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  1. #1

    Default Is it all that bad ??

    My husband introduced me to a swinging lifestyle. He asked and to please him I was fine with checking it out. We have attended a few swinger house parties but have never done anything but watch and get aroused. My husband has a fantasy and like any other women I want to fulfill that. As ackward as it was at first I was open minded. We set rules as well Condoms , no anal or blow jobs and we do everything as a team . Recently we made it out to a house party . We had a few drinks to loosen up and headed into a couples room and started having sex .My husband hands start roaming and others started to touch me. Truth is a women touched me and we made out . I thought my husband was ok with it as his hands were all over this women and it seem fine .I got the impression like this is ok and got comfortable . As it rapidly heated up I began to give her man a blow job. Honestly I loved the attention I got. My husband said no and we left . He is upset because of the blow job now he thinks his dick isnít good enough for me and that I have never given him a blow job luke I did to the mysterious man. Seriously , I donít see it as all that bad and of course I have given my husband plenty of blow jobs.


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
    Status
    couple
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    padoc

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    Sometimes, the fantasy is way better than reality. This may be the case with your husband. Perhaps he isn't as ready to engage in this hobby as he thought. Plus, if you two agreed to a no bj rule, you broke it without consultation. Heat of the moment not withstanding, you AGREED to the rules which were within HIS and YOUR comfort level. Changing rules requires discussion and agreement between a couple, not just sliding a strange dick into your mouth because it felt good. This is a couples sport, a team sport and in that instance, you were not a team player. You probably owe him an apology and the hottest ever blow job and then have a discussion about where you two want to do in swinging situations, preferably AFTER he's cum in your mouth.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    Blow jobs are big deals to some people, and not to others. Watching her give head was half the attraction of playing at all for me, and I don't consider it an issue at all.

    With that said, the two of you had a rule and you got carried away. I think he's being a little hard on enough if he thinks it's a reflection on him, but I can understand why he's upset. If giving head is something you love doing while playing, it's something to talk about and work out.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    Breaking your agreement right out of the gate isn't a good start. Apologize, debrief what happened, regroup, and decide if you want to start over.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    I know time will pass just wish it came quicker and that the wound I created would heal faster than ever.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    If you two continue, you will quickly figure out the the 'rules' are not iron clad. Lots of the time a rule that one of you thought was very important later becomes not that big of a thing. When that happens, you can eliminate or alter the rule for the next time. However, NEVER change the rules unless you two can discuss it outside of a sexual environment and come to an agreement. Trust is HUGE in swinging and you violated his trust right out of the gate. Work on repairing that trust and keep the lines of communication open...and don't make the same mistake again.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  7. #7

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    [QUOTE=Sweetgurlnm;594006]I appreciate all your points of view. I do agree that I broke the rules and Iím going to have to make it up to him . Iím not trying to justify my actions at all bottom line is I broke them. What I find most difficult is that a little over a year ago he cheated on me . He screwed his bf wifeís room mate. I was hurt but got over it over time . The thing is he being more harsh to me than I was to him when he actually went behind my back . I did wrong and I try to apologize and he is just not having any of it. Honestly I donít even know what or how to have a discussion without an argument. Maybe I am justifying my actions I donít know ....
    I just want to keep my man happy and pleasure him in any way I can . Right now he canít look at me with out saying that it will be long time before he even kisses me because I had another man penis in my mouth ... really ? Ugh, if I only had s magic wand ...

  8. #8

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    Were all the rules geared to what you could do? What were the restrictions you put on him? I agree you broke a rule you both decided on. That is never good. It is also a problem when the rules come into play in the heat of the moment. Condoms are a common rule. Anal is usually something you would decide not to do if it isn’t a normal part of your sex style.
    There are two rules that I just don’t understand, kissing and oral. I realize you agreed to the rule. To me, your husband is saying it is fine to have the most intimate sex act and having oral sex is too intimate. I would be more upset if a man came over to me, spread my legs and put it in me without having any foreplay.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    He needs to be reminded you two are on the same team...


