Really need some advice!

Been very close friends with another lifestyle couple for a few years. They often sleep at our house and we invite them to every house party we have (about once a month).

In the past we have been told that they contact our party guests on their own to invite them to their home to play. We always thought it odd that they NEVER tell us, and never invite us to join. We usually hear about it from our friends who have been invited.

We introduce them to everyone we speak with. They hang with us at a swing club and have noticed if they speak with another couple they never introduce us (even though we are sitting next to them).

This past week we introduced them to friends from out of town. We saw our friends during the week before they left. Last night my friend (the close one we see often) told me not to tell my husband but they invited the other couples over during the week to play. Of course, I told my husband and he's now done with them. He knows they told our friends not to tell us that they saw each other.

I really like her and enjoy their company. I'm thinking about calling her and telling her her husband must tell mine before someone else does but I feel like i'm betraying my husband. I said maybe stop inviting them to parties and when they ask why, tell them.

He can't confront the husband because then I betray my friend's confidence. HELP! We are seeing them tonight and he wants nothing to do with them.

Been very close friends with another lifestyle couple for a few years. They often sleep at our house and we invite them to every house party we have (about once a month).

 

In the past we have been told that they contact our party guests on their own to invite them to their home to play. We always thought it odd that they NEVER tell us, and never invite us to join. We usually hear about it from our friends who have been invited.

 

We introduce them to everyone we speak with. They hang with us at a swing club and have noticed if they speak with another couple they never introduce us (even though we are sitting next to them).

 

This past week we introduced them to friends from out of town. We saw our friends during the week before they left. Last night my friend (the close one we see often) told me not to tell my husband but they invited the other couples over during the week to play. Of course, I told my husband and he's now done with them. He knows they told our friends not to tell us that they saw each other.

 

I really like her and enjoy their company. I'm thinking about calling her and telling her her husband must tell mine before someone else does but I feel like i'm betraying my husband. I said maybe stop inviting them to parties and when they ask why, tell them.

 

He can't confront the husband because then I betray my friend's confidence. HELP! We are seeing them tonight and he wants nothing to do with them.

Your husband is the priority. See if you can convince him to talk it out with the other couple. The Communicate , communicate, communicate rule does not apply to just intra-couple matters. It oftentimes applies to inter-couple issues as well.

Who knows maybe they fear that you will object to them playing with your friends. Transparency all the way around is our rule. They have no right to ask your friends to keep the secret so do not worry about that.

If your husband is unwilling to confront, then say goodbye to them.

Oh he's more than willing to confront but she told me under confidence so that would be a problem... I agree that we have to communicate. We have zero interest in who they play with, we are just left wondering why they never include us. We probably wouldn't even go but why do it as a secret?

Been very close friends with another lifestyle couple for a few years. They often sleep at our house and we invite them to every house party we have (about once a month).

 

In the past we have been told that they contact our party guests on their own to invite them to their home to play. We always thought it odd that they NEVER tell us, and never invite us to join. We usually hear about it from our friends who have been invited.

 

We introduce them to everyone we speak with. They hang with us at a swing club and have noticed if they speak with another couple they never introduce us (even though we are sitting next to them).

 

This past week we introduced them to friends from out of town. We saw our friends during the week before they left. Last night my friend (the close one we see often) told me not to tell my husband but they invited the other couples over during the week to play. Of course, I told my husband and he's now done with them. He knows they told our friends not to tell us that they saw each other.

 

I really like her and enjoy their company. I'm thinking about calling her and telling her her husband must tell mine before someone else does but I feel like i'm betraying my husband. I said maybe stop inviting them to parties and when they ask why, tell them.

 

He can't confront the husband because then I betray my friend's confidence. HELP! We are seeing them tonight and he wants nothing to do with them.

I may have missed it, but is there any reason why ya'll aren't being introduced/invited that they've shared? If so...what did they say? If not, you have a few options. You can grab that bull by the horns and ask what gives. You can just stop introducing them to others. You can drop them like a bad habit and maybe they'll ask you what gives.

While not belligerent in the least, I'm very comfortable confronting issues. So I'd rather do that and avoid losing what could be a great long-term connection/friendship. But if they are intentionally snubbing you for whatever reason and plan to continue doing so, that's a horse of a different color in my book.

What a bummer. Good friends that have consistently, it seems, be less than honest with you. I'm a bit surprised about the secrecy and your friends expectation that she can tell you something like that and it won't be shared by you with your husband. I have often told people, that my wife and I tell each other everything of consequence, so if you tell me you can assume she will know about it. We don't need to share gossip but when the information is central to us, then we will/do share. We can and do keep friends secrets from others, but not each other - ever. I think it's too much to ask of a couple and places internal strain inappropriately.

I'd let her know you told you husband and then let the communication begin.

If you can't be open and honest with the people that you are having (or had) sex with, then what are you doing with those people? I like the idea of you (not your husband who already sounds like he'll blow this up) contacting the other wife and just asking if there is a problem...that you have heard that they are inviting others over to play and not you. It may just be that they aren't interested in playing with you (any more) or that they value the friendship more than 'just' having sex with you. You don't know the why yet, so ask. If you don't feel comfortable asking, then you probably shouldn't be inviting them to your events. It's most likely just a silly misunderstanding that time has allowed to grow into something much larger. Ask and see...