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  1. #1
    How much lifestyle talk do you bring into the bedroom with your partner? Do you bring it up all the time when you are having sex with each other or just sometimes. I find I have been bringing it up every time my wife and I have sex. It turns my wife and I on so much. In fact when she starts telling me what she is going to do at the club it pushes me right over the edge. I am just wondering if I bring it up too much are we setting our expectations too high for our first club experience and will it take over our sex life?


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    sextiescouple
    It's very simple - if it feels good, do it! Your wife and you are enjoying talking about it, why not. If and when it becomes distracting, you'll know.

  3. #3
    ...but when you go to the club, especially for the first time, you should go with no expectations. Right now you are both excited about the possibilities so you are spending a great deal of time imagining what could happen. When you finally go, plan on only having a sexy night out with your SO. This way there's not unneeded pressure on the two of you to make something happen, especially since the night you choose to go may not be as happening as you hoped and anything that does happen is just a bonus.

    Now, when is this first visit scheduled?
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  4. #4
    Thanks for the advice. We are going in July. We are so excited and nervous, lol , to do this together

  5. #5
    It's important that you both keep communication open when you're outside of the bedroom also, you both need to be on the same page with regards to what is fantasy and what is reality.
    For example you might like the fantasy of her being really dirty at the club but in reality taking baby steps might be a better option.
    We both fantasise a lot in the bedroom but our club experiences are dialled back a fair bit...at least for now lol

  6. #6
    I talk about it all the time in bed, threesomes, foursomes, gang bangs, bulls, the full works.

  7. #7
    i think it is hot and sexy and if you are ready to do it in the club - go for it!
    Talking is important and you will feel when it done with talking ...

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
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    ForeverFunCouple4U
    We did it during sex last night... While she was riding me I asked "you think about fucking another guy's cock?" and she replied..."...sometimes." Then she asked me "do you think about fucking other girls?"...and she told me I looked to the side and then said "...sometimes."

    We talked about it this morning and both had a good laugh. We both acknowledged that the way we both hesitated and answered had absolutely nothing to do with our desires/intentions. It's more about our brains having been programmed monogamous for the last 20 years with each other and now we have to let go and give our brains mental permission to not just fantasize about having sex with other people but embrace doing it in reality.

    Might sound complex but it makes perfect sense to us. My hope for the future is we, at times when having sex with each other we can talk about and show each other what we experienced with other people and increase our enjoyment. For example "here hun, let me show you what that girl Liz did with her hands and mouth on my cock...it felt really good!!"

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    sextiescouple
    " It's more about our brains having been programmed monogamous for the last 20 years with each other and now we have to let go and give our brains mental permission to not just fantasize about having sex with other people but embrace doing it in reality."

    Excellent point. This is the biggest thing you go through as you lead up to breaking your LifeStyle cherry and the aftermath. I would say when both of you have this programming buried, that's when you stop being a newbie.

    As far as the original question goes, after we were into it for awhile, sometimes we'd talk about it in foreplay as a way to heat each other up. ('What did you think of Jack? He was really hot for you the other night . . .") Other times, especially when we wanted it 'romantic,' we'd concentrate on just us.


  10. #10
    Sometimes but mostly when we reconnect after having sex with someone else. We tell each other all the nasty things and I usually give the details of how I and my lover came.
    "Never marry a woman that spends more time preparing for work, than she does getting ready for bed"

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adamgunn View Post
    " It's more about our brains having been programmed monogamous for the last 20 years with each other and now we have to let go and give our brains mental permission to not just fantasize about having sex with other people but embrace doing it in reality."

    Excellent point. This is the biggest thing you go through as you lead up to breaking your LifeStyle cherry and the aftermath. I would say when both of you have this programming buried, that's when you stop being a newbie.

    As far as the original question goes, after we were into it for awhile, sometimes we'd talk about it in foreplay as a way to heat each other up. ('What did you think of Jack? He was really hot for you the other night . . .") Other times, especially when we wanted it 'romantic,' we'd concentrate on just us.
    That's good to know that our realization is totally normal and just something to go through and work on along the journey. I'll talk about it with my wife. I think it's incredibly hot to talk about even though we haven't done a full swap yet. And neither of us are into the stag/vixen fantasy or any humiliation so it's not like either of us would get off on hearing how we're inferior and someone else was so much better. But if it's constructive, I'd love to know new stuff to try technique-wise.

    Ha!...The LifeStyle cherry! Hopefully we lose that ASAP!!!

    Thanks!

  12. #12
    It's right down there in our footer: When you can be honest about having sex, you can be honest about everything! It really is enlightening.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  13. #13
    Swingers Board Addict Emt's Avatar
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    I tried it again yesterday during sex. Went MUCH better this time! When she was going down on me I told her how I fantasized about someone fucking her from behind or eating her while she sucked me. That caused her to moan and go a LOT harder, so she liked it.

  14. #14
    My husband seems to enjoy talking about our past exploits more than I do and it sometimes bothers me when we are just in a conversational mode. As an example, we live in downtown area and will be driving by this hotel and that and he’ll narrage about oh yes, the xxx hotel, we met a nice Italian man here, sat next to us at the bar and ended up in MFM in his very nice suite and then there across the street at the YYY hotel, that was a young lad from California……. But, in the heat of passion, I tend to enjoy it more. At the extreme, when I’m tied and being spanked for having been a naughty girl or being told what I have to do next time, its so much more real to have those real incidents in my mind, I mean like way better than just some type of role playing or pretend thing. So, I guess its don’t talk to me about all of that stuff until you have me half way to orgasm or something.

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