  10. #10

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    His cheating was a separate incident, but I think this also has more to do with the reaction. You broke a rule in the heat of the moment and it sounds like you are minimizing his feelings. A healthier attitude would be more why did you think it was okay at the time, and what can you two do to prevent it from happening again. Maybe he wasn’t expecting to see you enjoy yourself so much. His comment about not being able to kiss you because you had another dick in your mouth really says you shouldn’t be swinging. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    I totally agree that he dint think I was actually going to enjoy it either. I almost feel like there is a sense of insecurity. As much as he stated how he wanted to see me with someone else and it turn him in . I think when it was happening it like flipped a switch . Letís remeber I dint have a dick in my pussy . Because the penis was rather large he felt insecure and feeling like now Iím not going to be content with his penis. His penis is perfect and he has always made me orgasm . I wasnít the one looking or searching or even thinking about swinging . I just need to work on our trust issues . Hopefully things will work out and we can try again.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    Certainly you enjoyed it; the more we do, the more we’re interested in doing and enjoying. You need to talk to him about the rules and more importantly, the activities. Where does he see it all going?

    When we started swinging, we had an invitation to join another couple but they had specified that she was bi. I just couldn’t get my mind around that, I had never thought about girl on girl activity. After much discussion, I stated that my starting point would be MFM. He agreed. We had our first, I loved it. He said he was turned on by my seduction of him and the other guy at the bar, me being rather exposed while there, kissing groping in the elevator was fine and he said, loved it when I dropped to my knees after we entered the room, sucking Denny and sucking him back and forth. The part that bothered him was when Denny entered me, I moaned and said yes, fuck me. But, he said, once I started sucking him while being fucked by Denny, he became fine with whole thing.

    The thing is, we had several MFM and then I was willing to go to a couples club and try a swap. The more we do, the more we are willing to do. Like tennis, you learn to hit the ball and then you want to add a back hand. After MFM and swaps, I was more then willing to try an MMFM. Its all very additive. He (and you) should understand this before you start down the road.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    OK, I'm still trying to digest the fact he won't kiss lips that have been on another man's cock. Hell, in today's world, how did he ever date before the two of you met?

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Addict jnrswinger's Avatar
    Status
    couple married M/F

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    I have a different cut on this one. Regardless of rules and rule breaking, this sounds suspiciously like it's all about him. He dragged you into thjustis and the no anal, no bj rules sound a bit one sided too. And now he's all bent out of shape and has a penis inferiority complex. I don't think he is really into this as an equal opportunity hobby. He will let you do a few things as a small price to pay for getting what he wants. If I were you I would tell him it's not working out for you and quit. Otherwise this is no going to turn pretty.

    BTW: Did you ask him if he would have been so upset if the guy had a little dick even smaller than his? (Sorry, leave the "even" out, I was making a point.) If he is going to get upset every time you start playing with a bigger dick than his you need to know about it now and quit before things get really ugly.

  15. #15

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    Those are my exact thoughts. Iíve seen him get his cock sucked more than a few times and it turned me on. Itís almost as if itís all one sided . Last night he finally said that he enjoyed it but that he wanted to feel more included . I was riding him as his balls got sucked , how more included can you be ? . Seriously , the penis size was the insecurity.

  16. #16
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
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    couple
    SLS Profile
    padoc

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    We recognized early on that there will always be someone with a bigger dick, bigger boobs, thinner, taller, more hair, younger etc, etc. We've learned to appreciate and enjoy the differences because this hobby is about SHARING and variety. If Mrs Doc sucks a dick bigger than mine, I enjoy the show, her skills are impressive. My wife is very attractive but we've been with couples where the other woman could be considered to be even more so. She enjoys watching me enjoy and will often join in which only enhances my enjoyment. Sweet, your hubby has to get past his penis envy of find a new hobby.

  17. #17

    Default Re: Is it all that bad ??

    So no anal means, restriction on you, unless he is gay. No blow job means restriction on you, unless he is gay. So he was trying to have unlimited fun while limiting you. If you get into this, then you are into this. There is soft and there is hard swap. Those are the only two limitations. If you impose limitations on specific items you are cutting out a lot of fun, there are always ifs and butts and each is watching what the other is doing instead of having fun. Next time tell him, free sailing or nothing. If he cannot leave jealousy and envy at home then swinging is not for him. He didn't do this for you but for himself.
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