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  1. #1

    Default How to initiate sex with friends

    Our close friends are very curious about groups sex and swinging. My husband and I have sent them photos and theyíve sent us things. All 4 of us have spoken about making a date and what all of us would do. Weíve gone into great detail.

    They invited us over and Iím wondering how I go about initiating play with them. All 4 of us are generally pretty shy, so someone has to step up !


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
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    couple
    SLS Profile
    padoc

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    Wear easy access clothing, maybe a skirt and a button down blouse, no bra and once everyone has had an adult beverage or two to relax make sure a couple of buttons are undone. Go sit next to the other husband, turn towards him, lean forward a little, look him in the eye with a sexy smile and whisper, "this isn't going to unbeaten itself big guy". If that doesn't get the party started, there won't BE a party!

  3. #3

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    I don’t what kind of pictures you needed to swap. I am thing they were sexual in nature.
    You will read on here that many will say don’t do it. Playing with friends will lead to problems. I don’t agree. Friends can be the best option. If you agree that all are in, be yourself, make it fun.
    My husband and I had some experience when he suggested that we let his best friend join us. That big night came and though he was eager, our friend didn’t know how to start. My husband just said to him Are you going to fuck her? I said wait, let me. I then undressed him. Once I had him in my mouth nature took over.
    Remember, they are friends. Have fun. You all know what is going to happen.
    We Are...

  4. #4

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    Like PSULioness said an awful lot of people do not suggest playing with your friends because it can often backfire / destroy the friendship / put pressure on the friendship / cause your life and relationship a fair bit of damage / ruin your social lives / and in some rare cases it can basically destroy your life. BUT sometimes it can work.

    In the original post you basically said that:

    A) Your friends have showed an interest in group sex.
    B) You and your friends have shared some pictures / naughty pictures.

    Many years ago I played with several friends and it turned out to be a massive mistake, both times it backfired and caused our lives massive damage, so personally I'd say the next step would be to talk with your friends and also to lay out a very defined set of rules / boundaries.

    In my experience of playing with friends I find that:

    A) A lot of people do NOT BOTHER discussing THE RULES with their friends, they naturally assume that because they are friends they will not harm your life, will not betray you, will not fall out with you, that they are friends so obviously they will act in a fun, calm, discreet manor so why bother discussing your rules with them.

    B) That once you start playing with friends they take advantage or push boundaries, they assume that because your friends that the rules don't really apply to them, they assume that because your friends they can turn up whenever they like, have sex whenever they like, break any rules they have been given, that really common decency and rules don't really apply to them because they are your friends.

    I'd strongly advise thinking about everything you DON'T WANT and then very, very clearly listing the rules out to your friends, those rules could include:


    1. PRIVACY: That you ask your friends to fully agree NOT to speak about this with anyone else, not to speak about this (or about you as a couple) with any other friends / family members / work mates / random people they meet / basically ask your friends not to say anything about you as a couple, about this lifestyle or experience, about swinging and group sex. Make sure you let your friends know that you as a couple do NOT want anyone else knowing about this, or anyone else knowing about your business or lives together. That you don't expect your friends to tell anyone anything at all about you or this subject.

    2: INVITE ONLY: Let your friends know that you do NOT want them turning up at your house unless they have been invited first, that you have discussed things and arranged to meet first. Many people who call themselves friends have a habit of turning up to your home without been invited, they get bathed, they get dressed up nice in sexy clothes, they grab a bottle of wine and then knock on your door hoping for a surprise sexual evening. Your friends are off work that evening, your friends are rested, clean, have a free night so they assume they can just turn up at your door for a night of sexy fun, and then walk in your home to find you totally unprepared, to find you tired / busy / not bathed / not ready / or maybe you have family or other friends there.

    You actually have to be very careful here because friends often use excuses to turn up at your house whenever they want, for example your husband wakes up and goes to work, the man of the relationship wakes up and goes to work and about an hour after he has left for work your friends knock on the door already knowing that the wife / the women is now in the house alone, they already know the man has left for work, they already know the women is in the house alone and they knock on the door and would usually say something like:

    "We were just in the area so thought we would stop by to say hello"

    "Last time we was here we think we left our wallet, dropped our purse, forgot our phone charger, dropped our hat"

    In some cases its simply an excuse to pop by your house whenever they like looking for sex, in some cases they would be much better saying.....

    "Hey we know your husband is at work so we just popped by to see if you (the female) would have sex with us without your pesky husband been around?"

    I now specifically tell people that we do not want any uninvited house calls, that if they do lose something, that if they do leave anything at our home then to please message us and we will check our home without them having to come around to our house. Usually after we play with someone I will give the house a quick sweep / visual inspection to make sure they have not left any clothes, left any mobile phones, and will generally ask them in a very clear manor "Have you got everything?" before they leave my house.

