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Oceannc

How do I approach my wife about the possibility of swinging?

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Hi...I'm very new to this idea. I'm from south India, married and currently living in USA. One of our family friend brought this idea of swinging and he is married too. He expressed his interest for an experience in the same room but separately. I want to experience this too but afraid to convey this message to my wife and ask her permission. Any idea how to start the discussion? I see a lot of Indian couples here who succeeded with this. Appreciate any advice that helps move forward.

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You have to gradually prepare her for it. Asking her point blank is like throwing a rock in the calm water

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Not knowing your wife, here attitudes about sex, or what she already knows about swing, it would be impossible for me to give any specific advice. The question you ask has many times been asked here at Swingersboard. The advice I generally give is to be direct but, as honeybees say, not blunt. If you do not know whether you wife is aware of swing, you can start with a simple question like, "have you heard of swing?" Any questions that follow can branch from there. If she knows this friend of your family and values his opinion, revealing the fact that he is the person who brought the idea to you might help. If revealing this fact might cause a kerfuffle (you have not said how much your friend's wife understands about swing), be prepared to give her a story on how you know about swing and what your impressions are.

 

In any case, let me say

 

:welcome1:

 

to Swingersboard.

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Hi Oceannc,

 

I sent you an email. You did not respond. Do you really need help and guidance

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i took up with my wife when we watched porn before our sex and it lead to the discussion. though it took time for us but i was very open with her.

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Don't try to force her into doing anything she isn't 100% (ok 90%) on board with. All too often the woman will go along thinking how she'll let you 'get this out of your system' thinking its a one time thing and that leads to trouble and drama. Plant seeds and let them grow in her mind. Talk about fantasies and everything, but be open and honest so she will feel like she can be open and honest too. Also, be non-judgemental with anything she says or suggests. You want to keep the communication open and on going. Take your time and take it easy, it will either happen or it won't, and even if it doesn't, the increased communication is always going to improve your relationship.

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GoldCoCouple is right, swinging is something that a couple grows toward together. True, it's usually one or the other, usually the husband but sometimes the wife, that first brings up the idea, and maybe they have even spent some time researching the subject before bringing it up. Nothing wrong or deceitful about that as long as it was done with the intent that before two people can have a good discussion of something, at least one side of the conversation has to know what the something is and how it works in real life so they can tell the other person about it and discuss it from there. What is manipulative, and never works in the long run, is for one person to gather information so they can dominate the conversation or to be manipulative in what information they share and what they hold back.

 

So, what I would recommend is for you to just mention it to her. You can say that a friend was talking about it recently and that you found it interesting, which is the absolute truth on both counts, so you wanted to share it with her. If she reacts in a strongly negative way, then better to just drop it. If she reacts neutrally or with some curiosity, then together you can start exploring on sites like this one to get more information on how you might make swinging work for you as a couple. That's really the key, making it work for you as a couple, and it being something fun and exciting that adds to but doesn't take away from or attempt to replace what you already having going on together.

 

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

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Thank you all for the advice. I implemented the idea mentioned by cplnuswing last week and seems the response is very neutral. I'm very nervous too. Let me wait for a week and update the progress. Thanks again for all the tips guys

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