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How to tell if my wife is hinting at something?

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I'm a complete moron when it comes to taking hints, think Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm. The other night my wife and I were having dinner, she's a very conservative type, and she asked if I thought men have better blow jobs than women. We talked about it and each told our own thoughts. The reason why I am here is that I need some advice.

 

As I said we have talked about threesomes before, but she is very conservative, vanilla in bed, but with a high sex drive. The conversation she started the other night though has me wondering: for her to bring that out of the blue like that, was she hinting at anything that she would like to do? We openly communicate about sex, but there are things, such as swinging, that she immediately says no to, but there's something underneath her tone that suggests otherwise. I'm on here trying to get some advice just to see if I should pursue the conversation with her more and how to go about it.

 

Thanks in advance for all the help.

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Welcome to the board!

 

Is she hinting? Well, we don't know. But that's OK, because the conversation has been fun, hasn't it? Keep the communication going, respond positively when she brings up these conversations, but don't force the subject. The best conversations happen organically, and not forced by either party. In time, you might find that she's a swinging goddess, or you might find that she just enjoys talking about sex with you. Either way, you win, because you're communicating honestly and having a bunch of fun in bed as well. :)

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Ask questions that begin a conversation, not ones that can be answered with "Yes" or "No". My late wife's favorite question was "How do you feel about swinging?"

 

Welcome from Oklahoma, by the way! We're glad you've joined us and hope your wife will, too.

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If you have talked about swinging before, then I wouldn't think that she would try to bring the subject up in a subtle roundabout way since it has already been broached...but, only she knows what her intent was there. Could have been exactly what it sounded like, or could have been her something else. Like two4you said, just keep the communication lines open and see where it goes on its own.

 

I'm curious, how did that conversation go when swinging was previously discussed and when did that take place? People do sometimes change and evolve over time. I think nearly every active swinger would probably tell you there was a time in their life/relationship when they knew it wasn't for them and would have (and perhaps did) say no too. There is a difference in knowing you're not ready, it's wouldn't be good for you and/or the relationship, and so on versus just being unequivocally opposed to the whole concept on whatever grounds. Maybe thinking through how that conversation went before would help shed some light on which one of those may be the case here.

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She was 'hinting' at something but I pretty much doubt it was full out swinging. You're the one married to her, what does it normally mean when she does this?

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Hey all, thanks for your responses. I talked with her about last night and as she explained it there was a thought process behind it but it wasn't an outright hint or push for anything. We have talked about swinging in the past and she has stated that she would have jealousy issues so we've never gone any further, not to mention a very awkward experience last New Years when we were invited to a swing party without the knowledge that it was a swing party. Last nights conversation went well and she opened up about fantasies that she had. She's bicurious but we both agreed that if we went through with a threesome it would be for her and there would be no touching between me or the other girl, which I'm fine with. But again, thank you all for the advice, it was a great help!!

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This is more a general question than one leading to advice. But, I am curious if you made your fantasies clear to her & if she was interested in hearing them? I'm getting the impression many of these married swinger couples are a bit one sided in who leaves the party truly satisfied. There is also the related question of just how tight a line her jealousy issues will create. Anger because another woman stopped to chat with you for a moment, or worse you took a look at someone two seats over does not sound good to me. I guess the next question is if the jealous partner recognizes this may be a problem & is making an effort to mitigate it somehow & respect the others fantasies or desires.

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Welcome to the Swingers Board also and, YES! open the lines of conversation by all means especially if she has a "high sex drive" as you described it. A MFM with her in the middle could be an easier future progression than finding the elusive single female for a FF with M watching

 

I actually didn't understand your original statement "men have better blow jobs than women"- were you talking about oral sex in general on both genders or bi-men giving better blow jobs than women can give?

 

I'm actually more interested in how in the hell you two got invited to a swingers new years party without being told about what it was. What made the "couple" (assuming it was a couple not single M or F) clock you and your wife as being interested in swinging without discussing it with you two first? That tactic is so fucking rude, turns off any people who might actually consider swinging if allowed to approach it on their own terms, and is what gives swinging a bad name because its thrown up into people's faces without warning.

 

Unless, however, it was you trying to "break the ice" with your wife and then blaming it on someone else which I don't think based on your question and reply above.

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I've known the people for years, they always were hinting around about swinging but I could never confirm it. They invited us out to a party they were throwing and when we got there the male half of the couple was very much in our personal space. One guest even grabbed my wife and looked down her shirt playfully (it was a female who did it). We got the vibe from a few people so we ended up leaving. The couple haven't spoken to us in a year. So that was an odd experience. My wife is curious about being with another woman, we talked and set the boundaries, she even talked about another guy in the mix but was not very enthusiastic about that. Either way we talked it over. Maybe it'll happen maybe not who knows.

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Ok, thank you for your reply on explaining the situation. Not sure that those folks were actual organized swingers but maybe more like "open minded sharing" types if the party was not specifically being talked about as a "swingers event".

 

IMHO it was very rude for him/them not to have just been honest and asked if you two would be open enough and interested in attending a new years party with swinging activities.

 

That seems like you've probably made a good decision not to talk to them since that event due to the lack of respect given to you and your wife. I hope that you don't let that bad experience cloud your opinion of truely open and honest swingers and organized swinging if you two ever pursue that in the future.

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