want to cringe. One that messaged me three times after I turned him down. Another was cool at first...but then wouldn't take "no" for an answer on the phone number (so "blocked" was the answer). Another got way attached after a steamy chat....even told me the next day he had a bad day cause he missed me (after I hadn't responded to his sls message, yahoo message, AND email). Um, what??? After I gently told him it needed to stop, and we weren't going to see each other, he respectfully told me ok...but then asked for my photos!

 

I mean, this is swinging, right? Not night at the Roxbury? Why are all these guys so desperate?

 

Granted, I've had a couple of very nice guys talk to me, and while it won't work out I appreciated their approach. I realize this isn't the entire single male population. :cool:

 

Single ladies (or even couples), have you had this experience? Is it just the guys I attract? :lol::surrend:

 

Single guys...do the ladies do this to you? (I mean, maybe it's not a gender thing? Maybe it's a single thing?)

 

I like guys, and I'd eventually like to meet single guys to attend events with. Is this something that's just better handled off-line? Try to meet through other couples? Give up altogether on?

 

For the record, my experience (communication-wise) with couples so far has been surprisingly wonderful and positive.

 

Ok...*vent over*. And I totally apologize if you're one of the guys I'm talking about and I've hurt your feelings...please try to see it from my perspective.

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I would say that maybe couples parties or meeting 'known' single males through other couples who can vouch for them would be best. My wife and I would do this for a few of the single males we have met at parties. Some we have even had play dates later with single females that they play with or married females that they play with (yes their husbands know... matter of fact one just likes to watch and was there the whole time).

 

My wife and I have received quite a number of single male hits when we first signed up for SLS, so I think it's just the large population of single males out there. Not all of whom are "Gentlemen". I must say that most of the ones we have met through various parties where the single males were invited so the ladies had a bigger selection were true "Gentlemen". When I say that, I mean they talked politely at all times (minus dirty talk of course), always treated the ladies like the princesses and queens they are, and most importantly, asked before playing... yes they actually are out there.

 

Don't give up, but I would suggest finding "Gentlemen" through parties and/or couples.

 

I notice you are out of San Jose. I would recommend the CoCoCocks, BASEX groups on SLS and Aprhodisia parties. If you need more information, feel free to IM me or find us on SLS.

 

Good luck!

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I found out that you only get a lot of mails in the beginning.

Those guys just bomb you in the beginning, but after a while when they realize that you don't write back after the second no they stop and you will only get mails from guys who are really interrested or who are new.

 

After two years on a platform I only get about 2 mails a week, unless I set out a specific add that I want to meet someone on a given place at a given date

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I would have to see your profile to say for sure ?

 

Its the internet, your not on a lets be friends site. Your on a site about looking for possible sex. Their men wanting sex, as easily as possible. As a matter of fact, thats the way I wanted it. Just be forward in your profile that you will contact them. The longer you are on line the less they will appear. I know the single males I played with in the past aren't pushy, they knew better. I had no problem telling them that, if they are.

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My situation is similar to that of Malachista. I've been out there on two sites for over three years... the mail was unbelievable for the first couple of months... I thought I was going to either get carpal tunnel or a secretary! But then tapered off to where, now, I get about 5-7 a week... more if I've changed my city because of travel.

 

I'm very fastidious about answering every mail, however, just because I think it's the polite thing to do. The "no thank you" email is very simple and direct... "Thank you for writing, however, I am not interested. All the best in your quest." I also state in my profile that it's not prudent to write me back asking "why" if someone gets such a mail from me.

 

I rarely have anybody who writes me back after I've sent them the no thank you. If they do, or if they try to rip me for it, I just block them. If a guy gets too clingy or weird, I delete him from my Yahoo friends list and report him as spam if he tries to IM me again, and also block him on whatever site we met on. It's always done the trick.

 

In the interest of fairness, I should also say that I'm very interested in meeting single men, and have met lots of quality singles. All of them have been contacts from online, as I don't go to clubs.

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is this something that's just better handled off-line? try to meet through other couples? give up altogether on?
Off-line is best and through others once you know them is the best way. We have met real nice single guys and even set them up with single gals for some parties.....that way both singles KNOW someone who knows the other one. Seems to make everyone more comfortable. :)

 

Don't give up...just give up online meetings.

 

You live where there are many groups and real people.....ignore the flakes online and don't let them get you down.

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I would say that maybe couples parties or meeting 'known' single males through other couples who can vouch for them would be best. ...

My wife and I have received quite a number of single male hits when we first signed up for SLS, so I think it's just the large population of single males out there. ...

Don't give up, but I would suggest finding "Gentlemen" through parties and/or couples.