    In my experience friends often assume they can come to your home, or even have sex with you whenever they like which isn't usually the case.


    3: NO SEX ALONE: I guess this totally depends on your personal desires and comfort levels but it is often wise to very clearly let a friend know about your sexual rules, for example you are a couple, you want to explore sexually as a couple, you might NOT want your friends asking your wife/girlfriend for sex on her own, on the flip side if your a women you might not want your friends asking your husband/boyfriend for sex alone either.

    Make sure your friends understand that just because you agree to have sex with them as a couple, that does not mean they can have sex with your wife alone, with your husband alone. If your at work, if your out of the house, if your away on a business trip then that does not mean your friends can have sex with your partner whilst you are not there.

    Like stated above in some cases a friend will assume that because you have sex as a couple that they are now allowed to sleep with your partner alone without you there, without you knowing, make sure to clearly define your rules about that subject, is this purely a thing you do as a couple or are they allowed to sleep with each of you alone as well.


    4: NO STRANGERS: In some cases a friend may meet a new sexual playmate, maybe they meet a nice single man, or single women and suddenly they want to invite this person to your home to take part in your sexual evenings, that they have a sex buddy who wants to come along for the ride. Again this is down to you as a couple but in the vast majority of cases I would not want my friends turning up with a new person that I'd never met / never spoken to. That really you do not want your friends inviting other people and expecting you to have sex with them, you do not want your friends making choices about what strangers you sleep with so perhaps it would be best that you warn them not to invite other people along to your meetings together.


    5: SEXUAL RULES: You need to make your sexual rules very clear indeed before you play with any friends, for example if your wife/girlfriend does not like anal sex then you need to very clearly say "My wife/girlfriend does NOT WANT ANAL SEX, that anal sex will not happen, it doesn't matter how drunk you are, doesn't matter if were friends, my wife does not want anal sex so please do NOT ASK for anal sex"

    Its a very wise idea to list out your rules regarding sex, too let your friends know what you DO NOT WANT.

    For example....

    If you do not want any of the 3 P'S (Pain, Piss, Poo) then let your friends know that, and know not to ask.

    If you do not want to play with men dressed up as women, then let your friends know that, and know not to ask either.

    If you do not want any bondage such a tying up or spanking, then let your friends know you don't want that, and not to ask.

    If you don't want to swallow male cum, then let your friends know that, and not to ask you for that.

    ECT, ECT, ECT.....


    6: NO MEETING ALONE: Well this subject is like rule 3 "No Sex Alone" but its not to be confused with rule 3 because its actually a very different kettle of fish. Say for example you start having sex with these friends and then for whatever reason YOU have to leave for a few days, maybe you have to travel for work, maybe you have to visit family members, but for whatever reason YOU have to leave for a few days. When you return you find your sexual friends have invited your partner out for a romantic styled meal followed by a film and drinks.

    How are you going to feel been stuck at work and finding out that your friends have invited your partner to meet them for lunch, invited your partner out to the cinema, invited your partner out for a coffee, are you okay with your partner meeting these friends alone, or are you not okay with that? In years past I have played with a few couples and clearly told them NOT to ask my girlfriend for sex alone, so instead they invite her for drinks and a meal instead, that they simply arrange to meet her without me and are probably hoping she decides to have sex with them alone.

    If questioned such friends can say "Well we didn't ask her for sex, we simply asked her out for a meal alone, you never said we couldn't meet alone, you just said no sex alone, so instead we invited your partner out alone and was kind of hoping they would initiate the sex alone part because then its your partner breaking the rules and not us, all we did was invite your partner out alone for drinks"


    7: SEXUAL PROTECTION: It is also a very good idea to get a solid grasp on what sexual protection is been used, for example if your friends wife/girlfriend currently using any sexual contraception, if so what is she using? How effective is this contraception? How up to date is this contraception? When was the last time you all got checked out sexually for STD'S / STI'S? NEVER ASSUME someone is using contraception but instead make sure to ask them very clearly what contraception they are using, what they would prefer to use and so on.


    8: COMMUNICATION: Sadly communication can be another difficult subject, I mean sure you are friends but how are you going to feel when you have been at work 10 hours and you arrive home to find that your friends have actually send your partner 57 text messages that day, that your partner has been talking with your new sexy friends all day and have hardly even messaged you at all. Every time your partners phone goes "Beep" and another message comes through are you going to be upset when you find out its from your friends, that they are flirting with your partner on a one on one basis.

    Who is going to handle the communication, are they going to have both of your phone numbers, how are you going to feel knowing they have messaged your partner 67 times and you 2 times, are you going to keep in touch by phone, email, chat programs. What are your rules on communicating with these friends.


