Tug of War....HELP

HELP! My husband thinks it's hot to watch me have sex with other men and join in but I do not have those same feelings when it comes to him playing with women. I do not want to see it or hear it. I don't like it when he has sexual conversations with single women either. I hate the anxiety I feel when I know he's talking to someone but feel guilty for making him feel like I don't want him to have some fun too. We play together/separate rooms or same and prefer couples but that is so hard to find. If I'm busy playing with someone I don't concern myself with him..........am I crazy? I can't be the only person who feels this way....I'm tired of this Tug-of-War with him and just feel like quitting.

You are not alone, the LifeStyle is what you make it, what you have fun with. If your husband is on the same page with you, I don't think you have a problem.

When a wife has sex with others, but the husband doesn't, it's called a 'Hotwife' situation. Many couples live this way. There's a good forum site, ourhotwives.org, that's dedicated to this phenomenon, and they even have a women's only forum where men aren't allowed to even see the posts.

But like I said, your husband's got to be on board with this. If he is, if he's willing not to have sex with others, you're in good shape. But if it's causing dissension in your marriage, I suggest you talk to him calmly and gently about the situation. If you can't come to agreement, consider putting sex with others on hold while you work this out. The LifeStyle isn't for everyone.

Swinging has been a topic of discussion with us for a very long time. There was a few sticking points and one was him going with others. It took me a long while and plenty of conversations before I realised that either it was going to be both of us or neither of us. I wasn't prepared to do anything without him doing the same, he was fine with that, but I wasn't.

After a lot of fantasy play in the bedroom we finally took the plunge and although it still worried me, I was both surprised and shocked to find that I did in fact really enjoy watching my husband with someone else.

Fundamentally only do what your both happy doing, sometimes it takes time and sometimes it just doesn't happen?

Thank you for your input. We have been in this long enough to know what we like. It's not that I don't want him playing with anyone it's just that I don't like him messing with single women or chatting them up. He's cool with not doing this but sometimes it causes discussion between us because couples are so hard to find where we all 4 connect so it seems like the only options are to play with single men or women.

You are not alone, the LifeStyle is what you make it, what you have fun with. If your husband is on the same page with you, I don't think you have a problem.

 

When a wife has sex with others, but the husband doesn't, it's called a 'Hotwife' situation. Many couples live this way. There's a good forum site, ourhotwives.org, that's dedicated to this phenomenon, and they even have a women's only forum where men aren't allowed to even see the posts.

 

But like I said, your husband's got to be on board with this. If he is, if he's willing not to have sex with others, you're in good shape. But if it's causing dissension in your marriage, I suggest you talk to him calmly and gently about the situation. If you can't come to agreement, consider putting sex with others on hold while you work this out. The LifeStyle isn't for everyone.

We had a guy want to do the whole Hotwife thing......that's not what we into.We know what we like I just wish a 4 way connection wasn't so hard to find. I'm just not cool with him playing with single women.

I'm just not cool with him playing with single women.

Then tell him that and if he keeps doing it STOP swinging.

I'm tired of this Tug-of-War with him and just feel like quitting.

This is a team sport and if Ms. Gold asked me to do or not to do something, then that's what I'm going to do. Anything else is just disrespectful towards her. One no equals a no for both of us, no questions asked, no repercussions. Finding a four way match is hard and takes time, but him talking to single women is just about the polar opposite of finding a four way match. Either you both play as a team, or you don't play at all.

Thank you for your input. We have been in this long enough to know what we like. It's not that I don't want him playing with anyone it's just that I don't like him messing with single women or chatting them up. He's cool with not doing this but sometimes it causes discussion between us because couples are so hard to find where we all 4 connect so it seems like the only options are to play with single men or women.

Sorry I think that I misinterpreted what you meant.

No theres absolutely no way I would want to watch my husband play alone and when interacting however with anyone else, we do it when we're together!

If I'm reading your post right its not that you have problems with your husband playing as long as you have something to do to keep you from watching him. Are you bi? If so are you willing to play with a woman you both are into?. Is he bi? Is he willing to play with a single male your into? Who looks for people to play with?

It sound like you have had the discussion but you don't know how to get past watching him. Has he had a good one on one experience yet? If he is not having fun because he knows your not happy that may be affecting you both.

My advice is to find someone you both like and have fun together. If you can find a couple that would be even better.

My wife is the same way. She just didn't like seeing me with other women. I don't think it's that unusual. And, like your husband, I loved watching my wife in action. Separate rooms worked for us.

I do understand about your feelings of singles. There is just something more comfortable about being with someone who your spouse is with their spouse. But it's difficult for a lot of people to find a couple that you're both into. Now, honestly, I found the whole concept of swinging such a turn on that I wasn't as picky about who I was with. The fact that the other wife was into swinging made her very appealing to me. So we went for couples that my wife was into the husband.

It sounds as if your hubby is perfectly happy sharing you in MFM and you enjoy it too. Why not just stick with it. When you go into that ice cream place, you order your favorite, you don’t have to try a new one each time. For our first experience, we were approached by a couple and that scared me, I just wasn’t into bi. So, we talked about it and eventually landed in an MFM. We both enjoyed it, tried a few more and then ventured into a couples club and did a swap. We both enjoyed it but for me, not nearly as much as MFM. Neither of us are into bi. So, that’s what we do; more mfm, some swaps, a few other things but no bi, no fmf It works for the two of us.

It was my fantasy to watch my wife having sex with other men. It became an obsession. It took me a long time talking her into trying it. She said she couldn't bear to watch me having sex with another woman.

I wasn't doing it for reciprocation. I'm happy watching her enjoying sex with other men. It's my fantasy come true.

I think you need to explore the why's and so forth of this feeling when plays with single chicks.

We understand that you want some to play with to and we take from the post he will let you do it with single males?

Also are you bi at all? could there be a fmf or ffm thing you could instead of just him and a single girl?

Work out why you feel this and ask is there really any truth in those feeling or is it all "what might happen" even if you never let him play with a single girl at lest you will know why and once you become aware it actually may help you.