 

I notice you are out of San Jose. I would recommend the CoCoCocks, BASEX groups on SLS and Aprhodisia parties. If you need more information, feel free to IM me or find us on SLS.

 

Good luck!

 

Thanks! I appreciate your perspective, and hopefully I'll be able to connect with some people who know good guys. :) Thanks for the group and party recommendations for the area!

 

 

I found out that you only get a lot of mails in the beginning.

Those guys just bomb you in the beginning, but after a while when they realize that you don't write back after the second no they stop and you will only get mails from guys who are really interrested or who are new.

 

That is sooo good to know!! I'm overwhelmed with the mail right now,I'm glad to hear it tapers off.

 

I would have to see your profile to say for sure ?

 

Its the internet, your not on a lets be friends site. Your on a site about looking for possible sex. Their men wanting sex, as easily as possible. As a matter of fact, thats the way I wanted it. Just be forward in your profile that you will contact them. The longer you are on line the less they will appear. I know the single males I played with in the past aren't pushy, they knew better. I had no problem telling them that, if they are.

 

Thanks. I am certainly looking for sex ;) but i'm looking for people who a little more relaxed about the whole thing. i'm glad to hear that your experience in person has been good!

 

My situation is similar to that of Malachista. I've been out there on two sites for over three years... the mail was unbelievable for the first couple of months... I thought I was going to either get carpal tunnel or a secretary! But then tapered off to where, now, I get about 5-7 a week... more if I've changed my city because of travel.

 

I'm very fastidious about answering every mail, however, just because I think it's the polite thing to do. The "no thank you" email is very simple and direct... "Thank you for writing, however, I am not interested. All the best in your quest." I also state in my profile that it's not prudent to write me back asking "why" if someone gets such a mail from me.

 

I rarely have anybody who writes me back after I've sent them the no thank you. If they do, or if they try to rip me for it, I just block them. If a guy gets too clingy or weird, I delete him from my Yahoo friends list and report him as spam if he tries to IM me again, and also block him on whatever site we met on. It's always done the trick.

 

In the interest of fairness, I should also say that I'm very interested in meeting single men, and have met lots of quality singles. All of them have been contacts from online, as I don't go to clubs.

 

good advice. i too am trying to answer all the emails (the quick reply feature helps a lot), but the back and forth with the people I've already said "no" to is crazy...i may need to add that to my profile to, and just drop the conversation.

 

Off-line is best and through others once you know them is the best way. We have met real nice single guys and even set them up with single gals for some parties.....that way both singles KNOW someone who knows the other one. Seems to make everyone more comfortable.

 

Don't give up...just give up online meetings.

 

You live where there are many groups and real people.....ignore the flakes online and don't let them get you down.

thanks! that's very reassuring. :)

 

 

so the general advice i hear from everyone is:

- don't worry, it'll die down after a month or two

- there are plenty of wonderful guys, but it's best to meet them through other people/events

- respond politely to everyone, but it's ok to drop the conversation after i say "no thank you"

 

 

i appreciate it!:thankyou::welldone:

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Re: single girl getting bombarded by the single guys

 

Isn't that the purpose of going on a swingers website in the first place?

i mean, this is swinging, right? not night at the roxbury? why are all these guys so desperate?
They're not the ones who are desperate. Most of them are probably not even single, just looking for something cheap ("free", actually) and easy on the side. They don't have time to "date" in the conventional sense, so they look for relationships that don't require a lot of investment of time or money.

 

IMHO, that pretty much defines single women who advertise on swingers websites, and the types of relationships they seek (or are willing to settle for).

 

If getting too many responses is really a "problem" for you, try placing an ad on one of the vanilla singles sites. Make sure to include a clear (and recent) full-length picture of yourself. That should "qualify" the people who respond, and make the number of guys who reply more manageable.

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In all honesty, they are hoping to find the girl getting involved for the first time with the lifestyle, that as Numbskulls suggests, is easy prey. Although, I would suggest a different Idea, A single Woman getting involved in the lifestyle, has at her finger tips the choices for whatever KIND of encounter she wants, or feels like having at that time.

 

Allow me to give you a bit of advice, As a single Female in this lifestyle, you have really the ultimate ability to enjoy the lifestyle, because, You can make all the choices..

 

Get out your wayback machine, look up a song from the 80's.. Billy Squire.. Everybody wants you

 

Join whatever site you want, let all the idiots write you and read whatever you want, delete the rest.. Just because you are getting involved in the lifestyle doesnt mean you need/want 10 dates a weekend does it?

 

Moreover, Its a case of, once you get all these letters, deciding WHO you want to talk to.. and Yes, you are gonna run into assholes.. thats why, despite this being a lifestyle of play partners of the moment, sometimes its best to take a bit of time..

