Jump to content

Recommended Posts

My wife and I have been swinging for about five years. We have been experimenting new things which is great for both of us. I met a girl a about three years ago. Long and short of it we have all become close friends. Wife and I want to see if she will play. I have purchased her Victoria Secrets items, some very sexy. She loves it although have not seen her in anything yet. I took her on a very nice date for her birthday. It ended with a nice kiss good night.

 

How far do we see if this will go? We don't want to come right out and tell her we swing, yet we want to give her signs that we want to pleasure her. Obviously we would not be pursng if we didn't feel there was a chance. Any ideas. Thanks in advance.

Share this post


Link to post

As others will tell you only pursue this if you are willing to lose her as a friend. Many people including us have swung vanillas to the dark side. But we have only done this with those who either we are not afraid of losing as friends or know them well enough that the danger of losing them is almost non-existent.

 

If you have "dated" her ask her to join you and your wife for a nice dinner and let your wife swing the conversation to sex. Once you know where she stands on basic sex then you have a much better idea where she would stand on joining the two of you for some fun. I think the fact that you have bought her sexy things and she has accepted them might be a good sign that she is willing at least to consider "playing" with you.

 

K

Share this post


Link to post

My only concern would be that you have given her the lingerie, and you took her out on the date- for the average vanilla woman, she would be much more likely to think that you are looking for some fun on the side- and probably most vanilla women would be more comfortable with a cheatin' boyfriend than a swingin' boyfriend and girlfriend. But you know her, we don't... if you think she would be agreeable, go for it.

Share this post


Link to post
My only concern would be that you have given her the lingerie, and you took her out on the date- for the average vanilla woman, she would be much more likely to think that you are looking for some fun on the side...

 

 

 

Agreed. It should be your wife or the two of you together buying her things and dating her. Neither of you should make a move or proposition her. Your wife should be a good listener, receptive, let her open up and talk. Then if your friend ever gives the hint to your wife that she is interested in something sexual, your wife can respond by saying that she is flattered, that you always thought your friend was attractive and that whatever your friend is interested in could be arranged.

 

 

 

But having been there, keep in mind that 90 percent of these situations won't end up in a sexual relationship. Hubby and I had fun with every one of the girls we dated, and so did the girls. No one was ever insulted, hurt or shocked because we never forced the issued or even made an overture. Hubby and I just created the opportunity, let her make the move if she wanted and fantasized about them all.

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you all for your great responses. They are very valuable and will give us a lot to think about. We do like the idea of creating the situation for her to make the first move. Thanks again and we certainly welcum any additional comments...

 

Just a clarify... Yes I have bought her the items, however I made it known to her I bought my wife the same things, as I did...

Share this post


Link to post
Just a clarify... Yes I have bought her the items, however I made it known to her I bought my wife the same things, as I did...

 

To me as a woman...if a man said this to me, I would still be suspicious (like the wife isn't aware of what is happening) and think...well of course you would in case she checks the bank statement to warrant a debit at VS. :lol:

 

I believe the point is, with YOU doing these things where your wife is not explicitly involved. Like instead of you saying "I picked these out for you and got Mrs kjfuncpl the same thing" the situation being "Mrs. kjfuncpl and I were at VS earlier and she thought you might like this" or the Mrs. actually handing the woman the gift, being there for the birthday dinner, etc, the other woman may not realize just how cool your wife is with all of those things going on and may be under the impression that you are wooing her and your wife may or may not know about it. Taking note of my previous somewhat cynical statement, were I a woman in this situation (I assume in a non-swinging context) I would probably think your wife had no clue that you were buying me sexy little underthings and kissing on me. Just saying that most people's point of reference where these things are happening is in the context of an affair where these types of details are definitely not topics of discussion for the spouses.

 

Having the ladies talk and letting the SF state her curiosities/desires would definitely be ideal because it leaves the ball in her court when Mrs. kjfuncpl says "I could totally arrange that for you, I'm sure he would be interested..."

 

Anyway...just my random thoughts :)

Share this post


Link to post
... the Mrs. actually handing the woman the gift, being there for the birthday dinner, etc, the other woman may not realize just how cool your wife is with all of those things going on and may be under the impression that you are wooing her and your wife may or may not know about it... were I a woman in this situation (I assume in a non-swinging context) I would probably think your wife had no clue that you were buying me sexy little underthings and kissing on me.

