Wife did something new, but not with me

A little disappointed. We talked before that we would always talk after about our experience. We both agreed not to get angry or jealous. Feelings are hard to predict. Our first experience was with a single woman. After my wife said she was surprised I came in our friend. I understood her concern.

We had our first small party with two couples. I watched my wife being with both men and women. I was with both of the women. I had mixed feelings watching her and for some reason more so giving oral. I knew it would happen and watching gave me mixed feelings.

I got busy with one of the women and glanced over to see my wife with her doing doggy and oral at the same time. I heard her enjoying and I was enjoying doing what I was doing.

Now the after talk at home. I tell her my experiences. I at one point played with the two women. Told her I enjoyed one of them more and what she did.

Wife’s turn to tell. She says one of them while giving her oral did it to her bum. She says it was strange feeling. I listened. Then she said while they were having sex he pulled out while she was cumming and put it in her bum. I felt angry listening. I said why didn’t you stop him. She said it just happened. I said it had to hurt and she said not that much.

I never did anal with her. Every time I tried we stopped. Now she let someone we just met did it. I think she feels bad that I wasn’t the first to do this.

I don’t know if I’m angry or jealous or disappointed.

It sounds like she enjoyed herself, but you may be having issues with her having an experience that you haven’t had with her. I would suggest to continue talking with her and let her know how you are feeling

When my swinging came up, my husband and I had much discussion as I imagine most couples do. There was all of that talk about what he envisioned us doing first vs what I was willing to do and we decided that MFM was our first step, with him and another guy, and obviously me. But, through all of the talk, I cautioned, how are going to fill if I get louder or cum harder or if he tries things with me that you haven’t. He was ok with that, he said there was no problem if I surpassed his expectations. Well, I think most of us find the new found freedom quite exciting and we learn to really let lose with it. Thank god for those husbands that stand behind what they say and ask for.

I had similar feeling when my wife squirted . She has yet to get there with just us , but I then realized the sensory overload she had with two men on her ?.. might have been a similar thing she had .. overloaded senses ...

I am a bit surprised the subject or limit of anal sex wasn’t asked first. I can imagine being so stimulated in the moment that it might not have hurt as when the two of you tried alone. Maybe his penis is smaller too. Also the next time you do a MFM may make it easier for you to experience anal with her.

Not to say what he did was okay, it wasn't. He should have at least asked before 'going where no man has gone before'.

Adding to what Numex said, we've found that as we stretched our wings with play partners, we were able to incorporate the best of the techniques and experiences to enhance our sex life together. We were happy and compatible before we started swinging. Our sex life continues to get better even 15 plus years into swinging. I don't know a vanilla couple who can say that let alone demonstrate it for others to watch.

Want to make it clear, not mad at my wife. I might be disappointed I wasn’t her first for this.

We never talked about limits and I am not sorry we didn’t. I didn’t want to think I should be limited and that she would be thinking what not to do. Anal was a thought for me and I wouldn’t have said no anal. It didn’t become a thought to the time she said it happened. I didn’t know when it happened. I never ate her bum before. Can you say germaphobe? She said she enjoyed it. If I hygienically cleaned up I might try it.

The new friend did nothing wrong. She could have stopped him. I think he would have stopped. He also wasn’t small from what I did see. A lubricant was on the condom and helped. We don’t have lubricants at home.

She didn’t say anything negative of him or the act.

I do wish I was first. I will get over it. It might lead to new acts for us.

OP, not to put too fine a point on it, but were you your wife's first penile penetration? First blow job? First swallow? First hand job? If you weren't, did your feelings get hurt by that or did you go ahead and get laid or blown etc? She had a new experience, it was apparently positive for her, try not to ruin it by worrying the incident to death like a dog with a bone. Because it was a positive experience, you'll probably have the opportunity to share anal with her soon. New experiences with different people is one of the hallmarks of this hobby. I'd suggest that you embrace the experience for her rather than make an issue of it.

... We never talked about limits and I am not sorry we didn’t..

... I do wish I was first. I will get over it. It might lead to new acts for us.

I'm with you on this. Getting to have sex shouldn't involve a negotiation with your spouse. I trust my wife's judgment, it's her body, and I always hope she's having the best time ever.

 

Ever fuck a virgin? Being first is not only highly overrated, it can also be a chore.