    9: PICTURES / VIDEO: Sometimes a couple will want to take photos or videos of themselves having group sex, generally its a good idea if you decide if your okay with this or not. Keep in mind that I have seen thousands of profiles where couples edit their faces out of the pictures but leave on the faces of the people they are playing with. That if a person is taking photos or films of you having sex with them then those images could easily end up on swingers sites ect. If you don't feel comfy with pictures or video been taken its wise to let them know that before you play.



    OVERALL:

    If your playing with friends (or anyone really) its good to have a very clear idea about your rules and to make sure you express them in a very clear and direct way, that you need to be firm about your rules because friends especially have a nasty habit of thinking your rules don't really apply to them.

    I also found friends are great at exploiting whatever you don't say, for example.....

    You arrive home from work to find out your partner has had sex with these friends alone, when you become upset or question why the first thing your friends will say is "Well YOU never said we could not have sex alone so really its your fault for not telling us"

    If you arrive home and find that your friends have invited your partner out alone for a romantic dinner with them then the first thing your friends will say is "Well you never told us we couldn't meet up with your partner alone so its your fault for not telling us"

    Friends will also try and push boundaries, for example.....

    If you tell your friends NOT to turn up at your house without been invited first they will turn up at your house and say "Oh last time we was here I think I left my coat so we just popped in to check?" when you question why they turned up at your house without been invited they will say "Hey chill out I just thought I'd left my coat, I mean I knew your partner was in the house alone, I knew you was at work, sure I could have just picked my coat up in a few days when we meet again, but I thought it was a good excuse to break your rule and see if your partner fancies a fuck alone, I mean you never said what to do if we forgot something in your house so we decided it was okay to visit without been asked"

    If you tell your friends that your partner does not want anal sex, then at some point the man will rub the tip of his penis on your partner bum and if your partner doesn't complain he will try and slide it in, when asked WHY he tried to have anal sex with your partner they will say "Oh well I accidentally rubbed the tip of my penis on her bum and she didn't complain to I thought your rules had changed, really its your fault for not keeping us up to date with your rules"


    I'm not saying this happens all the time with friends, I'm just saying that "Sometimes" friends do have a habit of breaking your rules / bending your rules / thinking the rules don't really apply to them, and often they will take advantage of anything you DON'T SAY. If you have not told them not to come to your home without been invited then they will turn up whenever they like, if you have not told them your partner doesn't like anal sex then at some point they will try and shove their penis up her bum, and then will pass the blame back to you for not saying anything in the first place.

    The way to help stop this is by having a very clear set of rules, a set of rules that you have told them in clear terms. In most cases when I meet someone I will tell them OUR RULES via an email, then when we do meet for some sexy fun I'll take 10 minutes before playing and say those rules out loud as well. You know generally if you meet someone for sex there is a greeting / chatting period that happens before. The person knocks on the door, you invite them inside, take their coat, say hello, ask how their week has been, make some small talk, so sure during that point I repeat the list of rules we sent via email, that way they have been told in writing and told in person, your friends can not then say they wasn't told.


    HOW TO MAKE THE SEXUAL MOVE:

    The original post also asked how to make the sexual move, well a good way to make that move is to discuss it before hand.

    This could be called "Pacing Reality" or simply "Making a Plan"

    You see us humans often work and react better when we are working to a plan, when we have already been told what will happen. Now sure things often don't go to plan, and sure plan's do change, but still having a basic plan in place will help ease peoples mind, it will give a basic framework in which to operate which in turn will make people feel more comfy.

    For example you could email your friends and simply say.....

    "Well I thought we could meet up at our house at about 20:00 which will give everyone enough time to finish work / get bathed / get ready / travel to meet each other. Once you arrive I thought we could perhaps have a few drinks, either beer, wine, tea, coffee, whatever people prefer. We could perhaps spend an hour having a chat to relax a little, this means we have a chance to go over any last minute questions, go over any last minute rules or boundaries, and just have a chat in general to relax"

    "Then if everyone feels comfy then at around 21:00 (give or take) my husband will ask everyone if they want to come upstairs, if they feel comfy enough to try some group sex together. If we all feel comfy then we can head upstairs and thought we could lay on the bed together and get comfy. If that feels okay maybe we can start slowly, try general cuddling and kissing, we don't have to strip naked straight away unless we feel comfy enough, its okay if you want to keep some clothes on, we don't mind you keeping a t-shirt on or night wear"

    "Then if we all feel okay maybe we can try touching each other, maybe try some oral sex, and just see how it goes, see if we feel comfy enough. If we all feel comfy we can take things further, if we feel nervous or strange then we can just keep things very light and see how we feel after that. Obviously once were done for the night you can head off home, I was thinking we make sure we are done by about 22:30 so you can be home in time for bed, then after that we all have time to think and discuss things more, if we all feel okay we can try again, if we don't feel okay we don't have to try again, what do you think?"


