Pregnant after swinging..

Hi all,

Please no judgement. Here’s the situation: I am currently 8 weeks pregnant and I’m not sure who the father is. I had sex with 3 people (including my husband) the month that I conceived so it technically could be any of the 3. Hubby knows, of course, because he was present during the other 2 encounters. I was on birth control but somehow that failed me. We would be over the moon if the baby was his, but hubby has made it very clear that he does not want to raise someone else’s baby. So we have decided to have a NIPP (Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity) test done.

I’ve had my blood drawn twice, and hubby has had his mouth swabbed. The first time they said it was too early and there was not enough fetal DNA. The second time they gave me preliminary results, and there was a 75% result that my husband is not the father. I’m going back for a third blood draw today, because they keep testing until they reach 99.9% accuracy.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. I guess not really advice because we already have a plan. If the baby isn’t his, we’re not keeping it. I guess just support? I feel so alone. I have my husband to talk to, and he’s been great. But I can’t tell anybody else for obvious reasons. We’ve ghosted all of our swinger friends bc we don’t want to tell them the possibility. Would you tell the other two potential fathers, even if you didn’t plan on keeping the baby if it were theirs? I almost feel like I’m a keeping a huge secret from them. But I also don’t want to cause them to worry unnecessarily. And I don’t want their wives to be upset. Has anybody else been through a similar situation? I’m just so sad about this... I’ll probably never swing again.

Something else that’s been worrying me is the possibility of a false negative. I’ve read stories where other women have gotten the NIPP test done and the results excluded their husband as the father, but after the baby was born they ran another dna test and it turned out he WAS the father. So now that possibility is swimming through my head and it makes it even harder to make the decision to not keep the baby based on the results.

Anyway, still not really sure what I’m looking for here but it has been nice to vent. Thank you ❤️

Did you consider the possibility of separating amicably and you raising the baby alone? It's not clear from your post whether it's just hubby not interested to raise someone else's child or both of you.

Do you have children already? Do you (personally, not both of you) want to have children? At this stage? Ever?

If you terminate, what are the risks to your future pregnancies?

Wow, this is a tough one. I think Alura gave very wise advise, as he typically does.

If you and your husband are ready to be parents, and it sounds like you are, have the kid and raise it as both yours. If not, you should consider adoption or abortion if neither other choice is an option. Just realize that that is a tough decision that you’ll have to live with forever.

Good luck.

This might not be a popular answer, but with regards to telling the other people-- if you aren't able/willing/ready to handle the fact that they may have different desires (i.e., keep the baby, they raise the baby, etc.), I would probably not tell them. Especially if you are not 100% certain, at this point, who the biological father is. I am surprised I am saying that as I am very much a direct/honest person, but you have to look at your motivations for telling them. I can't imagine how isolated you feel. It is hard enough with other swinging issues, not being able to talk to your friends about it, this is another level altogether. All of this, and anything anyone else says (unless they have been in the exact same predicament) is moot for you. No one can know exactly how they would respond in a situation until it happens -- they only have how they think/hope they would respond. Good luck sounds so trite....but good luck? and virtual hugs.

Adopted here so I also will tell you that it takes more than sperm to be a father. Never even was interested in finding my 'real' mother and father since I already know who they are...the people who raised me.

As for telling the other two guys, HELL NO. This will only possibly cause more problems. Since it sounds like you are going to give up the baby if it isn't your husbands, what is the reason for telling the other two guys? Sorry to hear about your problem and wishing you the best with whatever you decide to do.

No judging here... we play the LS game and this can happen. I have to be honest I have fantasized about my wife going through this as well and what would I do... Never fantasized past that point. A tough one but since you are both in the LS then there is the risk.

Hi all,

 

Please no judgement. Here’s the situation: I am currently 8 weeks pregnant and I’m not sure who the father is. I had sex with 3 people (including my husband) the month that I conceived so it technically could be any of the 3. Hubby knows, of course, because he was present during the other 2 encounters. I was on birth control but somehow that failed me. We would be over the moon if the baby was his, but hubby has made it very clear that he does not want to raise someone else’s baby. So we have decided to have a NIPP (Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity) test done.

 

I’ve had my blood drawn twice, and hubby has had his mouth swabbed. The first time they said it was too early and there was not enough fetal DNA. The second time they gave me preliminary results, and there was a 75% result that my husband is not the father. I’m going back for a third blood draw today, because they keep testing until they reach 99.9% accuracy.

 

I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. I guess not really advice because we already have a plan. If the baby isn’t his, we’re not keeping it. I guess just support? I feel so alone. I have my husband to talk to, and he’s been great. But I can’t tell anybody else for obvious reasons. We’ve ghosted all of our swinger friends bc we don’t want to tell them the possibility. Would you tell the other two potential fathers, even if you didn’t plan on keeping the baby if it were theirs? I almost feel like I’m a keeping a huge secret from them. But I also don’t want to cause them to worry unnecessarily. And I don’t want their wives to be upset. Has anybody else been through a similar situation? I’m just so sad about this... I’ll probably never swing again.

 

Something else that’s been worrying me is the possibility of a false negative. I’ve read stories where other women have gotten the NIPP test done and the results excluded their husband as the father, but after the baby was born they ran another dna test and it turned out he WAS the father. So now that possibility is swimming through my head and it makes it even harder to make the decision to not keep the baby based on the results.

 

Anyway, still not really sure what I’m looking for here but it has been nice to vent. Thank you ❤️

Let me start by saying it is totally your decision. Does it matter to you who the father is? It is implied from the fact that you're bringing the question here that you do not agree with your husband's position. In the end it is you who will live with the joys and tribulations of the decision that you make, and as with most women/mothers, be the one to raise the child.

Put your husband's wishes aside for a moment and think of what you want. If you are considering keeping the child against you husband's preference, I suggest that you immediately get legal counsel to determine the rights of your child; they vary by state. And it is the child's rights, not something for you to bargain away or waive on his or her behalf. Your husband may have an obligation by reason of being married to you, and obviously the biological father has an obligation to the child. Do not feel as though you are being unfair to the men, it is both the law and the consequences of marrying and/or having sex with you that they may have to pitch in to support a child.

We in the poly family (we are mostly monogamous) have discussed the question and all agree that if one of us women became pregnant and the time was right for a child, we would keep it regardless of paternity. If it was not a good time, considering all factors, we would have an abortion, regardless of paternity. And call it was it is - an abortion. An abortion is what it is - at this point it is not a "child" or "baby", it is a potential person. And it is without shame if that's what you decide to do. I have not had an abortion, but would if that was the right decision at the time. Both Lora and Clair in our poly family have aborted, before any of us met. They made the best decision that they could at the time.

It is your decision and your decision alone to make because it is your body and you will be the one most affected either way. Weigh the factors, make your decison, then go on without regrets.