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Need for advice, wife did something I didn't like

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Hello to all members that read this message and sorry for my english.

 

Me and my wife are a young married couple for 10 years (Been together almost 15). We are happily married and our sexual life is great every year more.

 

A year ago I came out with the idea of watch my wife being fuck from another men. At that time she reply to me with a big NO but when having sex I tend to mention how good will be if other guy were there fucking her and notice she get even more wet when I mentioned that.

 

To short the story... Last month we finally agreed to visit a swinger Club. As newbies, we were nervous and I did not expect to do more than simply watch and enjoy that time. We agreed to go to the playroom were everybody was naked and we ended up fucking each other and having a blast. When we got home we continue two more times as we were super excited.

 

We went one more time after a week to the club but only enjoying ourselves. Two days ago we went again to the club and she seems more relaxed, I told her that day was for couples and single males (always there will be more single males off course), and I proposed her if the opportunity came and she feel good, we could try the fantasy I have of watching here being fucked by another guy. She told me that it might happen. That turned me on a lot!

 

When we got there we got a couple of drinks, not too much, and then we were straight to the action area. Most of the crowd were too old for us, we are in our 32 (me) 31 (she). I spotted a young guy, older than me but he looks good and clean, and commented to her and she said he was OK. The guy seems to be with his partner (which I knew she was not, later I figure out and his partner confess me they were only friends with benefits).

 

The guy started looking at my wife several times and we notice it. I started to talk to my wife to be relaxed and enjoy the moment. After a short while I told my wife I will go to the bar to get us some drink so she relax a little more and in the meantime I suggest her to approach the couple and start talking a little bit. It took like 10 minutes for me to get the drink due to the lines.

 

When I returned, my wife was not in the same place I left her. I started to look for her and when I found her I was shocked. She was seated in a couch with the guy in front of her sucking his dick. I went there and did not wanted to screw the moment. The guy asked me to fuck his partner which I did not want because I did not find her attractive, I just touched her a little bit and told her I just want to watch my wife being fucked by her partner and be happy.

 

After a while of my wife sucking his dick we all were to a open room where he fucked her in doggy position, that turned me on so much that I went in front of her and she began to make me oral. After a while my wife told the guy to continue with his girl but the guy wanted more and more. She just stepped in and told him that was all.

 

Out of the room I asked her if she enjoyed the moment and she reply yes. But then she noticed I was not feeling ok and asked me what happened? I could not control myself and told her the truth, I was not feeling right the way things happened. I explained her that I did not find correct she started without me, which I think was disrespectful from the guy too. That I should be present at the moment all begin.

 

She told me that the guy just walked towards her and open the towel to show his dick to her and she ASKED his partner if she was ok and then started to suck the guy's dick. So she asked for permission. Would it be wise to wait for me and also asked me if I feel comfortable with her doing oral to that guy (also without condom) a guy we don't know?

 

She told me she was sorry and she did not think about that in that moment because she lets her go by the hot situation. Well that ended up screwing my night and I feel bad because I would not act the same way if the situation was the other way, me doing something without she present. I told her it was fine and all that happened because we did not communicate enough on the limits. But I don't think that limit have to be explained to her, it is just common sense.

 

Now I feel terrible, because even I enjoy watching her, I can't her out of my mind the scene of getting there and see her doing that without my consent.

 

Thanks everybody for reading all this and I hope to find any advice on how to overcome this thing that makes me feel bad even to have sex now with her.

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The first time my wife and I went to a swingers club, many years ago, we also had the problem of not actually communicating what we wanted and what our limits were. As a result, we also made some mistakes. It happens.

 

Understand that what happened here is a communication problem. The obvious stuff, the common sense stuff... those things are called assumptions and, to quote Samuel L Jackson, everyone knows that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and 'umption. :)

 

Before you go back to the club, you need to clearly define your boundaries. Talk about all the assumptions, all the obvious things... because they aren't obvious. Set some hard limits, maybe a lot of them. You can always scale them back later.

 

My other advice might be harder... forgive her. Did she mess up? Maybe, certainly she hurt your feelings but she didn't do it intentionally. If anything, she was trying to please you and she simply didn't understand the limit that you didn't tell her about. Was the other guys disrespectful? I think so, yes. It's unfortunate, but such guys exist everywhere and the Lifestyle has it's fair share. That isn't your wife's fault, it's his.

 

Be honest, talk it through, communicate your limits and forgive her. The first time is always hard. It can get better.

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We had a similar issue early on. Each of us making a reasonable assumption, just not the same one.

