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Thread: Need an opinion

  1. #1

    Default Need an opinion

    Tonight we went to a house party. It was very small. Maybe 12 couples. Everyone played but me and my wife. Was kinda disappointed when we left but understandable that things donít always work out. Weíre kinda down as to what we might have done wrong or didnít do right? It seemed everyone was focused on everyone else but did socialize some with us. Everyone is pretty much on the same level for looks and weight so that definitely wasnít it. Just not sure what we should have done different.


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
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    Scarletknight29

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    This has happened to us. Two tips: collaborate with your wife, flirt heavily with a couple you both like early. Think musical chairs. Tip two: go home and do your wife. These nights happen, don’t force it if it isn’t there.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    Flirting with a particular couple would never have happened. Everyone split up so no one couple stayed together. The wives did their own thing as did the husbands.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
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    Scarletknight29

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    We like to start house parties by playing with another couple. But if other couples did not conform to this conventional swap protocol, I can see how problems can ensue. What if the entire party wants to do your wife and no one wants to be done by you, the husband? It can be a long night eating coffee cake (has happened to me).

  5. #5

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    Nights like that are rough, feeling left out, whether intentional or unintentional, is never fun.

    Was this group new to you but not to them? Maybe the others not only know each other better, but also have sort of a routine going? If that's the case, just be patient and give it time and let things evolve and soon you will feel that same level of comfort they do.

    The other idea is to play with each other right in among everyone else. No rule that you HAVE to swap to have sex, right? Having sex with each other in front of others is still very exciting, and in fact, can be awesome since you get the swinging vibe and excitement factor but don't have the "am I doing this right for him/her?" anxiety that goes with being with someone new.
    Not all those who wander are lost

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    sextiescouple

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    njbm, Yeah, we've been in the situation where people wish to play with one person but not with the other. We actually had it happen both ways.

    Our rule was if both don't play, nobody plays. This could be modified on the fly, ("Yeah, go ahead honey, I'll be fine") but we always checked in regularly to make sure. It's not fun to be the left-out person.

  7. #7
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
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    Scarletknight29

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    We like to have both of us play, also. A lot of couples and singles want to just do my wife while I eat coffee cake, but we “come” as a package deal.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    Letís back up before we get on the wrong tangent. Neither me nor my wife, got to play. We was the lame duck couple. Their was 3 couples we had met before at the same house party and a few new couples. I guess an eye for an eye their could have been an odd number of couples and we became the only couple to not have someone. I thought we for sure would have clicked with someone. It was a depressing situation as our ability to go to parties is stretched thin. Our last party we attended was 2nd weekend of January.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    One more thing to add. On the subject of splitting up or sticking together, it really wouldnít have mattered. The home was very small so we technically was together or couldíve split up. We just was not approached in any way by anyone.


  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
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    Scarletknight29

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    In baseball, you are a big success if you get a hit one out of three at bats. Swinging is roughly the same. Better success next party!

    We could match depressing outings with anyone. Weíve gone to parties where no one talked to us for hours, where three couples declined to play with us. Where husbands talked to us and the wives walked away (a few times).

    But we try harder and go back to the well and sometimes have fun. For those who snubbed us: Itís their loss.

    Plug away! You can meet some great couples.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    The house party dynamic is always dicey. When we did house parties, we often saw couples splitting up--easier to find 1:1 than 2:2 matches.

    That doesn't get to what makes someone attractive--or not--at a party. What seems to matter most is how quickly and efficiently one can build a connection and establish interest. Introverts have to put on their extrovert faces, and extroverts often need to tone down their style. While it's true that the traditionally attractive folks are going to get some initial attention, that usually is insufficient to close the deal. What seems to matter the most are (a) confidence and (b) how you make your potential playmate feel about themselves.

    Bear in mind, a house party is a fantasy of sorts. People adopt personas that they would not use in ordinary life, and there is a distinct beginning and end to the party, much like Cinderella and the ball: if you're not playing by midnight, might as well pack it up and go home, etc.

    As for how you make your potential playmate feel about themselves, here is where the splitting can work to advantage. It's pretty easy to see the usual dynamic -- often there are dominant men who circle around "the most attractive woman" in the place. A glance around the room will reveal their significant others who have been to some extent abandoned. Strike up a conversation with one of them. It should be about them, not you. Listen to their comments, their feelings.

    The reason is simple. The outcome of "That most attractive woman" thing has only one (initial) male winner. If it happens to be (the lady you are talking to) spouse, she will be feeling vulnerable. More likely her husband will not be of interest to that "most attractive lady". Yet you have already endeared yourself to a potential playmate. There is some likelihood that your social graces puts you ahead even head and shoulders above-- the other men in the room : if she intends to play at all, she wants to be treated like the lady that she is.

    It is a truism that women run the lifestyle. It is not a truism that "Barbie" of "Ken and Barbie" is calling the shots--actually, it's all the rest of the ladies in the room.

  12. #12
    Liking It Here Cleve76Pom's Avatar
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    cleve76pom

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    These situations happen. One time we chose to find an open, public spot and performed for everyone, that got everyone's attention.....

    You simply move forward, it may not happen everytime, you create your own..

  13. #13

    Default Re: Need an opinion

    Did you all get a chance to play in Jan house party? If you didnít maybe the cpls you knew from before didnít think you would play. We have never been to house parties but we do go to clubs. And if we donít hook up , weíll still play together... lol hey I payed the enterance fee Iím getting sum lol

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  1. [M] Several thoughts; what's your opinion?
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    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 03-16-2018, 01:18 PM

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