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TerritorialLove

Will she won't she?

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My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a year now. We have already talked about it and.. she's the one.. once I get out of a sticky situation I'm in and save up a bit.. we're going to get married.

 

Sex with her is amazing. Mind-blowingly awesome. She is full of life and never told me no for trying new things. She is into everything under the sun... besides threesomes.

 

So one day 2 buddies of mine were talking about how they are going to hook up with a few girls this weekend and have threesomes. I tell her everything so after telling her the story of my buddies...naturally this topic came up.

 

A little information to preface this. She is the extremely jealous type. I mean any girl I look at or that looks at me - she would get pissed off and stomp off or make a snide comment to me.

 

So back to what we were discussing. So she said that she is willing to try out ffm. So I tell her that the pleasure I derive from it would be to watch her being pleased by another woman - I don't want to do much with the other woman, more of a lesbian couple and a guy kind of deal.

 

She says no, and wants to please me and wants me to try it. After much begging and pouting she got me to admit I would love a threesome but with me actually doing something meaningful with the other woman - i.e. penetration.

 

We established rules and all the parameters. Slowly she pops in the odd question about what would I feel if we had another guy instead of girl? In the end of the conversation she said she wants to try both - mmf and ffm.

 

Now me being the jealous type as well made a few hee haws about another guy with her as I'm afraid she might get carried away. Then she insists that we do both. I agree. Awesome.

 

Next day, she changes her mind and says that we only going to do ffm and she picks the girl. Everywhere we walk she makes me look at a girl and asks if this girl looks good to me, etc.

 

Then, it becomes a joke. Her jealous streak begins again and she asks me once and for all of we should kill the idea or not. I, being made to look like the bad one, agree that if our relationship needs the spice we will have all three some - only ffm.

 

Every now and then she pops a joke or hint here and there about threesomes i.e. different positions I'm into, if I prefer redheads, etc. but when I question it she says I'm not interested, and why is it bothering me. And then she says "jokes" at the end.

 

I have tried asking her outright and she always says "hey if it makes you happy I'll do it since I'm not comfortable with it."

 

She went from" we definitely doing it since you've always wanted it" and "we the couple that tries stuff" and "I don't want u to live with regrets, if you want to do it do it in front of me" to "I'll do it just to make u happy. Oh and during the three some I was planning to walk out and take a step back while you and the other woman finish up.. as long as I'm there and you don't do it behind my back."

 

My question then is - does she need a little nudge or push? Does she want it?

 

Or is this just a jealous girlfriend move to test our relationship? And how much I love her?

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Hi and welcome to the forum, TerritorialLove.

 

First of all, you and your girlfriend are not ready to swing. Maybe in 10 years. Maybe in 5. Maybe longer or never. You both are jealous. There isn't any open and honest communication going around and if there is, you can't tell because it ends in "jokes". Whenever a girl looks at you, she gets mad and "stomps off". She even stated that it makes her "uncomfortable". All of this doesn't sound like a couple who is mature and ready to swing. Couples (young in age and/or young in a relationship) usually cannot handle swinging.

 

I wouldn't "nudge or push" anything. If she is truly interested, be quiet about it and let her bring it up. Then, you two should have multiple conversations about it outside of the bedroom--without the veil of sex in the horizon. Fears, desires, concerns, boundaries...all of these need to be aired and addressed.

 

Also, if you two ever get to the point of swinging, have you considered a couple swap instead of a threesome? That is what we decided upon. We were first interested in threesomes but decided that a couple swap would answer all of our "what if" questions. We both would have a partner and could see each other having sex. From there, we would be able determine if we would continue swinging after that or at least know what issues came about.

 

However, from everything that I've read, your girlfriend isn't interested in swinging or having a threesome. She is "doing it to make you happy". You both should have some interest in trying it out. If not, it has a big possibility of damaging a relationship.

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First off, welcome to the site! This is probably not what you are hoping to hear, but I would think long and hard about this before doing it. Reading your post, the word jealous jumped out several times, and the reason that jumped out to me is because it doesn't go well with swinging. That's not to say it's never an issue for swingers, because it can be to some degree for some, but if there are already jealousy issues going on then that's the lit match and the swinging is the gas.

 

The other thing that caught my eye is that your relationship is still a young one. It's great that you have found each other and are working towards building something wonderful together. But, swinging tests a relationship, and I think as a general rule, the newer it is the less likely it will be able to stand up to any stress introduced by swinging. Given that jealousy has already reared its head, I can guarantee you there will be some stress. Do you really want to risk what you both have right now for one night of sex? The sex will still be there a year from now, five years from now, and onward. When you've been together a while and things are really solid, you can revisit the subject then, and honestly, I'll bet you will enjoy it more then too since you will know each other so much better by then and will have a better handle on the emotional side of things and how you each handle different type situations.

 

You know her, and yourself, better than we ever will, so maybe now is indeed the time. That's a decision for you two to make of course, but just proceed with caution.

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Now is not the time. You are still getting to know each other. Enjoy what you have together. Learn to trust each other and grow beyond your jealousy and possesiveness. Agree that you can discuss anything with out getting angry or resorting to joking (passive aggressive). Then keep talking and sharing. You both need to recognize that it is normal to be attracted to other people and that is not something to be jealous about. You need to feel secure in yourself and your relationship before you can act on outside attractions.

 

As far as will she have a threesomes? I hope not, for your sake. She doesn't seem to be into the idea. Any kind of sex with an uninterested party is not a good experience.

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Swinging involves love, trust and communication (and I mean A LOT of all three). You are still developing all three. As already stated, you may both be ready in maybe in 10 years, maybe 5, maybe never. Whatever you do, don't push, don't try and force this issue. Use it as a fantasy and as a way to talk about more of each of your fantasies. If nothing else, this will help the both of you with your communication. Other than that, go back and read all of the responses again and work towards improving your love, trust and communication. Even if nothing ever happens, this will strengthen your relationship and that is always a good thing.

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