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We've been swinging a number of years. Took a break for awhile and decided to try again. The first time was really fun but now we are struggling. We are overweight but have lost a considerable amount. We look good in our eyes. We dress sexy. Our hygiene is spot on. When we started again back in November, we met and played with a wonderful couple. And then we met another couple through them. Then after that none. We are members of a local swing club and also have an ad on sls. We've tried to meet more couples but so far haven't had any success like we did back in November. The first couple we meet at are still friends with, but after playing with them a couple of times, the other husband lost interest in my wife. We still talk but they never plan or invite us to anything. They were having small 4 couple house parties. They didn't tell us until just recent why they quit doing stuff with us. But it was because the husband lost interest. That's cool. We understand how that works. But during the last 6 months, we've tried to meet other couples at the club an online. We get plenty of lookers on sls but no one ever responds. We've answered plenty of ads. No response to even say no thanks. The club has produced no connections for us. Weve met a bunch of people their but that's all that happens. It's become depressing to us to watch other people having friends and a great time. We always reserve a table but have never got to where we can get someone to sit with us. We have tried to be friendly and fun. We would just simply like to make some friends. See where it can go. We have put so much effort into this and are starting to get discouraged. The couple we told you about started about the same time as us has several friends and playmates all ready. We've asked them to give us some pointers of what we are doing wrong, but they said your doing everything you should be. They had no suggestions. So, we are asking for help from this forum. We've spent so much time, money, and energy trying to meet people so we can swing but am what else we can do. We need help please.

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I had a look at your on-line profile. It contains none of the classic mistakes the so many profiles contain. I believe, however, it could use some polishing. Some of the Swingersboard members are marketing experts. They might be able to make recommendations. Post a request for a review, maybe, in the Couples Profile Reviews forum.

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Any advice I have is born of no actual experience.

It seems to me though that the mindset you have might be a bit goal oriented.

 

Life has taught me that the best things come when I am not looking very hard. The best example, for me, is running across my wife behind the customer service desk of a store. Similar examples in the dating life abound.

The bar scene not so productive. Things like stumbling upon good fortune at a county fair, much better.

By all means go to the clubs and parties and just have one hell of a time with your partner. Your visible fun will attract anyone worth meeting. As to the weight. If it bothers YOU take it off. If it does not, then there is an almost infinite set of preferences out there. I dislike the really skinny ones and prefer the more rubenesque.

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Perhaps I am reading between the lines here, but I'd say I have experienced the same / very similar issues.

 

The thing I noticed about your post is that you actually mentioned the word "Friends" about 5 times, and used the word "Friendship" as well.

 

If I'm making a TOTAL GUESS, I'd say your a mid life couple aged about 35+ and probably both work and don't have a fantastic social life, that your social life perhaps isn't like it was in your teens.

 

With that in mind you enjoy the idea of swinging because in your eyes it can kill two birds with one stone, it can bring sexy fun and also friendship into your lives, that it could bring regular fun partners who are interested in you as people, who want to spend time with you, who want to have sex with you and share some kind of fun friendly connection.

 

I'm saying all of that because basically I have often looked for that exact thing.

 

I have been interested in swinging since the age of only 15, and sure in my younger years I had a lot of friends, I had a great social life, sadly however by the age of 19 I began working in a stable job which wiped out much of my social life, then by the age of 21 I bought my first house with my long term partner at the time which again killed off what was left of my social life. Sure I use to go out seeing my friend 2,3,4 even 5 times a week, we would go clubbing, go to parties, attend BBQ's and it was a great time.

 

Sadly however getting a full time job and buying a house put a MASSIVE MASSIVE DENT in that life, from going out 4 or 5 times a week I was lucky to get out once a month. By 26 I was buying a bigger house, by 35 I was buying my first business. Life never has returned to that fun amazing time I had as a teenager, that care free fun existence full of new friends and fun nights out. Now as it stands I'm a home owner and a business owner so each day I work 10 to 12 hours only to come hone shattered, then I face cooking, cleaning, paying bills, paper work and so on.

 

Sure years ago going out was a basic every week thing, NOW however going out is once in a blue moon occasion, perhaps once every 2 or 3 months we might venture out for a meal or comedy event or something. The other big factor is that now all of our friends are also working, they also have jobs, mortgages, bills, busy lives to lead and they are also tired after long days at work so really its difficult for everyone.