I think that is what bothers me. No! I was never with a virgin. It is one of the mysteries I probably never will experience.

I have to say, if my wife does something with someone else she does not do with me, I would be unhappy. I don't think it is fair to say you "Should" or "should" not feel anything. Feelings are feelings.

If it's one thing I've learned through this, is that "what ever you expected to happen, won't. And what you never expected to happen will."

The best advice I got was from an online swinging friend I met through KIK. He said "the day you let go of what's normal, you'll enjoy swinging that much more."

It's normal for you to feel hurt that you weren't her "anal first", just as it would be for your wife to hear another woman have three orgasms in one night with you.

But if you let go of what you believe to be normal, and let each other enjoy the sex that you each experience, it will open you up to communicating with one another what you do like and not like, which is WAAAY more important.

I have to say, if my wife does something with someone else she does not do with me, I would be unhappy. I don't think it is fair to say you "Should" or "should" not feel anything. Feelings are feelings.

There s a huge difference between hasn't done and refuses to do. If my wife stumbled into something that we hadn't yet tried, then good for her, and probably me in the near future.

If it was something that she denies me, I probably would be bothered a lot. There would be a LONG conversation about that.

This was a delicate situation that could have turned bad, but it worked out. Anal is not something she considered (or admitted to) and you respected that boundary. It took a play partner to explore and cross the boundary with good results. Shame on him for not asking, but you were all lucky. This is a happy ending.

Was the guy invited back?

As a matter of clarity, you said "he put it in her bum"

Did she continue for any amount of time to do him like that until he finished, or was it just penetration and then out again?

I watched my wife being with both men and women... I had mixed feelings watching her and for some reason more so giving oral. I knew it would happen and watching gave me mixed feelings.

We've been talking a lot about the anal sex your wife had and enjoyed. But, this leapt out to me more so than the concern about her having anal sex.

First time jitters are normal, and it's not all unusual to feel a bit uncertain about watching your wife enjoy one or more other men. If this feeling sustains though, if it's something that after many encounters you still don't feel comfortable about, it might be that you're not going to ever feel comfortable with it. Then you need to decide if swinging is really for you. It isn't for everybody. That doesn't make you weak, broken, etc. Swinging just isn't for some people.

You didn't talk about rules, and you said you're ok with that. That can be good, but it can also cause issues too. If your wife does something you weren't expecting, as happened here, it can cause upset. Most couples start with rules, and over time those rules melt away as comfort goes up. With my wife, over time ai realized the rules were just holding her back from fully enjoying another man. As my comfort levels came up, I realized how absurd it was to have rules limiting how much pleasure she could have. From the get go, this is the environment you accepted for what you wanted. Something unexpected happened. It happens.

I think the concern about anal sex is less about the act than it is an unintended focal point of your emotional discomfiture. Also; oral sex can be very intimate, far more so than vaginal or anal sex. It's a level of intimacy that perhaps you weren't fully prepared to see your wife engaging in. Just some thoughts.

.. you said "he put it in her bum"

Did she continue for any amount of time to do him like that until he finished, or was it just penetration and then out again?

I'd be surprised if he didn't finish. First, once in there, that dick isn't going anywhere else (except another bum). Second, anal usually makes a guy cum fast.

Agreed on that. I was more wondering if it was intentional ) and if she cooperated after the fact.

(I know it can happen unintentionally I have had it happen. Perfect storm type of thing.)

Agreed on that. I was more wondering if it was intentional ) and if she cooperated after the fact.

(I know it can happen unintentionally I have had it happen. Perfect storm type of thing.)

From my experience, the only objection a woman has to anal is getting it in. If it just slips in, both are happy and keep going.

So many answers and questions are geared to the man. The original poster is disappointed that he wasn’t the first. Some other man did something with his wife that he didn’t want her to do. He lost his chance of being a first, taking a prize.

I wonder how she felt about the situation. I am not going to say that I have never had anal sex. Do I enjoy it or do I enjoy the fact that I am pleasing the person I’m with. I don’t if it is possible to have an orgasm with anal sex. I’ve never had one. Anatomy says a woman can’t yet orgasms can be mental as well as physical. I certainly can have a physical orgasm giving oral yet I truly enjoy the act.