 

No better way to weed out the idiots

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Re: single girl getting bombarded by the single guys

 

Isn't that the purpose of going on a swingers website in the first place?

They're not the ones who are desperate. Most of them are probably not even single, just looking for something cheap ("free", actually) and easy on the side. They don't have time to "date" in the conventional sense, so they look for relationships that don't require a lot of investment of time or money.

 

IMHO, that pretty much defines single women who advertise on swingers websites, and the types of relationships they seek (or are willing to settle for).

 

If getting too many responses is really a "problem" for you, try placing an ad on one of the vanilla singles sites. Make sure to include a clear (and recent) full-length picture of yourself. That should "qualify" the people who respond, and make the number of guys who reply more manageable.

 

i'm not entirely sure i understand what you're trying to say, but i think you've missed the point. a) i'm not seeking a relationship of any kind through swinging b) for the most part, i'm not looking for 1 on 1 encounters with guys...i want a little more "swing" in my swinging. ;)

 

and c) (most importantly) the fact that the guys are on the website doesn't make them desperate...it's their attitude of pushiness and/or clingy-ness that I was referring to. and the number of guys who responded doesn't bother me....it's the number of pushy/clingy guys that responded. perhaps I didn't write the entry clear enough?

 

and thank you for saying that a full photo of me would cut down on responses. ;-) that was snarky, and i giggled. i've got one up, thanks.

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Well, what did you expect?:confused:

 

haha, well, i expected them to have the same attitudes as the couples. "cool if it works out, cool if it doesn't...lets have fun"

 

most of the couples (and a few of the guys too) understand that i'm not here to find just one partner. and don't push back if i send a polite "no thank you". and are much more willing to chat about life in general...not just sex. (which is a great topic, don't get me wrong, but i'm more attracted to well rounded personalities...)

 

now, i was taken by surprise by the fact that there were so many singles looking for singles...and i admit that was a silly misconception. i just figured everyone here was into threesomes or more...lol.

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In all honesty, they are hoping to find the girl getting involved for the first time with the lifestyle, that as Numbskulls suggests, is easy prey. Although, I would suggest a different Idea, A single Woman getting involved in the lifestyle, has at her finger tips the choices for whatever KIND of encounter she wants, or feels like having at that time.

 

Allow me to give you a bit of advice, As a single Female in this lifestyle, you have really the ultimate ability to enjoy the lifestyle, because, You can make all the choices..

 

Get out your wayback machine, look up a song from the 80's.. Billy Squire.. Everybody wants you

 

Join whatever site you want, let all the idiots write you and read whatever you want, delete the rest.. Just because you are getting involved in the lifestyle doesnt mean you need/want 10 dates a weekend does it?

 

Moreover, Its a case of, once you get all these letters, deciding WHO you want to talk to.. and Yes, you are gonna run into assholes.. thats why, despite this being a lifestyle of play partners of the moment, sometimes its best to take a bit of time..

 

No better way to weed out the idiots

 

thanks :) i'm definitely taking my time and trying to get a good personality read on people before going forward with anything. :)

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haha, well, i expected them to have the same attitudes as the couples. "cool if it works out, cool if it doesn't...lets have fun"
Cant agree more with you aster :cool:

 

 

most of the couples (and a few of the guys too) understand that i'm not here to find just one partner. and don't push back if i send a polite "no thank you". and are much more willing to chat about life in general...not just sex. (which is a great topic, don't get me wrong, but i'm more attracted to well rounded personalities...)
Aster, I have to admit. You and your profile shine.... I mean that in a really good way. But with your profile and your looks you are going to get bombed by many. Your attractive and I could imagine having a good time. You remind me of one of our playmates. Its about having a great time all around. Sometimes we do normal stuff like going to a concert or clubbing together as a threesome. We have been known to just kick back around the house to a movie and snacks. Sometimes Mrs.fun and her friends go out bi themselves. Girls night out. The sex is a benefit we all share. But the truth is. The female playmates we have, contacted us. I am not implying anything more than we gave up on chasing women on the websites.

 

Have you contacted couples that you would like to pursue ? Some we have met on the net. Some we met a clubs or socials and one is a dear friend of Mrs.funs. Like I say though, they approached us with dating/playing.

 

 

now, i was taken by surprise by the fact that there were so many singles looking for singles...and i admit that was a silly misconception. i just figured everyone here was into threesomes or more...

