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  1. #1

    Default Where art thou good fk

    So here's the story.... My partner and I have just started. She slept with one woman at a swingers club who was very inexperienced and it ended up a disaster. Then she pulled some guy in a sauna. He was even worse. Couldn't get an erection then when he did he orgasmed in 2 seconds. Fine it happens. So she said that's OK. Just lick me. He refused saying its disgusting. She felt used and very disappointed. I said it was just unlucky but she says actually in her experience sex is shit 95 percent of the time. The guy is either clueless or just out to get himself off with no consideration for her. This surprised me. As a guy I when I fuck women I want them to cum. As many times as possible. Or if they don't at least have a good time trying. Its an ego macho thing which I presume most men have? My partner has had quite a few partners so its not a inhibition thing and she orgasms at least twice every time we fuck. Shes now in this phase of maybe its me or maybe its not worth it etc
    So I ask:
    1) what are you trying to get out of swinging. In all honesty?
    2) Are men who are shit at sex not embarrassed?

    1) what are your experiences. Is a lot of your experiences shit or at least not very good? What are you after. Just the excitement of it?
    2)How do you find a good fuck. Do you target couples, middle age, younger, geeky? Or is it just impossible? Is it better in a club because everyone's watching so you try harder? Are swingers generally better than non swingers because of experience?
    3) is it possible she just attracts the wrong guys?

    We really don't know where to go from here. We will keep trying I guess but its not fun being used or having shit sex.

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    I'm a man and I will admit to a certain ego and being on a kind of power trip -- look at me, guys, I can play this woman like a musical instrument and make her sing. But I also have this innate feeling that in order to play as a virtuoso and to be allowed a repeat performance, I must also have a genuine sensitivity to a woman's feelings.

    I cannot say what's up with the men your partner has thufar encountered.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    As a woman I can honestly say that 95% of the time when I fuck a new guy I have a great time, but I don't expect a new guy to know how to push the right buttons so I take responsability for my own satisfaction, I will be vocal about what I want and will even play with myself during because I know what I like.

    While there are some genuinely bad fucks out there (and the sauna guy you described sounds like he fits in that category) by far most men enjoy seeing a woman excited and having fun.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    Quote Originally Posted by 321aaaaahhhhhhh View Post

    We really don't know where to go from here.

    Thank you!
    You have identified two issues--managing expectations and managing the (swinging) relationship, brief though it may be.

    1. Initial expectations in the LS often far exceed what actually happens. Swingers' clubs are not packed with porn stars; house parties are not non-stop orgies; etc. If you change your expectations to "we might find interesting people to play with", you'll likely end up being more selective at play and having more fun.

    2. The use of "fun" and "play" is not accidental. The happiest times we have had is with people who laugh and seem comfortable in their own skins. Relaxed, agenda-free, and comfortable making conversation and showing interest in us (and we in them) on several levels. Sex is messy, imprecise, sometimes awkward. But is is also exciting, glorious, and can feel terrific for all concerned with a little flexibility on give and take. Keeping it "light" and playful is a good start.

    3. People bring different skills, experiences and anxieties. Some clues for us: does the couple behave like a couple, are they genuinely in love with each other, and do they seem to be on the same page? Are they drinking lightly, if at all? Do they seem to be communicating with all their senses? Does the interaction seem relaxed or urgent and forced? How do they give -- and accept--compliments? It seems to us that our best experiences are with those who seem genuinely interested in us as a couple, and we hope vice versa.

    Yes, you want a good fuck. The most important sex organ is between the ears. Pleasing a partner starts--and ends--with the right attitude.

    We see you are from London. Please accept our deep condolences for the horrific events perpetrated recently in Manchester and now in your city. We have many happy memories and will not be deterred from returning soon. Stay safe.

  5. #5
    Swap Meet Enthusiast Dont.Stop's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    Something we forget after we've been with our SO's for so long is how much experimentation we did to find out what we like and what we didn't like. I try to keep a mental note of my repeat playmates of what works right, whether it's a more firm or more gentle touch, slow or quick, and in one case, to flick her clit left-to-right versus the customary up-and-down.
    But the difference there is wanting to know what works, to give your playmate an experience they will enjoy.

