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robinandmarion

Threesome with vanilla friend - good idea?

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My wife and I were drinking tequila shots with her friend, who lives out of town, and her friend's sister. Turns out her friend's sister, whom we both know pretty well, has a husband that had prostate surgery and can't perform any more. Now, my wife gets friendly when she drinks, and she started suggesting to the sister's friend that I might be able to "help".

 

When we talked about it the next day (AFTER the alcohol wore off), my wife was still game, and told me that she didn't really care if I just went with her friend's sister, or if we all had a threesome. Personally, I want the threesome, but I'd be happy to do charity work alone, LOL! In my view, swinging is about additions, not substitution (I've never been thrilled with the term swapping, because I prefer that everyone be in the same room, and I love joining in when my wife is with a lover).

 

In any event, I texted with the friend's sister, whom I also know socially, and she remembered what we discussed, and seems to be all for it.

 

So, the question is, should we go through with it? We'd hate to break up a good friendship, and the friend's sister does not want her hubby to know (which I'm concerned about, since we certainly wouldn't want to have him go ballistic and tell all of our friends and family that we had sex with his wife)! As much as I'd love to provide this woman with what sounds like a much needed roll in the hay, my gut tells me that we are better off with couples we know are on board. What do you all think?

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As much as I'd love to provide this woman with what sounds like a much needed roll in the hay, my gut tells me that we are better off with couples we know are on board. What do you all think?

 

I think you should go with your gut. Seriously, you already know the answer to this. :)

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Your gut sounds right to me. You never know what kind of reaction vanilla people will have after sex got in the way. If you already have a good friendship going, there is always the risk of losing that. And the not wanting husband to know is definitely a warning sign. His medical conditions aside, if his wife is not communicating and decides to get some on the side...with you...she is cheating, and that's a whole can of worms you don't want to open.

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This has bad written all over it on many levels. The husband, I'm certain, feels bad enough about his medical situation. Then, you have the woman who can't be intimate with her husband on the level she wants. This is too much drama. It reminds me of the closet scenario in the movie Absolute Power. Just steer clear and be supportive of both of them.

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You already know you should probably skip this. Just to add; absolutely don't do this if the husband isn't aware and ok with it. If he doesn't know, and approve, you are getting involved with cheating. To us, that is always a bad idea.

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I guess the easiest thing is to imagine how you'd feel if you were in his shoes and found out your wife and "stud" were hitting it.

 

Go with your gut it's right on.

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Frankly, Gordo, my wife would never be in the position our friend is in, so your hypothetical doesn't work. I'd like to think that if I had prostate surgery and things "didn't work", I'd be the first one to help her find a "stud"! Without a doubt, I'd be doing my damnedest to rock her world with my lips, fingers, dildos, etc. But, on the other hand, I have no idea what my psyche would be like if my equipment stopped working for any reason.

 

So given a few new pieces of info, would your answers change? 1) The woman is clearly being neglected. 2) Turns out she has a "BF". 3) They are pretty much only staying together until their daughter's wedding. 4) They weren't doing all that great before his "problem" surfaced.

 

We are not going to pursue, but the main reason is because she's my wife's friend's sister, and, like any relationship, if things go south, we don't want it to be awkward. Not sure we would have gone forward anyway, but that road's closed so no need to conject.

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I'd be the first one to help her find a "stud"!

 

And there's the difference. The husband isn't being given that choice. I still say go with your gut you had it right the first time.

 

BF's, neglected who cares. The last thing any of us should be doing is parachuting into a disfunctional relationship. How would you be "HELPING" it?

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Just as an aside there have been times in my marriage where I have had bags packed, stayed elsewhere, stormed out the door, looked for a divorce lawyer, swore I'd never spend another moment with her and on and on. I can also tell you she's hit the same points. Yet over and over we've managed to pull it out of the fire and now have 26 years under the belt.

 

It's not up to you to judge where they are in their marriage or it's current state. Ethical swingers NEVER intrude in a marriage unless invited by all parties. Even if invited to a marriage that is in obvious distress they should decline.

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The last thing any of us should be doing is parachuting into a disfunctional relationship.

 

Awesome analogy.

 

One could conjure fifty reasons to rationalize and justify a "sneaky green light" here. There's a thousand reasons better to do the "classy red light" instead.

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Bad idea to fuck the woman, while she is till technically married, and without her hubby's concurrance, regardless of the situation. If she was single and wife's friend or friend's sister I would invite her, play with her and fuck her to your heart's content. But the situation is rife with violation of ethical issues. We know of one such situation where the husband was unable to satisfy his wife (he could not get an erection) to penetrate her due to illness. Here the wife's friend handled the situation really well, and, diplomatically, without cheating on the hubby. She talked to both the husband/wife and suggested that his wife (her friend) have sex with her own husband. The husband was open minded about it, and, consented to another guy play with, and, fuck his wife, because he realized that he himself was unable to satisfy his wife's sexual needs. He just wanted to make his wife happy and enjoys watching her have sex with another man who can satisfy her sexually, and, bring her to orgasm. There are men open to this idea of letting wife enjoy sex with another man if he is unable, but we think, not many.

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If you were the husband that had prostate surgery, and you had no clue what was going on and you found out somehow, maybe your wife (your sister's friend ) confessed out of guilt or something else no one has control over happens -how would you feel? Often these ethical problems can be better evaluated by putting yourself in the shoes of each potential participant. For myself, no way I am going to facilitate a subterfuge. If you can gets the husbands consent, that's another thing. But if the couple is not into this at all and that 'suggestion' was just the alcohol talking -then you have all the issues with coming out to this couple, and how that would affect the friendship, etc. Again speaking only for myself, I tend to avoid these sorts of situations. Besides, its nice to have non-swinging friends.

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I say go for it!

 

(after about 100 hours of conversation with both the girl and her husband)…

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If she does it behind her husband's back, then she's cheating. Even if you don't have qualms about helping someone cheat, it's not a good idea to insert yourself into that high-drama situation.

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Interesting posts... and we agree completely, which is why we passed. "Ethical Swingers"... guess we're not the sex crazed loonies vanillas think we are!

 

But I will tell you, any husband who refuses intimacy because they can't perform is a loser. As we all know, there are a lot of things you can do that doesn't involve a stiffy. That said, I have no idea what I would do if I couldn't get it up. I don't even want to THINK about that... but I sure would like to think I'd be using my tongue, my fingers, and some toys to make sure my wife was pleasured.

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I find it useful to remember that there are usually three sides to every couple's issues: his, hers, and what is actually happening and act accordingly.

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