 

Some of my friends I use to see virtually everyday, I'd class some of them as my best friends on the planet, but now I'm lucky if I see them once a year.

 

So what is the problem?

 

The problem (in my opinion) is that you might want to find "Friends" you might wants to find nice people who take a real interest in you, and sure you might dream of building some fun sexy exciting friendship with the right people who show you trust respect and endless fun.

 

The problem however is in my honest experience the vast majority of people in this lifestyle don't actually want friendship, they want SEX and that's about it.

 

It's perhaps one of the biggest things that puts me off the lifestyle, because sure if you meet someone in normal everyday life then perhaps they will show an interest in been friends, chatting, hanging out, in this lifestyle however its seems a lot of that goes straight out the window, that in a lot of cases all normal human decency and things like friendship are off the books.

 

This is just my opinion / personal experience but I find single men simply want to F**K, the general view they have about you is people is that your a cum bucket / sex toy of sorts. Couples however also seem fairly difficult to build friendships with, that a lot of couples are just looking for sexual fun without that impacting their life in the slightest way, that really they want to meet, have sex, and then vanish back off safely into their own lives which doesn't include you until they want sex again. Single women are perhaps easier to build a friendship with but generally I find single women don't stay single long, are hard to find, and can cause some big jealousy issues with other women.

 

You could say.....

 

Men - Just want the sex

Couples - Want sex but want you at arms length

Women - Might agree to have sex with you as a couple but bring other complications as well.

 

It actually amazes me that a lot of couples who attend parties and clubs will actually have sex with people without even knowing their names, without knowing a single detail about them, I have known couples attend clubs and sleep with 2,3,4 people and they haven't even got a single idea who they are, there is 0% friendship, no friendship at all, no normal chatting, no social aspect, its simply raw hard sex and nothing more which personally I'd view as dangerous.

 

Sure I'd love to meet someone who wanted fun but also a real friendship as well, someone who respected us, respected our friendships, who wanted very regular fun, someone we could explore and really get to know, but basically the majority of people in this lifestyle are not here for that, they are here for SEX and that's about it.

 

I would say its a little bit psychological, that in everyday life a lot of people actually find it hard to mix friendship and sex, that usually (the human normal) is that your either having sex, your either together having sex, OR, you are just friends. There is the big difference, your even having sex, or your just friends and many people find it hard to mix the two together. It can create a conflict in the human mind or shall we say human condition.

 

Kind of like saying....

 

"I like them as friends, but I also want to fuck them, but I see them as friends"

 

In my experience this lifestyle is about sex not friendship.

 

Sure a lot of people might disagree, a lot of people might say they have made great friends in this lifestyle, but I'd say a good amount of such people are also speaking rubbish and by friends they mean sex partner who they only really see when they have sex with them. Sure some people get lucky, some people do meet amazing regular friends but in my experience those stories are few and far between.

 

In this lifestyle the vast majority of meets will turn into playing 1,2,maybe 3 times before someone loses interest, gets jealous, becomes nervous or whatever else. In many cases couples will meet you, play with you 2 or 3 times before they decide your not right for them, then they find a new couples to play with and decide they are not right, then another, and another meaning in many cases all this lifestyle turns into is sex with different people a few times here and there.

 

Perhaps your coming over as "To Friendly" that your trying to be friendly to people who simply want to fuck.

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Thanks sun&moon for the lengthy reply. I agree when we used to swing, we used to just get a couple, have sex, and that's it. No friendship per se. And we are fine with that. We adjusted our ad to a different feel. Could everyone please go look at it again and give me thoughts. I did put a request in the couples profile reviews but no one has responded. We are just fine having sex with minimal friendship. We just want to play.

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No problem about the long reply, don't mind sharing my opinions or trying to help others :)

 

I can not see your profile so am simply working by what you have posted on here.

 

However.....

 

If been "To Friendly" isn't the problem then perhaps there are other things you could try.

 

For example:

 

1. NEW PICTURES: Spend a few evenings taking new naughty pictures, make sure to take a LOT of pictures, make sure the background of the pictures is clean / tidy / nice / simple and wear different clothes, wear different underwear, try some different poses and positions and then pick the very best pictures out of the bunch and change all of your profile pictures on line. Just a thought but some years ago I tuck a series of pictures with my girlfriend in white lace / stockings and replaced all our old pictures, you could say we looked like a new couple and our replies increased.