    I can't speak for other guys because I'm the only guy I've even been. But my philosophy is a satisfied partner is more apt to return the favor. That, and feeling her tense up as she's just on the brink of orgasm is one incredibly erotic moment.
    You say "oral fixation" like it's a bad thing!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    My guy really wants the woman he is with to thoroughly enjoy herself and his main goal is to make sure she has a good time. He says it makes him feel good to be able to get her off. I have been with a couple guys and both have not been very good. They both seemed to want to reach orgasm as fast as possible and we're quite rough and uncaring about my needs. We don't play with them anymore.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    In life there are givers and there are takers. Givers give, takers take. Sounds like he is a giver and the guys that you have met so far are takers. Keep looking, you will find what you are looking for (remember how many toads you kissed before finding your current prince).
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  8. #8

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    I find the vast majority of guys into swinging simply want to f**k women.

    It doesn't matter if they are good or bad in bed, it doesn't matter if they respect the women, doesn't matter if they follow your rules or boundaries as a couple, doesn't matter if they are sexually clean, doesn't matter if their hygiene is good or bad, doesn't matter if they somehow put your relationship at risk.

    All that really matters to them is they get to stick their penis in a new women.

    Beyond that the vast majority of guys into swinging don't care.

    Obviously you do get some nice guys, do get some genuine bisexual guys who have interests beyond just sleeping with the women, but generally I find most guys just want to sleep with the girl.

    Guess its one of the issues I have with this lifestyle, that the moment you involve sex into a single guys mind all normal common decency or prospects of friendship go straight out the window

    For example they are not there to make friends, not there to treat you with respect or decency, not their to treat you like a person, they are simply there to shove their penis into the women so to them it doesn't matter if they cum quick or are bad in bed it just matter that their penis has a good time.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    Dear Sun & Moon,

    My belief is that you are a tad too pessimistic. I'm not saying there aren't more than a few creeps out there, and yes, you have to be careful of them.

    But we've met a number of wonderful people here, both couples and single men.

    The best of luck to you.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    We are fairly new yo the LS, about 1 year in. I am the male half.
    I will say from my own experiences, this can both ways.
    I have and always will try everything in my power to please every woman I am with. If I don't, somehow I feel I have failed. Every woman is by far different. They all have different needs and desires. To be bold enough and say I can, could or will please every one of them on the first try is a complete unattainable reality.
    But to at least respect them enough to listen to their needs is in my opinion the most important thing you can do, secondly , giving it your all.
    I mean think about it guys. It's not a race to the finish line.
    What if, and they have been, what if the roles were reversed? I've seen plenty of women who just want to their rocks off and to hell with the guy.
    In my opinion, try to please her the way you hope she will please you.
    Things will work out much better in the end. And if there is erection issues, nervousness, dryness, etc. Laugh about it together, relax, apologize and try again. Not everyone can perform at the drop of a dime or on que.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    I think most of the guys we've met are earnest, sincere and are trying to please the women. Some guys (including me) will hang in there to get the job done or at least do the most we can. We've seen a few bumblebees at house parties who want to pollinate every woman, but the women seemed to enjoy it.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    Guys come in different flavors just as we girls do. Most all enjoy having sex. Some get turned on in large part by how much they feel they turn on the woman. Some just want to show a girl what a good fuck they think they are. My expectation in swinging is that it will probably be a hard and fast fuck. Nothing wrong with that, I enjoy that too. And, if the guy does down on me and gets me off along the way, that’s a real win for both of us because I know I get way more passionate then. Of course, while we do swaps and other stuff, I tend to prefer MFM or MMFM or such because the probability of me walking away far more satisfied goes up with each M.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Where art thou good fk

    I would advise you not to lose hope, and to keep trying. Both of us have certainly had unsatisfying experiences in which the other party is not particularly interested in our pleasure. However, more often than not, the new men with whom I have been have taken the time to learn my likes and made every effort to maximize my pleasure. Similarly, I reciprocate. My husband also says that his own satisfaction is enhanced when he is attuned to his partner's needs and sees that he is giving her the most pleasure possible.

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