I am reading that someone said the most painful part is the insertion of the penis and that once in the pain or hard part of anal is done. That is a true male answer. How many of the men want to be penetrated ad would they still say that the initial penetration is the hardest part. I am guessing that there are men on here that do enjoy having their own asses penetrated. From my experiences I would say they are in the minority. Some like a finger not much more.

I wish the poster would tell us his wife’s feelings. What she thought of the experience. Did she enjoy or just go along. Does she have guilt of not sharing the experience with her husband.

If the only problem is disappointment of not being the first you will need to get passed that feeling. Jealousy may be a fun part of swinging, exploring new feelings and excitements is even more fun. I think I’m younger than most posters on here and I will loathe the day when new experiences are no longer fun.

The original poster is disappointed that he wasn’t the first. Some other man did something with his wife that he didn’t want her to do. He lost his chance of being a first, taking a prize.

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the most painful part is the insertion of the penis and that once in the pain or hard part of anal is done. That is a true male answer. How many of the men want to be penetrated ad would they still say that the initial penetration is the hardest part. I am guessing that there are men on here that do enjoy having their own asses penetrated..

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If the only problem is disappointment of not being the first you will need to get passed that feeling. Jealousy may be a fun part of swinging, exploring new feelings and excitements is even more fun. . I will loathe the day when new experiences are no longer fun.

Everyone says talk about everything. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t hurt and that he didn’t use her. She assured me that she is fine. She wasn’t forced to do it. She said she was experiencing the attention of two men and it was very exciting. She knew it was something new going on and assured me that there wasn’t any pain.

. . She assured me that she is fine. She wasn’t forced to do it. She said she was experiencing the attention of two men and it was very exciting. She knew it was something new going on and assured me that there wasn’t any pain.

All's well that ends well. You should be happy for her, and discuss whether you should try anal with her or someone else.

(Thinking about it, we both do it, but my wife more than me.)

... Then she said while they were having sex he pulled out while she was cumming and put it in her bum. I felt angry listening. I said why didn’t you stop him. She said it just happened. I said it had to hurt and she said not that much.

I never did anal with her. Every time I tried we stopped. Now she let someone we just met did it. I think she feels bad that I wasn’t the first to do this.

I don’t know if I’m angry or jealous or disappointed.

We were meeting a couple a few years ago where he wanted anal every time. I am almost sure he never did this to his wife or anyone else before. This led us to stop meeting them. It was a sorry thing because they were a nice couple and we got along well. He thought I wanted it and I played along with and finally told him no. That is when things changed.

My husband learned years ago that once is dick touches my butt it isn’t going anywhere else. No after play. Throughout my life, even before I was married men always tried to get in my butt. I never questioned why. I allowed it and in high school boys talked.

I understand men want new things. I am sure I am tighter there. I still let men do it. Is it taboo? I don’t love it. Sexually it does little for me.

Your wife did it. She didn’t hide the fact. Don’t feel cheated. When you are alone, with plenty of lube, take it slow and experience it with your wife. You might say that it was nothing special after all.

have to agree with gamingbeejay. I have had the same type of experiences. stuff my SO will not do with me she has done with others from dirty talk to well taking up the ass and letting a friend ravage her forcefully etc... Just talk about it with her and try to understand her side of things.

... I have had the same type of experiences. stuff my SO will not do with me she has done with others ..

Same with us, including the other way around - I've done things with women (often at their encouragement) that we rarely or never do. That's the fun of sexual play with other people.

You are so right. For me it is very erotic seeing her do stuff with others that she does not do with me. Yeah at first I was shock/jealous but now I look fwd to it.

Wait, are we talking about have to do with anyone dipping a toe?

....

Toedipping was testing the water.

The thing about being excited watching her, I was.

I could almost feel the sucking she was doing. Hearing her cumming put a smile on my face. I wasn’t watching that close, I was busy too.

I didn’t know he put it in her bum. She told me later he did.

Again she didn’t complain or say no. She wasn’t forced and she said it wasn’t painful.

I just wanted to be first to do it.

That ship has sailed Toe, my suggestion is to get over it. I'd guess you weren't her first blow job, and you probably didn't break her hymen. I don't see that there's much difference with anal. If, however, you harp on the matter at home as you have here, she could shut down swinging altogether.