 

Thats exactly what we were in this for. Its time for a break for us from swinging, so that leaves us with some women we have met, that were in this for more than sex. I think my wife Mrs.fun left that out. Sure she wanted the more uncomplicated approach and so did I. I hope you meet couples that can show you more than what you are seeing in your mails. There are some great times to be had. Don't rule out that there are some extremely good singles out there also. Many who understand exactly what you are talking about. We learned allot from our single friends :) You seem to have allot in common :)

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i'm not entirely sure i understand what you're trying to say, but i think you've missed the point. a) i'm not seeking a relationship of any kind through swinging b) for the most part, i'm not looking for 1 on 1 encounters with guys...i want a little more "swing" in my swinging. ;)

 

and c) (most importantly) the fact that the guys are on the website doesn't make them desperate...it's their attitude of pushiness and/or clingy-ness that I was referring to. and the number of guys who responded doesn't bother me....it's the number of pushy/clingy guys that responded. perhaps I didn't write the entry clear enough?

 

and thank you for saying that a full photo of me would cut down on responses. ;-) that was snarky, and i giggled. i've got one up, thanks.

I didn't mean to sound snarky. Maybe I didn't understand the question. You posted an ad on a swingers website where men outnumber women 50-to-1, and you're surprised that you received so much attention?

 

Count your blessings. How would you have felt if NO single males had replied?

 

You admitted to having "steamy chats" with some guy you've never met, then complained because he tried to contact you on SLS, Yahoo, and e-mail.

 

How did he get your Yahoo and e-mail addresses, if you didn't give it to him? And why did you give it out, unless you wanted to be contacted by him?

 

I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time believing that all this attention you're receiving is really a "problem" for you. But in fairness to the single males, maybe it IS better that you have them all blocked. They get gamed enough by the hustlers in this business, no use them wasting their time with all this drama as well.

 

Block them, and send a polite but firm "sorry, not interested" to the ones who crash your profile.

 

The suggestion about including your photo applies to anybody looking for a mate on the internet.

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"cool if it works out, cool if it doesn't...lets have fun"

 

If you ever get to the DC area let us know. ;)

 

I'm a big fan of the sexual paradigm in the 'Earth's Children' series by Auel, where wiitwd is called 'sharing pleasures'. And that really is how we look at it.

 

On our SLS profile, the last block is basically a questionnaire. If we get responses that respond to the questions, then we know they actually read the whole profile and gave it some thought. These folks get nice responses from us. If there is no evidence the person even read the profile, we assume they are trolling. I've noticed some people put a line at the end of their profile that says "Include the word 'xxxx' in the subject line if you contact us or the email will be ignored" I know that sounds a bit crass, but we only have so much time and are already inundated with email we don't want, so anything to minimize that is just plain A-OK with me.

 

As far as some single guys being less than gentlemanly, I think mostly it has a lot to do with the sexual psychosis that predominates our society today. A lot of guys ARE desperate. They grew up being taught it was evil to consider a girl sexually and they would certainly rot in hell for actually trying to do anything about it. Imagine what happens to these poor guys' brains when they find out some women actually enjoy sex!!

 

Are you completely straight? I think it would probably be a bit on the conservative side to say that at least 90% of the couples on SLS are straight male/bi female and may not respond to straight females or bi-guys. That doesn't have to mean you go all out super lesbian Ellen DeGeneres sex, but caressing, playing with boobs, etc would probably be considered bi-curious.

 

As you probably have found out reading this board, 'swinging' is a pretty ambiguous term. It can certainly mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. So just like you say, take it as it cums and don't sweat the small stuff.

Vjk

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Hi, Aster.

 

As SINGLE man who is definitely not new to swinging, I can say that most of the "single" guys who wrote you were most likely either teenagers looking to impress their buddies looking over their shoulder or married men hoping to meet you within the week. Most single men just don't have the time to be online emailing a woman three or four times after she has said no. Its way too easy to find women in the real world for a quick fling to waste time trying to convince someone who's face you haven't seen to talk to you.

 

I do know what you are going through. My first week on SLS five years ago, I received over 100 messages from men asking if I was bi or if I would consider meeting them. There were three cool guys I got together with for a gangbang with a couple in Ohio, but I later learned that those three guys were the guys almost everyone in the Detroit/Ohio area said are the quality guys on the site. Since I left Detroit, swinging is just a dream. Thats cool. I'm currently trying to decide if I'm going to hook up with an old bed buddy or a woman who wrote to me online because she knows my cousin next Tuesday.

 

Of course, if I read a profile of a single woman or couple that said something I thought was interesting, I might write them and see where it goes. I haven't seen any profiles like that in over three years, and this is the first time in about a month that I've been on this site. Its been even longer since I've been on SLS or any other swing site. Its just not an economical use of my meeting women online time.

 

On the other hand, it is possible for a single woman to meet quality single men and couples on the net. If you write the ones with profiles you find interesting, you will most likely meet someone that will treat you with respect and make you want to meet them in person. Oh, and the quality single men are more interested in women who know what they are looking for than in a woman with the best pictures. JMO.

 

have fun

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