 

We learned from that experience that when something goes sideways to say something right off as soon as we are alone and then talk it through.

 

Our take away from our misstep is that we each need to be absolutely clear that neither will ever intentionally hurt the other. When missteps occur, and they will, clarification is the answer, not anger or jealousy, or taking offense .

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You are spot on - we have all been the4e but at the end of the day we know we are together. It's very easy to get completely caught up in the moment and in your own pleasure - and in those moments should you stop? I have seen my husband many times in completely hedonistic situations where it is very clear he is getting every need met - should he stop just because I'm getting a bit short changed in that moment? Should I have to stop because two men are taking me and their wives don't seem interested in me? We say no and understand that selfish moments are going to happen and we need to roll with it.

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The first time my wife and I went to a swingers club, many years ago, we also had the problem of not actually communicating what we wanted and what our limits were. As a result, we also made some mistakes. It happens.

 

Understand that what happened here is a communication problem. The obvious stuff, the common sense stuff... those things are called assumptions and, to quote Samuel L Jackson, everyone knows that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and 'umption. :)

 

Before you go back to the club, you need to clearly define your boundaries. Talk about all the assumptions, all the obvious things... because they aren't obvious. Set some hard limits, maybe a lot of them. You can always scale them back later.

 

My other advice might be harder... forgive her. Did she mess up? Maybe, certainly she hurt your feelings but she didn't do it intentionally. If anything, she was trying to please you and she simply didn't understand the limit that you didn't tell her about. Was the other guys disrespectful? I think so, yes. It's unfortunate, but such guys exist everywhere and the Lifestyle has it's fair share. That isn't your wife's fault, it's his.

 

Be honest, talk it through, communicate your limits and forgive her. The first time is always hard. It can get better.

 

This is so perfect

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Woww!!! I can't tell how I feel right now! THANK YOU VERY MUCH to all members that replied and gave me such great advices. It definitely makes me feel way better.

 

Of course I forgive my wife and we had talked a lot about that. I repeated constantly that what happened was due to lack of communication. We agreed that next time we have to set a group of rules that fits both of us and of course, by the heat of the moment those rules can be changed always if we consent we a secret code or something.

 

When I wrote the post I forgot to mention some facts that where the ones that lead me to feel bad. The day before going to the club we talked about few things that we will not be comfortable with in case the situation arise. My only one was that I don't feel good watching her giving oral to any guy. I knew that rule could be bypassed depending on the situation, but she already knew. Her only rule was that she didn't want me to do anal to any girl, that was fine for me. And I reminded her that my main idea was watching her being fucked by a guy, I was not interested on fucking another women, or the guy's women, but if the opportunity came I could do it.

 

I have read a lot on this forum regarding swinger etiquette, single males tips etc... and now I am more than sure that guy was breaking all the rules and that's what bothered me. Even me and my wife were practically newbies, he should show some respect before taking action. He did not, he just stepped in front of my wife, showed his dick and after my wife asked for consent to his supposedly partner, he approached even more to my wife to suck his dick. I was about to stopped that situation right in that moment, but I was afraid that doing that will make my wife feels even worst and just get out of the club. Later when we talked, I explained her that communication is very important in this life style. I was hoping to have a private or public session with my wife just the two of us alone, then escalate it to the next level of talking with that guy and his partner and do everything in a different way that they happened.

 

The guy never asked my or my wife if after the blowjob he could fuck her, if I or she were fine in have the intercourse in front of everyone or just more private (Which that's the way I imagine it). He just took her by her hand and my wife only asked him to put a condom. I was so freaked out that I did not know what to do. When they were in the action the guy was too pushy to me to fuck his partner, after 3 times I told him that I just want to watch, even his partner understood it and told me not to worry about him being pushy. As I mentioned before, after a while my wife just wanted to stop and he told her to please keep it a little longer because she was so wet and he was enjoying it a lot. That moment my wife just stopped and told him that was it! That little moment makes me feel good when she stopped the situation by herself and not because I asked her. Point for my wife!

 

After some minutes and after we had our little chat, we saw the guy a couples of times around the club, sometimes alone, other with his "partner". And we have to avoid him a couples of times, almost till the moment we left. And thanks god we left, I was feeling then in a way of doing something wrong but did not wanted to loose our membership or go through a "call the security situation".

 

But well, now things are cleared and next time we agreed to set out comfort zones and try to have the best of the moment which its the main idea in bringing this to our lives. Thanks again to all members that read my post and gave me such greats advices.

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