Unicorn Swap with Female Vanilla Friend?

OK, I know what you're going to say. "Never play with friends from your vanilla life."

Yet every time someone starts one of these threads, their situation is special and the rules don't apply to them, right?

Our neighbor a few blocks down the street, fit, professional, studious, level-headed type, threw out her husband a while back. Very good reasons, he's gone for good, no drama there. She and Mrs. E are well-acquainted, they have cardio-and-brunch about once a month and sometimes get dinner and a cocktail for girl-talk. The neighbor is not aware we play, but knows we have a vigorous sex life.

Neighbor has bounced back and has been living the life herself, trying all the things she didn't while she was married. She and one of her steady friend-with-benefits were into the idea of an FMF threesome, and it came up during girl-talk that they'd quickly realized they have no good way to shop for a single female and gave up.

Long story short, Mrs. E promised me that she'd do something new and wild this year because of something she backed out on a while ago, and when she told me the story, I'd teased her that she could always use up her credit on this, if the neighbor would reciprocate.

Then in bed she asked if I'd really want to do that, because she was thinking about it and thought it sounded hot. I'd chalked it up to "things Mrs. E blurts out when I'm going down on her", but then she brought it up to the neighbor last Sunday, framed as "you'd never believe what Mr. E said". The neighbor, it turns out, was into it, but was still taking the temperature of how serious Mrs. E was.

Now, before we let that conversation go any further, I asked her to put a pin in it for a bit while we think it through.

- Mrs. E has seen the guy drop her off at the gym once and knows what she'd be getting into. She's game.

- While this would usually violate our "nobody local" rule, he's not local and doesn't know who we are. Mrs. E and the neighbor don't share any other friends. The neighbor lady probably has more to lose if she blabbed than we do.

- The usual problem with playing with vanilla male friends - the male taking it seriously and turning into a jilted weirdo - shouldn't be an issue here.

- It's not like we're letting the larger "we experiment with swinging whenever we make an opportunity" cat out of the bag.

- It goes without saying the neighbor would be honoring her end of the deal first. I've heard the flake stories. Mrs. E is scrupulously honest and wouldn't bail on her, and I don't think her friend would, either, but better safe than sorry.

Now that it's actually on the table between us, Mrs. E is in that waffley "that sounds really hot but could I actually do that?" space, where she brings it up a lot because it's obviously on her mind. I think it sounds fun, too, though we aren't sure exactly what the neighbor had in mind. If Mrs. E starts asking for stipulations about girl-on-girl action and penetration, we're going to be past "what a funny joke that was, I can't believe you thought I was serious".

Is this worth discussing with her further or are we being delusional thinking we can play like this as a one-off without some kind of disaster, and should just drop it like it never came up?

You say, "- The usual problem with playing with vanilla male friends - the male taking it seriously and turning into a jilted weirdo - shouldn't be an issue here." Why do you say that? I didn't catch your rationale.

You say, "- The usual problem with playing with vanilla male friends - the male taking it seriously and turning into a jilted weirdo - shouldn't be an issue here." Why do you say that? I didn't catch your rationale.

I think most of the stories I see of this going wrong are when somebody tries to involve a vanilla single male who turns out to be a lonely heart that doesn't understand it's not a date/relationship with the wife. Neighbor has an adventurous history and has a clear head about casual sex, and the male isn't connected to us and seems to have a good handle on what their status is. I could be wrong, but it seems like it's an unlikely problem here.

Well, East, we've all read about situations that seemed great, but fell apart when people didn't anticipate problems. Best of luck.

You guys know your relationship better then anyone. There is a risk in everything you do but this sounds like it could be an exciting, fun time!

So, let me get this straight: because the other guy is having casual sex with the other woman, there's no chance that he could be interested in something more with your wife...

In what world do you live. Just because he is having casual sex with one woman, doesn't mean he is interested in ONLY having casual sex. This could all still go wrong. In fact, since he really isn't in any kind of serious committed relationship with the other woman there's nothing to stop him (if he is interested) from trying to have a relationship with anyone else. Even if he isn't interested, do you think he's going to keep quiet about having a threesome? Also, the woman (who is already a friend), well, there's still several unknowns there as well. What if (I know, it isn't going to happen) she gets back together with her estranged husband? It never happens until it does (and it does more often than you think). That would put a crimp with the friendship...and what if he finds out? Think he will be happy and keep quiet about it? At some point (it may be once, it may be several times) the fun will end and then all that is left is your intimate knowledge of her wild deeds. That may also cause some comfortableness in the future.

Risk/reward my friend. We think the risk is too high for too small (lol) of a reward but the final decision is up to all of you.

So, let me get this straight: because the other guy is having casual sex with the other woman, there's no chance that he could be interested in something more with your wife...

I could have explained better. Whether he'd be "interested" or not, it's someone we have no ties to and a one-off thing, so it struck us both as less of an issue than having a repeat connection with a local single male, especially one who may not "get" casual sex in the first place.

Your point is well-taken and I appreciate it. We know it isn't risk-free, but also know we're probably not sizing it up accurately because it's a new idea and sounds fun.