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  1. #1

    Default Exclusivity in Swinging?

    Has anyone ever had an "exclusive" relationship with another couple/person? Meaning, you and your partner only play with 1 other couple or person? How do you bring that up to the other couple as an option? I don't want them to feel pressured to say yes. I am leaning towards asking the female by herself (due to the dynamics of their relationship) and ask her to speak with her mate about it. We have been seeing this couple on and off for about 2 years. To my knowledge, it has been exclusive, though not necessarily intentionally.

    I could see the guys' (in this case) fear being that going exclusive takes away the "fucking someone new" aspect of swinging which they like.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We have been 'exclusive' with another couple for 4-5 years (?). We call it 'couples dating'. We get together around once a month and have done multiple vacations with each other. The exclusivity just kind of developed since we when we started out we only planned on 'dating' (be it the same or a different couple) one weekend a month and they filled our dance card.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  3. #3

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We only do MFM and have been in a exclusive on our side for about a year and half but our play partner has a couple of ladies he has known for years and hooks up with them when he travels. He retired quite young and is single, and it' something he has always done so no big deal and he always tells us about his intentions. He also from time to time gets a girlfriend but again he is a single guy so it's to be expected, and for some reason they don't seem to last very long. With being said and that he is not seeking other couples we do consider it to be exclusive, and this is has a lot to do with (As Goldcocouple said)our travel and work schedule, and not having enough time to get together. However this may be changing soon as his last couple adventures have put him out for a couple of months and we have missed a few connections due to schedules, so with his agreement we a seeking others now. Got a bar meeting coming up in a couple of weeks so we will see. Have to say we really like the exclusive thing but as it proves in our situation it would be selfish for all involved to try to maintain.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We are exclusive now with two other couples. We had a serious talk about no cheating, and decided it was what we wanted to do so we could go bareback, do anal or anything else without fear. For now at least, it is enough for all of us. We've agreed that if it ever isn't we'd whoever would give notice first.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We have a couple we go bareback with also though we have not made anything official as far as exclusivity goes. We did agree that if we have encounters with others then we will let the other couple know as far as the bareback issue goes. Don't know if we will play with anyone else but when/if that happens we will cross that bridge when we get there. It is nice not having to use condoms! We just recently got back into swinging after taking some time off to focus on each other so we are moving slowly right now. We've only been with the one couple since we started again.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    Quote Originally Posted by introvertswingr View Post
    I could see the guys' (in this case) fear being that going exclusive takes away the "fucking someone new" aspect of swinging which they like.
    We started out in a MMF. Her first time with another man in front of me was her best time. I tried to talk her into experiencing other men but she was happy with what she had. She wasn't interested in doing it with other women or me doing it with other women.

    I understand what you are saying. It is a common situation where one half of the couple is more interesting than the other.

    In my opinion that is why MMF or FFM experiences are better.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We have not discussed it with the couple, but are going bareback. My husband and I have different thoughts on this. One is of the mindset that until/unless it is explicitly stated, there is no assumption of exclusivity in swinging -- same as with singles dating. As long as we use condoms with anyone else we play with, it should not matter. The other disagrees, thinking that going bareback implies it given the potential risk (and the fact that so many people do not use protection for oral). I honestly can't remember if we ever had a talk about it with the other couple -- it has been a couple of years with a few long breaks in between with the couple. Thanks for the feedback!

  8. #8

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    This is wonderful feedback from others who have had the same discussion as us. Our adventure of couple's dating has been unsuccessful. We did find a couple recently that was the perfect match except they had no desire to be exclusive so we could play bareback. That was the dream killer to my wife. So we continue to shop. Maybe we got spoiled that our first "Dating relationship" was with a single male that was our first connection and we were together for more than 2 years. Still we refer to our dream as "Married and Dating"

  9. #9
    Active Member lcmim's Avatar
    Status
    married couple
    SLS Profile
    lcmim

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    Implications mean absolutely NOTHING.


  10. #10
    Life is for living Judy39's Avatar
    Status
    Couple (female posting)

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    I can easily imagine that exclusivity feels nice when it happens, but expecting swingers to be exclusive is a bit much... I wouldn't want people to expect exclusivity from me/us, and I don't expect it from others.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
    Status
    Couple.
    SLS Profile
    sextiescouple

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We've never looked for exclusivity, because that wasn't what we were in the LifeStyle for. Our purpose was to have variety, to shake our marriage into new highs. We loved each other, had great sex, simply felt that adding a range of other lovers would be fun. It was, and is, and brought our own lovemaking to new highs.

    There was one couple who were our favorites, we saw them three or four times a month. We were honest with them, as they were with us, and we got to a point where we wouldn't use condoms with them, but we did with everyone else. But none of us ever simply wished that our love making would be constrained to just the four of us.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    padoc

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We like variety and new playmates which is in part why we got into this hobby. Over the years we have found several couples who's company we enjoy and who's sexual energy meshes well with our. While we're not exclusive, we are certain in the knowledge that they are very selective as are we so we're quite happy to play bareback. We think that eventually, the desire for variety will wane a bit and we'll sort of slip into exclusivity with one couple or maybe threeÖUs and three trusted couples makes for a really nice party. Even in the nursing home!

  13. #13

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We’re exclusive 100% at this point, with one other couple we’ve known for over 15 yrs, best friends. the lifestyle was new to us all. Good side- trust, love, full play without any reservations or concerns. Aka piece of mind. Bad side, no variety. That hard rule was established by our wives, so we respect it no doubt. But I’m hopeful one day that will change.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    I am in it for variety, I already have one exclusive relationship with my husband. I don't wish a restricted Lifestyle - I don't mind a relationship - FWB type of relationship, but no exclusivity.
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  15. #15

    Default Re: Exclusivity in Swinging?

    We are lightly used swingers. When we find a couple that we get along well together we stay with them. I guess that comes from my past when I never dated multiple women. When we move on it is because the couple's life changed for some reason or another.

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