 

Having the ladies talk and letting the SF state her curiosities/desires would definitely be ideal because it leaves the ball in her court when Mrs. kjfuncpl says "I could totally arrange that for you, I'm sure he would be interested..."

 

 

Very well put. This was precisely our practice. But instead of saying "I'm sure he would be interested..." however, I would say that hubby has already told me, "he finds you attractive and I'd be flattered if you played with him" so there is no doubt that either hubby or I are open to playing.

 

 

And may I add that this "dating" process provides the two of you or your wife alone the opportunity to eliminate the people that aren't suitable for sexual playing. Despite how eager one or both of you may be to make it happen, with some people it is just not worth it. Two examples come straight to mind of very attractive girls where it was likely hubby could have played but we passed and are glad we did. The first girl drank too much. Even if she were to be sober when she made the decision to do anything sexual, it was a sign to us that she didn't have herself under control.

 

 

The second girl was too clingy; not just on hubby but both of us. She later ended up getting pregnant with her off-and-on boyfriend who left six months after the girl was born. She tried to baby-trap him and was unprepared for what she faced emotionally and financially. Keep in mind there was never any sex betwen us, but we liked her and tried to help her stay on track, giving her hundreds of dollars on a regular basis to help her out even before the baby arrived. We also bought her a number of big ticket, practical things for the baby after she was born. The woman ended up both asking us for a huge loan and hitting on David after her bf moved out. (To her credit it wasn't something she was trying to do behind my back. As she explained to me, she needs sex, lost her bf/baby's daddy, and doesn't have time to date.) We have backed off from her, but still take her out sometimes, buy the baby a few things and helped her chase down child support.

 

 

Sorry, sometimes my minds just runs on and my typing fingers follow.

Share this post


Link to post

I want to clarify as there are certainly assumptions made and by the situation and wording we understand why... The gifts given to our SF friend was done with the Mrs. and I both present. yes I handed her the VS boxes the Mrs was right there.

 

Looking back we love the idea of the Mrs. handing the gifts off and making the statements of me thinkg she would like it.

 

One last thing, SF and Mrs had a conversation and text conversation before the birthday date. We are being as transparent as possible so the SF does not think I am trying to go behind the Mrs. back with anything.

 

Hope this brings a little more clarity to the post.

 

Thanks again for all your wonderful feedback.

Share this post


Link to post

UPDATE ! This weekend we had some drinks and played strip Wii bowling. We all had a blast. With the exception of it being a little chilly in our family room, it went very well. Some nice touching and little neck kisses with all 3 of us. Yes minimal alcohol was involved... Will keep you posted...

Share this post


Link to post

kjfuncpl, super ... you've made great progress. I liked your voluntary comment that there was "minimal alcohol" involved. :lol: No need to make excuses, a couple drinks usually help in lowering the defenses a bit. I use to be a bartender, and I can make a few very delicious but effective ladies drinks ... hey, it works!

 

I really think a nice Saturday afternoon cookout would be in order. It could be time to come clean with your interest in more intimacy with her. You could casually bring it up that the two of you find her "sexually attractive" and watch for her response? Maybe pick out another Victorias outfit for both her and your wife, then beg both to "try 'em on" for you. Possibly you have a jacuzzi ... those are fun to go "skinny dipping" in to begin casual, adult conversations.

 

You've more than answered the questions about her interest in you, but I guess my question is more about what you think her sexual interest might be in your wife? Do you have any clue as to what her sexual preferences are? As most people seem to be hetrosexual in nature, would your wife allow the 2 of you to play IF it was determined that this lady friend wasn't bisexual?

Share this post


Link to post

MacNfries.....

Thanks for the advice... As far as interest in the wife, not quite certain. There have been many signs, I can only assume. If she is interested in me only, the wife has no issues with us having one on one encounters. Before I read the post, I purchased the ladies some nice tops to wear out for my birthday next week.

 

Hopefully I will have an update with some additional information...

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By K&JIntimates
      I have single female friend that I've known for the last year and a half. We're pretty comfortable with each other and our kids play together on a regular basis. Over the last year I've had a couple of times when my 'playdar' has given a little bleep with her. Usually by something that she's said or a feeling that there is just something there that I couldn't quite put my finger on. You know what I'm talking about?
       
