Him getting more attention then me.

Wife and I are swingers, and about a year ago we found somebody who we both like a lot. In the last couple months I've noticed she has really been rubbing him all over. For example when in the missionary position she rubs his back his arms his chest and I realize she really doesn't do that to me. She actually holds onto my arms and rub my arms but not my full body. I asked her why she does this and she answer's "I don't know". It bugs me because we talked about it and we just met up with him last night and she did it again. How else can I approach this? Will I seem like I am throwing a fit if I were to tell her I don't like this? I mean it's nothing bad or serious I feel stupid for feeling this way so I'm unsure if it is worth bringing or in conversation or make it happen on our next date night? Thanks so much for feedback.

What Alex said, only nicer I hope.

One of the reasons we enter the LifeStyle is for variety. Your wife seems to be enjoying this gentleman in a different way than she does you. This actually should be encouraged. Because he's 'different' does not make him 'better.' If your sex life with her is enjoyable, just enjoy it.

Yes, if you bring it up time after time you will seem petulant, and this may act as a deterrent from her even being with the other man in the future. Is this what you want?

Good luck.

I have "instructed" my wife to give the other guy a "good ride." (BTW, I don't "instruct" her to do anything, seriously. It is part of our game.) She is not the type to do anything half-assed, so it would be in her nature to try to give him the most pleasure she can. Because we know each other so well, we probably don't experiment very much--we know what works and we gravitate to the tried and true. If she does something different with someone else, she is being true to her and my expectations to give him the best ride he ever had. If successful, she gets exquisite pleasure in return. Unless he's a jerk, then bets are off.

On the other hand, if I wanted her to touch me or try something new, I should ask. My guess is she would be happy to accommodate.

Sounds like your insecurities to me.

Understandable of course... we're all human... but I wouldn't encourage anyone to indulge in that kind of stuff. Not helpful.

If it's just a wobble and you can get over it, without raising it with your partner, do.

If after some time it's still haunting you then you have to talk, but I'd be questioning whether swinging is the right thing for you in that case.

Does he have more muscles than you? Maybe she likes the feel of his body. My wife squirts way more in the ls than she does with me but we both think it's because it's a naughtier situation and she's worked up. It doesn't bother me but I've noticed.

Unless she's doing things with him she won't do with you I'd let it go.

Anyone not have fun at first swinging?

Why exactly are you involved in this? It made you nauseous the first time and it sounds like it just hasn't gotten any better. You also cite some communication issues that I wonder if you really have worked out.

It doesn't seem to be something you enjoy but are maybe trying to put up with hoping to get what you want.

If you aren't getting anything out of it you need to speak up. If it's more than you can handle you need to speak up. There's no magic pill here for lack of communication.

Unless she's doing things with him she won't do with you I'd let it go.

If she is doing things she won't do with you, you should be happy that she's discovered this delight. Indeed, do not "let it go," you should embrace and enjoy the pleasures that she's found. It is one of the things I enjoy the most about us not being monogamous, exploring things with a person that I don't find with another person and seeing my husband and lovers, male and female, do the same. My jealousy has never been tamed, but is now my addiction.

I definitely enjoy what we have with him and he has not showed any "extra" attention to either of us. I was just curious as to why the caressing of the back and all occurred for him and not me. But thanks for the info.

Nauseous was when we first ventured into swinging in our mid-twenties. Mid 40's is a lot better. The guy I am speaking about is a great guy. Never shows either of us more individual attention and we hang out when not in the bedroom with my wife. The question was based on wondering why he was being rubbed down by her and she never caresses me. Her answer was "I do not know" . I am not losing potency over it, just curious as to what other people night say about it.

I actually got an answer after our last experience. When all was done and he had left she told me she realized it was because ofnhis body language compared to mine. Apparently I flinch or tighten up when she rubs my back. He moans more and gives harder thrust. I asked her to give me a back run and she did and to be honest, it was not as a good feeling as it seems when sje does it to him. All good. Thanks for the insight.

I actually got an answer after our last experience....

Glad to hear you got some progress on this.

I will echo the comments about variety, which I am convinced you now understand better yourself.

My scorecard is not huge, but long enough to know that most experiences are average, which is a statistical inevitability. There have been a few women though, that just went nuts when I was inside them. Something about my size & shape that really just tripped their trigger, literally. (My Johnson is exactly average in size BTW, so nothing special there.)

Different people react to each other differently. If we were all the same, how boring would that be?

It is the variety that the LS offers that appeals to me the most. All while growing with, strengthening, and building on my primary partnership. What more can you ask for?