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  1. #1

    Default When your Vanilla friend finds out

    Last week the Penn state basketball team was playing in NYC. Usually itís the football team that gets my friends excited. Several of my friends from Pa. were coming to town to watch the games. These are friends that introduced me to swinging. I was able to get 6 tickets, me and my husband, three girlfriends and a guy friend. Of course we told them to stay at our place. Penn State won the semi finals and our friends stayed for the Finals. Unfortunately my husband couldnít make the finals. I invited a real good vanilla friend. Someone I know many years. Our team won which was great. My vanilla friend went home after some drinks after the game. My out of town friends came back to my place. We had a great time.
    Now I found out that something was said to my vanilla friend. I had no idea. I got a call from one of my girlfriends apologizing that she MAY have slipped and said something to my other friend. I was stupid to mix the vanilla and college friends together. The last time they saw each other was before I ever did anything.
    I am worried that others will find out and I donít know if I can look my friend in her face.
    We Are...

  2. #2

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    Worrying is pointless. There are a number of scenarios that can play out. Maybe it will never be mentioned because she doesn’t believe it. She could ask and you can deny by laughing and saying your college friends tell everyone that just to see reactions. If she presses you it might be because she is interested. That could be difficult to read. The worst thing to do is not being normal. If you speak to her during the week continue doing that. Don’t feel or sound guilty. Talk about what a great game it was.
    On the plus side our best friends surprised me that they have been swingers for years. When I found out and then realized my wife wanted to join them. Looking back it has opened many new things for us. Some will say don’t do it with friends. For us it is the best.

  3. #3

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    Acting guilty is the surest way to convince him that what was said was true. Just act normal around him and more than likely nothing will ever be said. If something is actually said, just play it off as a joke, but really, what would he really say...'hey, in talking to your friend, it was said that you two are swingers, is that true?'. I think you will be okay, just don't let it change how you are around him. The first time you see him again will be the hardest, after that it won't be anything any longer.
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  4. #4

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    The first reaction to learning something like this is usually a knee jerk judgement. Our vanilla conditioning reacts like ninja training. Fortunately, she has had awhile to mull this over. The human in her will start to think about swinging, free, open sex. Curiosity will reign over contempt unless she is a total bible thumper or mega-prude. My suggestion, when or if she approaches you..own it.

  5. #5

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    That would be my biggest nightmare. We have been careful keeping our private lives private. We have friends that wanted to take the second cruise with us. We were going with a couple we met on our first cruise where we swapped spouses. They ended up not booking the trip and I was relieved. You can’t take back what happened. You can pretend that you don’t know she might suspect anything. If she brings it up if you are anything like me your coloring will go white or red. You can try laughing it away and say it was a joke. Or you can jokingly say if she wants to join you and your husband. Make it funny so she will think you are joking. If she says yes then you have another swing partner

  6. #6

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    Your response to this is the normal response from most, especially those new to the lifestyle. It’s also something that most of us at one point or another has had to face at one time or another. While unable to tell you what the right reaction for you should be, I can tell you what we concluded when we were faced with this. We decided that any relationship that we needed to lie to maintain probably wasn’t worth the effort.

    Don’t get me wrong, I try to never force or expound my point of view of any specific subject on any of our friends. But if asked I will respond with my honest opinion. The way we handled it was to answer the question with a question of our own, “That’s a rather personal question, what makes you ask?” My suggestion would be not to lie or deny. Either tell them the truth or refuse to discuss the subject as being too personal. If you lie they will most likely discover the truth at one point or another, and most will accept what you’re lying about more readily than they will the fact that you lied to them. You may also think about shifting from the defense to the offense in the way you handle the question if it ever arises, “Well (John/Joan) you surprise me, are you suggesting that you’re interested in having sex with us?”

    Like has been mentioned don’t worry too much about what hasn’t happened. While you will want to be prepared with an answer if it does happen, don’t obsess on it.

  7. #7

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    My husband says if she asks I should say yes we do and see how she reacts. His best friend knows and has enjoyed being invited to join us. I think my husband just wants her to know so we can ask her to join us
    We Are...

  8. #8

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    I just got back from spring break with very vanilla girlfriends. None were virgins, and although they liked and wanted sex it was usually only with steady boyfriends. I managed to sway them a bit from their shyness when I brought them to a topless beach and, with my prodding, got them to go topless. We even picked up guys and had that night, the first one night stand for each of them.
    One night we went to a usual loud and crazy party of drinking and pot smoking- none of which I do. Since to me the best high is an orgasm, I left early with two sane sober hunks. I brought them back to my room, dropped my mini and halter, and lay on the bed. They quickly got undressed and we had a fantastic threesome, with me taking much of the lead.
    My girlfriend-roommate stumbled in a few hours later to the sight of me on the bed on all fours getting fucked from behind while sucking the guy in front. We didnít slow down a bit as she watched for about five seconds then left. She couldíve joined us but was too much of a prude. The guys left after we completely satisfied eachother and then she came in from the other room to sleep. She was still stunned at seeing our threesome and I explained to her that I do it all the time, and orgies too, which stunned her even more. Weíre still friends, of course, but she admitted she could never get into my lifestyle.

  9. #9

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    Well, there's finding out and then there's slapping someone in the face with it. Since your girlfriends think they are living life in the fast lane with a one night stand, you are traveling near the speed of light (in comparison). All we can say is that we wish the world had more women like you...
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  10. #10

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    None of our vanilla friends know about this, but they know we have a vigorous sex life.

    If a friend did somehow find out and wanted answers they weren't entitled to, we'd just have to phase them out. I'd like to think we've already screened out the busiest busybodies, though.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict alexandsandra's Avatar
    married couple

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    I had a girlfriend once realize I had sex with other people.

    Her: I just donít see myself doing that.

    Me: Well, then you shouldnít. Simple as that. Ever fantasize about just seeing a beautiful man and having sex with him .

    Her: Yes, but that is just a fantasy.

    Me: What you call a fantasy, never to be indulged, for whatever reasons you may have, I call something different.

    Her: And that is ?

    ME: Tuesday

  12. #12

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    If she brings it up again it might be because she is interested in it. I think most people would let it go after mentioning once. You can in a fun way ask her if she ever thought about playing with more than one person. Maybe she has a fantasy. If she does have a fantasy you then have to decide what you want to tell her. If she doesn’t bring it up again just forget it. I just wonder if you want her to ask. Have fun.

  13. #13

    Default Re: When your Vanilla friend finds out

    Pretty sure she suspects. We chatted last night and I told her we were going up to Penn State today for Sat. Blue & White game. It’s a football game. It’s also a weekend of parties and tailgating. She asked if she could come. I told her we were staying at a friends place and there may not be room and others were coming too. She said she would take a sleeping bag. She had gone to a game before and she had a great time. I told her maybe next time we go up there she could come. I really felt bad telling her no but just didn’t want into the whole discussion. I chickened out.
    We Are...

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