      Today we went out for coffee and were just talking, usual stuff, and she started talking about wanting to go to an event for a "meet & greet". I haven't been around too much to social events in the vanilla world but I've never heard this term used in any other format than swinging. So I asked her if she'd ever been to a meet and greet before. It might have been the way I said it but her body language and expression was kind of like omg did I say that? She didn't know about K and I and it was a reasonable response.
       
      She's very open minded and our relationship is good so I came out to her that K and I swing and had been to a M&G before. Come to find out that my friend, back in the days before she was married (and subsequently divorced) had led a very 'open' lifestyle. Interesting isn't it? *BEEP* *BEEP*
       
      When I told her that K and I swing and the parameters of our interactions with others she told me she had suspected something of the kind. So I invited her to come out with us some time to the club to enjoy an evening of dancing, a little wine, and (if she met someone she was interested in) a little play. She said she'd like to, just not right now. It's a busy time for everyone and I know that she's got some complications with her ex right now so I left it at an open invite. But that's also why I invited her, a little adult down time is sometimes just what you need.
       
      Her and I both really enjoy and respect our friendship (and that of our boys) and while we briefly discussed the possibility of a play date of the three of us we both decided that it is just that....a possibility. Why screw up a good thing? On the other hand, if our friendship takes a turn in that direction down the road it will (or will not) happen of its own accord.
    • By Desire4fun
      Hi all. This is my first post. My husband and I are new to swinging. With his job we are unable to really pursue swinging locally so our options are kind of limited. We do have a second home in another state so we typically try to look there or wait for our trips to Desire. With this, our playing doesn't get to happen like we would like. We have some friends who asked us about Desire and we took them there. Since they are friends we haven't really approached them about the possibility of playing. They have never played with anyone but I do know they are looking to spice up their marriage. They are close friends, but becoming closer.
       
      Anyone ever approached this? TIA
    • By 2plus2fun
      I saw this story on reddit and thought it was important to share. This is exactly why my wife and I don't play with vanilla couples. We actually had something similar happen once... and they ended up divorced. Vanilla couples do not have the same level of communication that swinging couples tend to have. This fact leads to situations like this one.
       
      My wife and I had a foursome last night with another couple. I'm having a hard time dealing with it. : sex
       
      I don't want to copy and paste the story here... so you will have to read it and then come back to comment here.
       
      Thoughts?
    • By JustAskJulie
      I know there are a lot of women who enjoy younger men or just single men while their hubbies watch. So, I'm wondering how many enjoy a scenario like this.....
       
      NYE, I was at a (vanilla) party a friend of mine was throwing. Because the girl throwing it is much like myself (having more guy friends than girl), the guy girl ratio was a bit skewed (I'm gonna guess at least 7:1). Now, that said, I had a great time, as I'm sure every other girl at the party did. Sometime after midnight a couple comes walking in, they were obviously older than the general population of the party and I don't know if it's just my experience with the swinging world or what but as soon as I saw them the first thought to go through my mind was "swingers" (maybe there really is such a thing as swingdar). As the night progressed the guy often had his camera out and the female half disappeared on more than one occasion. I talked to the guy a bit and he gave off even more of a "vibe" that just continued to enforce my original thoughts.
       
      I left fairly early (around 2, from what I understand the party was still going strong at 7 the next morning and then some), but later followed up with someone else who was there who informed me that there was some couple there where the woman had sex with 4 or 5 of the guys at the party while the husband took pictures. The comments from the guy I was talking to made it clear that I didn't think too highly of it. I think it was pretty safe to assume that it was the same couple from earlier in the night.
       
      So, while we know that several of the guys obviously didn't mind and did have some fun with this woman, I wonder how many more were having the same thoughts that this guy had (or would have had they been sober enough to think). As a swinger, would you crash a straight party full of guys in this manner? Would you care what others at the party might think of you?
       
      Because of the skewed ratio I had several chances to get laid through the night that I didn't take, but would have had it been a swinger party. However, for me, since it was a vanilla party and most of the people where people I had just met I didn't want to leave behind a bad label of myself.
       
      Thoughts?
    • By Our1stime4play
      We are very interested in starting in the lifestyle but we are also very nervious about meeting people! Oir question is this, is there something we can do or say to let a swing couple know that we might seam to be vanilla but if you break the first move we might be interested? I hope that made sense! Lol
×
×
  • Create New...