New to swinging

We have been married for almost 44 years. We have never dated or had sex with anyone else. We have a great marriage but our sex life is in the shitter!

We are new to swinging. A few weeks ago we meet a couple and went all the way. My problem is not the sex that was exchanged, rather than the foreplay, kissing and cuddling my husband did with Cheryl. And his use of viagra. When I mentioned it to him he defends by saying it was role playing.

I am very hurt because he does not treat me like that in the bedroom. when I asked him about taking viagra for someone else, because he doesn’t use it with me, his answer was he was saving it.

Our sex usually consist of me sucking him for while, saying it felt good, asking me if I want him to play with me. He has had prostate surgery so getting an erection doesn’t happen often. But I want what he gave Cheryl that night of swinging.

Any suggestions?

Tell him

I agree, be forthright with him!

Swinging is meant to make a good relationship between a committed couple better, not to replace it with a 'Cheryl.' Simply tell him that until he treats you as well as he treated the other woman, you have no intention of swinging again. (Of course, you have to back that up with action, if he calls the bluff.)

And now that there's generic Viagra, it's inexpensive enough that he doesn't have to save it for other people.

Best of luck . . .

Tell him

I have told him. But he says it’s role playing. He also said how good it was.

I don’t want to take that away from him, he is a great husband It makes me feel sad and lonely

Thanks, you have said everything that I am thinking. I am 62 years old, I guess I don’t want him to say it just to make me happy!

I feel like I am in a no win situation. He loves his new lifestyle, and I am not sure about it.

Variety is the spice of life, but you both have to enjoy it. I use Viagra for other women because I need the boost (I am 61). I don’t need it for my wife, because she turns me on and I find her attractive and she knows how to get me going without stress.

You guys need a big direct talk to make sure that you are both getting what you need. I will say give it chance, there are better and worse experiences. But my sexual relationship with my wife takes precedence over the lifestyle.

Thanks. Unfortunately our sex life is minimal. He thought getting into swinging would enhance it. It did for him.

Is there something that you would like to explore that appeals more to you? MFM? Bi experience? If the whole hobby is just not for you, say so and scrap the mission.

Tjudy, I really feel for you. I think the advice to just scrap all of this if it's not feeling right for you is good. Sometimes you just need to look out for number one.

But aren't you just a little happy that your husband is enjoying it? I can certainly understand your feeling like you're getting less than he is though. You do need to let him know about your concerns.

Forty four years? Well, we're almost to forty seven. We began the first time when we were in our twenties and then again in our fifties. Now I'm 71 and my wife is 66 and I'd love it if she met some guy, in the lifestyle, that she just couldn't resist. Heck, I wouldn't care that much if he didn't have a wife to share with me, I just want my wife happy.

I really think that, if you find a couple with the husband someone you really find appealing, you will be able to just sort of ignore what your husband and the other wife are up to. And it just might make your husband a bit jealous and want to have reclaiming sex with you after the party. You might want to keep a blue pill on reserve, just for that purpose.