 

2. WHO TO MEET: Perhaps rather than aiming at couples you could broaden your scope and consider a single man or women.

 

3. AGE RANGE: Sometimes I notice couples will only meet people of a very specific age, there are plenty of couples profiles out there which say they are looking for people aged 35 to 40, they try and match their own age. Perhaps try increasing the age range, meet someone younger or older might give you more replies.

 

4. DISTANCE: Try slightly expanding your distance when your preform searches on line.

 

5. SITES: Maybe try and find a few more web sites to join.

 

6. CLUBS: Maybe try and find another club to attend.

 

7. STANDARDS: I sometimes find people have unrealistic standards, that they only want to meet extremely sexy people, or people who are actually to young for them, that don't match them very well, perhaps try adjusting your own standards slightly, consider a slightly wider range of people.

 

 

Personally I think a big mistake a lot of people make is having "Bad Pictures"

 

For example I see a lot of pictures where:

 

- The background of the pictures are cluttered / messy / untidy

- The people don't smile / doesn't look inviting

- The clothes they wear don't look very sexy or appealing

- The camera is out of focus

- You can see things like ask trays, beer cans, pets in the background

- The lighting is wrong

- They use pictures of them playing with other people which can put people off

- They have not shaved their face, they have overgrown pubic hair

- Their finger nails are dirty / cracked

- Their hair looks messy and unwashed

- They are in sports gear such as football supporters tops which can put people off

 

In my opinion if your taking sexy photo's or even normal face / body photos then not only should your hygiene be very good indeed, meaning shaved, groomed, hair done, fully bathed, wearing nice clothing, BUT ALSO the background of the picture should look very clean and tidy. One good example is that sometimes couples take pictures of themselves in their bedroom and you can see flowery bedding, clashing colours, mundane ornaments, family photos on the wall, magazines on the side, boxes of tissues, socks on the floor, feminine pastel colours on the walls.

 

It looks more like a family home / old persons room, it hardly has that fresh sleek clean look. When people see things in the background of your pictures they will automatically start making assumptions about your life. For example if they see ash trays they will assume you stink of smoke and will want to smoke when you meet them, if they see beer cans or drinks they will assume your very heavy drinkers, if they see clothes on the floor they will assume your untidy, if they see flowery bedding and pastel walls they may assume your a little older or are a boring family unit.

 

CLUBS: One thing I have noticed is that on swingers profiles on line if you mention "Swingers Clubs" if you even mention you have attended swingers clubs in the past or do so on a regular basis it WILL put a lot of people off you straight away. This again is human assumption but they read the words "Swingers Club" and they will automatically assume that you are heavily experienced / that you already have various play mates / that you have slept with lots of people / that you are more experienced than them.

 

Personally when writing a profile I do NOT mention clubs or sexual parties at all. There are a lot of people out there who don't have the confidence to attend sex clubs and parties and by mentioning them or even hinting about them you are putting those people off.

 

OVERALL:

 

Perhaps you could try taking all new photos, changing your entire on line profiles, not mentioning anything about clubs or party invites and then you will appear as a new different couple.

 

It may increase replies...

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Hello Sexyhornycouple. It sounds like most of your problem is in closing the deal after meeting and we struggle with this same problem as a couple.

 

I took a look at your SLS profile and I might have a couple of recommendations on the pics. I consider myself a fairly decent connoisseur of pictures and I see saw a couple of your pics that could probably be improved.

 

The first one is the picture where you are together and it looks like fountains in the background. It is a lovely picture and all but it seriously emphasizes the height difference between you and your wife. It almost looks like she is shrinking away and trying to hide behind you. One of the rules of posing is to generally have the smaller person in front.

 

The second picture is the one of her in the black top. I believe this top and the way the picture is posed makes your wife look a lot "bigger" than what she is. Try something that will better define the "hourglass" shape.

 

A photograph is just a digital representation of reality, it is the photographers job to make that reality look as good as possible.

 

As far as your problems closing the deal in person, as soon as you find those magic words that makes other couples say, "sure we would love to play with you guys," please let us know what they are.

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