    Laying out a basic plan will help your friends understand what will happen / where / when / why / who will ask / what is expected / what time you are hoping to be done and so on. If they have already been told that your husband will ask them if they want to try some group sex at around 21:00 then they are not surprised when he asks.

    Sending the couple a message simply asking if they want to try group sex with you is a good start.

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict Guy1964's Avatar
    Status
    M. Married

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    i'm not an experienced swinger so i dont claim the ability to give the sage advice you need. I would like to speak as a person from a repressed background wgo has regrets. I've been in several situations where the sexual tension was high but no one knew how to pull the trigger..on the other hand, you dont want to be the creepy person. If i could go back, i think i'd say something like "i'm feeling really turned on to all/both of you right now." That could of oppened the door to talk about what we really wanted.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    padoc

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    We've never had recreational sex with another couple that required a six page check list and a script as above. This is supposed to be fun! You know this couple, you've danced around the matter for awhile and you have every reason to believe they are as willing as you. I don't know how much success Sun has had, but I assure you that Mrs Doc has behaved exactly as described and as a result, we've had a lot of fun sex with a particular couple. In fact, a few weeks after the first time, we had dinner with those same folks and came back to our house. As I poured drinks, the other wife excused herself to go visit the ladies room. When she came out, she'd lost her skirt and blouse and was wearing only a sexy black lace bra and panties set. She smiled, took my hand and as she led me towards the bedroom she looked over her shoulder, smiled at her husband and my wife and said, "come on you two…catch up".

  7. #7

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    Hi

    Look some times it works great and other times it goes badly - if none of you are sure then at lest have a back word or something - good luck and let us know how it goes.

  8. #8

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    Start looking for swingers online or at clubs. Find a couple that you like. Have everyone become friends. Ask "would you like to swing?". Better to make swingers friends than run the risk of making friends swingers (or letting everyone in your group of friends and neighbors know what you two are doing).
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  9. #9

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    We had agreed tonight was the night. We were sitting on a sectional. Laura was sitting with Mr. Playmate and I, of course, with Mrs. Playmate.

    Mr. Playmate said, "Do y'all know good ice-breakers?"

    "Kissing works for me," said Laura.

    "Huh?" said Mr. Playmate.

    "If you were to kiss me, I think it would melt any ice you might be feeling."

    Y'know? She turned out to be right.
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." óWill Rogers


  10. #10

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    UPDATE

    our friends invited us to the beach today. We went and had a great time! Our initial plan was to go to the nude beach but it was completely taken over by stupid zebra muscles, those cock blockers. So we went and just had a normal beach day, hanging out in the sun. When it was time to go we said our good byes and parted ways.

    Halfway home Ms sent us a picture of her playing with her pussy. I was driving and got so excited! We were kind of bummed out about not being able to get naked. When we got back to the city they sent us a text saying come over! By this time they had sent us multiple pictures of them playing. My husband and I were going crazy. We were so excited when they invited us over.

    Mr answered the door with no pants on and the biggest boner, it was so fucking hot. These are good friends that we’ve known forever and I feel like we may have something really awesome on our hands.

    We didn’t swap, but we did lots of oral and it was soo much fun. We’re going to their cabin next weekend and I could not be more excited!!

  11. #11

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    Swinging with friends can be the absolute best sex. But be ready to get along without them. People, even really good people, can do awful things. The feeling you have after a meeting right now, is not the feeling you will have in 6 months. But there may be room for NEW feelings, unexplored feelings. anyhoo, just a warning but for now, have fun!

  12. #12

    Default Re: How to initiate sex with friends

    You’re on the right track. Think baby steps. Communication is key!! The subject needs to be discussed as a group. Hell, that’s half the fun! The more open and comfortable the subject becomes, the better the pleasure will be at the end. Start with soft play. For example, we put together our own strip/ drink Jenga game. The game consisted of many soft play challenges along with many other regular old social drinking blocks. Google it. Exp sit on your niegbors lap for a turn. Another was like underwear round, etc. These are not only fun, but more importantly A type of training. Don’t swing for the fences on your first attempt. enjoy your friends, build that confidence amongst all. Later, we included more aggressive blocks. 1) 30 seconds of pleasure. The person who pulled this block has to pick someone else and I’m a private space can ask for anything they wanted for 30 secs. I actually pulled this block first. I asked for the girls to kiss and touch for 30 secs. It was awesome. Catch my drift? Baby step. This happened over a period of a summer before a full swap occurred. We let the game initiate sex. Hope this helps.

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