Male half here. Most often it is we men who spend hours trying to talk our wives into trying swinging. Yes, they may enjoy fantasies of it when having sex with us or they may even be the ones who bring it up in one way or another but still, we offer hours of encouraging conversation to get them to move forward. They try it, they like it, and then they leap forward, do something beyond our expectations, and we question it rather than applaud them. Fortunately, I only offered encouragement when mine did and thus, she did again and again. It’s so fun to be the one that has to run to keep up.

That ship has sailed Toe, my suggestion is to get over it. I'd guess you weren't her first blow job, and you probably didn't break her hymen. I don't see that there's much difference with anal. If, however, you harp on the matter at home as you have here, she could shut down swinging altogether.

Padoc if you read the thread you will see she wasn’t a Virgin vaginally or orally. I don’t think anyone today marries a virgin. He’s not blaming her for not saving herself.

I was not a virgin in any sense but I do have guilt too. My first threesome should have been with my husband. We were together as a couple, not married, when I had one with a friend. I know I would most likely not be where I am now sexually if I didn’t do it the night I did. It literally changed my life. There is no way I would have done this with my husband if I had not done it before.

And even though I had done it all before we met, I am certain I was the first one my husband ever did anal to. And you know what? It was special for us.

Toe please don’t hold this against her. I think you are just venting here and that is fine. I have used this forum to say things I can’t share verbally with others.

You don't (I think you don't, maybe I missed it) mention whether or not the other male knew this was her first time doing anal. It doesn't sound like he knew he was the first one, if that makes it any easier to digest, and it wasn't some big new experience for her. I can understand the confused feeling, though. Enjoy your wife's ass some night, make it deliberate and significant instead of just something that randomly happened for a minute.

We sometimes play with two couples. A lot can happen with six people in the mix and if you're going to play semi-separately, meaning not directly with your partner, there's no way that there won't be at least a few "aw, I missed that?" type surprises.

Lioness you are right, just venting. I’m not mad and not blaming. Anal has never been something I just had to do. I admit I attempted and always stopped fearing hurting or injury to the Mrs. My attempts was a curiosity or the novelty of it. She never stopped my attempts. I stopped when I thought I was hurting her. We never discussed it and thinking I shouldn’t have stopped. Thinking now she wanted the experience. Now she might be asking me to try again.

East he couldn’t have known she was a bum virgin. I am getting over the act. She wasn’t hurt. She also was eager to tel me it happened. That could be a sign she wants US to experience it together.

There was something we both experienced for the first time, a threesome and swinging. Now we have other firsts to think up.

.. My first threesome should have been with my husband. We were together as a couple, not married, when I had one with a friend. I know I would most likely not be where I am now sexually if I didn’t do it the night I did. It literally changed my life. There is no way I would have done this with my husband if I had not done it before. .

This doesn't make sense to me. You first did something without your now-husband, which you wish you had done with him, but there's no way you would have done it with him without having done it before. (But it changed your life for the better and, from what I've read in your other posts, your husband is happy with your sexual adventures.)

Yeah. It’s ironic what got me to play. While my husband and I lived together before we were married, I had a threesome with a college friend and a guy she was friends with. My first time with a girl and first threesome. With guilt feelings I told my then boyfriend who at first left me, then came back. I convinced him to have a threesome. I know, most guys wouldn’t need convincing. Yes he is enjoying what we do. We got married and now we are very open in our marriage. He even encourages me to have fun.

Now to answer. The only reason we are playing now is because on a cold snowy day I went back to a hotel with my girlfriend. I was very very straight but somehow allowed something I never even thought about to happen. If that snowstorm didn’t happen I would have gone home and never would have experienced what I did that night. I can’t see how normal me would have ever done what I did.

Complicated explanation?

I told my then boyfriend who at first left me, then came back. I convinced him to have a threesome... Yes he is enjoying what we do. We got married and now we are very open in our marriage. He even encourages me to have fun.

I didn't know my wife liked rough sex until a guy told me how wild she was in bed and how far she let him go. I asked him what he meant and I was like what??? After that I started giving her what she wanted but didn't know she did or how to ask for it. We've both had stuff like this happen for us as now we do all the things we did and didn't know we wanted thanks to having sex with other people.

So what if your wife did something new. Isn’t that what swapping is about? Do you want every partner to the same thing? As long as she didn’t didn’t hate it and she now told you it was fine, it could be her way of telling you it is fine to try again.

... While my husband and I lived together before we were married, I had a threesome with a college friend and a guy she was friends with. My first time with a girl and first threesome. With guilt feelings I told my then boyfriend ...

My two big leaps were continuing to have sex with my ex-fiance Red while dating a new guy David (who became my husband) and beginning to have sex with him as well. Although I felt guilty because of my fairly strict Catholic upbringing, I didn't feel guilty about it because of them. I was confiding in Red and told him about David, while David figured it out and was OK with it and even encouraged me. Instead of guilt, I felt liberated and like I was getting what I deserved.

Do you have a Lesbian side?

My second leap was about two years later, letting David have sex with other women. I don't know why, I was crazy jealous but wanted him to do it. Even though the jealousy remained just as strong with me, then I couldn't stop, wanting to watch and participate. This eventually led to me having several Lesbian relationships. I still like and need men, but the feelings among us women (in addition to David, Red and me in our poly family there are two other women) is deeper and stronger than what we have for our guys. We've had children together by these men, nursed each other's children and are raising them together. Red and David are wonderful fathers and support us in every way, but they also understand and don't resent our feelings.

You know the more I read through this we have all at the beginning probably had such feelings. You will get over it. I recall such with my SO. She does not like to talk dirty but did so with a mutual friend during a threesome. She does not like giving oral sex but was ordered to clean up the same friend, his cock dripping with cum and she did. Anal... yepp went through the same. While I am not really into that I would try it, never had the had but he did , asked her and she said yes... he f-ed in the ass and came in her.

A little disappointed. We talked before that we would always talk after about our experience. We both agreed not to get angry or jealous. Feelings are hard to predict. Our first experience was with a single woman. After my wife said she was surprised I came in our friend. I understood her concern.

We had our first small party with two couples. I watched my wife being with both men and women. I was with both of the women. I had mixed feelings watching her and for some reason more so giving oral. I knew it would happen and watching gave me mixed feelings.

I got busy with one of the women and glanced over to see my wife with her doing doggy and oral at the same time. I heard her enjoying and I was enjoying doing what I was doing.

Now the after talk at home. I tell her my experiences. I at one point played with the two women. Told her I enjoyed one of them more and what she did.

Wife’s turn to tell. She says one of them while giving her oral did it to her bum. She says it was strange feeling. I listened. Then she said while they were having sex he pulled out while she was cumming and put it in her bum. I felt angry listening. I said why didn’t you stop him. She said it just happened. I said it had to hurt and she said not that much.

I never did anal with her. Every time I tried we stopped. Now she let someone we just met did it. I think she feels bad that I wasn’t the first to do this.

I don’t know if I’m angry or jealous or disappointed.

Why should you be angry or jealous or disappointed? That's why we're in this activity of having sex with other people. My wife (and I) do things with play partners that we don't or seldom do with one another. It's an achievement in swinging to click with someone and reach a level of pleasure not reached before. Take some joy and satisfaction from your wife's pleasure. And seek your own. Maybe with someone else or maybe your wife and you can investigate and unlock what she's discovered. In any case, don't ruin the experiences for you and her.

Wow! You really said that? everyone is different, not every man has the kinks and preferences you have....and the example of you and your wife doing things with others you seldom do together is specific to your couple...not all couples are ok with trying new things with others first. Questioning anybody's feelings is absurd.

I don't understand why you're making a big deal of this. I've had anal with four of the five guys I've had sex with, the one who I haven't is my husband. He's too big around and it's fine with him. It's nothing special for me.

The lack of empathy and of understanding of the differences between humans on this thread is incredible.

Judge much Mac?? This is an advice/opinion site. People have offered both to the OP. I didn't see you offer anything other than a common scold. They don't have a pillory in Toronto, do they?

Guys don’t argue. Toedipper was looking for advice on how he should feel or how others would feel. There is no right or wrong advice and no reason to flame.

I asked my husband how he would feel in this circumstance. I sort of put him in a similar position. He said I should advise Toe to listen to what his wife said. First, she told him what she did. She also didn’t say things. She didn’t hate it, it didn’t hurt and she didn’t say she didn’t ever want to do it again. He thinks she was telling her husband it is fine to try again. He thinks she may actually like it but doesn’t want to sound that she does. Some women have different ways of giving off signals especially doing new things. We all have to be able to pick up on non-verbal cues as well as verbal ones.